So this was another lie that Josh had told her. What else had he lied about? If other wolves were being targeted by this deranged Canergie family, then who was to say they wouldn't come after Josh again.
Even as the thought struck her, a wave of fear swept over her. It had not occurred to her last night when he revealed what he was that his life would constantly be in danger. But what if it was? Could she be with someone who might die at any moment? Did she really want to go through what she’d gone through with Jack all over again?
Lana looked tired and Harper was sure that her separation from Ben was taking its toll on her.
“Why don’t you lay down and get some rest. I’m sure this will all be over soon.”
Lana looked at her with a weak smile as she kicked off her boots and settled back on the bed. “I hope so.”
Harper pulled the knitted blanket that was placed at the foot of the bed and covered Lana with her. Lana smiled with gratitude as she closed her eyes. Harper moved away and went out of the bedroom and walked into the living room.
Once there she picked up her phone and sent Josh a text. I’m at the apartment. We need to talk.
She didn’t know exactly what she was going to say to him, but she knew that she couldn't go through what she’d gone through when Jack died, not again. And she was going to ask Josh for the truth about what was going on and if he answered her the way she feared that he would, then she would have no choice but to end things with him now before she got in any deeper.
40
Josh
Josh tried not to get his hopes up as he approached the apartment. When he’d first seen the text from Harper he’d been glad that at least she was willing to talk to him after what she’d learned about him last night.
He went up the stairs and knocked softly on the apartment door. It opened in seconds and any hope that this was going to be an easy conversation was dashed by the look on her face. She looked troubled and he knew that this was going to be the most important conversation of his life.
“Come in. Lana is asleep in the second bedroom and I don’t want to disturb her. I’m sure you know that she is upset by the latest turn of events out at Shadowbrook.”
Josh knew all too well how unhappy Lana had been to leave. Ben wasn’t too pleased about it either. The last thing he wanted was to be separated from his mate, but he didn’t have a choice. Her safety was more important than his reluctance to be separated from her, and with the mood that the pack was in now that it had learned of Eloise’s death, he couldn't guarantee that one of them wouldn’t lash out at the nearest human. The question was, how much had Lana shared with Harper?
He walked into the apartment and shed his coat as he scrambled to think of how he should play this. He wanted to be honest with Harper, but he didn’t want to frighten her either.
“I’m sure you have questions.” He licked his lips as she moved over to the sofa and sat down. He noticed that she didn’t invite him to sit beside her.
“I do. And I would appreciate if you would be honest with me?” The look she gave him told him that she didn't think he’d been completely honest with her thus far. He frowned. He’d told her about his true nature, but did she think he was trying to hide from her?
“When haven’t I been honest with you?”
“When you told me the reason that Eloise left, for one.” She raised an eyebrow at him and Josh rubbed the back of his neck. He should have known Lana would have filled her in on that, and that his lie about Eloise’s departure would come back to bite him in the ass. But what did she expect? He couldn’t very well have told her the truth when the subject of Eloise had come up considering that she didn't know that werewolves existed then.
“Now that you know what I am, I will tell you the truth. What do you want to know?”
“Why were shot?”
She would lead with that. He knew that his shooting had made her skittish of seeing him and it wasn’t what he wanted to talk about with her. He wanted to talk about how they could move forward together.
“A hundred years ago a family by the name of Canergie took over Shadowbrook and nearly slaughtered everyone in the pack in the process. The pack manage to gather their remaining strength and get them out. And since then we’ve lived in peace, up until a few months ago. A woman by the name of Rebecca Canergie came into town, demanding that the pack leave Shadowbrook. She gave Ben an ultimatum with a deadline of when we were supposed to vacate the premises. We decided that we weren't going to leave our home without a fight.”
She nodded slowly. “And you were targeted because your brother is the Alpha?”
“I don’t know. It might be why. Or it could be that I was unlucky enough to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. You knew what happened to me that night, and as you can see I’m fine. It really has nothing to do with us now.”
She shook her head. “It has everything to do with us. It could happen again.”
“If I thought for one moment that being with me would bring danger to you I would have stayed away from you.” He wasn’t entirely sure that was the truth. He’d been drawn to Harper from the moment he’d met her. And he wasn’t sure if he could have stayed away from her even if there was an obvious threat against her.
“But it’s not a danger to me that I’m worried about.” She took a deep breath and a look of resignation settled over her face. “I was engaged once. To a man named Jack. He was a police officer and one night he left the home we shared and didn’t come back. He was shot, killed in the line of duty. It hurt so much when he died that I didn’t want to go on without him. It took a long time but I finally managed to dig myself out of the big, dark hole his death put me in. I can't go through that again.”
A wave of cold washed over him. He didn’t like seeing the pain and resolve in her eyes and certainly didn’t like the direction this conversation was going.
“I’m sorry that you had to go through that. But I don’t see what that has to do with us.” But he could see where she was going, and felt powerless to stop her from saying it.
“I know that you can’t help being what you are. But with the situation your pack is in, you can't deny that it could happen again. They could come after you. Could kill you. I can't go through what I went through with Jack again. I won’t.”
He stood there stunned for a moment and felt like he’d been punched in the gut. “Do I have anything to say about this or have you made up your mind?”
She looked away from him and he had his answer. He wanted to yell at her to not do this. they were good together, and he wasn’t prepared to walk away. But he did have some pride, and if she couldn’t accept what he was, which was what this all boiled down to, then he wasn’t going to beg.
But he wasn't going to let her think that it was the situation that the pack was in now that was causing her to do this.
“I’m not going to force you to be with me if that isn’t what you want. But you need to take a long hard look at your reasons for doing this. You’ve been pushing me away from the beginning, and it has nothing to do with what I am. We could have been happy together, but unfortunately, you can't see past the fear that something bad might happen.” He raked his hand through his hair. He wanted to tell her that he loved her, that he thought she loved him too. But he didn't think it would do any good since she was afraid to love him. “There are no guarantees in life. I could get hit by a bus tomorrow. Neither of us know what the future would hold. All we have is the here and now. And I know that we made each other happy.”
Her lower lips trembled as she refused to look at him. She drew in a deep breath and blew it out slowly. “I think you should go now.”
With his heart feeling like it was being squeezed in a vice, he turned and went to the door. Once he got there he looked at her one last time. “We could have been good together. But as long as you’re going to keep living in the past, you will never let yourself be happy. Goodbye, Harper.”
And with those words hanging in the
air, he walked out of the apartment and out of her life.
41
Harper
“Really it’s no trouble for me to come back to Boston for the meeting. I’ll leave right away.” Out of the corner of her eye, Harper saw Lana walk into the living room and judging by the look on her friend’s face, she wasn’t going to be able to slip away as easily as she thought. She spent a few more moments exchanging pleasantries with her boss, and afterward ended the call.
“You’re not leaving, are you?” Lana walked further into the living room with a concerned frown on her face. She’d slept for most of the afternoon, and Harper had let her sleep as she was sure the need to escape the current situation out at Shadowbrook was what caused her to sleep so long.
“I’m afraid I have to. There is an important meeting tomorrow that I can't miss, but don’t worry I’ll be back in a few days.” Harper looked away from Lana as she said it. She would find a way to fob her friend off with an excuse so she wouldn't have to come back to town in the near future. Once the baby was getting close to being born, maybe she would come back to help out. But right now all she knew was that shoving Josh out of her life was a lot more painful than she had anticipated. And being in this apartment where she’d done it only served to make it worse.
The meeting had been a conveniently timed excuse, but if it hadn’t cropped up she would have come up with another one. She had to get out of Lenox, at least for a little while. There were too many memories of Josh in this apartment and around town, and she needed to grieve the end of their relationship before she could face being back here again.
“Why do I get the feeling that I won’t be seeing you for quite a while.” There was a sharp look in Lana’s eyes, as if she could see through her and deep into the heart of the problem. “Did something happen while I was asleep?”
Harper looked away for a moment and debated on what she should tell her. Although she was certain that she’d made the right decision in the long term, right now the pain of ending things with Josh was a lot more painful than she expected. She wasn’t sure she wanted to get into it with Lana so soon after it had happened. But Lana was bound to find out that she’d broken off things with Josh, considering she was in a loving, committed relationship with Josh’s brother.
“I asked Josh to come and see me.” Lana moved to sit on the sofa and looked at her expectantly.
“And?” Lana raised a brow at her and Harper was reluctant to tell her what had happened. By saying it out loud it would make it more real for her.
“I don’t think I’ll have time to get into it. I have to get ready to go back to Boston.” Harper moved to leave the living room when Lana’s voice stopped her.
“I think I can fill in the blanks on what happened. I’m sure you did what you always do.” There was a note of censure in Lana’s voice and Harper spun around to face her.
“What are you talking about?”
“I honestly thought that time you might behave differently but I can see that I’m wrong. You dumped Josh, didn’t you?”
A flush crept up Harper’s cheeks. She didn’t like the idea that her behavior was so predictable. It had been an agonizing decision to end things with Josh and to have Lana reduce it to her modus operandi seemed to make a farce out of the whole thing. “You make it sound so heartless when you put it like that. I didn’t ‘dump’ him, I ended a relationship that was not going to be good for either of us.”
“Oh and was Josh in agreement with you about that? Did he think that your relationship wasn’t good for him?”
“He’ll come around to my way of thinking. He needs to find someone who is better suited to his situation.”
Lana’s mouth tightened. “I hope you didn’t tell him that you couldn't be with him because his being different was somehow beneath you.”
Harper’s mouth dropped open at Lana’s words. Was her friend implying somehow that she was prejudiced against Josh because he was a werewolf? She would admit that her nature had played a part in her decision but only insofar as it affected the level of danger it presented to him.
“I resent you implying that I would dump him over something that he cannot help. I will admit that finding out that werewolves are real was a shock. But can you say that you reacted any better when you found out what Ben was?”
Now it was Lana’s turn to flush. “I will admit that it is not something that is easy to believe at first. But you seem to have dropped him quickly enough after you found out. It was almost like you’ve been waiting for an excuse to do it.”
“That’s the second time you’ve implied that this breakup was somehow predictable. So why don’t you say what’s on your mind and tell me why you think that?” Harper didn’t know if she was prepared to hear what Lana had to say about this. Lana didn’t know what it was like to go through life in her shoes, and Harper resented a little her sitting in judgment on her.
Lana looked down at her hands, which were neatly folded in her lap. She appeared to be choosing her words carefully. “I know what happened with Jack was devastating. I watched what it did to you, and I have been waiting for years to see you come out of it. But you haven’t. I’ve seen you put up a wall to any man who appeared to be interested in you. You let them in a little, but when they get too close, you shoved them out of your life. I had hoped that things would be different with Josh, but I can see now that they aren’t.”
Harper felt like she couldn’t breathe for a moment. Lana’s bringing up Jack brought it all back somehow. She knew that she needed to end this conversation before she said something that she might regret. Her first instinct was to lash out at Lana, to tell her that she was wrong, but she didn’t want to do it. There was a nagging feeling inside her that Lana was right. But hearing the way Lana saw her life since Jack had died made her seem pathetic.
“I don’t have time for this conversation. I need to go to Boston.” Harper skirted around the sofa, refusing to look at Lana again. She quickly went to the bedroom, hoping that Lana wouldn't follow her to continue this conversation. Lana knew nothing about the devastation that Jack’s death had on her. What was wrong with not wanting to go through that again? On the first night she and Josh had started getting to know each other he’d been shot. It wasn’t exactly a signal that Josh was going to live a long happy life.
She threw her suitcase on top of the bed and quickly threw her clothes in it. Even looking at the bed where she and Josh had spend hours making love was too painful. The room almost felt claustrophobic by the time she finished packing.
She took her suitcase back to the living room, where Lana was standing looking out the darkened window.
“I’m going now. I’ll get in touch with you about when I’ll be back.”
There was concern on Lana’s face when she turned her head away from the window to look at her.
“Are you sure you need to leave tonight? It looks like freezing rain out there, and the roads might not be safe. Why don’t you stay tonight and head to Boston tomorrow. We don’t have to talk about what happened with you and Josh if that’s what you want.”
Even if they didn't talk about Josh, it would be hanging over them all night. What Harper wanted most right now was to be out of this apartment and away from the memories of Josh that it invoked.
“I really need to leave tonight. But I promise I’ll drive carefully.” Harper quickly pulled on her heaving coat and put her boots on. She looked at Lana one last time as she hitched her purse up on her shoulder and picked up her suitcase. “I’ll be in touch soon.”
Lana nodded, and the worry on her face didn’t diminish. And it appeared that she wasn't going to say anything more. Harper tightened her grip on her suitcase as she pulled open the door and walk out of the apartment for what she knew was the last time. There was no way that she was going to be able to stay in it, not now when she’d spent so much time with Josh in there. Once the baby arrived, she would book a hotel or something, but she knew that she wouldn't be staying in the apartmen
t again.
It was bitterly cold out and the freezing rain hitting her face stung her cheeks. She made her way around the back of the building where her car was parked. A thin layer of ice coated it and it took some time for her to scrape off the windshield and windows.
Once she got in the car a moment of doubt came over her. Was it really that urgent that she leave tonight?
She dismissed the thought. She’d be careful. She’d driven in bad weather before, and had been fine. This time wouldn’t be any different.
Once she was on the road, her car fishtailed as it hit a patch of ice. She managed to get it under control and her hands were tight on the steering wheel.
“It will be okay. Just be careful.”
She was almost out of town when a gray blur caught her out of the corner of her eye. A huge gray wolf, which looked like the same one that she’d seen in the middle of the road before, darted out and stopped in the glare of her headlights.
She slammed on the brakes and jerked the wheel to avoid hitting it. The car hit a patch of ice and she fought for control as the car went off the road. There was a loud bang and her airbag exploded from the steering wheel as the front of her car’s right front end hit a tree.
42
Josh
“I know why I am feeling out of sorts, but why do you look like you lost your best friend?”
Josh looked up to as Ben came over to where Josh was sitting in the fire station's kitchen and sat in the chair across from him. It wasn't supposed to be his night on duty, but since all he’d had to look forward to was a night thinking about how he could have done things differently with Harper, he’d volunteered to take Tyler’s shift when he’d been nowhere to be found.
Firefighter Wolves Shifters (A Paranormal Romance Series Boxset) Page 18