“This is my father’s house.” I spoke low and straightened my back. “And someday all this shit will be mine, Fallon. That bed you sleep in, along with everything else under this roof.”
“Not me, Madoc. You don’t own me.”
“Yeah.” I brushed her off. “Been there. Done that. Got the T-shirt. Thanks.”
“Get out,” she ordered, her tone hard.
I took another sip of my beer. “The thing is, Fallon . . . I told you before to lock the door if you wanted me to stay out. Funny thing is . . .” I leaned in. “You. Never. Did.”
In one swift movement she whipped off her covers and stood up on the bed. Charging to the end, she slapped me across the face before I even knew what was happening.
I almost laughed. Hell, yeah.
My body stayed in place, but my head had twisted to the side with the blow, and I closed my eyes out of reflex. The sting started as a few little needles under the surface but exploded and spread like electricity. I kept my eyes shut for a few seconds longer than necessary, savoring the rush.
With the bed elevating her, she stood about six inches higher than me, and I turned my head back to her slowly, welcoming whatever she had.
She scowled down at me. “I was sixteen years old and too stupid to keep you off me,” she spat. “Little did I know that they have toothbrushes bigger than you. And I’ve definitely had better than you in the past two years, so count on the door being locked from now on.”
Sometimes I wore smiles but didn’t feel them. Sometimes I felt them and didn’t wear them. I didn’t want her to know how much I craved this. I bit my bottom lip.
She spun around, heading back up the bed, and I reached out and pulled her ankle out from underneath her. She crashed down onto the mattress, landing on her belly, and I quickly came down onto her back, whispering in her ear.
“Do you think I’d even touch you now? You know what I used to call you? Pussy-on-the-Premises. You were convenient when I needed to blow a load, Fallon.”
She whipped her head around to look at me but couldn’t twist far enough with my weight on her back.
“And don’t think I ever thought it was more than that, either, Madoc. I was bored, and it was cute to see you brag about your skill. I’ve never laughed so hard.” I could hear the smile in her voice. “But I know better now,” she finished.
“Yeah?” I asked. “Spreading yourself around like your mother? You were right, Fallon. You sure are going places.” I pushed off the bed and watched her flip over and sit up. It was then I noticed what she was wearing. A T-shirt and bikini underwear.
Shit. I blinked long and hard.
My dick jolted against my basketball shorts, and I clenched a fist, forcing control. “But,” I continued, “don’t overestimate yourself, baby. You can’t get me kicked out of my own house. I live here. Not you.”
Her chest rose and fell hard, and the anger in her eyes brought back everything I lived for two years ago. Her facial piercings were gone, and I wished she still had them, but her hair was beautiful chaos. The way it always looked at night. She still wore her sexy glasses, and I couldn’t help thinking about those strong legs.
I’d been there.
And her temper? Yeah, the Irish in her was no lie.
“Madoc?”
I sucked in a breath and turned around to see Hannah standing in the doorway in her bikini.
“The Jacuzzi’s ready,” she said, hands on her hips.
I looked at Fallon, still sitting on the bed and her eyes going round at seeing my date.
I smiled.
“Stay,” I told her in a relaxed voice. “Eat the food. Use the pool. And then get a fucking life of your own when you leave.”
CHAPTER 4
FALLON
I knew exactly how I felt about Madoc. And I knew why I felt that way. I hated him. I hated what he did to me. But why in the hell did he hate me? I scrubbed my face, going through my morning rituals, while I thought about him. Madoc had been rude last night. Volatile. He clearly despised me. That wasn’t part of the plan.
We had left things unfinished, but what was his problem? He got what he wanted, didn’t he?
Why was he so angry?
I dried my face and threw on my glasses, heading downstairs as I replayed his words from last night.
“Do you think I’d even touch you now? You know what I used to call you? Pussy-on-the-Premises. You were convenient when I needed to blow a load.”
He was never that cruel. Not even before we started—
A loud scream echoed through the long corridor heading to the stairs, and I stopped.
“Madoc, put me down!” Addie’s voice rang from downstairs somewhere. I crossed my arms over my chest, realizing I was still in my tank top with no bra, and Madoc was still in the house. But I quickly dropped them again.
He’s still here. Good. This was where he needed to be, and now I wouldn’t have to work Addie to get him back home.
I tipped my chin down, straightened my shoulders, and headed downstairs. Entering the kitchen, I saw Madoc standing behind Addie and reaching over her shoulder to dip his spoon into the batter she was mixing. His easy smile that always reached his eyes stopped me short, and I narrowed my eyes.
Stop smiling, I mentally ordered him. I narrowed my eyes even more so that my eyebrows were probably touching.
He flipped the spoon upside down and stuffed the chocolate-looking goo into his mouth as Addie tried to snatch it back. He twisted away, and she tried to swat him on the head, but they were both laughing.
“Don’t double-dip, you little brat! I taught you better than that.” She shook her big wooden spoon at him, flinging drops of batter onto her white shirt despite the apron she wore.
Madoc winked at her and walked to the refrigerator, silver spoon still hanging out of his mouth—go figure—and grabbed a Gatorade.
My gaze lingered on the huge tattoo across his back, stretching from shoulder to shoulder.
And my heart missed a beat. Was that my name? But I blinked and shook off the ridiculous idea. No. The tattoo said “Fallen.” They had messed up the “e” by inking it to look like flames.
It was a good-looking tattoo, though, and I had to stop myself from dwelling on how it made him hotter. Tattoos made everyone hotter.
My mother—when I spoke to her—was known to comment on how I’m going to look at eighty with tattoos.
I’m going to look awesome.
His jeans hung low without a belt, and he didn’t have a shirt on as if he just woke up and forgot to finish getting dressed. But who was I to talk? I was standing there in my sleep shorts and tank top, looking a hell of a lot more indecent. My hair was everywhere, spread around my face and down my back in knots and tangles.
He was fresh and bright, and I was wilted.
“Fallon!” Addie exclaimed, and I blinked. “You’re up.” She wasn’t fooling anyone with the nervous edge to her voice.
Madoc faced away from me, but I noticed his arm freeze for two ticks as he took a swig of the Gatorade. He recovered quickly, though.
“Yeah,” I drawled out. “It’s hard to sleep with the commotion going on down here.”
Madoc twisted his head to face me and eyed me over his shoulder with an arched brow. He looked annoyed.
His gaze slowly dropped, taking in my appearance or maybe just trying to make me uncomfortable, but my cheeks immediately warmed anyway. He scaled down my chest, over my stomach until he reached my bare toes, and then came right back up to meet my eyes, disgust clear in his blue depths.
The same flare to his nostrils as last night was there, but his gaze was flat. I clenched my teeth to force myself to breathe more slowly. I couldn’t get upset with the way he looked down on me. I’d trained myself to not get upset.
Madoc was always calm, after all. So calm all the damn time growing up. He didn’t shout or show his anger until he’d had enough. And you never knew exactly when that was going to be. That was the scary part abou
t him.
“Fallon, Madoc surprised me this morning,” Addie jumped in to explain. “But he’s heading back out after breakfast, right?” she asked Madoc, prompting him with raised eyebrows.
He looked to her and back at me, mischief and pleasure evident in his expression.
He shook his head. “Nah,” he said, brushing off Addie’s concern as if he’d just told her he didn’t want any dessert. “Fallon and I talked last night. We’re cool.” He looked over at me, his eyes squinting up in a smile. “I have a hell of a summer planned, and this is a big house. Right, Fallon? We’ll play nice or stay out of each other’s way.”
He nodded as he spoke and looked to Addie with the same carefree, innocent, wide-eyed bullshit I’ve seen him use a million times.
This is why Madoc was going to be a great lawyer like his dad. Working people wasn’t just about the words you spoke. It was about body language, tone, and timing. Keep your voice natural, your body relaxed, and distract them with a change of subject as soon as possible.
Here it comes in three, two, one . . .
“Come on,” he nudged Addie. “It’s fine.”
He came up to stand behind her at the counter and reached around and placed his arm across her chest, hugging her close but with his eyes dead set on me. “Just finish my chocolate pancakes. I’m fucking starving.”
“Madoc!” she whisper-yelled, scolding him but failing to hide her smile.
And that was it. He’d won.
Or so he thought.
I cleared my throat. “Yeah, Madoc’s right, Addie. I have no problem with it. I told you that yesterday.” I saw Madoc raise his eyebrows. I bet he thought I was going to fight him on this. “And anyway, I’m gone in a week. I only came to eat the food and use the pool.”
I let the sarcasm drip slowly from my tone and kept my eyes locked to his. I’d missed playing with him more than I wanted to admit.
“Where are you going?” he asked, leaning on his elbows over the wide granite island.
“Chicago. I’m starting Northwestern in the fall. You?”
“Notre Dame,” he sighed, thinning his lips with a hint of resignation to his voice.
No, not resignation exactly. Acceptance. As if he’d lost a battle.
Notre Dame was the family school. Madoc’s father, aunts and uncles, and grandfather had all gone there. Madoc didn’t dislike the school, but I couldn’t tell if he actually liked it, either. It was hard to tell if he had any dreams of his own aside from what his father had planned for him.
“Oh, that’s right!” Addie dumped the spoon into the bowl and brushed her hands on her apron. “I completely forgot to give you your graduation presents.” She walked across the kitchen and grabbed two “somethings” out of a cabinet.
“Fallon, I didn’t know that you’d be here, but I’d gotten you one anyway to ship to you. Here.” She handed both Madoc and me what looked like lanterns. They were black plastic on the bottom with a glass capsule on the top half. The bottom featured five rows of the alphabet.
“A cryptex!” I smiled at her while Madoc looked at his like it was an alien baby.
“But . . .” He pinched his eyebrows together. “You know I just wanted to see you in a bikini,” he told Addie.
“Oh, put a cork in it.” She waved her hand.
“What is this?” His eyebrows were still pinched together while he studied the puzzle case.
“It’s a Puzzle Pod Cryptex,” Addie explained. “You have to solve the riddle that I have taped to the bottom, and dial the five-letter answer to open the pod. Then you can retrieve the present inside.
Madoc read his out loud. “‘At night they come without being fetched, and by day they are lost without being stolen. What are they?’” His eyes shot up to pin Addie. “Seriously?”
He threw back his arm, raising the cryptex high above his head, when Addie reached out and grabbed him.
“No, don’t you dare!” she yelled, while he mock-scowled at her. “You’re not breaking it open! Use your brain.”
“You know I suck at stuff like this.” But then he started dialing letters, guessing at the answer.
I read mine to myself. “What gets wetter the more it dries?”
Please. I snickered and dialed in “towel.” The cryptex opened, and I pulled out a gift card to a skate shop I used to frequent in town.
“Thanks, Addie,” I chirped, not wanting to tell her that I no longer skated.
I looked over at Madoc, who was still working his puzzle with an eyebrow arched. He was struggling, and the more he struggled the dumber he was going to feel. Walking over, I took the cryptex out of his hands, my breath catching for only a moment when my fingers brushed his.
I looked at the puzzle and spoke quietly as I dialed. “‘At night they come without being fetched, and by day they are lost without being stolen.’” It clicked, and I met his soft eyes staring down at me, not the cryptex. “Stars,” I said, almost in a whisper.
He wasn’t breathing. The stern set to his eyes as he loomed over me reminded me of so many times I’d looked up at him, wanting things I was afraid to ask for.
But we were different now. I wanted only his pain, and judging from the girl he’d come home with last night, Madoc was still the same. A user.
I hooded my eyes, trying to appear bored, as I shoved the now-open cryptex back at him.
He took a deep breath and smiled, the intense concentration now gone. “Thank you.” Then he turned to Addie. “See? We’re getting along fine.”
And he left through the sliding-glass doors leading to the vast patio and pool area with his gift card to the go-kart track.
I swallowed, trying to calm the windstorm in my stomach. “So that’s it?” I asked Addie. “You’re letting him stay, after all?”
“You said you were okay with it.”
“I am,” I rushed to add. “I’m just . . . I just don’t want you to get in trouble with the boss.”
She gave a half-smile and started pouring batter onto the griddle. “Do you know that Madoc started playing the piano again?” Her eyes stayed glued to her task.
“No,” I responded, wondering about the change in subject. “His father must be thrilled.”
Madoc had taken music lessons since he was five, specifically the piano. Jason Caruthers wanted his son proficient, but when Madoc turned fifteen—around the time my mom and I moved in—he realized that Daddy really just wanted him to perform. Something else for Mr. Caruthers to brag about and show off.
So Madoc had quit. He refused lessons and threatened to trash the piano if it wasn’t moved out of sight. It was taken down to the basement where it sat with my half-pipe.
But I had always wondered . . .
Madoc did love to play. It was a release for him, or it seemed to be. He usually only practiced at required lessons, but he ran willingly to the piano when he was upset or really happy.
After he quit, he started doing stupid shit without that release anymore: hanging around that asswipe Jared Trent, bullying Tatum Brandt, breaking into the school to steal car parts, which no one knew about but me.
“Oh, I doubt his father knows,” Addie continued. “Madoc still won’t perform or take lessons. It’s more of an in-the-dead-of-the-night thing when the whole house is asleep and no one can see or hear him.” She stopped and looked up at me. “But I hear him. The light tinkling of the keys trails upstairs from the basement. It’s very faint. Almost as if it’s a ghost that can’t decide whether to stay or go.”
I thought of Madoc playing alone downstairs in the dead of night. What kind of songs did he play? Why did he do it?
And then I remembered the Madoc from last night. The one who’d insinuated that I was a freeloading slut.
And the rapid beat of my heart slowed to a dull thud.
“When did he start playing again?” I asked, looking out to the patio where he talked on his phone.
“Two years ago,” she said softly. “The day you left.”
CH
APTER 5
MADOC
Now I understood why Jared drowned himself in constant partying over Tate. Distractions were useful. If you had too much on your mind, then you could push your thoughts away with noise, liquor, and girls and keep moving forward at lightning speed. When my friend slowed down long enough to think, that’s when he got into trouble. But eventually things worked out for them. He pushed her, and she started pushing back. He kept pushing, and she finally knocked him on his ass.
Fallon and I were a lot like them. Only I didn’t love her, and she didn’t love me. I was infatuated with her once—and loved that she let me take my pubescent urges out on her—but we weren’t in love.
We were two people in a fucked-up family taking our cues from fucked-up parents.
And neither one of us knew how to do anything differently.
She stomped up to her room after pancakes, and I got ready for my party that was starting mid-afternoon but going ’til the next morning if I had anything to say about it.
I hoped that she’d show up, and at the same time I wanted her far away from me.
Fallon affected my body in weird ways.
But only because she’s different, I told myself.
The last time I saw her she was sleeping on the leather couch in the theater room wearing only my T-shirt. She had twisted her lips up as she rubbed her nose in her sleep, and I remember thinking how much I couldn’t stand her during the day but how much I wanted her when she put her forked tongue away at night.
Everyone at school thought she was a freak. They definitely thought she was a lesbian. And none of the guys thought she was hot.
Pretty? Sure. Even with the beanies that covered her head and the glasses that hid her eyes.
But not hot. Her piercings were scary to them, and her clothes were an embarrassment to any guy calling her his girlfriend.
Only I knew the truth. I’d seen her without the clothes—accidentally of course—and I knew what she covered up.
But that was two years ago. She wasn’t sexy to me anymore.
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