“It feels like that lately.” In fact he’d lost both his woman and his best friend. “Harper has decided to end things with me.”
Ben sighed and a look of regret crossed his face. “I take it she didn’t take the revelation of your true nature at all well?”
“She says that is not the reason, but I have a hard time believing it. Something happened to her in the past, something awful and she hadn’t really gotten over it. Her fiance was shot and killed. And now it appears that she doesn’t want to take the risk of being with someone who might die on her too.”
“I’m guessing you told her about the Canergies?”
Josh nodded. “I wasn't going to but she had overheard some stuff around town and she asked me point blank why I got shot. I couldn't very well not tell her the truth at that point.”
Ben nodded. “It was for the best that you were honest. That way once she comes to terms with your nature and this stupid feud, you can move forward.”
Josh refrained from saying anything. He didn’t want to get into this with Ben. Harper’s forcing him to walk away from her was still too raw, and unfortunately, he didn't share his brother’s hope that once Harper had time to come to terms with everything that they would have a chance to be together.
He was saved from saying anything more when the alarm sounded, alerting them to a call. Josh and Ben stood up and hurried down to where their gear was stowed.
“What do we have?” Ben barked out as he looked at Derek who was on dispatch tonight.
“Car accident on Breckenridge Road. Single vehicle went off the road and hit a tree. EMS are on their way out there but they might need assistance in getting the victim out of the car.”
The crew going out to the scene were in their gear and their trucks in a matter of moments. Freezing rain slashed against the windshield of the firetruck Josh was sitting in as the wipers worked frantically to slap it away. He had no idea why people felt the need to be on the road on a night like this. Unfortunately, he had a feeling this would not be the only car accident they were called to tonight.
Once the got to Breckenridge Road, it was lit up like a Christmas tree as the lights of the emergency vehicles parked along the road flashed in the night. Josh approached one of the police officers standing in the road as Ben went toward the car.
“What’s the situation?” Josh glanced at the car again. Something about it seemed familiar and he hoped it wasn’t someone he knew in the car.
“Lone female, it appears that she slipped on a patch of ice and lost control of the vehicle. You guys are going to need to cut the car in order to extract her.”
Josh nodded and went back to the truck where several of his crew members were waiting.
“She’d going to need to be extracted.” He was about to move toward where the cutting equipment was stored when he felt a firm hand on his arm. He turned to see Ben standing behind him and his face was grim.
“I think it might be a good idea if you weren’t involved in this.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Josh’s eyes darted to the car again, and his heart slammed inside his body. “What aren’t you telling me?”
“It’s Harper.”
Josh wrenched himself away from his brother and ran toward the car. Denial screamed in his mind. Ben was wrong, it couldn’t be her.
He got to the car and he could see her in profile as she sat very still in the front of the car. One of the paramedics was in the back seat, with his hands holding her head still. He knew it was a precaution, since they didn’t know what kind of injuries they were dealing with until she was out of the car. But it didn’t stop the worry from clawing at his insides.
He turned away while the paramedics did the best they could to stabilize her neck in preparation for her being cut out of the car. Once his crew used their equipment to open her side of the car like a tin can, they could safely get her out and onto a backboard.
He walked over to where Kevin stood with the cutter and went to take it out of his hand. Ben pulled him away from Kevin and inclined his head as if to tell Kevin to get a move on. Ben pulled him back to the truck.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing? My woman is in that car and I need to get her out.” Josh tried to tug himself away from his brother's iron grip, but his struggles were futile.
“Hold your hand out.” The command in Ben’s voice was sharp and Josh did as he said. He didn’t know what that had to do with anything, but if it would satisfy his brother somehow and get him back to Harper sooner than he would do whatever it took.
Despite his efforts to keep it steady, his hand trembled as he held it out. “It doesn’t mean anything. I can still do my job.”
“No, you can’t. Your worry and your fear for her will make that impossible. These guys know what their doing, they’ve done this hundreds of times. Let them do their job and get her out safely.”
He resented this brother’s implication that he couldn't get her out safely, but when he heard the roar of the cutting tools as the crew worked to get her out of the car, a sick feeling blossomed in the pit of his stomach. Ben was right. Where Harper was concerned he wasn’t the least bit objective.
“I can’t lose her.” Anguish went through him at the thought of it.
“I know. And you won’t. They will get her out safely and she will be taken to the hospital. She’ll be fine.”
Josh knew that his brother was trying to offer him some comfort and reassurance that Harper would come out of this but until they knew for sure what her injuries were, there was no way of knowing if she would survive.
When the tools fell silent, he couldn’t bring himself to watch them take her out of the car. He could let them do their jobs, he could see his brother’s point in that he would be no good as far as that was concerned. But he couldn't watch them take her out of the car, because if he did, he could not be able to stop himself from interfering.
“Are you going to ride with her?” Ben’s eyes went to a spot over Josh’s shoulder and Josh turned his head to see that they had gotten her onto a backboard on a stretcher and they were now making their way out of the ditch and onto the road.
“I have to. I need to be with her.” Thankfully his brother gave a nod of understanding. He was certain that if the roles were reversed and it was Lana being loaded into an ambulance there was nothing that could keep him from her.
“I’ll come to the hospital as soon as I can. Lana needs to know about this too and we’ll be there soon.”
Josh didn’t bother to reply as he moved on hurried legs toward where they were loading Harper into the ambulance. Her eyes were closed and there were cuts on her face. The blood stood out against her too-pale skin. the anguish he was feeling must have shown on his face because one of the EMTs looked at him with understanding.
“Her vitals are good. If you’re riding with us, you'll have to get in the front so we can work.”
Josh nodded and hurried around the side of the ambulance and into the front seat. He closed his eyes as he prayed that she would be okay. The pain of their breakup paled in comparison to the pain of the thought that she could die, caused in him. If she came through this he was going to tell her how he felt about her. That was one thing that had been missing from their conversation earlier.
Even if she rejected him again, he was going to tell her that he loved her. He just needed her to be okay so he could.
43
Josh
Josh sat in the waiting room with his guts churning as he waited for word on Harper. She’d been whisked into the emergency room and the hospital staff had prevented him from following. He’d never felt so helpless in his life as when he saw the woman he loved being surrounded by doctors.
He looked up when Ben and Lana walked in. His brother handed him his shoes and he took them from him as he stood. He quickly removed his firefighting gear and put the shoes on his feet. Lana’s face was pale and he could see the same worry that was clawing at his insides reflected on
her face.
“I tried to get her to stay in the apartment. I told her it wasn't safe to drive in this weather but she wouldn't listen.”
It was on the tip of his tongue to tell her that she should have tried harder, but a hard look from his brother stopped him. It wasn't Lana’s fault that she’d been out driving in that. It was his. If he‘d been honest with Harper a lot sooner about what he was, about the situation his pack was currently in, maybe she would not have felt the need to flee town on such a dangerous night.
“It’s not your fault,” Ben said as he put his arms around her. “You couldn’t have known that she would get in an accident. No one could know that.”
She buried her face in the crook of his neck and Josh looked away. Seeing how distraught she was only made the fear he had inside him worse. He looked over to the doorway of the waiting room and saw a haggard-looking Tyler standing there.
“What the hell is he doing here?” It took a moment for Josh to realize that he’d said the words out loud. The last person he expected to see in the waiting room was Tyler. A small kernel of anger curled up in his stomach. He still hadn’t forgiven his former friend for the stunt he’d pulled the other night. His actions had started into motion the chain of events that had led to what happened tonight.
A look of unease crossed Ben’s face as he set Lana away from him. “Lana, why don't you go and see if you can find us some coffee. I’m sure we aren’t going to hear anything in the next few minutes.”
She looked like she wanted to protest for a second, but when her eyes went to Tyler it appeared that she had changed her mind. She nodded and left the waiting room, giving Tyler a wide berth.
“Why are you here, Tyler?” Ben’s voice was grim and Josh stood up to stand by his brother’s side. As far as he was concerned he and Tyler were no longer friends and he was sure that Tyler felt the same way. So why was he here? Josh found it difficult to believe that he was here for moral support.
Tyler’s eyes were glued to the floor and when he lifted them Josh could see a deep regret inside him.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to get out of hand.”
Josh’s heart slowed to a heavy thump as cold invaded his body. “What are you sorry for?”
“The accident is my fault. I was out running, and I came to Breckenridge Road. I recognized her car and only meant to scare her. I went into the road. I only intended it to be a reminder to her, to make sure she didn’t come back. But she panicked when she saw me and crashed.”
A roaring noise went through Josh’s ears as a rage he’d never felt before raced through his body. Tyler had done this?
“You son of a bitch.” The words roared out of Josh as he lunged at his form friend. Tyler did nothing to defend himself as Josh latched onto the front of his coat. “I’ll kill you for this.”
“Josh, no.” Ben’s was on him in a second, breaking Josh’s hold on Tyler and shoved him away. Josh charged back toward his quarry and his brother moved to stand in front of him. Josh strained against him. Couldn’t Ben understand that he needed to punish Tyler for what he had done?
“Let me go.”
“No. You don't want to do this.” Ben turned his head toward Tyler. “You get out of here. You’ve done enough damage for tonight. I’ll deal with you later.”
Tyler looked at Josh one last time before he turned on his heel and left the waiting room. Josh pulled away from Ben and straightened his shirt.
“Why did you stop me? He deserves a beating for what he’s done.”
“Maybe so, but you aren’t going to give it to him. There is too much turmoil in the pack already.” Ben moved away from him and sat down in one of the chairs lining the walls. His face was grim.
Josh took several deep breaths as he worked to calm himself down. He knew that Eloise’s death had been a blow to Tyler, but what did that have to do with Harper? He knew that Tyler blamed him for it, and perhaps because Harper was the one he had feelings for and not Eloise, it could be that Tyler blamed her too.
“How could he have been so stupid?” Josh went over to sit in a chair next to his brother.
“Grief and fear makes us do stupid things.” It appeared that was going to be the only explanation his brother could offer. “She is going to come through this and when she does you are going to have to decide what you are going to do.”
“About Tyler?”
Ben shook his head. “No, about Harper. It’s plain to anyone with eyes in their head that you love her. Are you going to fight for her?”
“I want to, but she’d made it pretty clear that she doesn't want to have anything to do with me. And after the stunt that Tyler pulled tonight, who could blame her.”
“So that’s it? You’re just going to give up?” Ben sighed. “I know what you’re going through. I almost lost Lana because I was too pig-headed to admit to her and myself that I loved her. Tell Harper how you feel and if she still decides that she doesn’t want to be a part of your life, then at least you’ll know that you tried everything you could to make things work. You’ll never forgive yourself if you don’t.”
Could it really be that simple? Josh doubted it, but he knew that if Harper came out of this okay, he needed to tell her how he felt. He loved her, deeply, and if he didn't at least let her know how he felt, he would always think of what might have been.
“I’ll talk to her and tell her how I feel. But I’m not as optimistic as you. If she does let me into her life, I’m not bringing her to live with the pack. It’s hard enough for them to have one human in their midst. They aren’t going to accept another and I won’t put Harper through that.”
Ben nodded. “I’m not going to continue to put Lana through it either.”
Josh turned his head to look at his brother. “What do you mean? Surely you're not thinking of letting her go?”
Ben gave him an emphatic shake of his head. “Lana is my life and I will never be parted from her. I have decided to step down as Alpha. Things are working in the pack. Even if he didn’t foresee the consequences, the fact that Tyler felt that he could do something that might hurt a human shows that I have lost control of the pack.”
Shock went through Josh. The last thing he expected his brother to say was that he was stepping down as Alpha.
“Are you sure this is what you want?’
“It’s not what I want, but it’s what I have to do. I have to put Lana and the baby first. The pack is not in a healthy place right now, and I had thought that having Lana by my side would show them that having a human inside the pack would work. But it hasn’t. The pack needs a new leader, one who can focus on putting them first. I’m not stepping aside right this minute, but it’s going to happen very soon. I can’t and won’t be parted from my mate. The pack has forced my hand and I have to pick Lana.”
“I’m not going to pick up the mantle. I know that as your second-in-command it would be my place to step forward and take over, but I told you before that I am not going to do it.”
“I know.” A look of understanding crossed Bens’ face. “I figured you’d say as much. Besides, you’ll be in the same situation as me, and I don’t think the pack will accept Harper into their midst any more than they’ve accepted Lana.”
Josh turned his face away from Ben as Lana came back into the room and handed him a cup of coffee. He wished he could share his brother’s optimism, that Harper would allow him back into her life. But he feared that even after telling her that he loved her that she would not change her mind and that he would be forced to go on with his life without her.
44
Harper
Harper didn’t know what was a dream and what was reality when she opened her eyes. She remembered the accident, remembered the firefighters cutting the car in order to get her out. The rest was a jumble of moments filled with doctors poking and prodding, asking her questions as she drifted in and out. There had been a lot of pain and a lot of soothing voices. But most of what had happened after the accident was a blu
r of fractured images.
She looked over to the side and cold washed over her when she saw Jack standing beside her bed. He looked exactly the same as he did on the day he’d left their apartment and had not returned. If she was seeing him so clearly, did it meant that she hadn’t come through the accident? Was he here to take her into the afterlife?
“Am I dead?” It was the only reason she could think of for why he would be here.
“No, you aren’t dead, even though you’ve been acting like it for the past few years.”
Harper swallowed hard as she studied the lines of his face. It had been so long since his death that she’d almost forgotten what he looked like. And it occurred to her that she couldn't be looking at him now. If she wasn't dead, if this wasn't the afterlife, then she had to be dreaming. But she was reluctant to wake up if it meant not being able to talk to him.
“I missed you.” As she looked at him she expected to feel the sharp pain to go through her that usually did whenever she thought about him. But the pain was no longer there, the only thing she felt now when she looked at him was an overwhelming sense of peace.
“I know you miss me and I know that it hurt when I left you. But I never wanted this for you. I want you to be happy Harper. You could be happy with Josh, if only you let yourself.”
“How do you know about Josh?”
Jack gave her a crooked smile. “You get that this isn’t really me, don’t you? I’m a projection of your heart. It’s time for you to move on. You need to let me go and stop using me as an excuse for not letting yourself be happy. It’s time to say goodbye to me, Harper.”
A ball formed in Harper’s throat and her eyes prickled. “But that’s just it. You were gone so fast that I didn't get a chance to say goodbye.”
“Now’s your chance. You can be happy, it’s in your grasp. But you need to free yourself from your past.” He walked over to the bed and bent forward. His lips brushed hers softly and Harper closed her eyes. His touch melted away.
Firefighter Wolves Shifters (A Paranormal Romance Series Boxset) Page 19