Ellie blushes, focusing on her dessert. “I’m only there for the free brownies…”
“Whatever you say, dear. Between Ellie and Sophie, we make some of the best baked goods in all of New York.”
Sophie beams at the compliment and I look at Rebecca questioningly. She shakes her head. “Don’t look at me. I can’t bake to save my life. I’m barely a step up from those two.” She gestures to Mia and Nic, a smirk on her face. “But I prefer serving, anyway”
“And she’s brilliant at it. I’ve never seen a more smooth-talking kid than that one. She could sell wood to beavers.” Rebecca’s eyes sparkle at Mia’s compliment.
Watching the group banter with each other, laugh, and reminisce on their shared past, has my chest tightening with sadness. So this is what a family is supposed to be like? Jokes, laughter, and teasing. But at the end of the day, they come together to help each other out.
“Long story short, Ellie can cook. And she’s damn good at it.” Paul smiles at Ellie before leaning back in his chair. “Everyone contributes a little something to make this family work, and it works damn well. It’s what brings us closer together.”
Everyone smiles at that, the love that this family has for each other taking my breath away.
“Wow, Paul. I don’t think I’ve heard you say anything so loving since the girls aced their report cards. I think I might cry.” Mia wipes away a fake tear.
“Oh, shove off, you.”
Everyone laughs, digging back into their desserts. I pick at mine, my heart swirling with sadness, happiness, and a pinch of envy. All my life, all I’ve wanted was a family just like this one.
Chatter slowly gets louder as everyone finishes their desserts. Do we stay around for a while afterwards, or do we go home? How do these family dinners work? I hate not knowing the answer to these questions. Feeling awkward just sitting there, I help Betty clear away the plates by stacking everything neatly on the buffet table.
“We’ve got it!” Taking the plates from the table, the girls make their way inside, quickly followed by Mia, Katie, and Ellie, who have the remaining dishes.
Slapping my back, Nic leads me toward Paul who is packing away chairs. “Come on. Let’s get this packed away so I can go home and sleep off my food coma.”
We make efficient work of the tables and chairs, stacking everything neatly in the shed at the side of the building before making our way to the back of the house where the women are waiting. Ellie crosses to Paul and gives him a fierce hug.
“Thanks for having us.” She turns to Betty and does the same.
“It was our pleasure sweetie. And it was nice to meet you, Garrett. We hope to see more of you around here.”
I shake Paul’s hand, smiling. “Thanks for having me. I had a really great night.”
I give Betty a quick hug which was more painful than I expected it to be. I forgot what it was like to be hugged by a mom. Memories of my own mom float through my mind; her bright smile, the way her laugh could fill the room, and how her hugs could soothe any heartache. My heart lurches in my chest as my grief overthrows every other emotion. I turn to the girls, giving them a hi-five, not really sure what else to do.
We make our way through the wooden side gate to my car, Ellie’s arm loosely hooked into my own.
“I’m really glad you came today. It was nice,” she says, her soft voice adding another punch to my already bruised heart.
“No problem,” I pause, steadying my throat. “It was… nice.”
The rest of the trip back to our apartment complex was silent, the darkness of the city illuminated by evening lights. Pulling into the building, I park the car, softly nudging sleeping beauty.
“Ellie, wake up. We’re here.”
Groaning she opens her eyes, blearily looking around her. “We’re back already?”
“Yeah. You fell asleep.”
“Oh.”
Making our way to the elevator, we step inside, waiting to rise to our floor. Ellie glances sideways, her eyebrows pulling inwards at my silence. I ignore her. How do you tell someone that being around their family causes you so much heartache that you want to run away and protect yourself from it?
The night replays in my mind like a sad film, showing me what I’ve missed out on for so many years, and how Ellie has fought for everything that she has; a new start, a loving family, and a brighter future. She’s too good for me. She deserves someone who can give her happiness and a family. She deserves a man that can give her light, and after today, I don’t think that person is me.
Shaking my head lightly, I clear away those thoughts as we step out of the elevator onto our floor.
Walking toward her apartment, she unlocks the door, before turning to me. “Are you… do you… want to come over?”
“Not tonight. I have to be up early for work, and I don’t want to wake you.”
Judging by the way her face pinches slightly, she knows that’s a lie. “Oh. Okay. I guess I’ll see you later?”
“Yeah. Thanks for a great day, Ellie.” Stepping in close, I kiss her softly on the lips, tasting a hint of mint and chocolate before walking toward my own apartment.
Stepping inside, I’m greeted by the cold, harsh reality that no one is there waiting for me. I pour myself a finger of whiskey, downing it quickly, before pouring myself another as my emotions threaten to bubble over.
With every fling I’ve had, we’ve both known the score: no strings, no attachments. When it ends, it ends. But with Ellie, those rules have been thrown out the window. I always want to see her, to spend time with her, to get to know her. But I can’t give her the life that she wants. Is it even worth continuing whatever it is that we have?
Taking a sip from my glass, I focus on the way that the whiskey burns my throat. Can I be the man that Ellie deserves? Do I really want to be?
I sit in the darkness, contemplating that very question.
13
Ellie
How did it go last night? Use any new toys with your B.F.?
I stare at Mia’s text, not really sure how to respond. It was awkward enough having to re-live the scene outside my door in my dreams the entire night, but to tell Mia about it?
Maybe Mia saw something that I missed? My stomach falls as guilt washes over me. What if he really didn’t want to go? Or he hated it?
I dial her number, staring up at the ceiling as I tear open a bag of chips.
“Please tell me you’re calling to tell me all the naughty details?” she answers.
I crunch into a chip as I say, “He left me at my door. Basically gave me a fist bump and ran away to his apartment, claiming that he had work in the morning.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. ‘Oh.’”
“So what are you going to do?”
“Talk to him—maybe?” I say. “I mean, even if we aren’t officially together, we’re still friends, right?”
Mia’s silence is the only answer I need.
“You don’t think we’re friends?” I ask, my voice unintentionally rising an octave.
Mia sighs. “Honey, that man wants to be more than friends with you. And I don’t think you’ve ever actually been friends. More like enemies. Then you were lovers. There was no real in between.”
“Yeah, I suppose… I never really thought of that.” I rub at the stiffness in my neck, her words striking home. Does he really feel like he can’t talk to me?
“That may be why he was the way he was last night,” Mia adds gently. “Being confronted by Betty and Paul, being introduced to the girls, and being around a group of people who are basically family—it might have been a little too much. Nic said he doesn’t have any family, so his feelings for you might not be the only thing on his mind.”
God, I’m a terrible person. Here I am worrying about me, and I never even took a moment to think about how it must have been for him to be there. “Fuck.”
“On the bright side, it’s Sunday, and if he’s not working, you can always call and se
e what he’s doing—maybe talk to him about everything.”
I nibble on the inside of my cheek and exhale slowly. “Yeah… I think I might do that.”
“Good. I’ll invoice you for the relationship therapy session in the next few hours. I accept payment via Paypal or my stomach. Muffins, preferably.”
I laugh. “Too bad you can’t apply that advice to your own love life.”
“Bitch.”
I snicker mischievously, but Mia sighs. “This is unfortunately true. Anyways, hun, I’ve gotta go. Jake wants to try his hand at cooking his Auntie Ellie’s carrot cake muffins. Please bring replacements sometime this week. God knows how these will turn out.”
I smile. “Sure, okay. Say hi to Jake for me!” I sit up, grabbing my notepad and pen to jot down a reminder. Should I do some for Garrett?
“Will do. Bye!”
Hanging up, I throw my phone onto the couch, watching it bounce across the cushions. Georgie pads over and nudges my hand, begging for scratches.
I look down at him fondly and scratch behind his ear. “Want to go for walkies?”
His eyes light up and he barks excitedly, jumping away from me to spin in circles. Throwing on my coat, I take Georgie’s leash from the hook and we make our way to the elevator. I take a deep breath and form a plan in my head, breaking down my day into tasks, just like my therapist taught me:
First, walk Georgie. Second, bake awesome muffins. Third, talk to Garrett—bring muffins.
I wave to the security guard as I exit the lobby. With the sun overhead and laughter drifting from the park across the road, the world feels a tad bit brighter. The anxiety clutching my chest lessens, allowing me to breathe a little easier.
The smell of coffee from the Bean and Brewed cart catches my attention, making me backtrack and walk away from the park—much to Georgie’s confusion.
“Hey, Miss Ellie! The usual?”
“Yes please, Roger! Thank you!”
I pop the money down on the bench and we wait, enjoying the smells of the coffee, the sounds of the world. Georgie sits patiently—though expectantly—by my feet, and I tilt my face up to the sun to absorb some good-old vitamin D.
“Here you are!”
Roger hands me the coffee over the bench, triggering Georgie to bounce excitedly at my feet. Knowing our routine, he sets out walking for the park, tugging on the leash. I giggle at his excitement and turn back to wave goodbye to Roger. “Thanks! See you soon, Roger.”
“Watch out!”
I snap my head to the front. Time slows as a man powering by on his motorized bicycle careens into Georgie, ripping the leash from my hand. A heart-wrenching shriek erupts from his mouth, and I temporarily lose sight of him as the cyclist and his bike tumble over his small form.
“Georgie! No, no, no!” Dropping the coffee, I race toward the collision, disregarding the cyclist who is already pulling himself to his feet. I drop the ground and push the bike roughly away from Georgie without qualms, and my throat squeezes shut.
I can hear murmuring in the background. The cyclist peers over my shoulder. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry—I didn’t see him. Is he alright?”
But I’m not listening. My focus is on Georgie. I whisper to him as my shaking hand softly strokes his head. “Oh, God. You’re going to be okay, buddy. I love you, you’re going to be okay.” My gaze drifts to his body and his back leg twisted at an unnatural angle.
His breaths wheeze out of his tiny chest and he coughs lightly, yelping in pain each time. The sound pulls me back to the dark basement of my old house, my own labored breathing deafening to my ears as I struggle for air. My stomach somersaults as the wheezing sounds mold together, dread forming in the pit of my stomach. I don’t know what to do.
My guilt moves to choke me, but something else pushes its way to the forefront, overshadowing my fear and helplessness—my love for Georgie. My mind fills with images of his happy face, his wagging tail, and his undying devotion. He got me through my darkest moments. I need to be there for him too. And with that thought, I’m back on the sidewalk. The breeze moves past me, antagonizing and gentle.
“Ellie, I just rang Paul. He’ll be here soon.” Roger stands by his cart, wringing his hands as he watches us. “Is there anyone else you need me to call?”
“Ah…” I look up, swallowing the lump in my throat. “Um, no. Paul will get ahold of everyone. Thanks, Roger.” I try to offer him a small smile, but my cheeks won’t cooperate. So I drop my gaze down to Georgie and continue stroking his head. I can’t lose him…
“Hey… Is he okay?”
Lifting my head, I see the damn cyclist standing in front of me, a few scrapes on his arms. Motherfucker. Rising to my feet, I glare with everything that I have in me.
“Does he look all-fucking-right? What were you thinking riding so fast on the pavement? That’s why there’s a fucking bike lane on the road! What if you’d hit a child, huh?”
The rider stares at me, his mouth falling open and his chin jutting back. “It’s just a dog, lady. You can buy a new one.”
I see red. “I can buy a new dog? Are you kidding me? His life means more to me than yours does!” Walking around my boy, I clench my fists to my side, striding toward him.
“I don’t care who the fuck you think you are, but if he dies, I’m coming after you.” God, what I’d give to fucking beat his ass.
“Ellie, love. Georgie needs you right now. He can feel how scared and angry you are, and it’s not helping.”
What the fuck did you just say? Spinning around, my anger bubbles, ready to be unleashed on my next target. But it simmers down at the sight of Garrett stroking Georgie’s head, hushing his shaking body.
“Oh, God.” Running back, I drop down beside them. “I’m sorry, buddy. I’m sorry. Mommy was just a little cranky. I’m here, Georgie. I’m here.” My voice cracks as Garrett’s arm pulls me into his side.
“Come on, Ellie. Let’s go. There’s a vet clinic not too far from here. We can take him there.” Letting me go, Garrett unzips his jacket, laying it on the ground beside Georgie. I nod, but all I’m focused on is Georgie’s closed eyes, his slowing breaths.
“Ellie. Listen to me. Georgie needs his mom, so you need to be strong for him. Can you do that?” Garrett’s words strike my heart. I look at him. His steely eyes wait for my answer.
“Ye… Yes. I can.”
“Good. Keep comforting him.” Getting up, Garrett jogs to the coffee cart, gesturing to Roger. Roger quickly scrambles in the cupboard of his cart and comes out with a sturdy cardboard box which he empties across the ground. He hands the box to Garrett who flattens it and jogs back.
Garrett slides the board underneath Georgie, whispering words of encouragement with every whimper and whine as he lifts him. When Georgie is completely on the board, he turns to me, his eyes meeting mine. “I need you to hold on to the two corners. Slide your hands underneath. Try not to jostle him too much, okay?”
I do as he asks, staring blearily at Georgie. “Hey, buddy. We’re going to get you all fixed up and brand new. Isn’t that exciting?” Georgie whimpers in response, my heart breaking even further.
“On the count of three, slowly lift your end. Not too high, but high enough that we can place him on the jacket. Are you ready?” I meet Garrett’s eyes, cool and calm, and nod.
“One… two… three.”
We slowly lift Georgie, maneuvering him onto the jacket and set him down gently. Garrett jumps to his feet, opening the back door of his car which I just now notice is idling with the drivers’ side door open on the side of the road. I look again at Garrett and take in his suit; he was on his way to work.
He looks back at me. “Come on. Let’s get him inside.”
Using the arms of the jacket, he takes his time to stand, careful not to jostle Georgie. Once he straightens, he strides toward his car, gently placing Georgie down before removing the sling.
“Get going, love. I’ll handle it from here.” A policewoman moves to my side, squee
zing my arm as her gaze flicks between Garrett and myself before settling on the rider, standing behind the crowd that had gathered.
“What about him?” I ask, gesturing toward the man who frowns in response.
“I’ve already talked to a few witnesses who saw what happened. You have nothing to worry about. If anything, I think he should be more scared of you.” Chuckling, she shakes her head. “Now, from one dog mom to another, get your boy to a vet.”
“Thank you!” Without thinking, I throw my arms around her, hugging her quickly before running to the open door and climbing slowly into the backseat. Closing the door gently behind me, I shuffle closer to Georgie, stroking his head.
“You’re doing so well, buddy! You’ll be patched up in no time.”
Georgie shakes, coughing a little before letting out a soul-shattering whimper. Whipping my head, I stare at Garrett’s eyes in the rear-view mirror. “Please hurry.”
Nodding, he starts the car, pulling out into traffic. “We’ll be there in about five minutes.”
I continue to stroke his head, humming along to the radio. The drive feels like it’s taking forever, but soon enough, we pull into the vet clinic. I frown; I’d once tried to get Georgie into this place, but they only take service dogs.
“Garrett, I don’t think we can come here. They’re very exclusive on who they take.”
“Don’t worry. I know the owner, and he owes me a favor.”
Hopping out, he opens the door and helps me lift out Georgie. “You’re doing great, Ellie. Georgie has a tough mom.” Kissing my head, he leads me away from the car and toward the building.
Pressing the buzzer, we wait for the door to unlock before hurrying inside.
“Garrett! What are you doing here?”
I move out from behind Garrett, shock replacing my worry. “Gabe?”
“Ellie? What are you doing here?” But then he sees the limp form in my arms and rushes over, his green scrubs rustling with every movement.
“What happened?” he asks, his voice losing its happy tone as his eyes quickly graze over Georgie, pausing at his mangled back leg.
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