Someday in Paris

by Olivia Lara

  ‘I’ve missed you,’ he said, holding her hand. ‘So much.’

  Dominique looked away, feeling suffocated, trapped, guilty.

  Vincent grabbed a champagne flute from one of the waiter’s trays and lifted it towards the center of the room and like magic, everyone stopped talking. They all turned to him, quietly.

  ‘Dear friends and family,’ he said. ‘Dominique and I wanted to thank you all for being here with us, on such a special occasion.’ He turned to her. ‘I know you’re going to open your presents tomorrow, but you won’t find any from me in there. Because my gift to you is here,’ he said and put his hand on his heart.

  ‘These last two years have been the greatest of my life, and the reason for my happiness is standing in front of you all tonight,’ he said and gestured towards Dominique. ‘They say when you find something good, don’t let go, and I don’t plan to. Therefore, I wonder what she thinks about spending two more years with me… and all the years after.’

  Dominique felt the walls closing in on her.

  Vincent kneeled in front of her, an open jewelry box in his hand. ‘Will you marry me, Dominique Gardiner?’

  There was a moment she was tempted. Tempted to say yes. Maybe she could learn to love Vincent like she loved Alexander. She hesitated. But only for a moment.

  ‘Can we go somewhere to talk?’ she whispered in Vincent’s ear. It must’ve been her tone or the look in her eyes, because his face drained of color.

  She pulled him aside and he followed. Behind them murmurs, whispers.

  In the hallway, Vincent stood in front of her, wordless.

  For the longest time she had believed Vincent was what she needed. He had all the qualities one looked for in a husband. But none of it mattered when she met Alexander. Love was not something you ticked off a list. Love was the list itself, the ultimate goal.

  ‘I can’t marry you, Vincent. I’m so sorry. So very sorry.’

  What followed was a sight Dominique never thought she would witness. Vincent cried, and seeing him unravel in front of her made her already broken heart shatter even more.

  ‘Please, don’t cry,’ she pleaded. ‘It’s not you. You didn’t do anything wrong. You deserve the best in the world. You deserve a woman who will love you more than anything, more than anyone.’

  He wiped his tears. ‘I thought that woman was you,’ he said roughly.

  She gulped. ‘I thought so too, but – I love someone else,’ she said, barely audible.

  ‘Someone else,’ he repeated. ‘Why does this always happen to me? Why? I’m never enough. It’s never me, it’s always someone else.’ He clenched his jaw. ‘Very well then. I get it. I will – I will go. Goodbye, Dominique.’

  ‘I’m sorry. I’m really sorry,’ she said, but he didn’t hear her. He had already left.

  With mixed feelings of sadness and a strange relief, Dominique watched Vincent leave. It was the end of a relationship that had been important to her. It was probably also the end of a friendship – and that was the most painful part. But she had finally done the right thing. Even if it was too late.

  ALEXANDER

  8 DECEMBER 1964

  NEW YORK

  He didn’t know who or what gave him the strength to not break down and cry in front of Dominique that evening in Paris. It had taken every ounce of self-control to walk away. He walked away, knowing that although he did the right thing, the responsible thing, he’d broken her heart and at the same time, he’d broken his, in a way that no heart should ever be broken.

  He was never going to love anyone else. There was no room in his soul for anyone but Dominique. She was part of him. And knowing she loved him too brought him solace and comfort, in a selfish kind of way. Made him feel his life had been worth living. He’d met her, he loved her, she loved him. And for a while, a short while, he was the happiest man in the world. He would now live through those memories. Nobody could take those away from him.

  Could he have done things differently? Yes. And if he could go back in time, if he had another chance, he would know not to hesitate, to tell her what he felt the first moment he felt it. Then, maybe he could’ve prevented what happened.

  Alexander had to learn to live with the pain, the void, and the longing. He had to learn to live without her. He had been so close to happiness, and once again, lost it. Perhaps it wasn’t meant for him. Perhaps love, that kind of love, was not in his destiny.

  In New York, Alexander took his role as a future father seriously. He and Nicole moved into her Manhattan penthouse, close to AngeD’Art so he could be just a few minutes away if she wanted something. And she did. All the time. She needed attention constantly, and he never complained. He arranged the baby’s room, helped her get everything they needed for the child. Nicole decided to delay the wedding until after the baby was born because she wanted to look perfect on her big day.

  It had been five months since he left Paris and his heart ached more than ever. Five long, excruciating months of being away from Dominique. Just the beginning, he thought. You will never see her again. Get used to the idea.

  He was so broken sometimes, he couldn’t pull himself together. Couldn’t do his job, couldn’t even hold a conversation or look at a family with a baby without feeling completely destitute.

  JJ came to New York to spend the last few weeks with them, before the baby was born, and help with whatever they needed. It should’ve made Alexander feel better, but not even JJ could pull him out of the abyss.

  Things would’ve continued that way, had it not been for one fateful afternoon in early December, just a couple of weeks before Nicole’s due date. Alexander had been useless at work and a distraction to everyone else, so JJ sent him home early.

  Alexander let himself into the apartment he shared with Nicole. She was in the bedroom, with the door closed.

  ‘I told you to stop calling. I won’t change my mind,’ he heard her say.

  A long pause.

  ‘I don’t want to risk him finding out.’

  She was already raising her voice.

  ‘So what? You can’t prove it and I will never admit it. It’s your word against mine. Who do you think he’ll believe?’

  Alexander moved to the bedroom door.

  ‘Raise it together? Is this a joke? I don’t care if it’s yours. You will never be the father.’

  Alexander stopped, frozen in shock.

  ‘No, you cannot see the baby. No!’

  He heard something being thrown around the room.

  ‘You can hire all the attorneys you want.’ She paused. ‘No. No. Stop saying it’s your baby. It’s my baby. My baby, you hear? You have no right.’ She sounded hysterical.

  Alexander opened the door to the bedroom and just stared, completely dumbfounded.

  Nicole was lying in bed. When she saw him, she slammed the receiver down.

  ‘Wh-what are you doing home so early? These salespeople,’ she said trying to sound casual. ‘They keep bothering me.’

  He opened his mouth, but no sound came out. He couldn’t breathe and the walls seemed to get closer and closer as if they were about to squash him.

  It wasn’t his baby? What was going on? He was so mad and confused, and frustrated. He wanted to grab Nicole and shake her and yell at her. How could she do this? How could she lie to him, and for how long? How long had she known this?

  He’d left everything behind. He’d left the woman he loved because he was trying to do the right thing. And what for? For a lie?

  Nicole knew about Dominique; she knew what she’d made him give up. What kind of person does that? What kind of woman was she? He’d known her all his life, and he knew she loved him, but he’d never imagined she would stoop so low.

  The phone rang and rang but Nicole didn’t move. Alexander walked over to answer it, but she jumped in front of him with a mad look on her face and pulled the cable out.

  ‘Who was on the phone?’ he asked, his anger barely contained.

  ‘Nobody, I to
ld you.’

  ‘The nobody who fathered your child,’ he said through his teeth, trying to control his rage. ‘You know what? I don’t even care who he is. That’s your problem.’

  Her face fell.

  ‘What are you talking about?’ She followed him from room to room, as he picked up his clothes, books, work papers and threw them into suitcases.

  ‘Stop packing! Why are you packing?’ she yelled.

  He didn’t bother answering.

  Nicole suddenly started sobbing and threw herself on the floor.

  ‘I did all this for nothing. Look at me; I’m fat as a whale. And what for? You couldn’t have just married me?’

  ‘Oh my God, Nicole, what kind of person are you? You got pregnant on purpose with another man’s child and then you trick me into marrying you?’

  ‘What was I supposed to do?’

  ‘What’s happened to you, Nicole? Why would you ever want to marry me like this?’

  ‘Because I love you. I’ve always loved you. Ever since we were kids. I would do anything for you. I was desperate.’ She looked at him, eyes pleading. ‘Please, don’t go. We can work this out. I know I can make you happy. Let’s start over.’

  ‘You’re not making any sense. And no, I don’t want to start anything over. I’ve made enough mistakes. I’m leaving now,’ he said firmly.

  Her tone changed again. This time it was so aggressive it was almost menacing. ‘Curse you, Alexander. I curse you. You don’t deserve anything good. For what you’ve done to me, you will not have a moment’s peace. You think you can abandon me and go back to her and live happily ever after? Never! You will never have what you want!’

  She sobbed hysterically as he closed his suitcase.

  ‘You know what? I’m happy it’s not your child. Do you hear me? I’m happy. Ecstatic. You wouldn’t have been a good father. Or husband. I don’t need you. Go! Go back to her. Isn’t that what you hoped I would say? Go. I hope you both rot in hell.’

  ‘I feel sorry for you,’ he said, and without looking back, stormed out of the apartment.

  Before going to the airport, Alexander went to JJ’s hotel and told him everything.

  JJ was saddened and mortified, but not shocked. ‘I should’ve known she would do something terrible one day. I just never thought it would be this bad. I’m sorry, my boy.’

  ‘What are you sorry for, JJ? You did nothing wrong.’

  ‘I met with Dominique after you left. I was saying something about Nicole, and the baby and I immediately knew. I saw it in her eyes. I think I knew before, but I chose not to. What an old fool I am. I should’ve figured it out the first time you asked me about her. And one Wednesday I stopped by the café to talk to her and saw the two of you. I knew. You were both so happy. That is what love looks like. I recognized it. That is what I felt for Demetria, God rest her soul. I’m sorry, my boy, I’m sorry if I’m to blame in any way for what is happening now. I so desperately hoped it would work out between you and Nicole – but it was a selfish hope. I knew you would be what she needed; you would be good for her. But I never stopped to think about what was good for you. And who was right for you. I want you to know that I regret it terribly. I should’ve supported you. But I’m doing it now. And I promise you, I always will. No matter what.’

  It meant so much to Alexander to hear JJ understood what he’d gone through and recognized the love they shared. But, what good did it do now? He had lost her.

  ‘It’s too late, JJ. She’s probably engaged, if not even married to Vincent by now.’

  JJ smiled. ‘She’s not. Vincent proposed the day you left, but she said no.’

  ‘How do you know? Are you sure, JJ?’

  ‘We became quite close after you left. I stop by the café often and we talk. The last few months have been tough on her and she’s been in a lot of pain. The same pain I’ve seen in your eyes. You tried to hide it, but I know you.’

  Alexander hugged him. He felt like jumping up and down and hugging everyone.

  ‘It will not be easy, and it might take a while, but if this is what you want, if she is who you want, you will find a way. True love always finds a way.’

  Dominique probably wouldn’t forgive him right away. But he wasn’t going to give up. Never again. And one day he would hold her in his arms, kiss her and finally tell that he had always loved her. And always would.

  PART VII

  ‘It is love, not reason, that is stronger than death.’ — Thomas Mann

  DOMINIQUE

  9 DECEMBER 1964

  PARIS

  Diving through the air, plunging to her death, Dominique’s life didn’t flash before her eyes. She didn’t have any last thoughts or wishes. Only one goal, vivid and irrational like an obsession – to survive. She had never experienced such a horrid sensation before. A sinking feeling in her stomach as her body accelerated. The desperate cries of people around her filling the thin air.

  A deafening thud muffled the cries, the lights went off and a blast of freezing water took Dominique’s breath away, knocking her unconscious. There was ice everywhere. When she came around, she felt a thousand knives going through her arms and legs as she struggled to stay afloat. Her body was deadweight, pulling her to the bottom of a freezing, black, deep hole.

  ‘I cannot die, not now, please, not now.’

  Dominique opened her eyes and instinctively gasped for air. Her heart raced and she ran her hands over the sheets. No water, there was no water; and the familiar sight of the Eiffel Tower through her bedroom’s window calmed her down. She was okay. She was safe.

  It wasn’t her in the dream. It was him. One of her reveries. But this one was unlike any she’d ever had. Her hands trembled. Her whole body was trembling. She was in a complete state of panic. Never had a reverie been so dark, so final.

  She stretched out an arm, grabbed the phone from her nightstand and dialed Vincent’s number.

  He picked up after the third ring, his voice sleepy.

  Dominique listened to him saying ‘hello’ a few times, then hung up.

  They hadn’t spoken in almost six months and she couldn’t just say, ‘I called you at six in the morning because I had a dream that you were dying.’ And a good thing that she didn’t because he was just fine.

  So that wasn’t a reverie. It was just a dream. Just like maybe all the other ones before it, for so many years, had been just that. Dreams.

  That’s when she saw it. The blinking light on her answering machine. There was a message from a few hours earlier.

  Dominique hesitated before pushing the button.

  ‘Dominique, are you there? Please pick up.’ The voice on the machine paused for a moment. ‘I’m at the airport. I’m coming back tonight.’ He sighed. ‘Nicole and I are done. She lied to me. It’s not my baby, Dominique, it’s not mine. I left—’

  A garbled voice spoke over the PA. The last call for a Paris-bound flight.

  ‘I know I hurt you. I know you might not want to talk to me ever again and I’m so sorry for everything. And I know I should tell you this in person, but I couldn’t wait anymore. I don’t want to wait anymore.’ He stopped for a moment. ‘You are the one. It’s always been you. I’m sorry it took me so long to say it. I love you! Only you. Always. Don’t give up on me. I’m coming back.’

  Tears ran down her cheeks. Alexander was coming back to her. Her prayers were answered. Her biggest wish was coming true.

  The realization hit with flooding horror.

  The reverie.

  Dominique ran down the stairs. She opened the door to the café. There was no line. No one sitting, no one eating. A group of people stood around the television and the only sound was the voice on the news. She felt sick.

  ‘We’re interrupting our broadcast for a special news report,’ the anchor said. ‘At approximately 0500 hours local time the Trans-Oceanic Airways Flight 651 from New York to Paris crashed in the English Channel, 100 kilometers off Le Havre. The aircraft was carrying 255 passengers and
8 crew members. Search and rescue teams have been deployed to Le Havre but at this time it is unclear if there are any survivors. The cause of the tragedy has not yet been confirmed. This could be one of the deadliest commercial aircraft accidents in France’s history. We will report back with details as soon as they become available.’

  Dominique stood there, incapable of thinking or feeling anything.

  And then it all went quiet. And dark.

  DOMINIQUE

  11 DECEMBER 1964

  PARIS

  It was still quiet when she woke up, but it wasn’t dark anymore. Bright artificial lights blinded her, and it took Dominique a couple of minutes to open her eyes.

  The plane from New York to Paris crashed… crashed, kept echoing in her mind, like a thought from another life.

  Constance, who was by her side, told her she’d collapsed in the café and she had to call the ambulance. When the doctors asked her what had happened, she’d told them Dominique had not been eating properly lately so perhaps she fainted. She hadn’t done anything properly since Alexander left. Barely slept, barely ate, sat in her room for hours. She’d cut all ties with Vincent after she rejected his proposal and the only people she allowed in her life were Constance and occasionally JJ. Mostly because he insisted on checking up on her and taking her for a walk now and then. No, she wasn’t well. She hadn’t been well in months.

  ‘She will be fine if she gets some rest and drinks plenty of fluids,’ the doctors assured Constance initially. A few hours later though, they decided to keep her under observation a bit longer after Dominique told a nurse she didn’t have a reason to live anymore. Constance said that for those two days, when asked by the doctors, Dominique couldn’t tell them who she was or what she was doing there, but she kept begging them to stop the nightmare. Not surprisingly, they came back with a diagnosis: post-traumatic stress disorder. Cause of trauma: unknown.

  Nightmare? Yes, she remembered the nightmare. That and walking into the café, barefoot and still wearing her nightgown, hearing that man on TV and feeling her world come to an end. Everything else was blank.