I nod.
Staring at the doors to the kitchen, Betty sighs, grabbing my hand. “About fourteen years ago, Paul and I separated.”
“You what!?”
“Keep your voice down!” she hisses, a frown marring her forehead.
I wince, giving her a sheepish grin. “Sorry.”
“We separated,” she says again. “His job changed him, Ellie. And not in a good way. He’d come home drunk, or he’d stay up late drinking bottles of whatever was cheapest at the time. It got to the point where I’d wonder if he’d make it through the night,” she sighs, slumping in her chair at the memory.
“In the end, I gave him an ultimatum. He had to get himself clean, for me, for Rebecca, and for himself. Or he could leave. He chose to leave.” Picking up a napkin, she folds it in half and half again.
“It was hard, Ellie. Having to do everything alone. But in the end, I learned a pretty valuable lesson. We’re made of tougher things than we give ourselves credit for. Three months later, Paul came back into our lives, begging for a second chance. It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make. I could give the man I loved a second chance to be the father and husband I knew he could be, or I could let him go and regret not trying to make us work.”
A soft smile pulls at her mouth, her eyes twinkling. “I went with my heart. And nine months later, Sophie came into this world. Sometimes we have to make the tough decisions, Ellie. Not because our men are stupid, but because they need to be hit over the head a few times with a club before things begin to really sink in.” She chuckles.
“So, are you saying that I should forgive him?” Can I even do that? I bite my lip and stare out the glass windows to the scenic boulevard, my mind warring between forgiveness and reluctance.
“No, love. But if there comes a day when he wakes up to himself and realizes what he’s lost and comes back to apologize, begging for forgiveness, make sure you make the decision from your heart—not your head,” she taps her temple. “Forget the past. Forget the pain. Forget everything that happened, because if you want to move forward, you’re going to need to do just that.”
“How do you… how did you let go of it all?”
“I had to make a choice. Did I want to be without the man I loved, or did I want to spend the rest of my life loving and growing old with him? And guess what? I’ve never once looked back.” She laughs, throwing the napkin onto the table, her intricate folds coming undone.
“We love, we laugh, and every day we are so thankful for everything that we have. We have two thriving businesses, we have wonderful friends and family, and we have three of the most beautiful, smart, and strong daughters’ anyone could possibly ask for. What more could we want?” Betty’s eyes shine brightly as she squeezes my hand tightly.
My heart swells at her words. Launching across the table, I hug her fiercely as tears fall from my eyes, though I’m not even sure why. For all of my life, all I’ve ever wanted was to know what it was like to have parents who loved me. They may not be my birth parents, but they’re everything I could have wanted. Love and gratitude fill in my heart, strengthening the frayed ropes holding the broken pieces together.
“Becs! Code blue! I repeat, code blue!” Paul’s voice booms across the bakery, startling Betty and I apart. Looking again at Betty, I see the trails of tears shining down to her chin. We giggle at each other and wipe ourselves down with napkins.
The kitchen door slaps against the wall as Rebecca flies through it, her eyes wildly looking between her dad and our red faces. With her hands on her hips, she marches over to Paul, glaring up at him before poking him in the chest. “What did you do?”
“What do you mean, what did I do?” The look of utter shock on his face is almost comical.
“I left them out here for five minutes, and when I come back, they’re a blubbering mess.”
“Why do you assume that I had anything to do with this?” He crosses his arms, matching his daughter’s stance.
“Because men are always the reason. You can’t leave anyone alone for five minutes, can you?” Huffing, she turns back around, marching toward the counter and opening the freezer. She pulls out three pints of ice cream and drops them unceremoniously onto the table with three spoons.
“Do I want to know what just happened?” Paul asks as his eyes flick between his wife and I, confusion narrowing his eyes.
“No,” we say at the same time, bursting into laughter with our united agreement.
“Women.” Muttering, Paul sits down next to us, eyeing the pint of ice cream in his wife’s hands.
Sliding it over to him, she hands him the spoon, and he digs in. “Men,” she rolls her eyes.
Paul grins and I stare at him. I try to picture him as the man in Betty’s story, but I can’t. I can only see the amazing man I’ve come to know and love. They live each day to the fullest, and their love is so bright it’s like the moon in the night sky. It’s beautiful. It’s constant. And it’s everything that I want.
“What do you think of having a barbecue tonight? We can invite the girls and the men that helped you move?” Betty’s voice draws me out of my ice cream fueled musings, her eyes tracking my every movement.
“Um… that sounds great! I’ll call everyone on the way back to your house.”
As we help Betty clean up the bakery in preparation for tomorrow, I can’t help but watch as Betty and Paul share a soft kiss, smiling against each other’s lips.
“Ugh. They can be so mushy at times.” Disgust tinges Rebecca’s tone as we watch Paul twirl Betty around, dipping her low as she giggles, her eyes glittering with love.
“I think it’s sweet,” I say quietly. “To know that you love someone with all of your heart and that they love you. To always have someone to rely on when you’re sad, or lost, or in need of comfort… I think it’s something that we all want, deep down.”
“All right, you broken record. No need to ruin my tough girl image with your ideals of love.” Her lips twitch and I scrunch my nose at her.
“So, do you want to talk about your little outburst?” I nudge her arm, drawing her eyes to mine.
Staring at me, she sighs before coming to lean against the counter beside me. “I hate that you’re hurting, Ellie. You’re my sister and I can’t do anything to help you. I should be able to, but I can’t.”
Wrapping my arms around her, I hug her tightly. “This is one of those things that I have to work through. I probably should have told him everything I was feeling, but writing words and speaking them are two different things. I just need time to figure everything out. I don’t want to say something when I’m angry, or upset, and regret it later. And that’s something I’ll have to apologize for. But for now, just having you guys here with me helps, Becs.”
Rebecca pulls away and her eyes search mine. “I know you’ll make the right choice, Ellie. You’re the strongest person I know.”
Rubbing her eyes, she heads over to the garbage, pulling the bag up to tie it closed. I gnaw on my fingernails, as my anxiety takes a bite out of me. How do I work through all of this anger and betrayal? Do I just get over it?
“You know, biting your fingernails is meant to be worse than licking a toilet seat.” Sophie hops onto the counter, her karate clothes a stark contrast to the 60s, retro decor of the bakery.
“Mm, toilet seat tastes good.” I laugh at the disgust on her face, pushing her off the counter so that I can clean it—again.
“How was class? Did you enjoy the walk here?” I snicker, and she rolls her eyes at me.
She shakes her head, watching her dad come through the kitchen door. “Honestly. Does he think that I don’t see him watching me? It’s kind of hard not to miss him.”
“Hey, munchkin. You walk here okay?”
Sophie gives me a looker drier than jerky before placing her hands on her hips, tapping her foot. “I don’t know, Dad. Did I?”
I cover my laugh with my hand as I watch a pint-size girl take on her six-foot dad.
She’s going to be a man-eater when she’s old enough to date.
“I was in the kitchen… boxing up dessert… I did not watch you walk here.” His face turns into a frown. “I also did not see that boy hug you before you left class. Want to tell me about that?”
“No, because if you weren’t watching me, you wouldn’t have seen that.”
Paul’s mouth falls open, flapping like a fish out of water.
“Sophie, please stop harassing your father. You’re coming home with your sister and I. Ellie, you go with Paul.” Betty waves us away, and I follow Paul outside to his truck.
“She got you good.” I laugh, hopping into the passenger side.
Paul grunts, starting the engine. “Damn kid is too smart for her own good.” His voice echoes with begrudging pride as we make our way out of the traffic and toward their house.
Pulling out my phone, I open our group chat and invite everyone to Paul and Betty’s house for a family dinner. Their agreeing replies start popping up only seconds later.
“Everyone is coming,” I say as I sit back in my chair, getting comfy as we cruise along the highway.
“Everything alright, kiddo?”
Twisting my head, I see Paul flicking his eyes between my face and the road, a slight frown etched onto his face. “Yeah… I think so? I don’t know.”
Sighing, I wipe my hands on my jeans, rubbing away some lint. “I saw Garrett today, and it was… hard. I knew it was going to be, but… I didn’t realize how much until I was in front of him. Remembering all of the times that we spent together, wondering if it was all a lie?”
“Ellie…” Paul starts out slowly, almost reluctantly. “I’m going to give you some advice from a man who’s fucked up in more ways than I can count on my hands and feet combined.” His eyes grow serious, now focused on the road. “Give him time. Let him realize what he’s missing by not having you in his life. And while he’s doing that, you need to find what makes you happy. Don’t depend on anyone, let alone a man, to determine your happiness. Because if you do, you’re never going to be truly happy.”
I shift in my seat so that I can gawk at Paul. It’s as if I’m seeing him in a new light. Where did that come from?
He frowns, noticing my stare. “Just because I’m a man doesn’t mean that we don’t think about these things. I’ve spent the better part of sixteen years saving up these tidbits for when the girls need boy advice from their dad. Whether they want it or not.” His frown deepens at the last part as we pull into his driveway.
Parking the truck, he turns to me, holding my hand in his. He squeezes gently. “You’re a good woman, Ellie, and I want you to be happy. Whatever happens, or doesn’t happen, we love you. And I am so damn proud of the woman you’ve become.”
“Oh, Paul…!” I don’t restrain myself as I fling my arms around his neck, hugging him close. Patting my back, he murmurs soft nothings, but his voice soothes me, anyway.
“Jesus, dad! What did you do this time?” Rebecca frowns through the driver’s side window, her anger flaring as she sees the tears in my eyes—albeit unshed, this time. A laugh bursts from me and I pull away.
Paul raises an eyebrow at me. “I swear. The next time there’s a natural disaster, I’m going to get the blame for it.”
I shrug. “Well, this truck isn’t very good for the environment…”
“God. Don’t you start,” he groans, getting out of the truck. Slamming the door shut, he jogs over to Betty to help her with the bags.
Before long, everything is prepped, the meat is on the grill, and everyone is sitting around tables on the lawn, enjoying the cool, evening air.
Jake walks hesitantly over to me, hopping onto my lap as he looks at Gabe with wide eyes.
“How did you get your scars?”
The chatter dies off, all eyes turning to Gabe. But the man only smiles. He touches the scars on his arms. “I was in an accident a long time ago.”
Looking between Gabe’s arms and mine, he stares at Gabe once again. “Like Auntie Ellie’s scars?”
“Exactly like your Aunty Ellie’s scars. Want to know what the best part about it is?”
Jake nods his head so aggressively that I worry it might bounce right off.
“Girls love scars.” At that, he winks at me. A blush stains my cheeks as I remember that night.
“They do?”
I giggle at Jake’s incredulous tone, placing a soft kiss to his head. “They sure do, bud.”
“Mom! Girls love scars! Does that mean you love Gabe? Can he be my daddy?”
The look on Mia’s face is priceless. With her eyes open wide, and her jaw dropped, the stunned look is an expression that’s never really seen by anyone. Beside me, Gabe is mirroring her.
Nic sniggers next to Ryan. “I can’t wait for when he starts asking about sex. I want a front-row seat to that horror show.” Nic laughs louder, earning an elbow jab from Mia who finally starts to come around.
“How about I handle the sex talk and you can handle the talk about mastur—”
“Dinner’s ready!”
Giggling, I carry Jake over to the table where he insists on sitting between Gabe and myself. The soft look on Gabe’s face melts my heart and throws my ovaries into hyper drive. Down girl.
“Do you want kids, someday?”
My question startles him, as if it isn’t a question he gets asked often—or at all. “Maybe one day. A few years ago I would have said hell no. But if I had the right woman, I think I’d have as many as she was willing to have with me.”
I swoon at his words, but am distracted by Paul’s presence behind me.
“Here you go, Ellie.” Paul drops a steak onto my plate, then places one on Gabe’s and scoops out cubed pieces for Jake.
Taking his seat at the head of the table, he clears his throat, gaining everyone’s attention.
“Paul? Would you mind if I…?” Standing up, I brush my hands down my sweater and over my jeans.
“Go ahead, kiddo.”
Taking a deep breath, I look around the table at the people who’ve become my family, my anxiety fading away. “The past five years have been a struggle for me, but without all of you in my lives, I honestly don’t know where I would be. I’ve never met a more amazing group of people who fight hard, love harder, and have had my back through… everything. Thank you.”
Cheers erupt around the table, my grin growing wider as I raise my glass. “So, I propose a toast. To family, to friends, and to our amazing lives together.” Everyone clinks their glasses with the people next to them, drinking in celebration.
“Um. There’s one more thing.” Glowing red, I dig into my handbag, pulling out a worn envelope, staring at its wrinkled appearance. I once thought this envelope would change my life forever, but looking around the table, it wouldn’t change a damn thing. Well, here goes nothing.
Walking over to Betty and Paul, I swallow the lump in my throat before handing it over. “Years ago, you both came into my life, and I didn’t know it then, but I do now. You helped me get my life back. You took me in when you didn’t have to, and you let those guys tag along,” I say, throwing my thumb over my shoulder.
“I don’t know if you guys want to… I’m sorry it took me this long to realize, but I hope you still do.” Biting my lip nervously, I watch as the girl’s race from their chairs to stand with their parents. Rebecca snatches the envelope and rips it open. Paul holds it while they all scan the pages.
“Yes!” the girls scream, barreling into me. I hug them both to my chest, kissing their heads and squeezing them tight. Looking up, Paul has his arms wrapped around Betty, who is sobbing against his shoulder. Looking up at me with misty eyes, Paul nods.
“Mommy, why is everyone crying?” Wiping the tears from my eyes, I see everyone at the table looking and feeling just as confused as Jake.
Pulling away from the girls, I kneel on the ground next to Betty and Paul. “Mom?”
Betty grabs my hand, pulling me off of the ground and into
a fierce hug. Paul wraps his arms around us both as we cry. “It’s about time, kiddo.”
“Thanks for waiting… Dad.” I give him a watery smile as he blinks furiously, tears frosting his eyelashes.
Laughing, I extract myself from the group hug. “We should eat. The food’s probably gone cold by now.”
“Fuck the food!” Betty’s outburst draws shocked gasps from the group, earning a snicker from Paul who immediately coughs at the glare she sends in his direction.
Turning to the group, her eyes wander around the table. “Even though we unofficially claimed you all those years ago, we gained another daughter tonight.” Betty grabs her glass of wine and downs it.
“Geez, Ellie. You haven’t officially been our sister for more than five minutes and you’re already driving mom to drink. That’s got to be some kind of record.” Rebecca’s words cut through the tears, everyone laughing along with her. Betty swats her daughter with a napkin.
Katie and Mia run around the table, pulling me into another hug. “We’re so happy for you.” Looking into their misty eyes, I know they mean it. For so long, all I’ve wanted was to be accepted. To be loved. I just didn’t realize that I’ve had it all along. But making it official feels like locking a piece of my heart into place.
Rising from his chair, Paul hugs Betty to his side, smiling so wide it’s a little unnerving. “Let’s eat!”
Sitting back down, a weight I didn’t know I had in my heart lifts. Gazing around at my friends and my family, love bursts in my chest. Despite all that’s happened, I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy.
17
Ellie
I don’t think I’ve ever been this nervous before. I quickly close the stage curtain and run back to the green room, light on my feet so as to not be heard.
For four weeks, Mia and I have been revising, editing, revising, and editing some more in a last ditch effort to iron out every crease and wrinkle in my manuscript. Now, it’s so polished I’m tempted to rub it three times to see if a genie pops out.
But those four soul-dividing and torturous weeks paid off. Having only sent out a teaser for today’s reading with a limited number of seats available for purchase, they sold out within a day. It’s mind blowing.
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