by Olivia Lara
‘What’s happened now?’
It was always something. Nicole and JJ couldn’t even exchange pleasantries without jumping at each other’s throats and it had been that way forever. They didn’t seem to see eye to eye on anything.
‘I just told him I got into Parsons, and he couldn’t care less. He didn’t try to convince me to study art and seemed relieved in a way. But when I told him you were sticking to your NYU plan and a major in business, and not art like he wanted, he lost it.’
‘You’re making a big deal out of nothing. I’m sure he didn’t push you into art because he knows he can’t convince you. He and I both know how stubborn you can be,’ said Leon and smiled. ‘Besides, it’s too late now. We’re already enrolled,’ he said, taking his welcome letter from NYU and waving it in her face.
When he got his acceptance packet from New York University, Leon was thrilled. He was counting the days until they graduated, so he could finally leave the closed walls behind, and head into a free world where he could be who he wanted, do what he wanted. No curfews, no rules, no limitations.
Nicole was the same. After toying with several ideas for her major, she settled on fashion and applied to several schools. Her number one choice was Parsons. And she got in.
She raised an eyebrow. ‘Maybe so, but he didn’t even try.’
‘Would it have made a difference? Could he have changed your mind?’
‘Pfff, of course not. All I’ve been thinking about for the last year is how we’ll get out of here, fly to New York and do whatever we want.’
‘See? Plus you made it very clear you don’t want anything to do with the family business.’
‘Either I said it or he would have. I know when I’m not wanted, Leon. JJ is relieved I am not interested in his company because he has his sights set on someone else. All those letters he sent you through the years, those books about art. He’s grooming you.’
‘Grooming me? What for?’
‘I wouldn’t be surprised if he offered you the company on a platter one day.’
‘I seriously doubt it. Yes, he did send me art books and letters from where he was traveling, but it was just because we kept in touch about the missing Monet and then—’
Leon stopped.
‘And then her, right? Why do you keep bringing her up?’ she said, all pouty.
‘I didn’t say anything. You mentioned it.’
‘You don’t think I know what you were thinking about?’
‘Maybe you should be a psychic,’ said Leon jokingly, changing the subject. He couldn’t go there again.
‘I don’t need to be a psychic to figure out my father’s biggest regret is that I am his child and not you. And your biggest regret is that I’m here with you, and not her.’ Once Nicole got something in her head, it was hard to stop her.
‘Where’s all this crazy talk coming from?’
Leon had tried to help fix JJ and Nicole’s broken relationship. But no matter what he said, it never made a difference. She couldn’t forgive JJ. Nicole was good at many things. Positive things. But she was also good at holding a grudge. Despite his efforts to patch things up, she would not give the man a chance. JJ had abandoned her. JJ neglected her. JJ chose not to be in her life. What did he expect? That she was going to be the loving daughter who pretended she didn’t understand what her father’s attitude towards her meant? His coldness, his indifference. He didn’t care. He didn’t love her. He had never loved her. Leon had heard that speech so many times, he knew it by heart.
‘Crazy talk,’ he said in a singsong voice, trying to defuse the tense conversation.
‘It’s not crazy talk and don’t you dare minimize it. The very few times my father calls me, mostly to ask me if I need anything, like money, he brings you up. Leon this, Leon that. How talented you are. How good you’re doing in school. How lucky I am to have a friend like you.’
Leon laughed. ‘Well, the man has a point. You are lucky.’
‘Don’t get cocky with me. You’re the lucky one. Now let’s pack your stuff,’ she said. ‘I can’t stay long. It’ll take me a couple of hours to get ready.’
Leon laughed. ‘It’s a high school graduation party, not a royal ball, Cinderella.’
‘What do you care? You throw something on and you’re ready.’
‘Well, yes, obviously. Especially if I’m only going because you’re forcing me. So you can’t say I didn’t go to any of these boring things you seem to like so much. I would’ve been perfectly happy having an early night, and not feeling queasy and groggy on the train tomorrow morning.’
Nicole and Leon had planned their summer between high school and university in painstaking detail.
‘See what a good friend I am?’ he said and flicked her arm.
She laughed. ‘Early night. You’re such an old man.’
‘Talking about old, when is your old man coming? Not that I’m dying to see his face, but just so I know.’
‘He’s not my old man,’ she snapped.
‘Fine, your young man,’ he teased.
‘He’ll be here,’ she said. ‘But even if he’s late, I’ll be with you…’
‘Vincent is never late when it comes to spending time with you.’
She smiled absentmindedly.
‘Of the three of us, I think he’s the most excited about this summer,’ said Leon.
‘Why?’
‘He’s going to have you all to himself. Finally. No more three-legged stool. No more “trouble”,’ he said, pointing to himself.
‘I’ve been thinking about this whole cruise ship thing. I’m not so sure it’s the best idea.’
‘What are you talking about? You’ve been dreaming about it for years.’
‘Yes, but I thought we’d all go.’
Leon laughed. ‘That would be ridiculous. We’re not kids anymore. Can you imagine me stuck with you and your boyfriend on a boat? Besides, I’m pretty sure I get seasick, if I remember correctly from my one and only boat ride as a kid.’
Nicole had always wanted to go on a cruise, and to no one’s surprise, when Vincent found out, he’d suggested they spend the next few weeks of summer on board the most luxurious American ship, going from New York all the way to Hawaii and the islands.
Now that he thought about it, Nicole had tried to convince Leon to go with them several times. He was going to miss Nicole, that was for sure, but they’d see each other again in New York in a few weeks. Besides, he had plans of his own. He and two of his soccer buddies were going to spend the next six weeks in Europe, touring Spain, France, Germany, Italy and Greece.
‘Maybe I could go with you,’ she said, almost as if she was thinking it and hadn’t realized she’d said it out loud.
‘Backpacking through Europe and staying in cheap motels?’ He made a funny face. ‘I can picture it already. If you don’t kill me with your complaints every five minutes, then Vincent will after he finds out I ruined his plans. No, thanks.’
She sighed. ‘Are you sure you want to go?’
Leon nodded. ‘I want the chance to see all these places before we move across the ocean. Who knows when and if we’ll be back?’
Saying that made Leon sad. He hadn’t thought about Zara all that day or the day before, and perhaps even the day before that. After all, it had been almost two and a half years since she’d left, and life had slowly followed its course. His time had been filled with school, sports, Nicole, their little dramas and joys, then college admission and recently with getting everything together to graduate and planning for the best summer ever. But now, it had suddenly dawned on him he was moving thousands and thousands of miles away from Colmar. From Paris. From her. If he’d held on to a sliver of hope, that would all be gone when he went back to America.
‘Let’s hope the answer is never. We have four years in New York, and I can’t wait to spend them with you. It’s going to be so much fun. We’ll have to chat living arrangements,’ said Nicole.
‘Take it easy, planner. Let’s get through
tonight first,’ he said, smiling.
*
The party started at six and lasted until the morning. Although alcoholic drinks were not officially permitted, everyone brought something. Armagnac, pastis, absinthe, Calvados, Chartreuse. He wasn’t much of a drinker, but Nicole seemed to enjoy it.
‘He stood you up?’ Leon asked Nicole, seeing that Vincent wasn’t anywhere in sight and it had been a couple of hours already.
She didn’t seem upset about it.
‘You’re here, I’m here. Let’s enjoy ourselves,’ she said, all smiles.
A slow song was playing, and everyone paired up, walking together to the dance floor and moving to the rhythm.
Nicole turned to Leon. ‘Will you dance with me?’ she asked and took his hand.
‘Of course,’ he said.
Nicole rested her head on his shoulder and moved in closer. Accidentally, Leon stepped on her foot. Then again. When she moved left, he went right.
‘Hey, watch it, mister,’ she said but didn’t seem to be bothered by the fact that they were so bad at dancing together. Then she grabbed his face in her hands, their lips almost touching.
Leon stopped dancing.
‘What are you doing?’ he asked.
‘What do you mean?’
‘I—’ Was he imagining it, or had she wanted to kiss him? He must have. Nicole loved Vincent. They were just friends.
‘Sorry, I – I think I’m just tired.’ Nicole’s face was bright red.
‘I should call it a night. Vincent will be here any moment now; you won’t be alone.’
‘He’s not coming,’ she said, her face suddenly serious.
‘Why?’
‘Because.’
Leon was confused. ‘Did you two have a fight or something?’
She shook her head. ‘I just told him I didn’t feel like going to the party.’
He frowned. ‘Why did you lie?’
Nicole shrugged.
‘I really don’t understand you,’ said Leon.
‘I really don’t understand you,’ she said, swaying on her feet. She was clearly tipsy, at the very least. She’d had quite a lot to drink that night.
Nicole tried to walk away from him, in what seemed like one of her tantrums, but stumbled and almost fell.
She avoided him for the rest of the night and knowing Vincent wasn’t coming, Leon was stuck there, sitting on a chair and watching out for her. Making sure she was alright, while she was busy dancing with random boys and ignoring him. He wondered if all girls were as complicated as Nicole. He knew at least one who wasn’t.
When, a few hours later, he got back to his room after carrying Nicole to hers, he took a quick shower and threw himself on the bed, but sleep wouldn’t come. He was anxious. Restless. But why? Going back home wasn’t scary; it was what he wanted. He closed his eyes again, counting to a thousand, five thousand. But instead of falling asleep, he heard her voice and her beautiful laughter. Zara. He missed her. He still missed her and still thought of her. Packing his bags brought it all back and now he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was abandoning her. The memories. The possibility. The hope. Yes, the hope of ever seeing Zara.
He got up and started pacing.
How could he leave? If he went to New York, he’d never find her again.
A loud noise outside his room. Someone pounded on the door.
‘Leon, there’s an urgent phone call for you. It’s your mother.’
DOMINIQUE GARDINER
15 JUNE 1957
NEWPORT, RHODE ISLAND
Two and a half years after she left Colmar—
*
‘Wait a minute. What happened to you in the meantime? You can’t just skip years like it’s a day. What was your life like? Did you go to art school?’ asks Valerie.
She makes me smile. ‘Darling, if I tell you everything, we’ll never leave this couch. Years can go by, and nothing happens, and then in a day, a minute it can all change.’
She doesn’t seem convinced.
‘What happened? Well, Aunt Lisa adopted me shortly before my sixteenth birthday as was the law of the country. I had her name now, and she treated me like I was her child, but she wasn’t Mama, although I cared for her very much. I remember, right after my adoption, asking her if she wanted me to call her “Mother”; I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. She smiled warmly, as only she knew, and said, “No matter what you call me, I don’t ever expect to replace your mother, but I will do my best to make her proud of the way I am raising you. Lisa is just fine, honey. Like we’re the best of friends. That’s what I hope for us.”
‘She was truly wonderful: nurturing, patient, kind, and such a hard worker. Between the farm, her job as a nurse and taking care of me, she had no time left for herself. But she never complained. I did though. For quite a while. I complained about everything. I missed Mama, I struggled to learn the language, I couldn’t find my place in that new, strange world. Lincoln, the small town where we lived, was not larger than Colmar, yet the people were not as close. They all minded their own business. There was no art museum and no hiding place. I went to a regular high school. Art didn’t seem to be part of my life anymore. Just as my mother wasn’t. Or Leon.’
Valerie seems deep in thought. ‘Did you still think about him?’
‘I did my best not to, although it was easier said than done. When I was learning English, and people said I had an adorable accent, it reminded me of him. When the lights went out at school one day, and a boy in my class stumbled on one of the desks dropping his books, I remembered Leon and the night we met. When Lisa took me to New York for the first time to see the Metropolitan Museum, the first thing I thought was that he lived here. And what if he was back for the summer? And what would happen if we were to accidentally meet? Would I even know it was him?’
‘What about the dreams?’
‘When I left Colmar, the dreams stopped, just like everything else. It was as if my life stopped. I went to school, the public library, I sometimes walked around Boston, looking at statues and buildings. But it wasn’t the same. I had lost something. My passion. Life went on, slowly, quietly, uneventfully. Until the day I graduated from high school,’ I say and cover Valerie’s bare feet with the blanket.
‘What happened that day?’
I wink. ‘I had a dream.’
*
The day before her high school graduation, with no apparent reason, no possible logical explanation, Dominique had a dream.
She was dragging a large brown leather suitcase behind her. The morning sun was in her eyes, and she could hear seagulls wailing. A bright yellow car sped past her. The driver was a man wearing a white suit and dark sunglasses. A piano somewhere in the distance played a melancholic song. On the water nearby, there were boats. The expensive kind, not fishing boats. Yachts. She looked up at the sky. It was so blue and bright, her eyes hurt.
‘Mom, what’s wrong? What is this all about? Why are we here?’ she asked.
‘We tried to protect you from this. It’s been tough,’ she heard a woman’s voice say. She couldn’t see who was talking, but she knew who it was. Her mother. His mother actually.
She said something else, but Dominique didn’t understand or maybe didn’t hear.
‘I need your help. I don’t know what else to do.’
Dominique woke up. It was the middle of the night. She couldn’t have slept for more than a couple of hours. It felt like that dream she had years before. She recognized the strange sensation of seeing things through someone else’s eyes. It was a special dream. A reverie. Again, after so long?
That day passed painfully slowly despite the graduation ceremony and all the reasons she had to be happy and excited, because all she did was to think about the dream. It haunted her. She had no idea what it meant or if it even meant anything at all. She didn’t recognize the place in her dream.
‘Where would we find yachts and fancy cars?’ she asked Lisa the next morning.
Her aunt
laughed. ‘Why? Is that where you want to go to celebrate your graduation?’
Did she want to go there? Why? To continue the fantasy? It wasn’t real when she’d had the first dream, and it wasn’t real now. Otherwise he would’ve returned to Colmar. If he was the one, he wouldn’t have left her there. And why would she dream again now after all those years?
‘Do you know it?’ Dominique asked, looking insistently into her aunt’s eyes.
‘There are many places like this around. It could even be Boston. The harbor perhaps.’
‘No, it wasn’t Boston. I know Boston.’
‘What do you mean it wasn’t Boston? What wasn’t Boston?’
‘Anywhere else?’ she asked, ignoring Lisa’s question.
‘Salem, but not so much the fancy cars. The Hamptons. Or Newport.’
Dominique held her breath. ‘Newport. I like the sound of that.’
She didn’t know why she’d picked Newport of all places. She just had a feeling about it.
‘Is it far? Could we get there today?’
Her aunt thought for a moment. ‘Actually, you know what? You’ve always said you wanted to see the ocean and I could take you to a proper beach. Let’s go,’ said Lisa.
‘Really? We’re going now?’
‘Yes, but we have to move fast. We don’t want to miss the sun.’
Before noon, they arrived at the Kensington bus station. Newport smelled like sea breeze and rain. Seagulls circled orderly above their heads, calling each other. Seagulls. Like in the dream. It all looked familiar. And it was beautiful. Restaurants at every corner, people laughing and relaxing in the sun, a piano playing Italian songs. It wasn’t the same song as in her dream. But it was similar. Minutes from the beach, Dominique and Lisa stopped at a crosswalk.
Suddenly, Dominique felt anxious. She looked around, not knowing what she was searching for. Across the street – a man. A young man. He was tall, with dark hair that almost touched his shoulders. With his dark sunglasses, white T-shirt, black leather jacket, and dark pants, he looked like a movie star. She stared, unable to look elsewhere. And although she couldn’t really see his face, or see his eyes behind those sunglasses, she was convinced he was staring too. Dominique was sure she had never seen him before, yet her heart was telling her something else.