“So, you’ve been alone,” I smirked at the idea of her bored in the palace driving the staff mad.
She pouted. “It’s been terrible.”
I almost smiled. “I’m sure it was just dreadful.”
“It was. I even missed you.”
I lifted my eyebrows in mock shock. “No!”
She nodded dramatically. “Father forced me to attend the most boring meetings and dinners. I was counting down the seconds until you returned.”
“Now you can go back to shopping and visiting your friends.”
She rolled her eyes. “No, I’ll just go back to handling my committees and foundations rather than all of yours. They’re so boring.”
“You mean the politics?”
“Yes! I don’t know how you survive. They’re positively and remorsefully uninspiring. Just arguing and debating the same topics every. Single. Day.” She crossed her eyes.
I smiled and leaned against the window, facing her. “Do you have a shred more appreciation for me?”
“I do. I really do.”
“Then I guess this tour was worth it.”
She scrunched her nose. “You must pass some of the meetings off to Aiden. He’s had far too much fun and needs to know of the pain.”
“I plan to.”
Her grin turned wicked. “How was David?”
Her abrupt change in conversation threw me. “He’s fine?”
“Are you sure?” She teased.
I shook my head. “Yes, he’s very well. His father has passed over the company so he’s now running it. He’s busy but seems to be enjoying it.”
She smiled. “That’s good to hear.”
I used to think she had a crush on him back when he’d visit during breaks from university from the way she hung around and questioned me about him when we were away, but she’d laughed in my face when I’d asked her. She claimed she was just happy I had a good friend and wanted to make him feel welcome.
I’d been so disturbed by the idea of him dating my sister, but it was a good thing I’d never said anything to him about it. He’d be using that against me now and taking great joy from it.
“Is there anything I should know before we get to the palace?”
She pursed her lips then slowly shook her head. “Nothing of any consequence.”
My staff had done an excellent job of keeping me up to date on decisions and changes. I might have been away but I didn't want things to slip through the cracks.
“Nothing exciting?” I persisted.
She frowned. “Unfortunately, not. It’s been a long few weeks.”
That was good news. I dreaded returning to a mess. As humbling as it was to know things could run smoothly without me, I was pleased that I didn’t have any emergencies to deal with.
“Thank you for handling things.”
She smiled. “Of course. It’s good to have you back though, I missed you.”
I wish I could say I missed her. I realized I had been so wrapped up with Serena in L.A., I hadn’t thought about Isla a single time.
11
Serena
I missed him.
I was a fool for allowing myself to even think about him, but it was so hard. I’d put all memories of him in a locked box in a hidden room in the back of my brain, but somehow, they kept slipping out.
The realization he was gone would hit me at unexpected moments. During storytime at the hospital. Walking Koda at the shelter. Driving down the road. Standing in the kitchen looking at the island. Nowhere was safe.
Vanessa had been hurt and upset when she found out he left without saying a word to her. That was until I told her what happened. Then she was hurt and upset with me. What she needed to understand and accept was that we were from two different worlds.
I wasn’t princess material. I’d never attended etiquette classes or been a debutant. My parents took me to various fancy events over the years, but as long as I was polite no one cared if I used the wrong fork or spoke out of turn. The thought of having to attend massive, important events with Cian while the entire room watched our every move made me nauseous. I worked behind the scenes. I got dirty and did the hard work. I wasn’t meant to be in the limelight.
I had a life here with people relying on me. Like right now, I was sitting in the hospital parking lot waiting to go inside. I needed to pull myself together first. I couldn’t go in with red eyes. Not only would the nurses notice, but the children were highly perceptive. Probably due to their experience with emotional adults and doctors with forced positivity. They would see the pain in my face immediately and I didn't want to worry them. I was supposed to be there to lift them up, not the other way around.
I dabbed a bit of concealer under each eye and put in eyedrops before calling it good. I only had to get through the next three hours then I could go home and wallow in peace.
Michelle was at the front desk and smiled when I walked past. “Good morning.”
“Morning, Michelle.”
Her eyebrows creased but she didn’t mention anything and I was grateful for the pass. I walked to the playroom and picked out a few books for storytime as the kids filed in.
“Good morning, Miss Serena.” Tony, an eight-year-old with terminal cancer, smiled at me as he took a seat at the coloring table.
His cheerful demeanor pulled me out of my pity party. If he could walk in with a smile while enduring the pain he faced everyday then I could push aside my heartbreak for the next few hours. The kids deserved the best from me, and that’s what they were going to get.
I brushed his hair to the side and grinned. “Hi Tony. What are you going to color today?”
“My new roommate, Caleb, doesn’t have any pictures on his wall so I’m going to draw him something.”
“That’s so kind of you. I’m sure he’ll love that.” I searched for a new face and spotted a young boy with brown hair and freckles hanging around the edge of the room. I stood and walked toward him.
“Hi, are you Caleb?”
He peered up at me and nodded.
“I’m Serena. I’m here to play with you guys. Do you want to color?”
He shook his head. If he was new to the hospital this might be his first time staying overnight. He was probably overwhelmed and scared.
“Well, I’m going to read some books. Do you want to come listen? There are some bean bags you can sit on.”
He peered past me to the reading corner and nodded.
“Great.” I didn’t reach out to him or ask anything else. I just turned and walked over hoping he would follow me on his own. He did and he found a bean bag near the back to settle into. Once a few more kids were gathered around I began.
By the time I finished the third book, he had gotten up and was playing with the building blocks with a few other children. It amazed me how resilient and adaptable these children were. They were going through something most adults hadn’t faced, yet they rarely complained and asked for so little. Most of them were happy coloring or playing together. I think they craved time with each other more than anything. They wanted friendship and distraction. They never discussed their ailments. They didn’t ask questions when a child appeared for the first time or showed up with new braces or tubes or IVs. They accepted the new reality and moved on.
Why couldn’t I be more like them? Why couldn’t I accept Cian for who he was? I never should have let myself think we could be anything more than friends. Our realities were set, and I needed to move on.
That was the thing. I didn’t want to move on. I wasn’t big into dating and I didn’t feel like I was missing out on anything by not being in a relationship, but I missed him.
“Hey Serena?” I glanced up to see Michelle standing at the entrance with another volunteer, Katie, watching me.
I smiled at the kids. “Just one second.” I set the book down and hurried over to them. “Is everything okay?”
Michelle nodded. “Yeah, I just wanted to chat for a second so Katie is going to take
over.”
I walked away with her and felt my stomach drop. Was I getting fired? Could they fire a volunteer? Had something happened to one of the kids?
Michelle took me into one of the empty exam rooms and shut the door behind her.
“What’s going on?” I tried to steady my voice but it shook with each word.
Her eyes softened. “Oh honey. I’m not trying to scare you. I’m sorry.”
I nodded but held my breath waiting for her to explain.
“I couldn’t help but notice how you looked when you came in.”
So much for that concealer. I should throw it away when I get home.
“I’m worried about you.” She cocked her head. “Does this have to do with your friend that came in earlier this week?”
She was so good at discretion, not calling him by his name or title even though we were alone.
There was no use in lying. She was painfully observant and already knew the answer. “Yeah,” I said. “He left to go back home.”
“Oh.” She dropped her gaze to the floor for a moment likely regretting bringing it up. “I thought there was something between the two of you.”
“Me too.”
Her eyebrows pinched together. “Did he not have feelings for you?”
I couldn’t believe I was having this conversation with anyone but Vanessa. She was the only one I could talk to about it since I couldn’t really bring it up with my nonexistent friends. Or my brother. That would be too weird.
I decided to go for it. What did I have to lose? Michelle had always been kind to me and at the moment I could really use a friend to listen. “He did. We both did, but my life is here and it’s not like he can leave.”
“Oh Serena.” She grabbed my hand and squeezed. “Did he ask you to go with him?”
“He did. Which is insane right? I can’t just leave everything and go to Lochland right now.”
“Why not?” She didn’t ask to be condescending, she sounded genuinely confused.
I looked around. “Um this job. Plus, the shelter I volunteer at. And I’m working on grants for another school. My siblings live here…” I was grasping at straws at this point. Saying it out loud had the same impact.
“I’m telling you this as a friend, okay?” I nodded and she continued. “This isn’t a job to tie yourself down to. You volunteer twelve hours a week. We appreciate it, don’t get me wrong! We all love you. The kids love you, but it’s not something to block you from living your life.”
She was right. Painfully so.
“And I’m guessing the shelter is the same way.” She gave me a gentle smile. At least she had a good bedside manner.
I begrudgingly nodded again.
“Grants can be filled out from anywhere, and you don’t have to stay there forever. Even if you did, I’m sure your siblings would visit.”
I almost stomped my foot in a very immature manner. She was making too much sense. It was uncomfortable for me to hear…but so true.
“Well?” She prodded.
“You’re right.” I sighed, defeated. “You’re one hundred percent correct.”
“So? Why are you still here?” She raised an eyebrow.
I threw up my arms and sat on the stool in the corner. “I’m scared. I’m absolutely terrified of what might happen.”
She sat on a chair across from me. “What are you afraid of?”
“That I’ll get there and we’ll connect even more. That we’ll fall in love and it will hurt even worse when I have to leave.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Why would you have to leave?”
I studied her. She had to know who Cian was. It wasn’t like he came in disguise. “Michelle, I’m not princess material.”
She rose a single eyebrow. “And why not?”
I laughed. “Look at me!” I gestured to my t-shirt and jeans. My unwashed hair was twisted up in a bun on the top of my head and the only makeup I wore was evidently ineffective.
“You’re beautiful. Inside and out. I’m pretty sure that’s what matters.”
I slumped my shoulders. “I don’t have what it takes to help lead a country. I’m a behind the scenes kind of person. I can’t imagine having people following me every single day, photographing me and analyzing my every move. I couldn't live like that.”
“Forget that part. Haven’t you built and helped manage over a dozen orphanages and schools? Don’t you volunteer twenty hours a week?”
I shrugged, not liking where she was going.
“You give everything you have to those in need. You organize fundraisers and help people you’ve never met in countries you’ve never been to. You are the most giving person I’ve ever met. If that doesn’t scream princess, I don’t know what does.”
“I’m not poised or polished. I can’t walk around on the arm of a prince.”
She narrowed her eyes. “That can be taught, but you don’t fool me. You’ve told me about charity events you’ve gone to. I think you’re better equipped to merge into his world than you give yourself credit for.”
I dropped my head into my hands. “His people need a graceful, charming princess to fall in love with. I can’t date a prince.”
“Then don’t. Date Cian.”
I peeked up at her. “Can I do that?”
“You can do whatever you want. If you need to, focus on just him. See how you and he work together. Cian and Serena. That’s it.”
I wanted to believe that was possible but was that setting myself up for failure? I couldn’t ignore a gigantic piece of who he was. Could I?
“This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.” She gave a pointed look. “Don’t miss it because you’re scared. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”
Those words touched my soul. I knew I’d beat myself up for years to come. The thought of picking up a magazine in a few months and seeing him with another woman on his arm made me sick to my stomach. That had to mean something.
“You’re right.”
She smiled gently. “No one would blame you for going. You deserve a break and the chance to put yourself first.”
I wasn’t sure about that, but it did make me feel better than she didn’t think it would be selfish of me. “I’ll think about it.”
She nodded and stood. “Good.”
I followed her out of the room and turned to join the kids. Katie peered up from the book she was reading and smiled but continued so I took a seat at the puzzle station and mindlessly helped a little girl with her puzzle.
I smirked when I realized the one she’d slid closer to me. Of course, the puzzle had to be a princess one. The universe was just throwing signs at me at this point. I wouldn’t be surprised if I walked outside and a crown fell on my head. If I didn’t trip first.
12
Cian
“Cian?”
I opened my eyes to find Aiden leaning over me in my bed. His dark blond hair fell over his eyes. It had grown too long while he was away. “Yes?”
His blue eyes narrowed. “You’re late. Are you ill?”
I ignored him and sat up, stretching. I checked the clock and groaned. It was after eight and I had meetings that began in less than thirty minutes. “My alarm didn't go off.”
“You’re probably jet-lagged too. How about I go to your morning meetings and you can catch up?”
He wasn’t wrong. I’d adjusted to Pacific time and was struggling to correct my body’s internal clock.
“No, it’s fine. I’ll shower and be down in fifteen.”
Aiden’s shoulders dropped. “I can go to the meetings. I told you I wanted to take on more of the burden so let me start with this.”
He’d been back for two days and was chomping at the bit to finally step up and fulfill his responsibilities, the ones I’d been doing for the past several years while he was off in the private sector.
I should be grateful he was willing now, but I struggled to let go. It was a control problem. I was aware of my flaws and tendencies, but it was
difficult to relinquish anything after so long. It would appear I’m a bit of a control freak.
It was easier right now to do it myself than train him to take over. I knew in the long term it would pay off, but I wasn’t in the mood to be patient. I liked the work. It kept my mind off the hole in my heart.
“Why don’t you come with me?” I offered. “This way I know nothing will be overlooked, and after some time you can take over completely.”
His eyes lit up. “Perfect. I’ll leave you to get ready. I’ll meet you downstairs.”
I nodded and stood as he let himself out. I was showered and dressed in ten minutes and met Lewis with my morning tea and today’s agenda. I quickly sipped the tea and waited for his update.
He flipped through his leather binder and read. “You have a meeting with the agricultural department at nine and the department of commerce at ten-thirty. Lunch is with your siblings.”
I nodded as we walked down the corridor to where Aiden was waiting. “Good morning, Aiden. George.”
Aiden’s assistant tipped his signature newsboy hat at me. “G’ morning, Cian. How was the book tour?”
“It was…interesting.”
Aiden shot me a look which I ignored and headed into the large conference room where the members of the agricultural department were waiting. They all stood as we walked in and offered greetings.
“Good morning, everyone. Let’s get started.” I sat and the room’s occupants followed. This wasn’t an especially exciting meeting, but Aiden seemed interested and even offered up some ideas. By the end, the group seemed comfortable with Aiden’s presence and listened to his suggestions. I was pleased I might be able to hand off this responsibility sooner than I thought.
As we walked out, Aiden matched my step. “How do you think it went?”
“It was excellent. I do believe you can handle them on your own.”
He stopped mid-stride and grabbed my arm. “Are you serious?”
My lip twitched but I composed myself. “Yes. I’ve seen you handle a boardroom. I’m not questioning your competence I just want to make sure they receive you well and aren’t overwhelmed. I don’t want to overburden you.”
His Royal Regret: Royals of Lochland Book 2 Page 9