Starting Over

by Erin Cristofoli

  I nodded my agreement, my heart racing a little faster as I watched him gaze over the land.

  “I’ll bring you out here again tomorrow, when the sun is up and you can really see how beautiful it is out here.”

  We went back inside, and I took another look around. It was then that I noticed there was something missing. In fact, there was a whole lot of something missing. “Ben, I thought you said your family was big on Christmas? But I haven’t seen one single decoration. Why?”

  “Oh, that’s part of the tradition,” Ben told me.

  “We don’t decorate until tomorrow, as a whole family. That, of course, includes going to get a tree,” Eleanor explained, coming to join us in the living room. “I came in here to tell you to show Kate her room, Ben. I am sure she wants to freshen up before dinner, which will be ready in just a little bit.”

  We headed for the staircase, pausing when Eleanor called to Ben. “Sweetheart, come down when you can. I need some help.”

  “All right, Mom. I’ll just be a minute.”

  I followed Ben upstairs, giving me a wonderful view of his ass in the jeans he was wearing. I groaned, so not fair.

  Ben looked back at me. “You all right?”

  “Uh huh, I’m just a little tired.” I avoided his eyes and hoped he didn’t notice the embarrassed flush on my cheeks.

  We walked to the end of the hall, and Ben opened the last door, motioning me inside. “This is your room. It has a great view. That is the bathroom, which joins with my room, so let’s remember to lock the doors when in use, okay?” He chuckled to himself.

  Shaking my head at him, I walked to the window. Ben was right; the view was stunning.

  “Kate, thank you again for coming with me.” I turned, finding he was right beside me, looking down at me. He slowly wrapped his arms around me in a tight hug before putting some distance between us again. “You freshen up. I’m heading down for kitchen duty. Come on down when you are ready. The rest of the family should be here for dinner.”

  After he left the room and shut the door behind him, I slumped onto the bed and exhaled a large breath. With hugs like that, I wasn’t going to make it through this holiday without combusting. I made my way to the washroom and decided on a shower.

  Maybe a cold one would calm me down.

  I left Kate in her room, but it was the last thing I wanted to do. I really wanted to toss her onto that bed in there and claim her once and for all as mine, and be done with all the silliness, but I had to make her see for herself that it was okay to want me. I made my way downstairs, away from temptation, and met my mom in the kitchen.

  “What do you need help with, Mom?” I asked her.

  “Oh, nothing, I just wanted to get a quick chance to talk, that’s all. Kate is a beautiful girl, isn’t she?”

  I nodded. “I think so.”

  Mom sat down at the island, so I joined her. “So, what is going on between the two of you? I must admit, I was beginning to wonder if you had sworn off women forever.”

  I laughed. “I pretty much had, Mom, but she came into my life like a gust of wind, and I am glad she did.” I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed. “Right now, we’re just friends. I’m her boss, and that’s all she sees.”

  Mom’s brow furrowed. “That can’t possibly be true. Have you not expressed your interest?”

  I could not believe I was actually having this conversation with her. “Yes, Mom, I have expressed interest on numerous occasions. She had a really rough time with her previous employer, though, and is determined to keep her business and personal lives separate. All that being said, we’ve become great friends. I mean, we spend most of our time together. I don’t know what else I can do to convince her I am worth changing her mind for.”

  “Well, maybe you need a little help from the family.”

  I saw the glimmer in her eyes and quickly shook my head. “Ah, I don’t know about that. I just didn’t want to leave her in the city. When we aren’t together, I miss her, and before I even thought about it, I knew I wanted to have her near. Ugh, this is such a mess.” I dropped my head into my hands, a wave of frustration rolling over me.

  My mom hugged me. “Don’t worry, darling. Things always happen for a reason. You have to give it a little time, so be patient. Maybe she just needs to have a wonderful holiday, see you outside your normal light for more than five minutes. Maybe she needs to see how you are with your family.” Mom searched my eyes and smiled. “You’re falling for her, aren’t you?”

  I nodded. “I didn’t think I would ever want to take a chance on another relationship again, but she’s different. She really is wonderful. I’m scared to lose her, but I can’t keep going like this forever. It’s driving me crazy. My insides are always in knots.”

  “I’m very excited for you, sweetheart. I have a good feeling about Kate. By the way she looks at you, I would bet she has feelings for you, too.”

  I sighed. “I hope so. I really do.”

  We sat there lost in our thoughts for a few moments before we both heard movement behind us. “Please excuse the interruption,” Kate said politely as she poked her head in the room. “I hope I’m not disturbing anything.”

  “Nonsense!” Mom exclaimed. “Ben was just catching me up on the comings and goings of his busy life. He doesn’t make it up here nearly as often as we would like.”

  “Your son is a very busy man. I can attest to that.” Kate smiled. “I don’t think I have ever been so busy.”

  Mom scowled at me. “Don’t you tell me that you are working this poor girl as hard as you work yourself! You are going to wear her out!”

  I put my hands up in surrender. “Turns out, Kate and I are very much alike when it comes to work, Mom. She volunteers most of the time to do extra, and I am more than grateful. I know I have a damn good thing with Kate.”

  Kate looked at me strangely. Had she caught on to the underlying meaning? I think she had. Good. I had to do something, anything, everything in my power this trip to keep her reminded of my interest.

  “Well, Kate, you must be starving. Ben, go set the table. I am going to find Sam and Audrey. Kate, please make yourself at home.”

  Mom left and Kate followed me to the table. I pulled out the plates and cutlery and began to arrange them. Kate looked around, finding some napkins. I went to the kitchen and returned with some wine glasses, and when I looked at Kate, I stopped in my tracks. She was artistically wrapping the napkins around the cutlery. She looked up and smiled.

  “I learned this a while back, when I had a job as a waitress. I thought it might look nice on the table.” I nodded in agreement and continued with the task at hand.

  We had just finished the table, when there was increasing noise coming into the kitchen. Mom, Dad, Sam, and Audrey were all chatting and laughing. They quieted down as they all took Kate in.

  Sam looked from Kate to me, to Kate, and then back to me again. “Niiiice, bro.”

  I rolled my eyes at him. “Cut it out, bonehead. Dee, Sam, this is my friend and coworker, Kate. Kate, my siblings.”

  Kate reached to shake their hands – yeah, not with my family. They both took turns pulling her into a hug.

  Kate stepped back and murmured to me, “A very affectionate family you have, Ben.” A short burst of laughter escaped me, causing my family to look at me quizzically.

  We all took our seats, Kate beside me. Mom brought the meal to the table, and the mayhem began. Casseroles and bowls were passed around feverishly. I don’t know why we always started to act like a bunch of starving animals, but Kate could only sit back and smirk, so I plated food for her.

  “We aren’t savages. I promise,” Mom said to Kate.

  Kate giggled and took her first bite, moaning with pleasure. “I can see why. You are an amazing cook, Mrs. Hyde.”

  “Call me that again, young lady, and you won’t get dessert.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” Kate retorted with a salute and a smirk. This woman was amazing; she didn’t miss a b
eat. I could see her easily fitting into my family, which gave me hope, even though I knew I should be realistic.

  Dinner was filled with chatter about the farm and Sam’s job in Montreal. As my father began to collect the dinner plates, Audrey turned to Kate. “So, Kate, you are from Alberta? Why would you come all the way here?”

  I was about to put an end to that line of questioning, but Kate looked at me while answering with a smile. “I couldn’t pass up the opportunity your brother was offering me. I wasn’t sure, but your brother has been very generous and really is a great boss.”

  “So, how long have you two been sleeping together?” Audrey asked with a grin at both of us.

  Kate sputtered on the water she was sipping, and my mom exclaimed, “Audrey!”

  I growled at her, “Audrey, first of all, that’s incredibly rude, but more importantly, none of your business. We are just friends.”

  Audrey laughed at me. “Sure, brother, I believe you.”

  I was about as close I could get to reaching over and strangling her without actually doing it. “Come on, Kate. Time for a change of scenery.” I reached for her hand, and she quietly followed me. I grabbed our coats and headed out the back door.

  Sitting on the porch railing, I stared at my shoes. Damn it, sometimes Audrey was such a pain in the ass, and I didn’t need any help with frightening Kate away.

  Kate spoke first. “I figured everyone would assume we were together, with you bringing me home and all. I didn’t count on that question happening over dinner, though.” She laughed lightly.

  I looked up, surprised. She wasn’t upset? “You’re okay?”

  “Yeah, surprisingly, it didn’t bother me much.”

  “Well, I’m really sorry just the same. She was out of line. If I’m right, you will be receiving an apology when we go inside.”

  She looked up at me timidly. “Maybe we could do that sooner rather than later? My toes are starting to freeze.”

  I pulled her against me in a tight hug. “You are amazing. Thank you for being so great with my family.”

  She sighed into my chest. “I’m having a great time. I can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings.”

  I stood and moved so my arm was around her shoulders. “Ah, Kate, you are going to love the festivities tomorrow. I should get you inside to sit by the fire. Mom will have dessert ready for us.”

  We made our way to one of the large couches by the fire and sat. Audrey came over with two bowls -- Mom’s amazing apple pie. She cleared her throat nervously, her eyes shifting between Kate and her own feet. “Um, Kate, I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. I just assumed ‘cuz Ben brought you home...”

  Kate held up a hand. “Please, don’t worry about it. I am flattered you thought that of me.”

  Audrey smiled. “I like her,” she directed at me. “We’re going to get along great. Here, dessert.”

  We all sat around the fire, pie having filled the tinniest of spaces left in our stomachs from dinner. I looked around, and they were all looking at me with various-sized smiles on their lips. If they weren’t my family, I would have found that very unsettling. Clearly, Mom had filled them in on all my dirt. Awesome.

  “Well, guys, I am off to bed. It was a long drive, and I’m beat.” Sam yawned as he stood.

  Audrey jumped up. “Yup, me too.”

  My parents also stood. “I think we should head up as well.”

  I gave them all a strange look. They weren’t being obvious at all, no. We all exchanged goodnights, and suddenly, the room began close in. All my focus was on Kate curled up on the other half of the couch.

  “Mmm, this is really nice. I wish I had a fireplace at home. But if I did, I might never come to work.”

  I smiled. “I could install one in your office if you like.”

  Kate looked at me and returned my smile. “That would be great. You should get on that. I will be the envy of all your other employees. Hmm, on second thought, you’d better not. I would become significantly less popular.”

  “I am glad you like it here. I’m feeling a little lonely, though,” I told her, stretching out on the couch into her space and opening my arms.

  She paused a moment, and then took me up on my offer, slowly leaning against my side. We sat and watched the fire in silence, and it wasn’t long before Kate had drifted off to sleep. It seemed right to have her like this. After a while, I felt myself starting to nod, and though I would have preferred to stay as I was with her, I didn’t want to risk my family finding us in the morning and embarrassing her.

  As gently as I could, I lifted Kate into my lap and stood with her in my arms, her head resting on my shoulder. I paused so as not to wake her before heading up the stairs. About half way up, she sighed and nestled in closer into my chest. I took a moment to open her door when I reached it, somehow managing to not wake her. After carrying her to the bed, I slowly lowered Kate down and slid my hands from under her. She immediately curled onto her side, facing me, and sighed again. After covering her up with the comforter, I stood to leave, when the smallest whisper escaped her mouth, sending me back down to my knees beside her. “Ben...”

  How was it that one simple moment could cause such an ache in my heart? What if she never came around? My want for her was growing to an insane level; I couldn’t seem to help myself. What would she say when I told her that I was her mystery man? Would she hate me? So many unanswered questions were going to drive me fucking crazy.

  Damn it, I needed a good stiff drink. I rose to my feet and quietly left her room, returning to my own. Moving to my briefcase, I pulled out a hidden flask I almost always had in there, it containing my trusty Jacks, and crashed into bed. I spent the next hour in my head, going over and over everything Kate related, which of course got me nowhere. After draining the flask, I shut off the light and tried to force sleep. It was going to be a very long night.

  I woke in the beautifully luxurious bed of the guest room, the sun streaming through the large windows. I don’t know that I had ever felt so comfortable, even if I were still fully clothed, a thought that was comforting in light of the fact that Ben had probably put me to bed. Sitting up, I stretched before hopping out of bed and heading to the shower.

  When I reemerged, I realized I had no idea what time it was or what the family routine was, but I was pretty sure that they were early risers. They had probably all been up for quite some time. I hurriedly dressed in a pair of dark jeans and a plum wrap-around chunky sweater, and made my way downstairs.

  Audrey and Eleanor were in the kitchen baking, by the smell of it. The men were nowhere to be found.

  “Good morning,” I greeted the women. They were each rolling out dough with a rolling pin.

  “Ah, Kate, good morning!” Eleanor practically sang. “Did you have a good sleep?”

  I smiled. “Oh, yes, too good. I felt like I was in the most amazing hotel. Thank you.”

  “Good! Come on over. Sit down and grab some food. We have a lot going on today, and you, my darling, are going to need the sustenance.”

  There was a variety of pastries and muffins as well as a tray of fruit to choose from on the counter. I grabbed a blueberry muffin and some grapes and sat down to watch them work. It was pretty fascinating watching them as they moved around each other, rolling and cutting out cookies from the dough.

  Audrey looked up and winked at me. “We’re going to make pie later if you want to help.”

  “I would like that.” I smiled back at her.

  Ben came in the back door with his dad and brother, laughing, just as I had finished my breakfast and two cups of coffee. It warmed my heart to see Ben like this, but at the same time, my heart began to ache. I missed my dad and the holidays we used to share so much. I could only imagine how I would be feeling alone at home right then.

  Ben noticed me shiver and approached me. “You all right?”

  I appreciated the concern, but I wasn’t about to rain on this very happy occasion, so I nodded and smiled up at him. “It
was just a chill from the cold air you boys let in.”

  “All right, the sleighs are hooked up. You’re riding with me, woman. Let’s go find us a kickass tree!” Ben pulled me to my feet and practically dragged me to the door to get on my boots and coat. “Hat?” When I shook my head at him, he pulled his lumberjack-style plaid hat off his head and placed it on mine. “What am I going to do with you, Kate? It’s cold outside, so you need to wear a hat. Can’t have you sick for the rest of the festivities, can we?” He leaned back and brought his hand to his chin, inspecting me. “Hey, you know what? That actually looks cute on you.”

  He grabbed another hat from the coat rack for himself then led me outside, where two horse-drawn sleighs were waiting. When we stopped in front of a two-seater sleigh, he helped me up and jumped in beside me, pulling a large wooly blanket over the both of us, while the rest of his family piled into the larger four-seat sleigh. With a click of the reins, we headed out to find the perfect tree.

  I had never been in a sleigh before, nor had I ever gone tree hunting. I could hear excited chatter from the rest of the family behind us, and I felt my spirits rise considerably.

  Ben wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer. “Body heat,” he said. Desire burst through me at our closeness. I took a deep breath and looked out at the scenery, trying to calm my racing heart.

  I had no idea where we were going, or where we were when we finally stopped a little while later, but Ben hopped out and held out his hand for me. His family pulled up beside us, his mother grinning at the two of us. Okay, she had definitely noticed Ben’s arm around me.