To Heal an Earl

by Aston, Alexa

  “Charlotte.”

  “Charlotte,” he echoed reverently, as if her name were a prayer. “Charlotte.”

  Pulling away from him, she said, “I wish you a good night,” and took the candle from where she’d set it.

  She exited the room, leaving him in darkness, only knowing that she must escape. Her body burned with a fever unknown to her. If she stayed, it would be a mistake.

  Reaching her bedchamber, she went inside and, for the first time since she’d slept under the roof of Gray Manor, locked her door. Charlotte climbed into bed, her body afire with need. She wanted Gray’s hands on her, everywhere. She longed for his kiss. His taste. His touch. It was as if she’d become Pandora and opened the forbidden box, allowing things to escape that she could never put back. She’d had a small taste of carnal knowledge and it would be hard to pretend the hunger within her for Danforth Grayson didn’t exist. Yet she must. She was a governess, no longer of his world. If—or when—he wed, it would be to a woman of the ton. He was not meant for her.

  And yet just like Pandora, who’d slammed the lid of the box she’d opened with only one thing remaining inside, Charlotte was aware that the one thing she would always foolishly cling to—was hope.

  *

  After a restless night, Charlotte rose, washing and dressing. She heard voices and went to the window, where she saw the carriage waiting. After a moment, Gray came striding toward it and she gazed longingly at the muscled legs and broad shoulders as he climbed into it. Parker followed him inside and closed the door and the carriage took off. The servant had shared with Charlotte that he would be able to remain at Gray Manor because Mr. Grayson had accepted him as his valet.

  She only wondered where they now went. He hadn’t said goodbye and hurt spread through her like wildfire. Which was ridiculously absurd. Why should the master of a household inform a lowly governess of his decision to come or go? She was an imbecile to think otherwise. What occurred between them last night would never happen again and she knew he would be a gentleman and never bring it up again. Now that Gray Manor had its housekeeper and estate manager, Gray would have little to do with her. He would reside in his sphere and she in hers. As it should be.

  Charlotte inhaled deeply, smoothing her gown and heading to the schoolroom. This was her realm. This is where she could make a difference in the lives of two little girls. She entered and saw Betsy already there. The servant bathed the girls and dressed them and had stepped in to watch over them when Charlotte had been occupied by other matters. Perhaps she should start overseeing those things now and free up the servant.

  Before she could say anything, servants appeared with their breakfast trays, Mrs. Cassidy bringing up the rear.

  “Good morning, Mrs. Cassidy,” she said pleasantly. “I’m so glad you came to the schoolroom. This is Lady Harriet and Lady Jane, who are sisters to Lord Crampton.”

  Both girls scrambled to their feet and curtseyed, which pleased Charlotte. The housekeeper also looked happy and complimented the girls on their manners.

  “Miss Nott used to be the housekeeper and our governess,” Jane said.

  “Now we get to have her all to ourselves,” Harriet added, smiling.

  “A word with you, Miss Nott?” Mrs. Cassidy asked.

  “Certainly. Go ahead and begin eating, girls,” Charlotte urged and then followed the housekeeper into the corridor. “After breakfast, we have an hour before lessons begin. That should give us ample time to go through the house together. Betsy can watch the children for me.”

  “Mr. Grayson left this morning for London and will be gone several days,” the housekeeper said. “He asked if you’d show Mr. Linfield the estate today.”

  “I see. Could you tell Mr. Linfield to examine the estate ledgers this morning? I will tutor the girls until noon and then be able to escort him this afternoon.”

  “Very good, Miss Nott.” The older woman paused. “Mr. Grayson seems to put a good deal of trust in you.”

  “He was Major Grayson until very recently,” Charlotte said. “I was present when his brother and sister-in-law passed away on the same day. The major resigned his commission and came to Gray Manor to serve as guardian to the children and estate. He’d been gone many years and I’ve been able to help fill in the gaps for him. It was difficult when the previous housekeeper and manager left and I stepped in to assume some of those duties. I know Mr. Grayson is happy to have you and Mr. Linfield in service now. I am relieved to solely be the children’s governess once again.”

  “I see. Then I will see you shortly?”

  “Yes, Mrs. Cassidy. Let me eat my meal and I’ll be downstairs.”

  Charlotte returned to the schoolroom and asked Betsy to spend the afternoon with the girls.

  “Where will you be, Miss Nott?” Harriet asked.

  “Your uncle had to go to London for a few days. I need to help Mr. Linfield with some things this afternoon but I will be back in time for our reading hour,” she promised. “Let’s finish our breakfast. Betsy, would you be able to stay with the girls after lessons today?”

  “Yes, Miss Nott.”

  She ate quickly and then gave Mrs. Cassidy a complete tour of the house. She could see the older woman was impressed. They even stopped briefly to see Lord Crampton but Mrs. Minter told them the earl had had a restless night and was still sleeping.

  Returning downstairs, she said, “You have the list of things being done around the house. Mr. Linfield will be supervising that construction. You’ll take over everything now, from scheduling duties to planning the menus.” Charlotte smiled. “I’m very happy you’ve come to Gray Manor, Mrs. Cassidy.”

  “It seems I will have a great deal of freedom within my responsibilities.”

  “Yes. I hope that pleases you. Were you able to convey my message to Mr. Linfield?”

  “Yes. He will meet you at the stables at noon.”

  Charlotte went back to the schoolroom and gave the girls lessons in spelling, grammar, and penmanship. They were also beginning a study of English history and discussed the reign of William the Conqueror in more depth.

  Luncheon arrived and she told the girls she would see them later today.

  “Can we start our music lessons again tomorrow?” pleaded Jane.

  “May we start them,” she prompted. “And yes. I’ve decided mornings will be spent on academic matters. Afternoons will be devoted to drawing, music, and horseback riding.”

  “Yes!” cried Harriet, who constantly talked about learning to ride.

  “And then we’ll finish the day with our reading. Mind Betsy now. You might wish to go for a walk in the gardens this afternoon.”

  “Yes, Miss Nott,” the girls said in unison.

  Charlotte changed into her riding habit and joined Jeremy at the stables. Sable already had horses saddled for both of them. The groom handed her up and she told Jeremy they’d ride the west side of the property first. They moved in a large square along the perimeter of the property and then cut through it. She pointed out the tenants’ cottages, the mill, the crops, and livestock pens, as well as the pasture where several horses grazed.

  “Shall we walk for a bit?” she asked. “I need to stretch my legs.”

  He helped her from the saddle and they took their reins in hand as they walked. Charlotte told him to ask away with any questions he might have and it surprised her how many he came up with. She answered to the best of her ability.

  “You know as much about Gray Manor as you did about Rumford Park,” he noted.

  “I always enjoyed following Papa when he went out on the estate. It was good to be able to help here while the family was in a bind.”

  “A footman told me of the deaths of the earl and countess. To be on the same day must have been shocking—and very hard for the children.”

  “Yes, I suppose it was, though the parents spent very little time with them.”

  “I’m sure they adore you. Everyone here speaks highly of you, Lady Charlotte.”


  She frowned. “It has to be Miss Nott and Mr. Linfield, even when we are alone, Jeremy.”

  “I understand,” he said. “Lord Rumford must be turning in his grave, though, seeing how you’ve come down in the world.”

  “Papa would want me to be happy—and I am. I’ve taken to governessing quite well. My pupils are bright and a pleasure to work with.”

  “May I ask you about the books? Did you have a chance to examine them?”

  “I did,” she said cautiously.

  “Mr. March was stealing from the estate. He had been for a good number of years.”

  “That was my opinion, as well.”

  “Does Mr. Grayson know?”

  “I haven’t told him directly. I asked that he look at the ledgers but he’s had so much to do since he arrived from Spain.”

  “He was in the army then?” asked Jeremy.

  “Yes. Major Grayson. He’d planned on making the army his career but came home to care for his nephew and nieces. I think you should be the one to bring up to him the discrepancy in the bookkeeping.”

  “Do you think he’ll want to press charges?”

  “It’s possible. Then again, it might be hard to locate Mr. March. Just because he said he had a new post in Cornwall doesn’t mean he actually did. I don’t know if Mr. Grayson wishes to hire a Bow Street Runner to look into the matter or not. You can ask him when he returns from London.”

  “Why did he go?”

  She frowned. “He certainly had no need to tell me of his plans. If I had to guess, though, it would be to bring back a doctor for Lord Crampton. The boy suffers from asthma and it seems to be growing worse. Mr. Grayson was waiting upon a recommendation of a physician from the Duke of Gilford, whom he seems to trust.”

  “Then I will speak to him regarding the ledgers upon his arrival.” Jeremy looked at her directly. “Have you made any friends here, Charlotte? Everyone speaks of you with reverence.”

  She shrugged. “I’ve learned that a governess is in a unique position. Not considered a true servant by those who serve in the house and yet certainly not one of the family. I am friendly with many of those on staff but no, I wouldn’t say I’m friends with any of them. I’m hoping that might change with Mrs. Cassidy’s arrival.”

  Jeremy took her hand and she hid her shock. “We were friends once. Do you think we could be again?” The look in his eyes told her he might want more than friendship from her.

  “I would like to be your friend,” she said cautiously and then gently tugged her hand away.

  She wondered if Jeremy Linfield had feelings for her. They’d been so comfortable with one another many years ago. She ventured he was about ten years older than she was and wondered if he had his eye on settling down.

  With her.

  It would be convenient, both of them working on the same property. If they wed, she would share his cottage and life. After years of isolation, it would be wonderful to have the opportunity to wed. To possibly have children. Yet as much as she enjoyed Jeremy’s company, she feared she’d been ruined for any man. She’d known Gray’s touch and doubted she could ever settle for less.

  “Shall we return to the house?” she asked and allowed Jeremy to help her into the saddle.

  Charlotte wondered if she should make clear to him her feelings to remain unwed. She was afraid he might think it was because she’d once been a lady of the ton and he a mere groom. For now, she would put the matter from her mind. She might be reading more into the situation than was actually there. If the day came when Jeremy pressed for more than friendship, she’d make it clear to him—though she’d never reveal to him or anyone that who she pined for was Danforth Grayson.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Gray gazed out the window as the Crampton carriage returned him from a week in London. He couldn’t help but feel a coward, leaving Gray Manor without a word to Charlotte.

  Especially after what had passed between them.

  He’d gone over in his mind every kiss—every touch—so many times. Each time, it filled him with longing. And then anguish. He was not the one for her. He wasn’t good enough for someone as wonderful as Charlotte.

  Charlotte . . .

  Just thinking her name brought a smile to Gray’s face. She’d always been the inimitable Miss Nott. Knowing her first name, as well as the intimacies they’d engaged in, made him wish for so many things to have been different. For him never to have gone to war and seen the ugly side of humanity. To have found himself lacking when, time after time, he couldn’t save all of his men. Charlotte needed someone whole and pure, a man who would challenge and cherish her.

  Not a damaged soul like the one he possessed.

  He would have to leave Gray Manor soon because he couldn’t stay in her proximity and keep his hands off her. It was a disservice to her. He’d acted as any rogue, dallying with her body and her emotions. He refused to hurt her any more than he already had. She deserved so much better than him. Gray thought again of the handsome Jeremy Linfield, his new estate manager. That would be a man worthy of Charlotte. But not him. Never him. The darkness that consumed him would only engulf her, as well, swallowing whole her goodness and light. He thought too much of her to drag her into his mire.

  Bloody hell. He didn’t think too much of her. That sounded prissy and distant. For the first time, Gray admitted to himself that he loved Charlotte Nott. Loved everything about her from her blinding smile to her patience to her caring nature. She wrapped everything around her into her arms and made it better.

  Could she make him a better man?

  He doubted it. Even the capable Miss Nott had her limitations.

  At least the London trip had proven successful. Gray had received word from the Duke of Gilford, recommending a Dr. Winston. The man now accompanied Gray back to Kent, where he would remain several days and study Rodger’s case. He’d also opened the Grayson family townhome, which hadn’t been used in several years. After speaking to several acquaintances at White’s, Gray learned that once Seymour gained such a tremendous amount of weight, it was difficult for him to travel and he remained in the country. Especially with his countess practically bedridden from her numerous attempts at birthing a second son, the Cramptons hadn’t socialized in London anymore.

  Gray hired a butler and walked through the townhouse with him. He only wished it had been Charlotte touring the place, making neat, tidy notes on all the things that needed to be done to make the residence livable again. Gray had left the construction to be done in the new butler’s hands and it would be completed in a few weeks. Once finished, the butler had the authority to hire a housekeeper, cook, and whatever staff he wanted indoors. Gray had taken a liking to Sable, the assistant head groom at Gray Manor, and thought to take him to manage the London stables. If Sable agreed, Gray would allow him to hire the necessary grooms.

  He’d also managed to purchase a new wardrobe, thanks to Parker’s help. The valet had an eye for color and patterns and, though buried in the country, he seemed to know about current fashion and what styles would work best on Gray. While the bulk of his new wardrobe would be delivered to the townhouse upon completion, he’d still been fitted for several pieces and brought them back with him. He wondered what Charlotte would think of him outside his uniform and then scolded himself for letting his thoughts stray in that direction.

  The carriage turned and he saw they headed up the lane and would arrive at the manor house soon.

  Turning to Dr. Winston, he said, “We’re almost there. Again, I must thank you for coming to the country in order to evaluate the earl.”

  “I’m happy to do so, Mr. Grayson,” the physician replied. “I plan to spend all afternoon with the boy and will give you an update over dinner.”

  “If you don’t mind, I will ask Miss Nott to join us. She’s governess to my nieces and ever since Rodger has been home, she also serves as the boy’s tutor. She’s directly involved with his care, having Parker bathe and dress him each day. She says even though R
odger is restricted to his room, she believes it keeps his spirits up by going through the routine. She also comes twice a day and helps him walk about the room so that atrophy doesn’t set into his limbs.”

  “Miss Nott sounds like a wise woman.”

  “She is the most knowledgeable woman of my acquaintance,” Gray replied as the carriage slowed and came to a halt.

  The men climbed out as the door opened. Masters greeted them.

  “What happened to your arm?” the doctor asked after Gray introduced the two men.

  The butler shook his head. “A bit of carelessness on my part. Please, come in, Doctor.”

  Mrs. Cassidy awaited them in the foyer and Gray introduced her, as well.

  “Dr. Winston will be with us for several days, observing Lord Crampton and making recommendations regarding his condition.”

  “Would you like to be taken to your room to freshen up, Dr. Winston?” the housekeeper asked. “Then I could provide a light luncheon for you and Mr. Grayson before you see Lord Crampton.”

  “An excellent idea, Mrs. Cassidy,” the physician declared.

  “We will be three for dinner, Mrs. Cassidy,” Gray told her. “I want Miss Nott to join us so Dr. Winston might discuss Lord Crampton’s treatment with us both.”

  “I’ll let her know, Mr. Grayson.”

  After luncheon, he went to Jeremy Linfield’s office.

  “How was your ride through the estate? Do you have anything to add to the list of things that need immediate attention?”

  “No, La . . . Miss Nott’s list was most thorough. She accompanied me for several hours one afternoon. We rode the entire property. She pointed out everything that should be done. I was in agreement with her opinions. I already have tenants on the estate working on some of the projects. I also went to Wilton and hired a group of men that are involved with the improvements within Gray Manor.”

  “It sounds as if you have been busy.”

  “There’s plenty to do, sir.” The manager paused. “I’ve also had time to go through the estate’s ledgers for the past decade.”