A Pure Love to Mend Their Trust

by Lilah Rivers

  Annie was frightened to see who was at the door when she heard the knock. It seemed as though there were constant visitors lately. From Jethro to Bartholomew to Abigail, she was growing weary of them.

  In her heart, she hoped that it was Rachel, but Rachel hardly ever knocked. More often than not, she would simply open the door and come right in.

  Annie went downstairs to the door, and when she swung it open, there was one of the last people in all the world that she had wanted to see.

  “Why are you back here?” Annie asked Bartholomew.

  “Annie …” he said.

  “Didn’t I tell you to leave and never come back?” she asked.

  “I know what you said, but you have to hear me out,” he said.

  “No, I really don’t. Please, get out of here,” Annie said.

  “I can’t. Not until you listen. You need to hear me out, Annie. I’m sorry if I’ve upset you, and I’m sorry because it seems like you are here alone again. Want to talk somewhere out here, or can I come in?” he asked.

  Annie saw that he expected her to invite him in. Under normal circumstances, she wouldn’t let a man inside when her mother and father weren’t home, but with Bartholomew? With him, she wouldn’t let him anywhere near the inside of her home even if her entire distant family was standing on every side of them.

  “We can talk out here,” she said, taking a few steps forward and closing the door behind her. She could see the disappointment in Bartholomew’s face. He probably wanted her to welcome him freely, but that wasn’t going to happen.

  “Well, I guess we can. I just knew that we needed to continue our conversation from last time,” he said.

  Annie wanted to scream and tell Bartholomew to leave her alone and never come back. She had been trying so hard to hold her temper together, but all she could do was try to fight the rage that was inside her.

  It wasn’t fair that he felt he could show up at any time. It wasn’t right that Bartholomew was constantly bothering her even though he had been the one in the wrong from the beginning.

  Still, she knew that he was going to try to convince her of something. If he still wanted to make her change her mind about him and marry him, she was going to have a fit. But still, Annie knew that she was vulnerable in other ways, and he wouldn’t struggle to convince her of things that were true.

  “I don’t know what you’re doing here, but you need to get out,” Annie said.

  “You just came out here so that we could talk. What do you want from me?” he asked.

  “I want you to leave and never come to see me again,” Annie said.

  “Well, just let me talk to you this last time,” Bartholomew said.

  Annie sighed loudly and with great frustration, so that he knew she was annoyed.

  “Just come out with it,” she said.

  “Okay, I will. Here is the thing, Annie. I need to warn you again about that man you’re supposed to marry,” he said.

  “You mean Jethro? I don’t have time for this, Bartholomew. Jethro is a good man, whether you like it or not. I don’t want to have to listen to you talk badly about him,” she said.

  “I’m not trying to speak ill of him. Trust me; I don’t want to think anything bad. He seems like a nice enough guy normally, and I think it’s great that he’s the Reverend’s son and all that,” Bartholomew said.

  “So, what is it?” Annie asked, demanding an answer this time.

  “It’s about how he speaks about you in town,” Bartholomew said.

  Annie’s gut twisted. Bartholomew had already warned her on a few of these things. Was it really getting worse?

  “Like what?” she asked.

  “Like the way he talks about not wanting to marry you. He tells everyone that he doesn’t think it’s going to happen. He thinks you’ll just abandon him, but even more than that, he has joked about the fact that if you don’t, he might have to abandon you. And if that happens, he’ll just let people believe that it was your decision,” Bartholomew said.

  “He said those things?” Annie asked.

  “He did. I’m sorry,” he replied.

  It was entirely painful again all over. What she really did not want to do would be to take up Bartholomew on his alternative option. She was not going to try to save face. If she had any intention of rejecting Jethro, she would have done it already.

  But she was not going to reject him. Nor was she going to accept Bartholomew. The idea of ever being with that man again was simply horrific.

  “He may have been joking about that, but I can’t imagine him going through with it. He’s not the sort to be that cruel. He has made a lot of mistakes and done a lot of mean things, but never anything like that,” Annie said.

  “You give him too much credit. I don’t know why you think that he’s going to turn around and suddenly love you, Annie. He has already proven himself unworthy of you,” Bartholomew said.

  “Maybe so, but that’s my business, not yours,” Annie said, unable to deny what Bartholomew was saying.

  “Well, you should listen to me about something,” he said.

  “What’s that?” Annie asked, a challenge in her voice.

  “You could be rejected by Jethro. It could happen easily enough, and it probably will. Obviously, I don’t want you hurting, but let’s be realistic. He doesn’t want to marry you, and there’s nothing you can do to change his mind on that,” Bartholomew said.

  Annie shrugged, not wanting to make a comment.

  “But you can always reject him first. That’s still an option. You can save face by ending the engagement. Then, once you have done so, you can hold to our original commitment. I know that you broke it off because you thought that you were doing the right thing, but if you marry me, I promise to always be faithful,” Bartholomew said.

  “What? You promise? Bartholomew, there is something you don’t seem to understand,” Annie said, getting worked up.

  “What’s that?” he asked.

  “Faithfulness to your spouse is not something that should impress them. You can’t tell me that you will be faithful next time and expect that to be enough for me,” she said.

  “But … but I’m trying to promise you something good,” he said.

  “That’s not something a man should ever even have to promise. You should be a good enough man that I don’t need you to try and guarantee that you won’t kiss my cousin,” Annie said.

  “It was a mistake,” he said.

  “Let me make something very clear to you, Bartholomew. Being faithful is the very bare minimum that a wife should expect from her husband. And vice verse. I don’t want to hear anything more from you on this. I want you to leave me alone,” Annie said.

  Bartholomew looked at her, horrified, as though she was somehow wrong for expecting these simple things from him.

  But she had said what she truly needed to say, despite his audacious suggestions.

  No, she would not hold to the original commitment that she had made to him. He didn’t deserve that. He had done nothing to prove that he had changed in any way or that he had repented.

  “So you would reject me for a man who is openly speaking against you? He is spreading all sorts of rumors and saying that you are all manner of improper,” Bartholomew said.

  “Maybe he is, or maybe he isn’t. I don’t know, Bartholomew. But I do know that Jethro Mills has been confusing and all over the place. Even with that, even with the fact that I can’t figure him out, he has still been a better man to me than you ever have,” Annie said.

  “You don’t mean that,” Bartholomew said.

  “I absolutely do,” she replied.

  “But he is saying these things about you in town. Don’t you realize how much damage he is doing to your reputation?” Bartholomew asked.

  “I don’t care. That’s what you don’t seem to understand. You are the reason my reputation was ruined to begin with. Whatever else, I just have to push through it. Until I can tell Jethro what really happened, he
will never trust me. And, as you know, it’s a little bit too complicated for me to go telling folk,” Annie said.

  She saw a hint of smugness in Bartholomew’s face, and it angered her all the more. He knew that she couldn’t share the truth without hurting her cousin. He was proud of it.

  “He is saying terrible things about you,” Bartholomew reiterated.

  Annie did not want Bartholomew to see her hurt. She didn’t want him to know how upset she was to hear how Jethro had been talking about her. She didn’t want him to know that he was winning.

  It wasn’t fair that Bartholomew had already gotten so much of her life, or that he had already ruined so much. She needed him to leave her alone now. It seemed that he would not understand that this was important to her, but that didn’t mean that she couldn’t fight him.

  Although she was hurt by Jethro’s words, she was not entirely surprised. That was the most painful part of Bartholomew’s news. She was upset that Jethro still had not changed as much as he had seemed to.

  But Jethro had already made everything clear. He had made it clear that he didn’t know if he really wanted to marry her. She should not have expected it.

  “I think you should go,” Annie said, not wanting to have anything further to do with this conversation.

  “Annie, I’m here because I want you to know that I would marry you in a heartbeat. I’m not like that awful preacher’s son,” Bartholomew said.

  “I said that you should go, Bartholomew. I don’t want to see you around here ever again. You need to leave our land at once; do you understand?” Annie asked.

  “I understand, but I don’t know why,” he said.

  “I don’t think I could make it any plainer. You shouldn’t have come,” she said.

  “Annie, listen to me,” he said, desperate and taking her hands.

  She tried to pull them away from him, but he was holding on too tightly.

  “Let me go!” she yelled, pulling back.

  Bartholomew finally did as she asked, looking frightened that he might get into trouble if he refused.

  “I just want you to think about it. I can be a good man, you just haven’t given me the chance,” he said.

  “You had your chance. We were engaged once, remember? You had a chance to prove yourself as a good man. It is hardly my fault that you failed to do so. It is hardly my fault that you only proved yourself to be selfish,” Annie said.

  “I was selfish, but I have changed,” he said again.

  “It doesn’t matter how many times you say it. I’ll never believe you,” Annie said.

  It was obvious that Bartholomew was furious. His eyes were bulging, and rage was rife in his face.

  Annie had not meant to make him angry; she had only wanted to be honest. The fact that he couldn’t handle this news was a shame for him, but it was not going to change anything for Annie. She watched as Bartholomew stormed off. More than anything, she was simply glad that he was no longer at the house. She didn’t like him coming by when her mother and father were not around.

  But for now, he was gone.

  Chapter 21

  The morning was filled with all manner of nerves, but Jethro was looking forward to what was to come. It was his first time preaching a full sermon from the pulpit to the congregation.

  He was only about seven months away from his ordination, and it was difficult to wonder how this sermon was going to go. After all, if the congregation did not respond, if they did not find it beneficial to their souls, what did that say about him as a preacher?

  Not only that, but Jethro was worried that all of his other distractions were going to get the better of him. After all, he had been struggling with so many things lately. His own heart was so often in turmoil, and that was the last thing he wanted. He was not the sort of man that he had thought himself to be.

  After singing a few hymns and his father leading the church in prayer, Jethro began to speak.

  “Good morning, beloved. Today, we are gathered to hear the Word of our Lord. Today, we come before him with honor and praise. Today, we come and seek him to be the one who sets our hearts toward obedience, love, and humility,” Jethro said, each of those things a prayer in his own heart.

  “I am thankful to have this opportunity to speak this morning and to expound on the Scriptures that we are so fortunate to have. You know, there were many years in the past when believers were not allowed such a gift, and it truly saddens me to think of that. But here we are, given such a wonderful opportunity to hold this book in our hands and to know that it is within our grasp,” he said.

  “For that reason, it humbles me to be able to come to the pulpit this Sunday. I pray that my words will hold the truth of the Scriptures and that I will say nothing that is not authorized by our Lord.”

  Jethro scanned the congregation and landed on Annie, who looked lovely as ever in her Sunday dress. His heart skipped a beat, and he had to focus on the words written in front of him before he could continue the message. Mercifully, it was only a short pause, and he didn’t think anyone had noticed.

  Still, Annie’s eyes were on him, looking intently as he continued to preach. Now and again, he would look at her, but every time he did, it was a great distraction. He realized that he was more concerned about her opinion than anyone else’s.

  She was not taking notes, and she did not make eye contact, looking away any time his eyes fell upon her. But she continued to listen as he spoke, and he could feel her eyes returning to him whenever he was not looking at her.

  “And so we read, ‘Continue in prayer, and watch in the same with thanksgiving; Withal praying also for us, that God would open unto us a door of utterance, to speak the mystery of Christ, for which I am also in bonds: That I may make it manifest, as I ought to speak. Walk in wisdom toward them that are without, redeeming the time.

  “Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man’,” he said.

  “We can see how these verses in Colossians continue from what was preached about last week, and we can know that this wisdom is made manifest,” Jethro continued, trying to focus.

  His thoughts continued to escape him, but Jethro was always able to bring himself back to the Word of the Lord as he reminded himself that this was the only thing that mattered. Not his position in front of the church and not his budding feelings for a woman he had determined never to care for.

  Lord, please help me to focus on the things that you want me to say. Help me not to lose track of what you want to be spoken to the church this morning and give me the strength to be diligent to the preaching and teaching of your word.

  I know that I have failed in behaving the way you desire me to of late, but I ask that you would lead me forward in the honoring of your word. Help me to say what it is that you want me to say and help me to stay true. Amen.

  The prayer was simple, but it worked. Finally, Jethro managed to remain on track and preach the rest of the sermon without much of a struggle.

  “So, let us walk in wisdom, as the Scriptures say. And let our speech be always with grace. I am certain that there is not one among us who has never failed to caution himself with regards to his words. We are always at the mercy of our Lord, who has given us grace that we might give it unto others,” he said, realizing the importance in his own life.