I let out a deep breath. “Because we’re not you and Quinn, Chase. I’m not used to fighting with Isabella. We said some pretty shitty things to each other and I needed immediate peace. Mom’s the only person that has been able to do that for me, besides Isabella.”
Nick was now looking at me too. “I’m sorry, Julez. While I’m not apologizing for worrying about you, I am sorry we went after Isabella without hearing from you first.”
“I know, Sav. It’s the only reason I’m not kicking your asses right now,” I told him.
Chase shook his head sadly. “We really hurt her feelings, Julez.”
“And we really, really pissed of the girls,” Nick disclosed.
I did laugh then. While the situation wasn’t funny, at all, it was enough to know that Quinn and Avery would be torturing these two for days to come, if not weeks. “So, Avery and Quinn are pissed, huh?”
Chase rubbed his hand down his face. “I wish Q was pissed. I can deal with her being pissed. But, no, that woman was furious and my dick wants to punch me in my face right now.”
Nick snorted. “Please. Avery watches the Investigation Discovery channel nonstop. I’m going to have to find away to eat dinner without right out asking her if there’s poison in my food.” Then he looked at me with the most hopeful expression on his face. “Hey, maybe I can tell her that you miss cooking for all of us and we could eat at your place for the next six weeks.”
“Yeah, Sav, I’m sure she won’t suspect a thing,” I answered, dryly.
Chase huffed out, “I’d risk the odds of being poisoned as long as Q still gives up the goods. I won’t survive if she puts me in time out.”
Yeah, I didn’t need to kick their asses at all. But I did need to tell them about Sandy. If they thought they were pissed before…
“Listen guys, I have something to tell you and before you guys lose your shit, know that this was Mom’s idea, so you can’t go tattling on me. And after much thought, I agree with her on this,” I started out. They both just peered at me, waiting. Fuck, this was going to suck. “I’m going to drive down to Oakland in the morning to see Sandy.” There was couple of seconds of silence before I was hit with their astonishment.
“The fuck?!”
“Are you out of your mind?!”
I address Nick since Chase hadn’t really asked a question. “No, I’m not out of my mind. I’m quite sane at the moment.”
“Jesus, Julian, why would you go see Sandy?” Chase asked.
I told them about my talk with Teresa and all my thoughts about her suggestion. Yeah, I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but like anyone standing up to a bully, sometimes the freedom is in just standing up for yourself. Maybe it was as simple as just telling her to her face that she didn’t win.
“Do you want us to go with you?” Nick asked, quietly.
I shook my head. “Nah, I got this. But be on standby, because there is a very real possibility that I might strangle the woman the second I lay eyes on her,” I told him, truthfully.
“Whatever you need, man.”
“Well, right now, what I need is for you guys to let me get back to work. I need to clear up this shit in case I do go to prison.”
Nick and Chase stood up and soundlessly headed towards the door. Nick was already on the other side of the threshold when Chase stopped and turned towards me. “You’re better than both of us combined. You do know that, right?”
I wasn’t.
Nick was brilliant, sensible and had an unparalleled sense of instinct.
Chase was charismatic, smart and had an innate ability to read people.
I hated people. I felt uncomfortable around anyone that wasn’t Chase, Nick, Kane, Teresa or the girls. I didn’t know how to control my emotions, and most times, I didn’t even understand them.
They were way better men than I could ever aspire to be because they loved me in spite of all my dangerous misgivings.
Instead of telling him that, and giving him a chance to argue, I went with what was safest. “I know my dick is bigger than both of yours,” I joked back.
They both flipped off before Nick shouted back at me, “No, you’re a bigger dick than we are.”
I smiled and got back to work.
Chapter 21
Pride: Because everything has consequences.
Julian~
I was driving down the 880 heading towards Oakland and I was a lot calmer than I thought I would be. Maybe because the more I thought about what Teresa said, the more it made sense. Everything in me was a constant battle for control and I didn’t even know who I was battle with for it. Nick, Chase, Kane and I were no longer those helpless boys, who had to take what was forced upon us. We were now grown men who forced our will upon others.
I had texted Isabella yesterday, after Nick and Chase had left my office, and simply told her that I was staying at Teresa’s again and I’d be home tonight so we could talk. She responded back with a simple ‘Ok’.
I didn’t know if that was good or bad, but it’s not like it mattered. No matter how big the fight, I’d never leave her and there’s no way I’d ever let her leave me, so…
My mind played out a million different scenarios on how this could play out. Hell, I didn’t even know if Sandy lived in the same place. It’s been ten years since I took a step inside our old neighborhood. The closest I ever got was when football season came around and we’d all go to a Raider game. She could have move years ago, or even be dead.
The thought made me pause. Now that I was committed to seeing this through, I wondered how I would feel if I found out she had died. I wasn’t too worried about her moving since it wouldn’t take much to find her. I actually wouldn’t be shock if I found out she was in prison for all her drug use and criminal ways.
The drive was over all too soon as I exited off the freeway and maneuvered the inner city streets until I pulled my silver out-of-place Lexus LS 460 through my old streets. The car was considered ‘cheap’ by most of the wealthy, but it screamed ‘money’ in most American neighborhoods and in all the poor ones.
The street looked the same, but different. Or maybe the street was the same, the faces were just different. SMA, Global gave millions to the neighboring schools and community centers, but we didn’t do much for the actual neighborhood itself. The children are who had a chance. The adults needed to take responsibility for their choices. That’s the way I saw it, and Nick and Chase agreed.
Christ, if we were able to make that decision for ourselves at the age of 16, then anyone could.
I pulled my car up to the curb in front of the sight of my worst nightmares. The building looked exactly the fucking same. How was that possible? How was it still standing?
I wasn’t parked five minutes when I saw a group of young men already heading my way. Now, most people would automatically feel threatened and scared, but I was neither of those things. Seeing a car like mine in a neighborhood like this is no different than a soccer mom of two seeing a low riding ganged out car in her neighborhood. If something doesn’t belong, most people go to check out why.
That’s all these guys were doing. Checking to see why someone who didn’t belong here was invading their neighborhood.
Except, I did belong here. I belonged here more than I did in Beverly Hills or on Wall Street. My money is just something I have, like this car. It’s not who I am, was or will ever be.
I got out and click the key fob, setting the alarm and waited until the group reached me. It didn’t take long for them to get to the point. “Nice car. Why would you drive it into this neighborhood?”
“It beats taking the bus,” I replied.
The speaker of the group smirked. “Yeah, I can see that it is. What business you got here?”
I scanned the faces and the youth in them suggested they were in their late teens, early twenties. There were six of them, but unless they had weapons, they weren’t much of a threat for someone as damaged as I was. They were outfitted in your typical hoodies and sagging
jeans, and they had hate and despair written all over them.
I jerked my head towards the apartment building and told them why I was here. “I’m here to see Sandy Barlude.” Sandy and I didn’t share the same last name and I always suspected she gave me the last name of the man she thought was the closest to being my father.
One of the guys in the back stepped forward and jutted his chin up at me. “What business do you have with Miss Barlude? She doesn’t cause no problems for no one.”
“I’m her son, Julian Moretti,” I said to the group, finally explaining who I was.
“Oh, shit,” the speaker blurted out. “No shit? Julian Fucking Moretti?” I just nodded my head. I didn’t know these kids and I wasn’t going to delve further into who I was.
The kid who asked me about Sandy gave me a simple head nod and said, “Yeah, alright. We’ll watch out for your wheels while you go visit with your mom, man.”
I looked over these kids again and felt a connection so profound I wanted to gather them all up and take them out of here. I wanted to make promises of a better life and I wanted to make all the bad go away for every child that had seen what bad really could be like.
Instead, I replied, “Thanks. I got something for you guys if the car looks like it does now when I come back out.” The speaker reached out to shake my hand, and after taking his hand in mine and acknowledging their promises, I headed into the apartment building.
Not moments later, I found myself standing in front of apartment 25D.The walls were paper thin, so I could hear activity on the other side of the door and knew someone was here. Only my past experiences were reminding me that it could be anyone behind this door.
I brought my fist up and finally knocked. I heard a faint ‘coming’ from the apartment and waited as I heard the disengaging of…three locks?
That’s…new.
The door swooshed opened. “Hi, how….” Sandy stopped in midsentence and her face transformed to pure unadulterated shock at finding me standing in her doorway. After several heartbeats of silence, she finally breathed out, “Julian…”
I started down at her and I couldn’t believe this could actually be the same woman I walked away from ten years ago. She didn’t look anything like she did when I left home.
Her hair was a dull brown, sprinkled with a little gray. Her brown eyes were clear, and while she looked years older than her age, she looked…healthy. Her frame was small, but filled out.
“Hello, Sandy. May I come in?” I asked in a voice smooth and steady, that didn’t betray my nervousness, at all.
She started fumbling about and pulled the door open wider. “Of course. Yes, please, come in.”
I walked past her into the living room and even the apartment took me by surprise. It was clean and tidy. The furniture was the same, used and stained, but it looked clean. My eyes took in the kitchen and as far as the hallway would go and everything looked clean. Still very much poor, but clean and lived in. “Thank you,” I commented, simply.
“W…would y…you like so…something to drink?” she offered.
I shook my head. “No, thank you. May I sit?”
Sandy gestured towards the couch. “Yes, please.” I took a seat on the couch and she opted for the only single chair in the room. Something told me she didn’t want to sit too close to me, lest I change my mind and leave. Or kill her.
“I’ll get right to the point. I’m here because I wanted to let go of some of my demons and it was suggested to me that maybe asking you why you were such a cunt of a mother would help me do that,” I stated, with no hint of what I was feeling, other than contempt.
She gasped, but didn’t defend herself. She didn’t yell at me and tell to get out of her house. She didn’t act offended or angry. Her eyes started to water when she said, “Because I was selfish and I chose to give in to my own demons rather than do the right thing. Giving into evil is so much easier than fighting for good.”
“What changed?” I asked referring to the way her life looked now. I’m not going to lie, seeing her appear to be doing well felt like bitter acid being poured down my throat.
“You left,” she whispered.
I had to have heard her wrong. “I’m sorry, what?”
I could see her swallow her tears, but she went on to explain. “You left. I was so consumed by drugs and hate; it actually took me about a week to realize you were gone and not coming back. I went over to Teresa Alexander’s house and asked her were you were.” She started rubbing her hands up and down her thighs. “She yelled at me that you, Nicholas and Chase were gone and you guys were never coming back.”
“She did?” Teresa never mentioned the encounter in all these years.
Sandy nodded her head. “Yeah, she did. She went off on me like no one ever had.” Now, that, I didn’t find surprising. Teresa was formidable when it came to us boys. “I didn’t believe her at first. I was sure you were going to come home eventually.” Her eyes lowered. “But you never did.”
“Why did it matter all of the sudden?” I was trying to keep my rage and bitterness at bay, but it was getting hard. She didn’t get to act like she gave a shit when I knew she didn’t.
“Bec…because you were the only thing that was constant in my messed up life. When…whenever I’d look at you I saw possibilities and I both loved and hated that. And because I was so messed up on drugs and self-loathing, hate always won,” she explained, in a shattered mess.
“So, you got clean, closed your legs and decided to be a better person for a son who no longer needed or wanted you?” I accused. “Does my success make you feel like alls well and the fucked up shit you did to me-the fucked up shit you let people do to me-is all water under the bridge? You’re clean, I’m successful, so alls well that ends well?”
She was vehemently shaking her head. “No. That’s not it at all, Julian,” she countered quietly.
“Yeah? Then what is this shit?” I roared swiping my arm out, indicating her clean apartment.
She started weeping quietly. “I…I have a good job, you know. It’s enough that I can move into a better place,” she informed me. “But I choose to still live here because I deserve to struggle every day of the rest of my life for the things I did to you, Julian. I…I pass drug dealers every day on my walk to work, because I deserve to struggle in reminder of my sins every damn day. I still live in this apartment because I deserve to suffer with the memories of the things that happened here. I can’t make any of it up to you and I wouldn’t even try. That option isn’t fair to you. But I don’t deserve to move on and live a happy life when I never gave you one.”
I wanted to destroy the place. I wanted to destroy her. She was supposed to still be a drugged out whore that I was going to yell at and purge my hate out on. But instead she was…this. She was claiming to have become a better person because she had lost me.
What. The. Fuck.
God, I needed Teresa here to tell me what to do now.
“I don’t expect you to forgive me, or even believe anything I’m saying, but…but I just want to say that I’m thankful to God every day that it was the possibilities that won where you were concerned. I don’t deserve to know that you succeeded, but I’m glad I do,” she went on.
I couldn’t do this. I was feeling too much and Teresa wasn’t here to make sense of it all for me. I stood up and suddenly Isabella’s sweet voice was in my ear, soothing everything.
Isabella’s voice was in my ear, her love was in my heart and her soul was surrounding mine and knowing that I had her love was enough to make me want to be a better person. I scanned her apartment one last time, and looking her in the face said, “Find a nice place to live and a car that works for you. I’ll buy whatever you need to move on from here.” Sandy let out a quiet sob. “But, after that, I never want to see you again. I have a life that I never dreamed was possible and in order to truly appreciated everything The Lord has blessed me with, I can’t be the reason you ever backslide. Good luck, Sandy.” Even though
I walked out on the sound of her tears, I felt lighter than I had in years.
And my car was still in one piece.
Isabella~
“Thank you for setting this up for me, Logan,” I told him as we sat in one of the city park’s benches.
“No problem, Isabella. I’m glad you called. I’ve been wanting to apologize for everything since the last time we saw each other,” he admitted.
Two days without Julian cleared up a lot of confusion. No one in the world was worth making Julian feel mad, upset, confused, hurt and most definitely, no one was worth making him feel like he was second in my life. I was going to put Julian first in regards to anything and everything I did in my life. If he came home and said he wanted me to quit my job and stay home barefoot and pregnant, then I would donate all my shoes tomorrow.
He deserved it with the way he loved me and I wish I had seen it earlier.
I faced Logan and my voice was firm and my words direct when I said, “Logan, I would genuinely like to get to know you and…and Steven and Jeffrey, if possible. But you have to understand two things in regards to that. They are non-negotiable.”
His face was full of concern and his eyes swimming in apprehension. “Okay,” he replied.
“If Julian doesn’t feel comfortable with our relationship, then it’s not going to happen.”
“But-”
“Period,” I emphasized. “There’s no ‘but’. If Julian doesn’t approve, it’s not happening. His happiness means more to me than anything you and I will ever have.” He nodded and I went on. “The second is no Elliot. If we are to build something, you are to never mention his name in relation to me and what he wishes could be.”
“Okay,” he agreed. “If that’s how it has to be, then that’s how it has to be.”
Before we could say anymore, he stood up and I noticed that he was looking over my shoulder. I twisted around on the bench and that’s when I saw Elliot Stanhope walking up the park path towards us.
I was right. I looked like him and it made me nauseous.
Claiming Isabella Page 25