by Ivy Smoak
I laughed as he pulled me into his arms.
“I’m falling for you too,” he whispered as he held me tight.
“I said I was falling for you. As in…past tense.” I was smiling so hard that my cheeks actually hurt.
He laughed. “Maybe you can just pick up where you left off then?”
I already had. Right when he apologized to my uncle. “Yeah. I think I can manage that.”
When my uncle came back, we all sat down on the couch to watch the movie together, me between the two of them. Matt laughed at the movie in all the same places that my uncle and I did. And the longer the night went on, the more normal it felt for Matt to be there with us. Matt didn’t even make fun of the non-buttery popcorn I made. Although I’m pretty sure he did make a weird face after his first bite. I gave him credit for continuing to eat it though.
He smiled down at me as he stole some of my fuzzy blanket for himself.
I could really get used to this.
Chapter 29
Monday
Kennedy and I sat on the front steps of the school as I filled her in on everything about Matt. The good, the bad, the in-between. All of it. I would have told her over the weekend, but I didn’t want to jinx it. Matt would be walking up these steps any minute now. The time for jinxing had passed.
Once I started talking, it was like I couldn’t stop. I was done with secrets and lies. It kind of felt like a storm cloud had been following me around this school ever since I’d stepped foot inside and learned about the Untouchables. But it was sunny today. A perfect autumn day. The kind of day where my mom and I would rake leaves and jump in the piles.
“So you’re definitely not related to him?” Kennedy asked.
“I think my uncle would have said something if we were. Matt asked his permission to take me to homecoming. I can’t think of a much better segue to make Uncle Jim tell us.”
Kennedy laughed. “Right. Something like…you have my permission,” she said in a low voice. “But only as friends. Because she’s your sister.”
I started laughing halfway through her impersonation of Uncle Jim. “That was terrible.”
“Almost as terrible as the segue.” She pulled her camera out of her bag and snapped a picture of me.
“What was that for?”
“To commemorate the day you finally admitted that you’re desperately, madly, head over heels in love with Matthew Caldwell.”
“I never said I was in love with him.” The words lacked conviction as they left my mouth.
She shrugged. “The picture says it all. And I’d like to take a moment to also remember that I called all this weeks ago.” She turned the camera around, made the sassiest face ever, and snapped a picture.
“I could just take a picture for you.” I held out my hand.
“You wouldn’t properly capture the ‘I knew it all along’ look.” Her smile faltered. “Speaking of which…how are you going to break the news to Felix?”
“I don’t know yet.” I told him I didn’t want to date anyone. I thought I’d have more time before all this came out. “I’m hoping we can still be friends.”
She shook her head. “Boys and girls are never really just friends, Brooklyn. That’s high school 101. The only reason Felix agreed to be your friend last week was because he knew he still had a chance to make it more.”
“I don’t think that’s true,” I said.
“Trust me. It’s true.” She kicked a leaf off the step in front of her. “You could have told me all this, you know. I would have kept your secret.”
“I know. Honestly, I think I was just trying to lie to myself. I didn’t want to fall for him. What if Isabella’s right? What if I’ll never fit into this world?”
“Screw Isabella. You do fit. Matt chose you out of all the girls in this school, and they all come from the right zip code. Plus, you’ll fit in better than ever now that you have that pretty thing on your arm.”
I almost looked down at my arm, but then realized she was referring to Matt. “Oh, yes,” I said with a laugh. “He’ll be quite the accessory.”
“I know, right? Do you think he’ll surprise you for homecoming by buying you something other than a second-hand dress?”
“I think that only happens in movies. I’m fine buying my own dress.”
“If you haven’t noticed…you dating one of the Untouchables is just like a movie. Ah! Here he is!” She lightly slapped my arm and then lifted her camera. “I also want to capture his face when he finally gets to love you in the light of day.”
I didn’t even bother to hide my smile as Matt stepped out of the car. Followed by Mason, Rob, and James. I was pretty sure my heart stopped beating as they started to climb the steps. This was it. Kennedy was right. Suddenly my life really did feel like a movie. Playing in slow motion.
I stood up and waited for Matt to turn my way.
Kennedy snapped the picture to capture Matt’s expression.
But Matt didn’t turn my way. Had he not seen me? “Matt,” I said. He still didn’t turn my way. Maybe he hadn’t heard me either. “Matt,” I said a little louder.
He passed by me and disappeared into Empire High.
Kennedy stood up and grabbed my hand. “It’s okay. He probably just didn’t see you.”
“Or hear me?”
“Let’s just meet him at his locker,” Kennedy said. “I’m sure everything’s fine.”
I released the breath I didn’t know I’d been holding. Kennedy was right. This was just a misunderstanding. Matt promised me. He’d promised.
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Isabella said. Her gaze trailed from my beat-up shoes to my hair and she rolled her eyes like the sight of me disgusted her. “It seems to me like he’s ignoring you for a reason.” Her minions standing behind her laughed.
“Shove off, Isabella,” Kennedy said. “Don’t you have detention to go to or something?”
“Lame comeback. Detention is after school. Not that I’d really know…seeing as it’s not something I’d ever attend. My father called and got that silly punishment thrown out the window. He’s one of the school’s biggest donors. The principal even apologized,” she said with a laugh. “I’m untouchable. Just like the Caldwells and Hunters. And just to make myself clear…I mean untouchable to the two of you.” She smiled her asinine sweet smile.
“Oh really?” Kennedy said. “Because Matt and Brooklyn are dating.”
“Dating?” Isabella laughed. “Did you not see…” she pointed to the school doors. “You didn’t…” her voice trailed off and she put her hand over her mouth pretending to be shocked. “Oh no. Darling,” she said as she stared at me. “That was Matt’s way of telling you that you two will literally. Never. Happen. Not in your wildest, poor girl fantasies. For goodness sakes, you live with a janitor.”
I opened my mouth to talk, but I didn’t have a witty comeback. And I couldn’t stand up for Matt. He’d walked right by me. Without a glance.
“Close your mouth,” sneered Isabella. “You look like a fish.”
Her friends snickered behind her.
“Well, I should be going. I don’t want to be late for class. Not that I could get detention or anything.” She walked away laughing. The sound of her heels clicking up the stairs sent a chill down my spine.
I wasn’t sure how long I stood there before Kennedy pulled me toward the doors. “Take a deep breath,” she said as we stopped by my locker. “We’ll figure out what’s going on. Let’s hatch a plan in English, okay?”
I was barely paying attention. I’d opened my backpack to remove the books I didn’t need, but Matt’s jacket was staring back at me. All weekend I’d been picturing how this morning would go. After we walked through the halls hand in hand, I’d pull his jacket on as he kissed me goodbye at the door to my first class. Now my dream had been lit on fire and thrown into the dumpster. “Yeah, that’s fine,” I said.
“I’m sure Matt has a good explanation,” Kennedy said before hurryi
ng off to class.
He probably did. He always did. But I was done hearing them. I slammed my locker shut. Part of me wanted to walk back out the front doors. But unlike Isabella, I could get more detention. I walked into my first period class, my backpack feeling impossibly heavy with Matt’s jacket in it.
***
I’d hung out in the nurse’s office for the past two hours, pretending to have cramps. Apparently girls hung out in her office all the time for this reason. Kennedy had given me the tip when we’d failed to come up with any possible excuse for Matt during English class. I couldn’t focus today anyway, so lying in bed in the nurse’s office seemed like the only viable option. Besides, something was definitely wrong with my body. I was pretty sure I was having a heart attack. Although the nurse had quickly ruled that out as she handed me a Midol and a glass of water.
My period wasn’t until next week. But I took the Midol anyway, hoping it would somehow help the pain in my chest. Wasn’t that what people did at this school anyway? Took things they didn’t need? Like James taking whatever drugs he was on. And Matt taking my heart. The medicine didn’t help with that.
I wanted to hide out in here for the rest of the day. But when it was time for my entrepreneurial studies class, I knew it would be better to get it over with. Besides, I was used to Matt ignoring me in school. He’d been doing it all year. The perfect actor playing his role flawlessly. I just wasn’t sure how I’d been the one who ended up getting played.
The nurse smiled at me as I left her office. Like she was proud of me for braving the world with cramps. I wished that was my only problem.
I sat down in class and pulled out my notebook. The worst part about all this was that we still had our stupid project. I’d still have to work with him.
“Brooklyn,” Matt said as he sat down in front of me in class.
I didn’t look up.
“James didn’t know about your mom. He feels awful about what happened.”
“Good. He should.” I kept my eyes on my notebook.
“He swore that he’s going to apologize to you. I made sure of that.”
“Great. And what about you?” I finally looked up. “Are you going to apologize to me about this morning?”
“That’s what I’m trying to explain.”
“Okay.” I folded my arms across my chest. “Well, you’re doing a great job.” I said it sarcastically, but for some reason he smiled. It was true, I may have loved his smile yesterday. But today I hated it. He looked stupid. No one’s teeth should be so straight and white. He looked like a photoshopped magazine cover. Fake.
Students around us started talking louder. They were probably making fun of me. But I drowned them out, waiting for the asshole in front of me to explain to me why on earth I should trust him yet again.
“James was a mess on Saturday when I went to talk to him,” Matt said. “He confessed about the blackmailing. And he really does feel bad.”
“So James told you the truth…which means we can’t be together? Cool. Class is about to start, you should probably turn around.”
“Brooklyn, I’m trying to explain…”
“Oh, no. I get it. You were willing to throw your friendship with James away when you thought he hurt me on purpose. But now he’s sorry. So I’m just collateral damage.”
“That’s not…”
“It doesn’t matter if James is sorry now. He still did it. He had information on me that he thought would humiliate me. But the joke was on him because it didn’t.” I leaned forward. “I don’t care about what James did. I care about why you lied to me. Did you even talk to Isabella?”
“Yes. But I didn’t want to leave James out to dry after I saw him. I couldn’t do it. But I’ll find a way. Before homecoming. I promise.”
I shook my head. I was tired of believing in him.
“Brooklyn…” Matt reached out and grabbed my hand. In front of the whole class. “You’re asking me to hurt one of my best friends. I can’t do it. Please, I just need more time to figure out another way. I want to be with you. Just not like this.”
“Hey, Sanders,” Rob said. “Geez, what the hell is going on out there?”
I finally looked toward the other students. They were standing by the window, staring out at the city street. All I could see were red and blue lights flashing. I quickly turned away. Matt’s hand was still on top of mine. I was vaguely aware of the fact that he’d only touched me because no one was paying attention to us.
“Brooklyn? Are you okay?” Matt asked.
I felt like I couldn’t breathe. It could have been a police car or a fire truck. But all I could think about when I saw those lights was an ambulance. Like the one I had to call when I found my mom unconscious on the kitchen floor. The one I’d rode in with her to the hospital during her last stay there.
“Hey. Look at me.” Matt reached out his other hand and touched the side of my face. “What’s wrong?”
The last time an ambulance had pulled up, it was the beginning of the end. I knew that wasn’t what was happening here. But I felt frozen. Like I was stuck in the past. I could see it all so clearly. I could feel that same terrible fear that had gripped my heart. I had thought she was already dead. I couldn’t find her pulse.
Mr. Hill cleared his throat. “Class has started. Everyone take their seats. Now.”
Matt didn’t move. Even though our classmates started to come back from the window, his hand stayed on my cheek. Everyone could see us together. “It’s okay,” he said. “You’re okay.”
I would have nodded, but I was afraid his hand would fall. I didn’t want him to move. Not because he was finally showing that he cared for me in front of everyone. But because his hand was warm. My mom’s had been so cold.
Mr. Hill cleared his throat again. I was positive he was about to yell at me, even though Matt was the one turned around. But when he said my name, it sounded too loud. Too distant.
I looked up and Mr. Hill was staring at the speaker system.
“Brooklyn Sanders.” My name came over the loudspeaker again. “Brooklyn Sanders, please come to the principal’s office immediately.” The voice sounded frantic.
I was scared to breathe. I was scared that my past was repeating. What if the voice on the loudspeaker sounded frantic for a reason? What if the ambulance was here for my uncle? But I was imagining it. I had to be imagining it. It was just a nightmare.
“Brooklyn Sanders, please come to the principal’s office immediately,” the voice repeated.
I heard it again. Not the speaker. But that clock ticking down in my head. The same one that had been ticking down as my mom slipped away. The same one I’d heard my whole life. Like I’d always been running out of time. But it should have stopped. My mom was already gone. Why hadn’t it stopped?
“Brooklyn.” Matt’s voice broke through my thoughts. The only thing that sounded real in the past minute. A pen dropped. The lights continued to flash outside.
“I’m going to take you to the principal’s office, okay?” Matt stood up and reached for my hand.
The warmth from his touch faded from my face. And I’d never been so cold. I didn’t take his hand. Because I was already on my feet, running toward the door. Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick tock.
“Miss Sanders, you need a hall pass!” Mr. Hill yelled as I sprinted out of the room.
Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick tock.
I knew this fear. I knew this pain. But for the first time in my life, it wasn’t my mom I was terrified of losing. It was my uncle.
Chapter 30
Monday
I ran through the hallway, racing toward the principal’s office. Part of me expected to find my uncle being carted away on a stretcher toward the ambulance. Or unconscious on the floor. Cold. Not breathing. Just like my mom.
But the hallways were empty. All the students and faculty members were in class. I picked up my pace. They’re just calling me in to talk about detention again. Maybe Isabella tried to blame somethi
ng awful on me. Maybe James planted drugs in my locker for revenge. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.
But the clock in my head just kept ticking down. And I knew it in my gut. All those maybes weren’t real. Something had happened to my uncle. Please don’t let me lose him too. I yanked open the door to the front office.
The school receptionist looked up. Her mascara was smeared, like she’d hastily wiped away tears after calling me to the office.
“Am I in trouble?” I asked. Please let me be in trouble. Let me be expelled. Anything but this.
She shook her head. “There’s been an incident with your uncle.”
For a second we both just stared at each other. Wishing this wasn’t happening. An incident could mean anything. Maybe he was getting fired. But she wouldn’t be hiding tears if that was the case. She wouldn’t be barely holding on.
No. No, no, no. “Where is he?” My voice cracked. “I need to see him. Is he here? Is he here?” I could feel myself growing more hysterical by the second, but she just stared at me. With pity. With all the pity in the world. Stop looking at me like that. Stop. I grabbed the corner of her desk, preventing my knees from buckling as the tears ran down my cheeks.
“Dear.” The school receptionist put her hand on her chest. “The ambulance just left. His number was the only emergency contact in your file, so we called a car to come pick you up to take you the hospital with him. It’ll be here any minute. Why don’t you sit down and wait.”
I couldn’t move. “What happened?”
“He started coughing up blood.” She shook her head. “I don’t know. He couldn’t breathe.”
“But he’s okay, right? He’s going to be okay? The ambulance got here in time?”
She wiped beneath her eyes, smudging more of her mascara. “Mercy Hospital has the best doctors in the city.”
That wasn’t an answer. My body wanted so badly to crumble to the floor. But I couldn’t sit and wait like she’d asked. There wasn’t enough time. There was never enough time. And I wasn’t ready to run out of it.