Someday in Paris

by Olivia Lara

  She grabbed Alexander’s arms and looked in his eyes pleadingly. ‘I thought we would always be together. Don’t do this. We can try harder. We were happy together, weren’t we? We can be again. Please, tell me you’ll try again. You’ll try harder. I’ll try harder.’

  ‘I can’t tell you that. It would be a lie.’

  What he was telling her now was also a lie. He was lying by omission. And by not telling her there was someone else, he encouraged her to hold on to him, to their relationship. To continue hoping. It wasn’t fair to her and it was dishonest.

  ‘Nicole, I’m in love with someone else,’ he said. ‘I tried to fight my feelings; I tried to stay away. But it’s stronger than me. I can’t fight it anymore.’

  She covered her ears and started making loud nonsense noises.

  ‘I know you heard me,’ he said. But she didn’t stop.

  ‘I should go,’ he said. Then walking up to her, he took her hands off her ears. ‘I’m sorry, Nicole. I truly am. I never meant to hurt you.’

  He was going for the door, when he heard a swoosh and a magazine landed next to him.

  ‘Stop saying you’re sorry. I don’t want your sorry. I want you to take it all back. Let’s pretend you didn’t say that and I will never mention it ever again. Look, it never happened,’ she said with a strange, almost manic look in her eyes.

  ‘I can’t. Nicole, please, don’t make this harder than it already is. It’s over.’

  In the span of a few seconds, her complexion changed. She turned pale, almost white.

  ‘This whole thing is making me sick,’ she said and ran to the bathroom, locking herself in. He could hear her retching.

  ‘Are you alright?’ he asked through the door.

  ‘Go away,’ she yelled.

  ‘I want to help you,’ he tried.

  ‘I don’t need your help. I don’t need anybody’s help.’

  ‘Nicole, please.’

  ‘Get out. Now!’

  He felt terrible for leaving her like that, but he knew there was no way she would talk to him. She was capable of locking herself in the bathroom until the next morning. He would try and talk to her in a few days, to make sure she was alright. And then, maybe in time, she would see it was for the best to go their separate ways. They didn’t belong together. Never had.

  He opened the door and walked out. Although it broke his heart to know he had hurt Nicole, he couldn’t help but feel relieved as well. It was over. He was free. Finally free to follow his heart.

  DOMINIQUE

  7 JULY 1964

  PARIS

  The next Tuesday night, after all the customers left, Constance went home to take a shower and Dominique stayed behind to lock up the place.

  She was turning twenty-five the next day, and Margaux had planned a grandiose gathering of over a hundred people, at one of the fanciest restaurants in Paris, overlooking Champ de Mars and Tour Eiffel. Dominique didn’t want to go. She didn’t feel like partying or celebrating but crying and hiding in the corner of her room.

  Before going upstairs, she decided to walk for a few minutes to clear her head. It had just stopped raining. The air was warm, soothing, and the summer wind was blowing just enough to make the trees whisper. It was a perfect summer night but amidst all of that beauty, Dominique felt so sad and empty. She missed Alexander so much it hurt. Why had she let him go? She should’ve stopped him. What would she do without him?

  Every time she was alone, her thoughts inevitably flew to him. Imagining new conversations, remembering old ones. Sometimes she thought she heard his voice.

  ‘It’s a beautiful night. Do you mind if I walk with you for a few minutes?’ she heard, and it wasn’t her imagination this time.

  ‘Alexander,’ she said, and her voice caught in her throat.

  They strolled side by side for a while, not saying a word. The moon was barely showing under the clouds. Being outside the coffee shop together reminded her of the first night they met and she felt so many emotions at the same time. Excitement, nervousness, confusion. What was he doing there?

  Dominique’s knees trembled when Alexander took her hand and helped her jump over a puddle. He let go of her hand and she didn’t know if she was relieved or sad about it.

  He stopped and took her hands in his. ‘Tomorrow is your birthday,’ he said. ‘And I had to see you. I don’t know if it’s too late. I hope it’s not. I tried to stay away; believe me, I tried. To set you free and let you be happy with him. But I can’t. I can’t, for the life of me. My mind was telling me it was the right thing to do, but my heart is saying something else.’

  He spoke so fast Dominique could barely follow him. He looked nervous and she could feel his hands trembling in hers.

  ‘Alexander?’ she said, almost like a question.

  ‘I’m not making any sense, am I?’ he said with a sigh. ‘The truth is, from the first second I saw you, I knew it. I knew what I felt. Even before that. Like we were meant for each other, like we’ve known each other—’

  ‘Forever.’

  ‘Forever.’

  They both said it at the same time.

  He took a deep breath and she could see he was emotional.

  From a window, somewhere, Edith Piaf’s ‘Sous le Ciel de Paris’ started playing.

  They both stood in the middle of the street, looking at each other, not saying a word.

  She closed her eyes, listening to the lyrics.

  ‘Dance with me?’ he asked.

  Dominique opened her eyes; he was standing in front of her motionless, like he had roots as old as the trees around them.

  When their eyes locked, she knew her head was saying no but her heart was saying yes. How could it be wrong if it felt so right? How could he not be the one? Shut up, mind. Shut up, dreams. You are all wrong.

  He took her hand and just like that, she was in his arms. She thought it would be awkward, but their arms seemed to have been made to hold one another.

  They danced, and their faces were dangerously close. Just like at the ball. Dominique’s heart was beating out of her chest.

  All those feelings she kept trying to ignore invaded her whole being.

  They were dancing as if it wasn’t the first time they had danced together. They fit in each other’s arms like the last two pieces of a puzzle. Their bodies were slightly touching, and it was as if the lights, the music, the universe were all pushing them in the same direction. Towards each other. Alexander leaned down, and their faces got closer, so close that Dominique felt like they were one person.

  There was so much tension in the air and so much anticipation. He leaned down a bit more and kissed her on the cheek before taking her face in his hands and gently kissing her on the lips. A soft, sweet kiss.

  He pulled back, and she felt his warm breath on her face. Dominique knew she didn’t want the moment to end. It felt right. No, not just right. Perfect. She instinctively reached for him and pulled him back to her, surprising herself. She lifted herself up on her toes. Her hand clasped the back of his neck and her lips pressed against his. He returned the kiss, deeper, more passionately than before. She reciprocated, and she stopped keeping score. What started off as a gentle brush of lips turned into a passionate, mind-blowing, heart-exploding kiss. The world stopped – all the sounds, the smells, the wind. Time itself stopped. She felt in that kiss unspoken words, passion, longing and most of all she felt love.

  Dominique stepped back and took another look at him, trying to make sense of what had just happened. It was all confusing and powerful.

  ‘Is this really happening?’ she asked, her voice cracking.

  ‘It is. And I’ve known it ever since I saw you. Before that. I know how this sounds and how it makes me look, but I want you to know that you are the one for me. Only you. Always.’

  Could it be possible? Could she be that happy?

  ‘I don’t want this night to end, and I don’t want you to go back to your life without me. I don’t want a life without you
in it.’

  ‘Kiss me,’ she said with a courage she never thought she was capable of.

  He listened. Then he kissed her again. And again. Everything was spinning.

  ‘I don’t want to spend another minute without you. I don’t want an hour on Wednesday. I don’t know how I managed for so long. I don’t remember what I did before tonight. I think… I think all I’ve done was wait for this. For this moment. For you.’

  She grabbed his hand and he followed. A few minutes later they were upstairs, in her studio. The windows were open, and the wind blew the curtains to the sides.

  He took her in his arms and pulled her close to him. Tight. As if he was afraid he would lose her. He caressed her hair, her face. Then he kissed her forehead, her cheeks, her neck, her lips. He was taking his time at first. Until his lips met hers. Then he must’ve forgotten about time. And patience. Because his lips were savage, passionate.

  Dominique was out of breath.

  Alexander stepped back and looked at her.

  ‘Ever since I saw you, I’ve dreamed of this and I never thought it would happen. I – I want to remember it,’ he said.

  She stood there for a moment, her breathing agitated, her chest moving up and down with anticipation. She pulled him back to her, her fingers drawing the contours of his face, and finally resting on his lips. How many times she’d imagined his beautiful lips. How many times.

  She kissed him again. And again. His hands explored her, her shoulders, the small of her back. She melted into him and in that moment, it was perfect. And beautiful. And meant to be.

  The Eiffel Tower was looking at them, quietly, dimly lit. A silent witness to the moment they had both been waiting for… dreaming of. A witness to their love.

  *

  ‘I had never spent the night with a man before,’ I say and fear I am blushing. Even now, after fifty-five years.

  ‘What about Grandpa Vincent?’ asks Valerie.

  ‘No, we never…’

  I’m thinking of how I can explain this, without sounding too old-fashioned.

  ‘I wanted the first time to be with the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I had decided that a long time ago when I was a teenager. Although the dreams told me it was Vincent, I always felt something was off. I think something in my heart was telling me what my mind didn’t want to hear. So I waited.’

  ‘And that night you felt Alexander was the one for you,’ says Valerie and I wonder if she’s beginning to understand.

  ALEXANDER

  8 JULY 1964, AFTERNOON

  PARIS

  When he woke up next to Dominique, Alexander knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that was where he was meant to be. In her arms. Forever. He watched her sleep, for the longest time, and he couldn’t get enough of looking at her.

  ‘Good morning,’ she whispered, slowly opening her eyes.

  He covered her mouth with his. ‘Good morning, birthday girl.’

  It was so simple, yet so perfect. She was perfect.

  They had breakfast in each other’s arms.

  ‘I’ve never been happier,’ he said before kissing her.

  ‘I want to spend today with you.’

  He chuckled. ‘I want to spend tomorrow with you. And the day after. And the day—’

  She ruffled his hair. ‘You know what I mean. I want to spend my birthday with you. Just you.’

  ‘Are you sure?’ he asked.

  ‘Of course I’m sure. Why?’

  He sighed. ‘Constance told me about the party.’

  ‘Oh, the party.’ She slapped her forehead. ‘I will take care of it. I have to talk to Vincent and make things right. End it. I should’ve done it long ago.’

  He smiled widely. It was really happening.

  She stared at him for a moment and he knew what she was thinking.

  ‘I broke up with Nicole.’

  ‘Good.’ Then she blushed. ‘Well, not good. I’m sorry for her, but—’ She took him in her arms. ‘I’m so happy, Alexander.’

  He wanted to tell her he loved her. So much. He’d wanted to say it the night before, millions of times. He’d wanted to say it for months. But he had a plan. For once, he wanted to make everything perfect. The way she deserved.

  He pictured himself sitting with her at their table, drinking their coffees and laughing like they had been doing every Wednesday. Then he would drop on one knee, open the jewelry box, take her hand into his, and looking into her eyes, he would tell her, ‘I don’t remember ever being more certain of anything than when I think of you, of us. Please forgive me for taking such a long time to say it, to admit it to the whole world. To myself. The past few months have been the best and the worst of my life. The best because I met you, and I understood what real love is. The worst because of all the minutes, hours and days I’ve had to spend away from you. But not anymore. I won’t waste another second. I love you and I want to say it a thousand times, and when you get tired of hearing it, I will say it again… for the rest of our lives.

  ‘I felt so lost for so long and now I understand why. I had been looking for you, in every woman I saw, in every smile. I feel that’s what I’ve been doing all my life. The truth is, the first time I saw you in that ballroom I kept looking at you and all the time I thought: I know you, we’ve met before, I don’t know if in this life, or maybe in my dreams, but we have, haven’t we? Let’s make this the first Wednesday of the rest of our lives. Will you marry me? Will you make me the happiest man in the world?’

  ‘What are you thinking of?’ she asked.

  He grinned. ‘That I have to go soon. I need to do something. Something important.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘I can’t tell you yet. You’ll have to wait until tonight to find out.’

  ‘Is it a gift for my birthday? Because if it is, I don’t want presents. I have everything I want,’ she said and caressed his face.

  Alexander winked. ‘I hope you will want this one,’ he said.

  ‘Ah, the suspense,’ she joked. ‘Well, I have to go to school anyway, and over to Margaux and Vincent and then we’ll be free. Finally, free.’

  He kissed her again. ‘If you could go anywhere for your birthday, where would you go?’

  He’d never felt the need for grand gestures with anyone before and until that day thought he wasn’t much of a romantic. But for her, he would’ve done anything.

  She thought for a moment. ‘Anywhere, as long as I’m with you.’ She giggled.

  ‘Hmm,’ he said. ‘What is your absolute favorite thing in Paris then?’

  She started to say something, but he stopped her. ‘And don’t say being with me.’

  They both laughed.

  ‘There’s this bistro, Barbelle. I’ve never been but I heard it’s like a slice of heaven. It has the most amazing early-blooming Asiatic lilies that attract hundreds of butterflies, especially in the summer. But it’s impossible to get a table. They have a six-month waitlist. Maybe more.’

  ‘Alright,’ he said, content. ‘I have to go now. I’ll call you later, at the café, to tell you where we’re meeting tonight.’

  She smiled. ‘I’ll be waiting.’

  He took her in his arms and kissed her for what seemed like an eternity. It was so hard to leave, but he knew it was the last goodbye. The next time they were together, he would propose, and then they would never have to be apart again.

  *

  Later in the afternoon, he came home from the jewelry store, walking on clouds. He had spent hours looking for the perfect ring. And he’d found it. He couldn’t wait for their life together to start. He could see it. All of it. And it was beautiful.

  Alexander had to call in three different favors to get a table at Barbelle that night. He was just about to dial Le Petit Coin’s number to tell Dominique he would pick her up in an hour for a ‘little surprise’ when the doorbell rang.

  ‘Nicole,’ he said, unable to hide his surprise.

  ‘Going somewhere?’ she asked. He was dress
ed in a nice black suit. Alexander instinctively touched the pocket of his vest for the small jewelry box. It was there, close to his heart. He exhaled, relieved.

  ‘Yes, as a matter of fact, I am.’

  ‘Can we talk? Just for a few minutes,’ she said, standing awkwardly in the doorway.

  He let her in.

  She took a few hesitant steps and stopped in the middle of his living room.

  ‘Do you want to sit down?’ he asked.

  She nodded and sat on the sofa, while Alexander pulled up a chair.

  ‘I’m actually glad you stopped by,’ he started. ‘I wanted to call you later today and check up on you. I felt really bad about how things ended between us. And I – I wanted to tell you how much I care about you and how I wish I could change all of that and turn back the time, so I wouldn’t hurt you. I never meant to hurt you, Nicole. You are and will always be an important part of my life. And I hope one day you will forgive me. I understand it might take time.’

  She took a deep breath.

  ‘I don’t know if it was a good idea to come here,’ she said sadly.

  ‘You can always talk to me, no matter what,’ he said, but that seemed to make her even more sad.

  ‘I barely slept last night, wondering what I should do,’ she started.

  ‘Do about what?’

  ‘Yesterday, after you left, I felt very sick and decided to call a doctor.’

  Alexander got up. ‘Is there something wrong? Are you ill or something?’

  ‘I’m not ill. But I have been feeling sick quite a lot lately.’

  ‘I don’t understand.’

  ‘Alexander…’ She stopped for a moment before continuing. ‘I’m pregnant.’

  His whole world crashed. Crashed and burned. Everything collapsed in an instant. Everything he wanted, everything he dreamed of… gone.

  ‘Pregnant?’

  She nodded.

  He was trying his best to remain calm, but his hands were shaking.

  ‘Are you sure? How? I don’t understand. We haven’t, I mean, it’s been three months since we—’