The Missing

by Kiersten Modglin

  “We don’t know what happened while you were out there,” Ava finished for him when he seemed unable to do so himself. “What we know is that you left with our friend, and you came back without him in a place where we’re all meant to kill each other. All we have is your word that you didn’t get Harry out of your way, and that you’re not planning to do the same to us.”

  I clutched my chest, shaking my head at her in shock. “Do you honestly believe I’m capable of that? After all we’ve been through?”

  “Why didn’t you come get us?” James asked, his tone soft. More out of curiosity than anything. “Why wouldn’t you have come and gotten us when it happened? Why bury him without us?”

  “Because…it all happened so fast. We didn’t mean to…” I tried to find the words to relive the night I’d spent so much time trying to forget.

  “What would you have had us do?” Noah demanded. “Carry his body miles across the jungle or leave it there and hope animals hadn’t gotten to it before we could make it here and back?” He huffed a breath. “We’d just watched our friend die. We were in shock and just trying to deal with it the best we could. He fell. It was an accident. If you don’t believe us, just leave. Build your raft and leave. See what happens. Believe me, if we’d meant to kill you, you’d be dead by now.”

  “Noah,” I said, shocked by the last sentiment. I shot up, grabbing hold of his arm and trying to ease the tension. “Ava,” I begged her to meet my eye. When she finally did, I went on, “Harry was my friend. Losing him…”

  Tears sprang to my eyes without warning. I placed my hand on my chest. “It broke me. I can’t…I can’t explain to you how it happened. How quickly, how devastating… We wanted to bring him back. We wanted to save him. But we couldn’t. We did the best we could while we were still processing what had happened. We would… We’d never hurt you.”

  I glanced at James. “Either of you. We’re in this together. We’ve always been in this together. I care about you both, and nothing could change that. If you can’t trust us, if you don’t believe me, there’s nothing I can do. I don’t know how I’d feel if the situation were reversed. But what I can tell you is that I’d do anything to protect you. Harry’s death was a horrible accident and nothing else.”

  I brushed away a stray tear and turned away from her. I felt as if I were going to pass out, my head throbbing. I needed to get away before I said or did something I regretted.

  “Where are you going?” Noah asked, glancing over his shoulder.

  “I need to walk,” I said. Then I added, “I’ll stay close.” I knew he’d worry otherwise, and I desperately needed my alone time. I hoped he wouldn’t follow me.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  “Pssssst.”

  I opened my eyes, looking up at the dark, starry sky with hazy vision. The sand was hard and itchy against my back, and when I rolled over, it fell from my hair in a gentle cascade. I looked around, sure I’d heard the noise.

  In the distance, I saw Ava’s and James’s bodies curled together next to the fire, two dark lumps in the sand only recognizable by the bump of a bun atop Ava’s head that she’d managed to fashion with a particularly strong weed we’d found. Farther down the shore and closer to me, but still not close, Noah lay, his arms and legs outstretched like a starfish, as he always slept. I furrowed my brow, looking behind me. Had I dreamed the noise?

  “Psssst.” It came again, more real this time, making me jump. I looked toward the edge of the trees, my throat growing dry as I saw the flash of white. The blonde hair, blowing in the wind next to the trees. She was watching me. She was waving me in her direction.

  I looked at Noah instinctively, weighing my options. Should I go? Should I yell? Should I run?

  “Psssst,” she called again, waving her hand ferociously between us. “Come here,” she whispered. “Hurry.”

  I took a deep breath, taking a cautious step toward her. It felt like the best and worst idea all at once. She was alone and didn’t appear to be armed, and I’d seen her twice now, without her trying to hurt us.

  “Who are you?” I asked when I got close enough to talk, but not close enough for her to grab me, should she try. I kept Noah’s feet in my peripheral vision, the rest of his body and the entirety of Ava’s and James’s blocked by the trees.

  “What are you doing out here?”

  “I’m a friend,” she said quickly, her voice too low as she glanced behind her, almost like she was afraid someone was watching us. “I don’t have much time. I came to warn you…”

  “Warn me—”

  “You can’t build a raft,” she said quickly, cutting me off.

  My blood went cold. “What are you talking about? How do you know about that?”

  “I heard you talking today.”

  “But how? Where do you live? How did you even get on this island?”

  She glanced behind her again. “They brought me here.”

  “They? They who? The men in the cliff house? Who are they?”

  “I don’t have time to explain. If they find me here, they’ll kill us both. Just…” Behind her, I heard a branch crack. She jumped, her body tensing. “Just don’t get on the raft. They know about the plan. They know everything.”

  “How do they know? Are they watching us? How are they finding out so much? What do they want from us?”

  Her eyes widened, and she shook her head. “I’m sorry… I can’t—” Another branch snapped. This time, it sounded closer. She took a step backward, and I moved forward.

  “Wait! Please don’t go. Please help us.”

  “I can’t,” she said, lowering her voice even more. “Just…don’t build the raft. They’ll kill anyone who tries to escape. Be careful. And please, don’t tell anyone I was here…”

  “But what—”

  “I have to go. I’m sorry. Don’t tell anyone you saw me.” She jutted her head toward the water, toward my friends. “You can’t trust them.”

  “Who?”

  “Anyone,” she said firmly. She turned from me then, without another word, and I felt my heart sinking as I watched her hurry away, the bright white of her hair, skin, and clothes disappearing into the dark abyss of the woods.

  “Please! Wait!” I called in a hushed tone, but it was no use. She was gone, and I was alone again, with nothing more than her ominous warning to guide me. I felt a shiver run over me and backed away from the woods, suddenly feeling like I was being watched. What had she heard in the woods? Who was coming for us? Why had they brought her here? Why had they brought us here? What did she know?

  I walked back toward the ocean, watching the waves attack the shore like angry claws, pulling in bits of sand and shells with every touch. It was peaceful at night, dark and steady, a roar so defined I could hear it even when I was back near the falls. I could hear it in my sleep.

  I’d been to the beach so many times back home, but never at night, and never in such an uninhabited place. It was different here.

  I sank onto the sand next to Noah, watching him stir a bit at my disturbance, but he didn’t wake. Among the many things we’d learned on the island, sleeping through every noise and bump in the night was one of the most important. Between the animal noises, the cracks and snaps of the trees, the thuds of coconuts falling, and the roar of the ocean, we were surrounded by a constant stream of noise unlike what we were used to in our lives back home.

  I glanced behind me, checking the tree line to make sure no one was making their way toward me. The woman’s appearance had shaken me, but not enough to follow her. I wouldn’t go into the woods at night alone, and her warning about not trusting anyone had left me on edge. I wished I knew who she meant.

  Surely not Noah. Ava, perhaps. Her coldness today had shaken me. But I truly believed she was scared, not malicious. And James, as doting toward Ava as he was, was kind at heart. I had never returned to our circle, and they hadn’t pressed the issue, but once, when I glanced over at them from my place on the sand, he’d met my eye
, a small, apologetic smile on his lips. He wasn’t evil; he was in love. I couldn’t believe any of them intended me harm.

  But then what else could she have meant? I wrapped my arms around myself as the wind howled, cooling my skin. Noah stirred again, and I scooted down so I was lying beside him, keeping our bodies a safe distance apart. I couldn’t bear the thought of disturbing him. I didn’t want to talk. There was no way I could without saying something about my encounter with the woman.

  Noah and I had a pact—protect each other above all others. Did that include telling him about this? I’d keep him from participating in any escape plans, and I had to hope that would be enough.

  I checked the tree line again, knowing there’d be no more sleeping tonight. I was too paranoid, too sure someone was just beyond the tree line with an eye on me. I looked over at Noah, then at Ava and James, and for half a second, I could swear I saw Ava’s head lifted off the sand, her face turned toward me, as if she were watching me.

  How long had she been like that?

  I blinked again, and her head was back down. Had I imagined that?

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  To my great relief, the next day there was no further mention of the raft. The fight, but not the pain of it, seemed all but forgotten as we sat around the fire and ate a few of the berries Ava had picked for breakfast. It seemed as if another storm would be blowing in soon—the air felt heavier, smelled different than usual, and the tide was stronger.

  “I’m going to the falls,” James said almost abruptly, interrupting the silence and my thoughts as he stood up and adjusted his shorts. “I need a shower. You coming?”

  Ava nodded, tossing a few of the berries from her hand back into the pile, and together they headed toward the forest without so much as a goodbye to us. When they’d been gone a while, Noah dropped the rest of his breakfast and dusted off his hands.

  “You okay?” It was the first we’d really spoken since the argument the evening before. At my wish, he’d left me to myself as I tried to process everything, so it felt strange to be talking about it now.

  “I’m okay.” I pressed my lips together, hoping he believed me. I didn’t want to think Noah was working against me; I had to trust that he wasn’t. I needed to have faith in his loyalty to me as much as I needed water. He was all I had, and the solitude would kill me before his betrayal.

  “Don’t let them get to you. We’re all just freaked out…” He slid closer to me, keeping his head down, voice low.

  “We’ve been freaked out. All of us. But we’d never accuse them of being murderers,” I argued, anger bubbling in my belly at the reminder.

  He shrugged, not responding right away, and plucked a berry from the pile again before popping it into his mouth. “We might. You don’t know what we’d do if the situation were reversed.”

  I glowered at him.

  “Look, I’m not saying it’s right. It’s ridiculous, but…we left with three people and came back with two. I’m just not surprised they have their suspicions about it.”

  “And you’re okay with that? With them thinking we possibly killed our friend?”

  “Of course I’m not okay with it,” he said simply. “But”—he stood up, stretching his arms above his head and looking toward the ocean—“I’m also not okay with being on this island, or not having access to shampoo or toothpaste for weeks. It is what it is.” He held out his hand to me, and I took it, allowing him to pull me to my feet.

  “So what are you suggesting we do about it? Just ignore it? Just let them believe it?”

  “Well, I’m suggesting we let them believe what they will, which is what they’d do anyway, and we spend the day in the ocean.” He tilted his head toward the water. “What do you say?”

  “Our friends think we’re murderers, and you’re suggesting we go for a swim?” I stared at him in disbelief.

  “Do you think there’ll be a better time?” He scoffed. “Come on. We’ve been on this island for weeks now, months maybe, and we never get to enjoy it. Live a little.” He winked at me, my insides coming alive with electricity at the gesture.

  I glanced out at the ocean, its waves beckoning me toward it. “Fine,” I said, trying to force down a smile. “Okay.”

  “Yeah?” His boy-like grin was contagious. “Alright! Come on.” He took off toward the water at breakneck speed, looking back in a form of challenge. “Race me!”

  I pulled the T-shirt over my head, dropping it onto the ground and charging after him, unable to keep myself from laughing as he hit the water and nearly tripped trying to slow himself down.

  I made it to him seconds later, grabbing a handful of water and tossing it at him playfully. His expression lit up with a playful grin.

  “You’re going to get it!” he shouted, smacking the water toward me aggressively as I squealed.

  We were avoiding reality. It wasn’t that we had forgotten about Harry or the betrayal we felt from our friends, but for the moment, it was nice to pretend that we could. To splash and play and laugh in the sun as if we were just a normal couple on a normal vacation.

  Thinking of that made me think of my husband, of how we’d been in the beginning of our marriage, when vacations were still a thing we enjoyed together. Long before his many promotions; long before he’d forgotten he was supposed to love me too. As much as his career if not more.

  My heart sank. I’d begun to accept the fact that I’d never see him again, that there was no escape from the island, and that I wasn’t willing to hurt anyone even if it did mean I could escape, but I still couldn’t let down my wall for Noah.

  I was a married woman, even if my husband was on another continent, and I couldn’t force the guilt away for the way Noah made me feel.

  Alive.

  Seen.

  Beautiful.

  But he wasn’t an option. I knew that, and yet I seemed to be in a constant state of war with myself over it. Despite the issues in my marriage and the distance between my husband and me—both physical and figurative—I still felt committed to our marriage. Maybe it was foolish, but I still loved him. So why couldn’t I forget my growing feelings for Noah? I knew I had to.

  But in that moment, as he scooped me up from behind and spun us around until we both collapsed in the water, a heaping mess of laughter and happiness, it was nice to forget. Nice to pretend.

  When we stood, he brushed a piece of hair from my eyes, his eyes lingering on mine for a second too long before he looked away.

  “I was thinking of going to the falls later today. When James is done… Would you want to come?” There was a hint of something in his question, but I couldn’t place my finger on what. We’d gone to the falls together countless times now, as we’d all agreed no one should be allowed to go alone. So why did he seem nervous asking?

  “Sure,” I said, touching his arm gently. “Everything okay?”

  When he looked at me again, there was a familiar heat in his expression. A heat that had all but disappeared since the night he kissed me. He opened his mouth, as if he were going to say something, then closed it again. Finally, he splashed me. “I just need a bath. And, since I’m downwind from you, I can confidently say you do, too.”

  I groaned, rolling my eyes at him, and turned to run away with a loud laugh. I was thankful that the conversation had gone back to playful. It was where I was comfortable with it. Playful was what I needed our relationship to be, though I knew that wasn’t fair to him.

  Hours later, Ava and James still hadn’t returned, and Noah and I lay on the sand, our bodies drying in the midday sun.

  “What did you do? Before all of this? What did you do for work? You never told me…”

  It was crazy how much we knew about each other, and yet how much we still didn’t know. I knew the way he slept, the sound of his snores, the expression on his face when he was scared, the different ways he moved when we hunted, the fact that he preferred fish to boar, and that when he hit the water in the falls, he would always dive as if
he were a mermaid, then pop up and ask if I saw that—each time, as if it were something brand new. I knew about his brother’s death and his estranged relationship with his parents.

  I didn’t know his favorite food, his age, his career, what clothing he wore when he wasn’t dressed in red swim trunks, or what he liked to do for fun. Was he into sports? What shows made him laugh? Was he a reader or a gamer? Did he go for a jog every morning or smoke pot in the afternoons?

  We were simultaneously each other’s closest confidant and complete strangers.

  “I was…a realtor. In what feels like a past life.” I smiled, almost bitterly, thinking of my life then. The stupid things I complained about. The luxuries I took for granted. “When my husband and I got married, I went down to part time, though. And eventually, I left it.”

  “You didn’t enjoy it anymore?” His hands rested on his stomach, and he looked at me each time he spoke, before looking back toward the sky as he waited for an answer.

  “No, I did… Honestly, I don’t know why I quit. It became too much of a hassle, I guess. I was working so much, and my husband was, too. We never saw each other, and it just felt like someone should make the sacrifice.”

  “And that someone was you?”

  I pursed my lips. “He never asked me to.” It was the truth, but it didn’t feel like it. The question never officially came up, though he’d all but hinted at it in the months leading up to my decision. “His company provides our health insurance, he has a 401(k). It just made more sense for me to leave. I’d been meaning to find something a bit more stable, but I just never got around to it, I guess.” I sighed. “What about you? What did you do?”

  He laughed dryly. “I was a professional diver. Remember?”

  His words shocked me, taking me back to our conversation on the boat so long ago. I gasped. “Oh my god. That feels like forever ago… I’m sorry I didn’t remember.”