The Single Mom's Second Chance

by Kathy Douglass

  “It depends. On average, I’d say three or four times a week. They’d go every day if I let them.”

  “How late do they stay?”

  “They had been staying most of the day. Remember, I have a job and can’t leave them home alone all day.”

  He covered her hand with his and forced himself to ignore the spark of electricity that made his skin tingle. “Hey, I’m not criticizing you. I’m just trying to get a handle on their schedule so I can work around it.”

  She pulled away her hand and tucked it under the blanket. “You don’t need to work around their schedule. I’ll be able to take them most days. And I should be able to go back to work, too.”

  “We’ll see.”

  “We’ll see? Aren’t you the one constantly telling me I’ll be fine? Now it’s ‘we’ll see’?”

  “It’s a process, Roz. It’ll take time. That’s all I’m saying. Don’t be impatient.”

  “Impatient?”

  “Yes. You never liked waiting for things. You’re thirty years old. You should have learned patience by now.” If she would have waited for him to graduate from college, they could have gotten married. He’d planned to come back for her. Of course, that presumed she’d actually loved him. She’d married Terrence fast enough. He shoved that irritating thought aside. Now wasn’t the time to dig up the bones of their dead relationship. In fact, there was never a time for that. The past needed to stay six feet under.

  She compressed her lips. “Apparently not. I’ve run out of patience for this conversation. Now, if you don’t mind...”

  She didn’t say the words, but he heard them anyway. Get out.

  “On that note, I’ll leave. Call me if you need anything.”

  A grunt was her only response, so he grabbed the tray and left. Now he remembered why they hadn’t talked in all these years.

  * * *

  Roz leaned back on the sofa, listening to the hammering coming from the back of the house. She picked up one of the mysteries Charlotte had given her when she’d stopped by to visit earlier. They’d discussed Charlotte’s wedding plans. Roz still couldn’t believe that Charlotte was marrying the man who’d left her at the altar twelve years ago. But if Charlotte could forgive Rick, then maybe Paul would one day get past his anger at Roz.

  It had been two weeks since Paul and Nathaniel had begun working on the room. Two weeks where she and Paul had walked on eggshells. They were being exceedingly polite to each other, avoiding topics that could lead to conflict. Paul didn’t ask her about her emotions again. Since she’d told him she could handle her own feelings, she shouldn’t be hurt. Yet she felt a little disappointed that he hadn’t tried harder to discover how she felt. But she wasn’t going to volunteer the information.

  Truth was, she didn’t know how she felt. Her feelings changed with the day. Or, more accurately, they changed several times a day. She tried to maintain a positive demeanor for her kids, but that was exhausting. Add in the effects of the chemotherapy, which, unfortunately, she was still feeling, and she was at the proverbial end. In that sense, it was better that she and Paul didn’t talk often. If he caught her at the wrong time, there was no telling what she would say.

  She’d been surprised when Paul offered to build the room for her. Now she wondered if that was a way of keeping his distance from her. After all, she couldn’t help him tear down walls or rip up old floors. She barely had enough energy to cook a full meal. He could spend hours in there away from her and she couldn’t object, because he was doing it to help her.

  “They’re making a lot of noise,” Suzanne complained, covering her ears and leaning into Roz’s side. “I don’t like it.”

  “I’m sorry, baby. If it was nicer we could sit outside,” Roz said. A hard rain had been falling since last night and didn’t look like it would stop anytime soon. The gloom from outside had seeped into the house, making both girls cranky. It was too early for them to take a nap, so Roz was trying, without success, to keep them occupied. They’d already watched their favorite Disney movie and dressed and undressed their dolls. Neither girl had much interest in video games or playing on Roz’s tablet although she’d offered it to them.

  “I wish I could help like Nathaniel, but Uncle Paul won’t let me,” Megan said, her bottom lip poking out. Megan always tried to keep up with her brother. Nathaniel was good-natured and generally didn’t mind her trailing behind him. But Paul had insisted that a construction zone was nowhere for the girls and wouldn’t let them anywhere near the room. He’d told them they could help decorate, but that promise was too distant for Megan.

  Much to Nathaniel’s delight, Paul had allowed him to help tear down the wall. They’d hung new drywall, painted and refinished the floor. Now they were nailing the trim into place. If all went according to plan, she would be able to sleep in her new room tomorrow night.

  “Uncle Paul will let you help once this part is done. In the meantime, how about we finish our puzzle?” Roz and the girls were working on a 350-piece puzzle that Paul had brought home last week.

  “Okay, Mommy.”

  The girls ran into the dining room where the pieces were spread out on the table. Roz followed more slowly. She was nauseous, and even walking that short distance took more out of her than she wanted to admit. Although she’d expected to be weak, she still hated the feeling and tried to push through it. “Fake it until you make it” was becoming her new motto. Too bad it didn’t work. It turned out her willpower wasn’t stronger than the side effects of chemo.

  Megan chattered happily as they worked, her disappointment at not being able to help Paul temporarily forgotten. Roz tried to pull Suzanne into the conversation, but with little success. Much to Roz’s dismay, her previously happy and outgoing youngest child was drawing into herself more each day. At six years old, she was old enough to know that her mother was seriously ill, but too young to process the knowledge in a way that made sense to her. Roz hadn’t yet discovered a way to help Suzanne express her feelings.

  “Come see your new room,” Nathaniel said, charging into the dining room and then out again. Roz had gotten so used to the hammering that she hadn’t noticed when it stopped.

  Megan shot to her feet and raced off behind her brother. Suzanne took her time getting up from her chair, but she eventually followed them. Roz had gotten a bit stiff, and she was slow to rise.

  “Let me help you,” Paul said, coming up behind her. Before she could protest, he’d slipped his arm around her waist and helped her stand. Once she was steady on her feet, she stepped out of his embrace, but not before his scent, a combination of perspiration and paint, filled her senses.

  Roz was having a hard time adjusting to the new Paul. Over the years she’d become used to the distant, cold Paul. The unforgiving Paul. This considerate man confused her, and she had to remind herself not to be deceived by his manners. Paul didn’t like her. He’d made that abundantly clear over the years. He was no different from her aunt, who’d taken her in out of duty. He didn’t care for her any more than Aunt Rosemary had. He was just better at hiding his feelings than her aunt had been. He was just doing what was expected of him.

  Paul reached for her and she swatted his hand away. “I can make it on my own. It’s only a few feet from here.”

  This house had always felt cozy. With Paul staying here, the rooms had gone from cozy to tiny. Despite the fact that they spent a good deal of their time in different rooms, there was never a waking moment when she wasn’t acutely aware of his presence, which left her jumpy and uneasy. Lately, he’d begun to invade her dreams, taking away even that small haven.

  “I’m sure you can. I’m just here as backup.”

  Roz decided no response was required and walked away. She’d made it halfway across the kitchen and was heading towards the closed door leading to her new bedroom when Nathaniel stepped out and shut the door behind him. “Close your eyes, Mom.�
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  “How am I supposed to see where I’m going?”

  “I’ll help,” Paul said, stepping closer. She’d tried to pretend that he hadn’t been a breath away, but with his arm securely wrapped around her waist, the heat from his body encircling her, that fantasy was swept entirely away and another one tried to replace it.

  “Don’t let me bump into the door,” Roz warned as if it were a real possibility.

  “I’ll hold it open,” Nathaniel promised. “But first, close your eyes.”

  Roz closed her eyes and allowed Paul to steer her around the kitchen table and chairs. Hadn’t she just thought her rooms had shrunk since Paul had come to stay with them? Now her kitchen seemed as large as a football field. When they reached the door, she brushed past Nathaniel and stepped into her new room.

  “You are going to be so happy, Mommy,” Megan exclaimed.

  “Can I open my eyes now?”

  “Yes.”

  Roz looked around and gasped. She didn’t know what she’d expected, but it certainly wasn’t this magnificent room. Without the wall separating the two spaces, the room was quite big. Paul had refinished the old oak floors, and they glistened. The walls were painted a soft butter color and the trim matched the floor.

  “Do you like it?” Nathaniel asked.

  “I love it. Thank you so much.” She pulled him into a tight hug and kissed his cheek.

  “It wasn’t just me,” he said. “Uncle Paul helped.”

  Roz looked at Paul. There was no way she was hugging or kissing him. “Thank you.”

  “You’re quite welcome.” His voice was quiet, but she heard the sincerity there.

  “But it’s empty,” Suzanne said, turning in a slow circle. “How are you supposed to sleep in here when you don’t have a bed?”

  Paul scooped Suzanne into his arms, and she wrapped her arms around his neck. “We’re going to bring your mom’s bed down here.”

  “And her dresser? And chair?”

  “We’re going to bring down everything.”

  “I want to help,” Megan said.

  “Of course you can help. You’ll be in charge of bringing down the books.”

  “I’ll start now,” Megan said.

  Paul halted her before she could dart from the room. “How about we start after we eat? Breakfast was a long time ago and my stomach is growling.”

  The girls giggled. Suzanne leaned back so she could look directly into Paul’s eyes. “You’re so silly, Uncle Paul.”

  “I’m hungry, too,” Nathaniel added.

  “I’ll make lunch,” Roz said, backing from the room. Seeing how well Paul fit with her family made her stomach flutter ridiculously. She needed to escape before that feeling grew.

  “I’ll take care of that,” Paul said. “I’m here to help after all.”

  “I can make sandwiches for my own kids.”

  “I know you can. But how about the girls and I take care of lunch and Nathaniel can tell you everything he learned about construction.”

  “Yeah,” Nathaniel said, taking Roz by the hand and leading her from the room. If she didn’t know better, she’d think he and Paul had plotted the entire thing to keep her from overexerting herself.

  “Fine,” Roz agreed. Not that she had much choice. Paul was nothing if not determined. With the kids on his side, she didn’t stand a chance. Since he was doing exactly as she’d asked, she had no right to complain.

  If she was honest, the problem wasn’t with him. It was with her. She liked being able to rely on him. She liked the way he was with the kids. She liked the kind way he treated her.

  And that was a problem she needed to solve before she got used to having him around. Because, sooner or later, Paul was going to go back to Florida, leaving her behind again. This time she had no intention of being heartbroken.

  * * *

  Paul watched Nathaniel steer Roz into the front room then turned to the refrigerator.

  “What are we making, Uncle Paul?” Megan asked.

  “I thought we could have turkey sandwiches, tomato soup and salad.”

  “I don’t want a salad,” Suzanne said. “And I don’t want soup and sandwich either. I want cake and ice cream. And potato chips.”

  “Those are snacks and desserts, not lunch. You need to eat real food so you can grow big and strong.”

  “I don’t want that and you can’t make me eat it.”

  Paul sighed. This was so unlike Suzanne, who was usually a sweet girl. Over the past couple of weeks, he’d noticed how much she’d changed. She cried when she didn’t get her way and didn’t talk as much as she used to. She’d begun sucking her thumb again, a habit Roz had told him she’d broken years ago. Since there had been a lot of changes in her life, her behavior wasn’t entirely unexpected. She needed his patience and understanding. “No, I can’t. But how about you eat chips with your salad and sandwich? And, after dinner, you can have ice cream for dessert. How does that sound?”

  “That sounds good,” Megan said then gave her younger sister a meaningful look. “Don’t you think that sounds good, Suzanne?”

  Suzanne didn’t look quite convinced, but much to Paul’s relief, she nodded.

  The girls “helped” him prepare lunch, and then they all sat down together to eat. Roz didn’t have much of an appetite these days and she ate even less than Suzanne did. Still, it was better than nothing. Nathaniel was still hyped over the work he’d done, and his and Megan’s conversation filled what otherwise would have been an uncomfortable silence. After eating, they carried their dishes to the sink and then scattered. As Paul loaded the dishwasher, he blew out a long sigh.

  Another day nearly done and countless more left. He just hoped he would survive them.

  Chapter Three

  “Hurry up,” Nathaniel said to his sisters. “Miss Joni will be here in a minute.”

  “We still have time,” Roz said, waiting as Megan chose the ribbons and barrettes she wanted in her hair. Joni Danielson, the director of the youth center, had arranged for the kids to spend the day on a neighboring ranch and had personally offered to take them there. Nathaniel was so excited about the trip and the prospect of riding a horse that he’d been pacing the house for nearly an hour, unable to sit still. “Why don’t you wait on the porch and let me know when she gets here?”

  “Okay.” Nathaniel was out the door before the words were out of her mouth.

  “What if the horses are scary?” Suzanne asked.

  “I don’t think they’ll be scary,” Roz said, tying the chosen purple ribbon in a bow. “I think they’ll be nice. You’ll have fun riding them.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes. You guys are going to have the best time. I want to hear all about it.”

  “I’m going to tell you everything, Mommy,” Megan promised.

  “Thank you. I can’t wait.”

  “Miss Joni’s here,” Nathaniel called, running back into the house, the door slamming behind him.

  “Did you leave her standing on the porch?” Roz asked.

  “No. She’s getting out of her car.”

  “I’ll let her in,” Paul said.

  A few minutes later, Joni and the kids were on their way to the Double J Ranch, leaving Roz alone with Paul. She’d expected him to use this quiet time he had to catch up on work. She knew he spent a few hours each night working once the kids were in bed. He had to be tired from burning the midnight oil. Instead, he sat beside her as if he had all the time in the world.

  “How are you feeling today?”

  “Fine,” she answered automatically. Two weeks had passed since her second chemo treatment and she was already dreading the third. What good would it do to mention that, even on her best days, she never felt good anymore. Not just physically, but emotionally. She was beginning to forget what good actually felt like
. Despite her best efforts to think positively, there was always that nagging knowledge that a full recovery wasn’t guaranteed. The possibility remained that one day she might not be there for her children.

  And she wouldn’t even get to the vanity part. Seeing Joni looking so good, her long hair pulled back into a ponytail, Roz had felt like a scarecrow. Her own once-thick hair had begun to thin and, worse, was breaking off and coming out in patches. It seemed that every morning she awoke to discover clumps of hair on her pillow. At this rate, she would be bald in a week. Now Roz could barely stand to look in the mirror.

  “You don’t have to hang out with me,” she said. “I know you have work to do.”

  “I have a few minutes.”

  She couldn’t tell him to leave without being rude, but she didn’t want to talk about herself, so she decided to turn the conversation to him. “We’ve never really talked about this, but I’ve been wondering. How did you get started in the health club business?”

  He rubbed a hand over his head. “When I was in college, I was angry and frustrated a lot. I needed a constructive way to blow off steam, so I started going to this gym near campus and lifting weights. I didn’t have good form, but I didn’t care.

  “This older guy, Stuart, was always there. One day he gave me some tips and helped me set up a complete program. After a while I found myself baring my soul to him. When I told him about the difficult relationship I had with my father, he didn’t make excuses for Dad. Most of the time he just listened while I vented. Later, I learned that he owned the gym.

  “After a while, he offered me a part-time position. I started out sweeping the floors and working the front desk. When I graduated, he sold me half of the gym. Two years later, I bought him out and expanded. It was a lot of work and some good fortune, but now I own nineteen locations. I’m opening three more this fall. My team is always scouting places where one of the gyms will prosper.”