Dedication
For my sisters, Mary and Fredda,
who owe their manners to Miss DeMint—H. P.
To Chloe and Jeff,
who have wonderful manners
(plus they learned Touch It Once,
and Do It Now!)—L. A.
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Dedication
Chapter 1: Smoke & Mirrors & Manners
Chapter 2: First Impressions Last
Chapter 3: Meet and Greet
Chapter 4: Candy Is Dandy?
Chapter 5: His Creases Have Creases
Chapter 6: From the Outside In
Chapter 7: Volcanoes Are a Blast!
Chapter 8: At an Escargot’s Pace
Chapter 9: Small Talk, Big Results
Chapter 10: Killed by Kindness
Chapter 11: Say You’re Sorry
Chapter 12: I Scream, You Scream
Two Ways to Say It
How to Fold a Cloth Napkin into a Rose
About the Author and Illustrator
Back Ads
Copyright
About the Publisher
UHH-OHH! UHH-OHH!
“Fire drill!” shouted Cliff. The fire alarm at Oak Hill Elementary sounded different from alarms at every other school. UHH-OHH! UHH-OHH! It sounded like something very big had gone very wrong. It blared like one giant UHH-OHH! It was telling everyone to get outside as quickly as possible. Amelia Bedelia and her friends knew exactly how to do that, since their school had fire drills often.
“Everyone lined up?” asked Cliff. His classroom job this month was Fire Marshall.
“Aye aye,” said Clay, the current Assistant Fire Marshall. He handed Cliff the clipboard with the attendance list on it. That way Cliff could check off each student as they filed outside.
Mrs. Shauk, their teacher, was beaming. “Bravo,” she said as her class calmly exited the building. “This drill is going like clockwork.”
The only clockwork Amelia Bedelia had seen was inside her father’s collection of antique pocket watches and timepieces up in their attic. She hoped this fire drill did not look anything like that complicated heap of gears and teeth and springs.
No matter what, she was going to remember this fire drill forever. For the very first time in her life, Amelia Bedelia had managed to be first in line. Quite an achievement, considering that her desk was in the back of the classroom, in the very last row. Luckily, she had overheard Mrs. Roman talking about a fire drill when she dropped off the morning attendance in the main office. So when she returned to class, she’d stayed at the pencil sharpener in the front of the room, sharpening and re-sharpening her pencils until they were reduced to nubs.
As soon as the fire drill alarm went off, Amelia Bedelia had jumped, even though she’d been waiting for it. Covering her ears, she’d walked quickly to start forming a line.
Clay tried to get in front of Amelia Bedelia.
“Hey, I got here first,” she said to him.
“I’m on important business,” said Clay.
“Me too,” said Amelia Bedelia. “It’s important to exit the school calmly and quickly, and I can lead everyone out.” And she started to do just that, walking in the direction of the exit.
“There is no real fire,” said Clay, once they were outside the school.
“Even more reason to let me be first,” said Amelia Bedelia.
“No way,” said Clay. “You’re not the Assistant Fire Marshall. I am.”
He stepped in front of Amelia Bedelia and shoved her behind him with his elbow.
“You can’t push me,” said Amelia Bedelia, glaring at him.
“I just did,” said Clay, giving her another shove.
“Class!” said Mrs. Shauk. “Behave!”
“Hey, Clay, that’s no way to treat a lady,” said Angel.
“So what? Amelia Bedelia is no lady,” said Clay.
“What did you say?” asked Mrs. Shauk.
The question had an immediate effect. Clay’s eyes grew wide, but Mrs. Shauk’s were even wider. Once again, Mrs. Shauk had lived up to her nickname: the Hawk. Their teacher spotted everything, missing no detail, even during a fire drill. Clay felt like a juicy rabbit looking up to see a hawk dive-bombing him, her blood-red talons outstretched. That was when Cliff arrived.
“Mrs. Shauk,” interrupted Cliff, just in the nick of time. “You need to let this line move to our meeting spot!”
“Right you are, Cliff,” said Mrs. Shauk as Amelia Bedelia continued to lead the class to their meeting place near the bus circle.
“Now,” said Mrs. Shauk, “I believe we were just determining whether or not Amelia Bedelia is a lady.”
“Of course she isn’t,” said Cliff. “She’s just a girl.”
Mrs. Shauk’s eyes grew wider and wider. Amelia Bedelia was worried that Mrs. Shauk’s eyes were going to fall out of her head and roll down the school driveway. The very thought made her close her own eyes and rub them gently.
“Gentlemen,” said Mrs. Shauk. “I think this calls for a discussion after school today.”
“Weren’t you happy with the drill?” asked Cliff.
“The fire drill went fine—not our best, just fine,” said Mrs. Shauk. “But as they say, where there’s fire, there is smoke.”
“Don’t you mean where there’s smoke, there’s fire?” asked Clay. “That’s what my dad always says.”
“Oh, there is no fire at Oak Tree Elementary,” said Mrs. Shauk. “But there is a quite a bit of smoke to clear away, gentlemen. Quite a bit.”
Amelia Bedelia stood between Cliff and Clay. She felt terrible. They were her friends. And now they were in trouble because of her. Amelia Bedelia looked at them. “I’m sorry you have to be gentlemen and stay after school,” she said. She shrugged. “But just so you know, being a lady is no picnic either.”
“Picnic,” said Mrs. Shauk. “What a delightful idea, Amelia Bedelia. But in the meantime, Cliff and Clay, remember to report to me after school today. Now, everyone back inside—calmly and quickly!”
When Amelia Bedelia and her friends got to their classroom the next morning, they were surrounded by the evidence of Cliff and Clay’s detention. Large whiteboards lined all four walls. At the very top of each board, the class recognized the distinctive handwriting of the Hawk. She had written:
On each board, the same sentence was repeated over and over in two different styles of penmanship, Clay’s block print and Cliff’s sloppy scrawl.
In case there was any doubt, two boards were signed by Clay. The other two were signed by Cliff. Dawn, who loved math, blurted out, “Hey, Cliff and Clay each copied that sentence one hundred times!”
Amelia Bedelia thought about the courtroom and lawyer shows that her parents loved to watch. Was this what it meant when someone got sentenced? Did the guilty person have to write the same sentence over and over for ten years? For twenty years? For the rest of their life?
“First, let me congratulate all of you on an exceptional fire drill yesterday, despite our challenges,” said Mrs. Shauk as she erased the whiteboards. “Fortunately, you also brought something else to my attention.” She finished with a flourish of her eraser and turned to face the class.
“Tell me the truth,” said Mrs. Shauk. “How many of you think that being a lady or a gentleman, or acting with kindness and courtesy, is old-fashioned and only for grown-ups?”
Amelia Bedelia and her friends looked at one another. This seemed like a trick question, and not one of them wanted to answer it.
“It appears that many of you think that being respectful depends on your age,” cont
inued the Hawk. “But just because you can drive a car and vote does not make you a lady or a gentleman. Acting like a lady or a gentleman is a skill that must be learned at all ages. It’s only good manners.”
“So we don’t have to be real ladies or gentlemen as long as we act like them?” asked Penny.
“That doesn’t make any sense,” said Chip. “You are what you act like.”
“Manners are so confusing,” said Rose. “I never know if I’m doing the right thing or if people are laughing at me behind my back.”
“It’s bad manners to laugh behind someone’s back,” said Teddy.
“If others make mistakes, it’s good manners to let them know it in a nice way,” said Angel.
No wonder her name is Angel, thought Amelia Bedelia.
“Right you are, Angel,” said Mrs. Shauk. “Manners must be learned and practiced. They don’t come naturally. We don’t have our mouths open, hungry for good manners, like baby birds ready to gobble down a fat grub or juicy worm.”
Amelia Bedelia loved how Mrs. Shauk made her lessons so memorable. She just wished she hadn’t had such a big breakfast. Now all she could think about was worms!
Mrs. Shauk continued. “I was planning on starting a unit on weather, but I think our time would be better spent on manners instead. The weather will still be here after we learn how to best behave to one another. There is clearly no time like the present.”
“A present?” asked Amelia Bedelia excitedly. “Who is it for?” Amelia Bedelia liked presents even better than picnics.
Mrs. Shauk smiled. “Well now that you mention it, there could be a very nice prize for everyone when we finish the unit. We’re going to study manners. Table manners, meeting and greeting people, writing thank-you notes, having polite conversations, all kinds of manners. It is very important to have good manners. It shows respect to those around us and makes life more pleasant for everyone. If you all do a good job, when we are done we can celebrate with . . .”
The class was silent, not wanting to interrupt.
“An ice-cream party!” Mrs. Shauk finished.
Everyone cheered.
Mrs. Shauk smiled. “Let’s start at the very beginning,” she said. “With meeting and greeting people.”
“My mom always tells me that it’s important to make a good first impression,” said Daisy.
“Your mother is right,” said Mrs. Shauk. “How other people think about you and treat you begins with the impression you make from the very start. It is a foundation you can build upon.”
“So, your first impression is way more important than your seventeenth impression,” said Chip.
“Yes, most often that’s the case,” said Mrs. Shauk. “In fact, meeting someone for the first time is a terrific way for us to begin our unit on manners. Let’s practice.”
“We’re friends,” said Amelia Bedelia. “We already know each other.”
“Let’s pretend we don’t,” said Mrs. Shauk. “If I met you for the first time, I would say, ‘Hello, how do you do?’”
“How do I do what?” replied Amelia Bedelia.
“You don’t have to do anything. Just smile,” said Mrs. Shauk.
“This is easy,” said Amelia Bedelia. She put on her best smile, one that she used for photos. This made the other kids giggle . . . which made Amelia Bedelia smile for real.
“Now what do I do?” asked Amelia Bedelia.
“Say hello, tell me how you are feeling, then ask, ‘How are you doing?’”
“Oh, I’m fine,” said Amelia Bedelia. “How am I doing?”
“Not you, me,” said Mrs. Shauk. “I’m the one meeting you.”
“That’s too bad,” said Amelia Bedelia. “I hope you do something more exciting today than just meet me!”
The class laughed.
Mrs. Shauk frowned. “Perhaps we should start again,” she said.
“Amelia Bedelia, can you come to the front of the room, please?” asked Mrs. Shauk.
“Yes, I can,” said Amelia Bedelia. Even though her desk was in the last row, her legs worked just fine. She sat up straight in her chair, still smiling as hard as she could.
“Amelia Bedelia,” said Mrs. Shauk. Then she smiled, shook her head, and sighed. “Amelia Bedelia, would you walk to the front of the room, and stand next to me?”
“Sure,” said Amelia Bedelia. She stood, and in a few seconds was standing next to Mrs. Shauk.
Mrs. Shauk reached out, took Amelia Bedelia’s hand, and shook it. “Hello, my name is Mrs. Shauk. Nice to meet you,” she said with a warm smile.
Amelia Bedelia snorted. “Now that’s just silly,” she said. “I know who you are. And you know who I am.”
“This is a manners lesson,” Mrs. Shauk explained. “We’re pretending that we are meeting for the first time.”
“Oh, okay,” said Amelia Bedelia. She stared at her teacher. “So what am I supposed to do now?”
“You could say, ‘It’s nice to meet you too,’” replied Mrs. Shauk.
Amelia Bedelia nodded. “It’s nice to meet me too,” she said.
Mrs. Shauk shook her head. “Not you, me.”
“Not me?” asked Amelia Bedelia.
“No, not you,” said Mrs. Shauk.
“And not you?” said Amelia Bedelia.
Mrs. Shauk took a deep breath. “You can’t introduce me to myself,” she said patiently.
Amelia Bedelia thought for a moment. “I can try,” she said. “Mrs. Shauk, I’d like you to meet my teacher, Mrs. Shauk. Mrs. Shauk, this is Mrs.—”
“Enough!” said Mrs. Shauk.
Amelia Bedelia was surprised. “Mrs. Enough?” she asked. “When did you change your name to Mrs. Enough?”
BOOM!
The class froze, assuming that the BOOM! was Mrs. Shauk blowing her top. They quickly realized that the noise had come from Clay and Cliff, who were in a heap on the floor.
Mrs. Shauk walked over and looked down at the two boys, her arms crossed. “What happened here?” she asked.
No answer.
“Clay was laughing so hard he started to slide out of his seat,” Holly finally explained. “Cliff tried to grab him, but then both their desks flipped over and they fell onto the floor.”
“Are you two okay?” asked Mrs. Shauk.
Still no answer.
And then Clay snorted. And Cliff started laughing and could not stop. And Clay started laughing too. Soon, the whole class joined in.
Everyone but Mrs. Shauk, that is. She reached down and pulled Cliff and Clay to their feet.
“Go to the nurse’s office and get checked out, please.” Raising an eyebrow, she added, “It’s right next to the principal’s office.”
Cliff and Clay stopped laughing. So did everyone else.
Amelia Bedelia kept her eyes on Mrs. Shauk. The Hawk was tapping her toe on the floor and shaking her head. “Since when did manners get so confusing?” Mrs. Shauk muttered.
“Maybe you should stop by the nurse’s office too,” Amelia Bedelia suggested.
“That’s the best idea I’ve heard all day,” Mrs. Shauk replied, sinking down in her chair. “Class dismissed for early recess.”
Amelia Bedelia and her friends cheered.
On her way out of the classroom Amelia Bedelia paused in front of her teacher’s desk. “It has been a pleasure, Mrs. . . . Enough.”
Mrs. Shauk managed a weak smile. “Enough is enough,” she said. “Get going!”
“This is going to be as easy as pie,” said Pat. “I mean, how hard can it be? We just have to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and ‘how do you do?’ and smile a lot, and we’re all set.” He glanced at his classmates, who were gathered around their tree-stump table in the schoolyard.
“Pie?” said Amelia Bedelia. “I thought it was going to be an ice-cream party.”
“It is going to be an ice-cream party,” said Angel. “Though a pie party would be fun too. You could bake for us!”
Amelia Bedelia smiled. She was well
known for her delicious lemon tarts. But her smile quickly turned into a frown. “I don’t know if we’re going to have any kind of party,” she said worriedly. “Manners are so confusing.”
Joy nodded. “And Mrs. Shauk said we’d be learning table manners too. Did you know that there are things like fish forks? And even oyster forks?”
“I can’t even remember to keep my elbows off the table,” said Penny. “How am I going to remember which fork to use?”
“Sometimes I burp at the dinner table and forget to say excuse me,” Skip confessed.
“URP!” Clay fake burped and gave Skip a high five.
Heather rolled her eyes.
Amelia Bedelia and her friends sat in silence. This manners stuff was complicated.
Pat sighed. “Maybe this isn’t going to be as easy as I thought,” he said.
Just then Joy stood up and pointed. “Hey, look!” she said. Across the yard they could see a girl walking up to the school with her parents. A girl none of them had ever seen before. She wore a fancy outfit and had a pink streak in her hair that matched her boots perfectly.
“Maybe she’ll be in our class,” said Penny hopefully.
Amelia Bedelia & Friends Mind Their Manners Page 1