by J Hoffman
“You’re the damn kingpin. You can’t bother yourself with menial things like prices. You just collect the cash.”
“I hope Svetlana is on board with this.”
“Why wouldn’t she be?” Liz questioned.
“I don’t know, she was so weird about it last time.”
“Well, just be more stern with her.”
“I can’t force her to send me something in the mail, though. She’s a grown ass adult,” Natalee argued.
“I mean, it’s whatever really. We can just make bank on this bush and call it a day.”
“Nah, if we’re stopping at this bush I’m not selling anymore.”
“Aw come on! But this is so lucrative!” Liz whined.
“Yeah sure, but the mental balance I have when I’m using it for myself is worth more than some cash.”
Liz sighed, “You’re right. But this extra money is nothing to complain about.”
“Nothing at all,” Natalee grinned.
After a short while, Natalee’s phone vibrated and she unlocked the screen, peering at it. It was Svetlana.
Svetlana: …Orders?
Twenty-Eight
Natalee stared at the message for a moment, attempting to figure out what she would respond with. Finally, she opened the message and typed back.
Natalee: Yes, I just sold fifteen branches for $4,500.
Svetlana: Four thousand, five hundred US dollars? For fifteen branches?
Natalee: Yep! And I have another order for thirty-four, just need some more product.
Natalee watched as the typing bubbles popped up and went away. They popped up again, wiggled, and disappeared.
Finally, the third time, a message came through.
Svetlana: My assistant is booking my flight now. I will let you know when I will be there.
Natalee raised an eyebrow and looked to Liz, “I think I’m getting another bush?”
“No way! Really?”
“I don’t know, actually.”
“Oh, okay,” Liz scoffed and threw her hands up in confusion.
“I told her about the order, and then I told her about the next set of orders. Then she said her assistant was buying her plane tickets now and she’d let me know when to pick her up.”
“What the hell?”
“Right? That’s so weird,” Natalee stared at her phone, hoping an answer would just reveal itself to her.
“Well, you have to message her back,” Liz urged.
“What am I supposed to say to that?”
“Ask her what she means or ask if that’s going to be a sooner-rather-than-later flight.”
Natalee took a deep breath and looked back down at her messages with Svetlana.
Natalee: You’re coming back?
Svetlana: If you need me to.
Natalee: I mean you’re absolutely more than welcome to visit whenever you’d like.
Svetlana: This bush is fragile; it cannot be mailed.
Natalee stared at her response for a moment.
Natalee: Oh, okay, well that gives you a good excuse to visit me right? This sounds like a good plan all around.
Svetlana: We will talk when I arrive. I will be there at four in the morning on Sunday.
Natalee gaped. Again? She thought. Why the hell are all her flights so late? Natalee texted Judah and explained to him what was happening. He responded with a flight list for that week, showing three other flights that took off from Russia and landed at much more decent times than her flight. He said he couldn’t understand why she would choose that flight, but that it was a much smaller plane. He was not familiar with the pilot. Once Natalee had explained it to Liz, they sat down to discuss the new situation at hand.
“It’s pretty weird that she picks, like, the worst flights.”
“Isn’t it? Maybe I can send her the flight list and show her there are better flights?”
“You might come off as pushy then,” Liz thought aloud.
“But she knows my husband is a pilot. She has to know I’d end up with access to stuff like this.”
“True. Fuck it, send it to her and see what she says.”
“Okay, I’m gonna do it.” Natalee pulled the screenshot of the flight list back on her phone and she attached it to a message to Svetlana.
Svetlana: Hey, I told Judah about your last-minute flight and he sent me this list showing they have some flights with better arrival and departure times and I figured you might like to look at them. It looks like most of them still have quite a bit of open seats. Maybe you could snag a deal or even get into first class?
Natalee locked her screen and looked back to Liz, “She has to realize that four in the morning is ridiculous. I mean, I completely slept through it last time!”
Liz snorted, “Yeah I would’ve been rude to you too after you pulled some shit like that.”
“Oh my God, it was an accident! Maybe if she flew in at noon or even eight at night, I’d have an easier time with it. Shit, six in the morning is better than four. I’m always sleeping so hard at four.”
“Four in the morning is my jam,” Liz bopped her head back and forth.
“Right? Most peaceful time of the day.”
“Absolutely, nothing ever happens at four in the morning.”
“Except Svetlana invading America.”
Liz snorted, “Yeah I cannot wait to see this.”
“See what?”
“The Svetlana Shitshow. I hope her assistant is coming.”
“Oh my god Liz, stop. That poor girl.” Natalee’s phone buzzed and she peeked down at the screen.
Svetlana: My flight is fine. I will get a taxi if you cannot pick me up.
Natalee sighed heavily, “She refuses to switch flights and she says she’ll get a taxi if I need her to.”
“Tell her to get one then. At least then she can’t hold it against you when you don’t show up.”
Natalee sighed again and unlocked the screen to pull up her keyboard.
Natalee: Just to be safe maybe you should set up a ride. I don’t want to bail on you on accident again.
Svetlana: Do not worry, Natty. You stay sleeping and we will arrive on our own.
Natalee: Okay, is your assistant coming again? I will prepare space for the two of you.
Svetlana: Yes, she will be there. Thank you for your hospitality.
Natalee: Of course, anything for you Svetty!
“Well, now I have to get the guest room and office ready again,” she brought her attention back to Liz.
“Isn’t it still pretty much ready from the last time?”
Natalee shrugged, “Probably. Might just need to freshen everything up again.”
“Shit, my whole house needs freshened up,” Liz joked.
Natalee snorted, “Shut up. I’m about to hire you a maid.”
“Oh, please do. All this drug business has had me so wrapped up I haven’t had a chance to do laundry in like three days. Looks like a fuckin’ cotton mountain in my washroom.”
She rolled her eyes, “Drug business, eh?”
“Well, yeah. What would you call it?”
Natalee shrugged, “Just business?”
Liz shrugged too, “Yeah, sure.”
***
Natalee did hire Liz a maid, and she hired herself one, too. She reorganized the spare room and the office to provide the most space for accommodations. She changed all the sheets and towels, added new soaps and toiletries. The night Svetlana was supposed to arrive, Natalee slept on the couch and had given Svetlana strict directions on how to enter the house.
Shortly after five in the morning, Natalee heard the familiar tapping she had requested from Svetlana. She pulled herself off the couch and headed to the sliding glass door in her dining room. She pulled the door open and smiled as she stepped out of Svetlana’s and Yana’s way.
“Hey ladies! How was your flight?”
Svetlana leaned in and kissed Natalee on the cheek, “Perfect, darling. Just perfect.”
“
Great, I’m glad to hear it! You can leave your bags anywhere.”
Yana ushered in a handful of bags and set them by the bottom of the staircase.
Svetlana carried a larger bag carefully to the table and set it down. She sat down in front of it and motioned for Natalee to follow her. She leaned forward, intertwining her fingers with each other. “So, let me get this straight. I bring you a gift, and you do not listen to my distinct directions. I tell you to make a friend so you are not so lonely and she turns my gift into some New Age empire?” Svetlana stared deep into Natalee’s eyes, searching for an explanation.
“I-I… I didn’t mean for it to look that way. Or for it to happen that way, Svet.”
Svetlana cracked a smile, “I must have good ideas, no?”
Natalee stared at her for a moment, trying to determine if it was a sarcastic statement or if she was trying to lighten the situation. Finally, Natalee smiled, too, although hers was half-hearted. “Yeah, absolutely. You obviously have great ideas.”
“I am glad you feel that way, Natalee,” Svetlana unzipped the bag and revealed three korenchudo bushes looking spectacularly ripe. “I have brought you three to… boost your business.”
Natalee glanced between the bushes to Svetlana, “Seriously?”
“Of course, why wouldn’t I want to help my long-time American friend?”
Natalee gaped, “Three? I had no idea you’d bring me three! This is incredible Svetlana, thank you so much!”
“You are so welcome, Natalee. Although, this is business and business needs to be done. I want ten thousand dollars.”
“For the bushes?” Her mouth fell open.
“For one bush.”
“For one bush?” Natalee gaped.
“Yes, thirty thousand American dollars for all three. The first was a gift and you are welcome.”
Natalee slumped back in her chair, “Svet, I don’t have that kind of money.”
“Oh, but you will, correct?”
Natalee shrugged, “That’s what I’m being told.”
“So, you made four thousand, five hundred off fifteen branches. Thirty-four branches and you can pay me for one bush. There are easily two hundred or more branches on each ripe tree. You can do the math, yes?”
“Yes, I can. But how am I supposed to come up with thirty grand off-rip?”
“I will stay until you do,” she declared.
“What?”
“If you want the bushes I will stay until you have the money to pay for them.”
“Seriously?”
“If that is what you want, yes.”
Natalee took a deep breath. How long is that going to take? Natalee thought to herself. “Okay, let me talk it over with Liz to see what we can do to come up with the money and I’ll let you know if we want them or not.”
“That is fair. You must speak with Judah as well.”
Natalee nodded, “Yes, absolutely.”
“I must sleep, that plane is not comfortable.”
“There were better flights!” Natalee pointed.
“Yes, but I have my reasons for my flight. Comfort is not one of them.”
“Thanks for coming, Svet.”
“Thank you for having me, Nat.”
Once Natalee knew Svetlana was safely in the guest room, she texted Liz who arrived within ten minutes of getting the text, giving Natalee just enough time to brew a pot of coffee and take part in her morning routine.
Twenty-Nine
“Is she here? Did she make it? Did she bring another bush?” Liz barreled through the front door, spewing questions like a fountain.
“Slow down!” Natalee demanded.
“I’m sorry. This is just nuts.”
“She brought me three bushes.”
“No shit? Oh my God, we’re going to make so much money, dude.”
“She wants thirty thousand dollars,” she deadpanned.
“What! She wants how much?”
“Ten thousand each.”
“Well, wouldn’t tha-“
Natalee cut her off, motioning toward the one on her window sill, “That one was a gift. It’s free.”
“No shit? So, this could be an ongoing thing, for real?”
“I guess so,” she shrugged.
“Thirty thousand, huh? What did you tell her?”
“I told her I had to talk to you and see if it was even possible. And she told me to talk to Judah too, but I don’t know why she felt the need to point that out.”
“It’s a big yes from me,” Liz nodded animatedly.
“For real? Thirty grand for some plants?”
“For some fuckin’ bank, girl!”
“You really think it’s worth that much?”
“Yeah, I do. Or else I wouldn’t be here right now. Does she want the money up front?”
“She said if I want the bushes, she will stay here until we come up with thirty grand.”
“For real? That’s a little weird.”
“Well, I mean she probably doesn’t want to keep carrying potted plants back and forth.”
“Ten grand for a tiny bush,” Liz muttered in disbelief.
“Ten grand for a tiny bush,” Natalee repeated, trying to make it sound more believable.
“Fuck it,” Liz let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. “If you’re in, I’m in.”
“I’m going to talk to Judah first. That’s a big debt.”
“That’s a lot of income, though.”
“Do you think we have enough traffic?”
“I think that’ll come in time,” Liz agreed.
“How much time, though? How long am I supposed to keep her here?”
“Maybe we can pull something together for that thirty. We’ll see what happens.”
“We are not going to magically come up with thirty thousand dollars as fast as I’d like to.”
“Let me talk to Shananne and get back to you. You talk to Judah and get back to me when you have an idea of what you want to do, and we’ll go from there.”
“How is this going to affect our prices? Shananne said she’s not going to keep paying that much.”
“We will reconvene on this and go from there,” Liz emphasized the last few words slowly.
“God you’re worse than a therapist sometimes, I swear.”
“Hopefully you love me more than a therapist.”
Natalee shrugged, “I could take ya or leave ya.”
“Pfft,” Liz snorted. “Please, you’d still be eating your little happy branch every morning all selfishly if it weren’t for me.”
“You mean I’d be eating my little happy branch all peacefully if it weren’t for you?”
“Wow, wow!” Liz gasped, “That’s a low blow, man. Low blow.”
“Go do whatever it is you were going to do and let me call my husband.”
“Oh, now you’re kicking me out?” Liz headed toward the front door. “Think you can kick me out, huh? Think this is okay? Think I’m just gonna leave because you asked me to? Well, I am!” Liz slammed the door, exaggerating her every move.
Natalee rolled her eyes and chuckled. “She’s crazy,” she mumbled to herself. Natalee unlocked the screen of her phone and pulled up Judah’s messages.
Natalee: Need to talk to you, call me when you land.
Judah: Can’t talk about it now? On auto for forty minutes.
Natalee: I’d rather see your face.
Judah: I’d rather see your face but I’m kind of in the middle of my job right now.
Natalee: What a shame.
Judah: What a shame.
Natalee slid her phone into its protective case and slid that into her purse. She got Jonah out of bed and ready for school. Once she took him to the school, she walked into the office.
“Bit late, aren’t you Mrs. Denver?”
“Better late than never!” Natalee grinned at the principal standing in the doorway of his office.
“You said two days and you come in what, two, two and a half weeks lat
er?”
“Well, it’s not like I can take control of the PTA now. We already had elections. I’m building my case for next year.”
“For next year? Why wait until next year?”
“I need a plan for every answer I received on every question. Do you still have the completed questionnaires?”
“I do, let me get them for you.” He turned into his office and reappeared shortly after with a thin stack of papers. He slid them to her over the secretary’s counter. “Not very many responses.”
“I didn’t expect them to.”
“There’s like fifty or so there.”
“That should be plenty,” Natalee beamed proudly.
“Are you sure, Mrs. Denver? It’s okay to admit your attempt was unsuccessful.”
“I did not anticipate more than twenty, so I exceeded expectations.”
The principal nodded slowly, “Hm.” He grumbled as he returned to his office.
Natalee flipped through the questionnaires on her way back to her car. One response stuck out to her the most. She had asked the question: If you eat the lunch the school offers you every day, are you hungry when you get home from school?
The anonymous student responded: I am hungry if I am not at school.
Natalee’s heart sank as she read and re-read the statement over and over. She looked around the parking lot, fighting back the tears in her eyes. She made her way to her vehicle quickly and shoved the questionnaires into her black leather portfolio on her passengers’ seat. Natalee sniffled and wiped a stray tear from her lashes before turning over the ignition and heading back home.
Judah was going to be home any minute and she wanted to take him out to breakfast so they could discuss everything without Svetlana having the opportunity to listen in. Judah had his driver beep from the driveway as they pulled in. Natalee met him in their car, leaving Svetlana and Yana written instructions if they wanted to eat in the kitchen. She wasn’t too concerned about it, but in case they did happen to wake up, she didn’t want to seem like she bailed on them.
As Natalee climbed into the passenger’s seat, Judah grinned at her. “You’re right. This stuff is amazing. The first flight of my life where I had perfect takeoffs and landings with zero turbulence whatsoever. Usually, if I accomplish one, I don’t accomplish the other. Today I was perfect. Streamline.”