A Grimm Warning

by Chris Colfer

  “But these are my grandchildren,” Pearl said in perfect English.

  Conner and Bree turned their heads so quickly they almost gave themselves whiplash. Had she been coherent the entire time?

  “I understand that, madame, but we still need to check their passports,” the attendant insisted.

  “Fine, fine, fine,” Pearl said. “Let me get my purse and I’ll find them for you.”

  She slowly went through her bag: one pen, one piece of hard candy, and one coin at a time. She pulled out wads of tissue and folded-up notes and stamped letters she had forgotten to mail. The attendant grew impatient waiting for her to retrieve the passports.

  “Where did I put those passports?” Pearl said. “We were just in Monte Carlo and I put them in my pocket, then when we got back on the train I put them in my suitcase—yes, they’re in my suitcase! If you wouldn’t mind kindly waiting another moment, I’ll have a look for them in my suitcase.”

  “That’s quite all right, madame,” the attendant said. He had run out of patience for the day. “I trust you. Please forgive this disturbance.” He slid the door shut and they heard his footsteps travel down the train.

  Pearl put her belongings back into her purse and then looked up at Conner and Bree. Both were staring at her with wide eyes and open mouths as if she were on fire.

  “So where are we off to next?” Pearl asked them sweetly.

  “Have you been aware of what we’ve been doing this entire time?” Conner asked, completely mortified.

  “I’m old but I’m not ancient. I can speak English, too, you know,” she said.

  “And you let us take you around the continent willingly?” Bree asked, just as horrified.

  “Yes,” Pearl said. “You seemed like nice kids at the train station in London. I wasn’t sure what was going on at first but I knew it would be good fun once we got on the train.”

  Conner and Bree looked at each other. Both wore the same bewildered expression.

  “I ran away on my own adventure when I was your age,” Pearl said. “I fell in love with a circus clown named Fabrizio and followed him around the globe.”

  “Did you get caught?” Bree asked.

  “No, and after six months of following him I finally had the courage to tell Fabrizio how I felt,” Pearl said.

  “What happened?” Conner asked. “Was he creeped out because you were stalking him? Did he break your heart?”

  “No, we were married for sixty-four years—until he died,” Pearl said. “Back then actions spoke louder than words. We just did what our hearts told us to. These days people act like love is an island—they all want to swim to it but no one wants to get wet.”

  “What were you doing at the train station in London?” Bree asked.

  “I had been visiting my son,” she said. “He dropped me off but I wasn’t ready to go home yet. I think I’m ready now, though. Disappearing for two days is the perfect amount of time to get your children to value you a bit more. I’ve enjoyed our little adventure together but I’m very tired and I should probably get off at the next stop and take a train home.”

  Conner and Bree shook their heads and laughed. “What’s your real name, anyway?” Conner asked.

  “It’s Elsa,” she said with a big smile. “But I insist you call me Granny Pearl.”

  Conner and Bree liked the idea of having a new grandma. “Well, our names are—”

  “Uh,” Pearl interrupted. “If you don’t tell me your names, I’ll never have to tell anyone where I saw you.”

  Conner and Bree thought the woman sitting across from them was almost too good to be true.

  “You’re so much cooler than my real German grandma,” Bree said.

  “Now, it’s none of my business why you’re away from your parents, but promise me you’ll stay safe while you’re having this adventure of yours,” Pearl told them. “It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt.”

  They nodded, knowing it was a promise neither of them could keep.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  THE SECRETS OF NEUSCHWANSTEIN CASTLE

  The train from Monte Carlo arrived in Munich at six o’clock the next morning, after making a few stops along the way. They tried sleeping as much as they could but didn’t manage much rest. Conner and Bree made sure Pearl was safely aboard the train that would take her home before they left the train station.

  When Conner and Bree left Germany two days prior, neither would have thought they would be returning so soon. And just like every other city they’d seen so far, Munich proved to be a world of its own. It was a city of spirals and clock towers and pointed roofs. There were beautiful buildings with stained-glass windows and handcrafted wooden doors. Statues of religious and mythical figures were mounted on the roofs and balconies to keep watch over the busy streets.

  “I can’t believe how close these countries are and yet they’re all so different,” Conner said.

  “And you really don’t know a place until you’ve been there,” Bree said. “You can look at a hundred pictures and a dozen maps, but unless you’ve been to the city and felt its pulse, you really know nothing about it.”

  Conner couldn’t have put it in better words himself. With no time to lose, they brainstormed how they were going to get from Munich to Neuschwanstein Castle.

  “I’ve got some bad news,” Conner said. “We’re almost out of cash. I’ve got enough for food for a couple days, but that’s about it. I don’t know how we’re supposed to get to the castle now.”

  “Don’t worry, I’ve got an idea,” Bree said. “Let’s find a hotel and pretend we’re staying there. Then we’ll trick the concierge into giving us what we need.”

  “Let me guess, this happens in your crime books, too?” Conner asked.

  “No, I figured this one out myself,” Bree said proudly. “My grandma lives in a condo in Atlantic City next to a bunch of hotels—there were summers I never paid for lunch once.”

  They walked up and down the stone streets until Bree found a large and fancy hotel ideal for her plan. The hotel was painted yellow and had the flags of several different countries displayed around its front revolving doors. They pushed through the doors and Bree got in line to speak with someone at the front desk.

  Conner waited a few feet behind her; she said she was confident enough to do this alone—or perhaps she just didn’t want him hovering over her.

  “Guten Morgen, gnädige Frau,” the man at the concierge desk said.

  “Guten Morgen, it’s good to see you again,” she said, even though she had never seen the man before. “I was wondering if I received any messages while I was out.”

  “Oh?” the concierge said. He looked awfully confused, like he could have sworn they had never met. “What room number?”

  “It’s 723,” Bree said as if she had told him a hundred times already.

  “And what’s your name?” he asked.

  “Bree Campbell,” she said honestly, and acted a little hurt that he hadn’t remembered. “But as you should know, the room is under my stepfather’s name.”

  “Herr Hueber is your stepfather?” he asked.

  “Oh, is that the name he checked in under?” Bree said with a massive eye roll. “Please ignore him, he’s from Milwaukee. Every time we go someplace new, he likes to trick the locals into thinking he’s one of them. He probably checked in with some ridiculous accent, too. Now about those messages—”

  “Oh yes, of course,” the concierge said, and went through the papers on his desk. “No messages for room 723.”

  Bree pouted and stuck out her bottom lip. “Not even from Jacob?” she asked sadly.

  Conner did a double take—who the heck was Jacob?

  “No, I’m sorry,” he said.

  “That’s a shame,” she said, then got down to business. “Well, since I’m here, I was wondering if you could tell me the easiest way to Neuschwanstein Castle. My dad has to work all day and I have nothing to do.”

  “There is a two-hour
bus that can take you there,” he said. “Unfortunately, it has already sold out for today and tomorrow.”

  Conner slumped after hearing this but Bree quickly thought of plan B.

  “Does this hotel rent bikes?” she asked.

  “Yes, madame,” the concierge said. He was very happy to finally give her some good news.

  “Terrific. I suppose a bike ride around the countryside will have to do,” she said.

  “One bike?”

  “Make it two, please,” Bree said.

  “And charge it to the room?” he asked.

  “Yes, please,” Bree said. “And if you could please leave a note for my dad telling him I went on a short bike ride I would really appreciate it.”

  “Yes, I’d be happy to,” the concierge said. “I’ll have those bikes brought to the front of the hotel right away.”

  “Thank you so much,” Bree said.

  Conner had almost forgotten Bree wasn’t actually staying there. He tapped his foot to get her attention. “We need to know how to get there,” he whispered.

  “Oh, and one last thing,” Bree said to the concierge. “Would you mind highlighting how to get to Neuschwanstein Castle on a map for me? Just in case I can convince my dad to take me there himself when he’s finished with work?”

  The concierge nodded, and highlighted the route for her on a small map. She thanked him again and then waited with Conner in the front of the hotel for their bikes to be brought out.

  “You’re really good at that,” Conner said. “Like, scary good.”

  Bree’s head was lost in the map. “Okay, judging from this map, the castle is roughly eighty miles away… meaning we’re gonna be on these bikes all day,” she said.

  “Oh no,” Conner said, looking down at the suitcase he had been lugging around the entire trip. “What am I supposed to do with Betsy?”

  “Just check her at the front desk and tell them you’re with me,” Bree said and handed him her bag to store as well.

  “I guess this is where we part, old girl,” he said sadly. He removed the piece of mirror from the suitcase and put it in his jacket pocket. He had just realized that now, with being in Munich, he had taken Betsy on as many adventures as Bob had before him. He took her back inside and checked her under room 723, not knowing if he would ever see her again.

  A man from the hotel brought Conner and Bree each a bike and they began their long ride to Neuschwanstein Castle. Bree took the task of leading. She steered her bike with one hand while constantly looking down at the map in the other.

  It took them an hour or so to pedal away from the Munich traffic and enter the German countryside. As soon as they did, the magnificent Alps came into view. They were unbelievably tall, as if they had been painted against the sky. Their sharp and jagged peaks were sprinkled with snow like the white in an old man’s beard. They stood imperially like giant soldiers guarding their homeland.

  As they rode deeper into the scenery, the ground rose with the Alps’ altitude. Conner and Bree looked in wonder at the grassy hills around them. They were convinced Germany was the greenest place on earth.

  Occasionally a village appeared beside the road. Each was more picturesque than the last, with their orange roofs set against the high backdrop of the azure sky behind the Alps. The scenery was so beautiful it didn’t seem real. Conner never knew the world could be so gorgeous and with every mile of their journey he saw something that reminded him of the Land of Stories and just how much he missed it.

  Clouds began to roll in from beyond the mountain peaks and covered the countryside like a thick fluffy gray ceiling. It was hard to tell where the mountains ended and the clouds started.

  After a few hours of biking, Conner and Bree pulled into a tiny town called Oberammergau to get a bite to eat. Every one of the cottage-like homes and shops were painted with murals of fairy-tale and religious art as if they were one and the same. Conner and Bree stopped to admire an adorable house painted with iconic scenes from the story of Little Red Riding Hood.

  “I could never tell Red about this,” Conner said. “She’s already got a huge head; I can’t imagine how she’d act if she knew she was painted on the buildings of the Otherworld, too.”

  They were delighted to see how well represented fairy tales were in the center of town. There were statues of trolls and Humpty Dumpty, shops were filled with toys and trinkets and puppets of all the classic storybook characters, and there was even a small inn called Hotel Wolf, where Conner and Bree chose to eat.

  “I feel like we’re eating in the Red Riding Hood Kingdom,” Conner said over lunch.

  “If these people only knew what we knew,” Bree said.

  Conner looked down at his food. “Yeah…,” he mumbled sadly.

  “What’s the matter with you?” Bree asked.

  He was hesitant to tell her what was on his mind. “I would never want anything to happen to my sister or my grandmother or anyone in the Land of Stories,” he said. “But there’s a part of me that hopes the portal does open, so I can see them all again.”

  Bree smiled gently. “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that,” she said. “We’ll just try to think of the situation as a win-win. If the portal is closed, your friends are safe, and if it’s open, at least you’ll get to see them again.”

  “Yeah, while they’re being attacked by thousands of French soldiers,” Conner said.

  “Maybe the soldiers changed their minds while they were in the portal,” Bree said. “Two hundred years is a long time for self-reflection; they could have re-thought their whole universe-domination thing.”

  “Maybe.” He shrugged. They both knew it was a slim chance but Conner appreciated the optimism nonetheless. He wished he could live a life where there wasn’t always a cost or a choice—he wished for once that when someone said, “And they lived happily ever after,” they meant it.

  They finished eating and continued their journey to the castle. It was impossible to keep track of time since the sun was hidden by the clouds. A few hours later, just as their bums and feet started aching from biking all day, they arrived in the village of Hohenschwangau.

  Conner and Bree could see the tips of the towers belonging to Neuschwanstein Castle hidden by the trees in the hills above the village. It felt like a giant was peeking at them.

  “We made it!” Bree said cheerfully. “And it only took us nine and a half hours!”

  “Only?” Conner asked, groaning as he dismounted his bike. “I think I’m going to have a bicycle-seat-shaped dent in my butt for the rest of my life.”

  Hohenschwangau was an incredibly tiny place and mainly consisted of restaurants, inns, and souvenir shops for tourists visiting Neuschwanstein. The village was also home to another, smaller and older castle that sat on a hill across from Neuschwanstein. It was square and golden and almost completely forgotten by the travelers roaming the village.

  Glass kiosks lined in the center of the village sold tours of Neuschwanstein. A long line of tourists waited outside for buses that took them up the path into the hills and to the castle.

  “Okay, I think I’ve got a plan,” Conner said. “We’ll go on a tour of the castle and stay in the very back of our group so we’re easily forgettable. When no one is looking, we find the perfect place to hide. Then at night, when all the guides and guests have gone, we give ourselves a tour of the castle and try to find the portal.”

  “That sounds like an excellent plan!” Bree said.

  They chained their bikes to a bike rack and went to purchase their tickets. But just as they walked up to the kiosks, a sign written in many languages was placed in the window:

  ALLE TOUREN VON SCHLOSS NEUSCHWANSTEIN SIND FÜR DEN REST DES TAGES AUSVERKAUFT

  ALL TOURS OF NEUSCHWANSTEIN CASTLE ARE SOLD OUT FOR THE REST OF THE DAY

  TOUS LES BILLETS POUR LES VISITES DU CHTEAU DE NEUSCHWANSTEIN ONT ETE VENDUS POUR LE RESTE DE LA JOURNEE

  TUTTI I TOUR DI NEUSCHWANSTEIN CASTELLO SONO ESAURITI PER IL RES
TO DELLA GIORNATA

  “Oh no!” Conner exclaimed. “What are we supposed to do now?”

  “Let’s see if we can get a better look at the castle,” Bree said. “Maybe there’s a window or something we could sneak into.”

  They walked down the road a little ways away from the village, and more of the castle’s towers came into view.

  “It’s no use looking at it from down here, we’ll have to go up the hill and get a closer look,” Conner said.

  He tried his best to fight the disheartening thoughts creeping over him, but the situation wasn’t looking great. If the street below the castle was that crowded, the castle must be packed with people. It would be impossible to snoop around without looking suspicious.

  Conner closed his eyes and prayed for a miracle. They just needed a way inside the castle, that was all! The fate of the fairy-tale world depended on what they might find inside. Luckily for Conner, there was still a bit of magic in his blood and it must have been listening to his request.…

  “Hey, Conner,” Bree whispered. “That kid over there keeps staring at us.”

  Conner turned in the direction she was referring to. A few yards ahead of them beside the road was a tiny cottage-like house. A boy sat on its front steps unapologetically watching them. He was very young, no older than ten, and had dark hair and very pale skin. He was skinny although his cheeks were plump and rosy, making him look like a puppet that lived in a cuckoo clock.

  “Hi,” Conner said, and waved awkwardly at their observer.

  “Hello,” the boy said in a cute German accent. “Are you guys American?”

  “We are,” Bree said.

  A big grin stretched between his rosy cheeks and he giddily sat up.

  “Do you like the United States?” Conner asked him.

  “Yes!” the boy said with an animated nod. “That’s where all the superheroes are from!”

  “Have you ever been there?” Bree asked.

  The boy’s shoulders sank. “No,” he said. “I go to school in Füssen down the road but other than that I’ve never been very far from here. But I’m saving all my money so I can visit Gotham City one day!”