“We did like each other, but that’s it. We can’t be anything more than a week-long crush.”
“Why not?”
I scoffed. “David, you can’t be serious.”
He challenged me with his glare. “I am. Why can’t you two be something more? Why can’t you give each other a chance? I’m not saying you’ll end up married, but why not at least see what could be?”
“Because he’s a prince! His focus is on his country, not dating someone like me.” I couldn't believe I was saying these words out loud. If anyone overheard us, they would either think we were crazy or rehearsing for a part.
“He’s so much more than his title.”
“He is, but at the same time that’s all he is.”
David stopped walking and I begrudgingly did too. “What would you be giving up if you left and saw where things could go?”
I waved my arm around. “This, the hospital, you guys. My life is here.”
His eyes narrowed. “For now. Just a few months ago your life was in Nepal, then Vietnam, and next week it could be Peru or India.”
“Exactly. I can’t go to Lochland. I’d be giving up the freedom to go to these communities that need help.”
He shook his head. “You really think if you and Cian ended up together, you’d be locked away in the palace with no opportunity to do anything or travel anywhere?”
I shrugged. “I wouldn’t be able to continue the work I’ve been doing.”
“You really need to do your research before you make such life-altering decisions. Make sure you have all the facts.”
I narrowed my eyes. “What does that mean?”
“It means you don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re staying away because you’re scared, and I understand that but you can’t hide behind it. You have a volunteer position here and the hospital. I know they would both survive just fine without you. You know Vanessa and I would visit wherever you are. You’d probably be closer to wherever Mom and Dad decided to vacation for the month. Nothing is holding you here.”
His words felt like a punch to the gut. The important work I thought I was doing could really be done by anyone with a few free hours in their schedule. I could organize new projects from anywhere with an internet connection, so that wasn’t a good enough reason. It wouldn’t take much to get David or Vanessa to visit. I invited them to my past trips, but they’d only come to one or two each. That had been asking a lot of them though. I was usually remote and without luxuries they were used to.
David bent down and pet Tucker for a few seconds before meeting my eyes. “I just want you to think about it. Answering Cian’s calls doesn’t mean a lifetime locked away in a tower. Just give it a chance.”
I nodded and he smiled at me before walking away to the parking lot.
“Well Turner, let’s head back.” He tugged on the leash, wanting to go farther. “I’m sorry. Next time we’ll take longer.”
He seemed a bit disappointed to be heading back so soon, but I had too much to consider. I needed to get home and really think about what I wanted.
14
Cian
I called three more times, and she never answered. I tried not to let the disappointment show, but I knew my siblings were watching me and sensing it.
Seeing Aiden and Charlie happy together made me sad for the first few days, but now I just felt longing. I wanted what they had. I wanted a partner.
I’d passed off about a third of my meetings and responsibilities to Aiden, which turned out to not be nearly as difficult as I expected. Not only did he rise to the challenge, but his knowledge and expertise really blew me away. I underestimated him and the experience he’d accumulated as the CEO of LochEnergy.
He was thriving and I felt like I could breathe for the first time in years.
“You seem relaxed this morning,” Isla said as she sat across from me at the breakfast table.
I glanced up from the newspaper I was reading for the first time in months. I actually had time to sit down and learn about current events for myself rather than being briefed by Lewis. “I feel relaxed.”
Her eyebrows shot up. “That’s a first.”
Part of me resented how tense my siblings believed me to be, but I’d realized over the past two weeks how tightly wound I’d been.
“I thought passing things off to Aiden would be much harder, but it’s been a pleasant surprise. He’s been able to step right in and take off running.”
Her smile softened. “I’m sorry it took this long, Cian.”
Isla was an observer. She always had been. Most people thought since she was often the life of the party that she didn’t see what was happening around her, but they were terribly mistaken. That was probably what made her so great, she watched when no one thought she was watching.
“These past few years have been difficult, but I’m finding myself quickly adjusting to having more free time.”
She nodded. “You haven’t had a break since you graduated from college. The rest of us had the freedom to take time to explore and find what our passions are. You didn't get the chance. You were thrown right into things and we took that for granted. You handled it so well.”
“Even when I was a jerk sometimes?”
She sighed. “We should have seen that you needed help. It wasn’t like you were always that tightly wound. You were fun and boisterous and adventurous up until you graduated. I should have realized it wasn’t you that changed, it was your circumstances. You just withdrew from us and we let it happen. I’m sorry, Cian.”
Her words were a balm to my soul. I needed her apology as much as I needed her forgiveness.
I gave a small smile. “I did a tremendous job of pushing everyone away. I wanted to shelter you three from the burden I was under, but I realize now that ostracized me. I became a self-absorbed jerk.”
Her lips twisted into a smirk. “How about we let the past stay where it belongs and promise to keep each other from going back there.”
I nodded. “Thank you.”
“So, Aiden is doing well?”
“Far surpassing everyone’s expectations. He’s a natural leader.”
She seemed pleased but was holding back.
“What is it?”
Her sad eyes met mine. “I worry about you.”
I chuckled. “Whatever for?”
“Aiden has Charlie to keep him grounded and remind him of what’s important. I don’t want you to slip into old habits with nothing stopping you from going back into workaholic mode.”
I nodded. “You think I need a woman in my life?”
She smiled. “Yes. I do.”
I laughed. “You do realize if I said the same to you I’d be getting beaten with the serving ware right now.”
She seemed to enjoy that image. “I do, but I’m your little sister so I can say things like that. I want you to be happy, and with a life of your own outside the palace requirements.”
I sighed. “I want that too.”
Her eyes widened. “Have you spoken to her?”
“No, she won’t answer my calls.”
“What about David?”
I cringed. “I had an uncomfortable conversation with him a few nights ago. I told him how I felt and how I believe she felt about me. He was surprisingly supportive, but even he can’t get her to talk to me.”
She pursed her lips and seemed lost in thought.
“It will work out how it’s meant to,” I said. “Don’t worry yourself over it.”
“I can’t help it. I want you to be happy and if she’s the one that provides that for you, then I want to make it happen.”
I smiled. “I appreciate that, but no one can force someone to feel something they don’t.”
She nodded solemnly.
“I’ve got to head to a meeting with Father. I’ll see you later.” I closed my paper and scooted it to the end of the table.
“Have a good day.”
I wished her the same and stood. The mee
ting with my father and our teams involved a review of our schedules. There were a number of upcoming events that required representation from the royal family. Those that required the king were noted and the rest were my responsibility. Next month, we’d be including Aiden as much as possible as well, but with him being second in line we had to consider the importance of each occasion and if it was merely a photo opportunity or of political significance. These weekly meetings took nearly an hour, and I wished our teams could arrange them in our absence but Father liked to have a say in things.
I pretended to be taking notes, but I was really checking to see if Serena had miraculously sent me a message or tried to call. Of course, there was no message, but I felt that if I took my eyes off my screen, I may miss something.
“That’s it for this week.” I stood and began collecting my things. “We’ll arrange transportation and give the information to your assistants.”
I thanked everyone and hurried out of the room to my next meeting with the committee heading the hospital renovations. This was the only meeting I looked forward to recently. I stepped into the room and the conversations ceased.
“Good morning,” I said. “How is everyone?”
A chorus of hellos greeted me, and I took the seat next to Lewis. I’d asked him to head this so I would have as much information relayed to me as possible.
Anne, a member of the staff I’d known for years, stood at the front of the table and smiled. “We have exciting news. Saint Mary’s hospital will begin renovations tomorrow. Sir, you will be there for the ribbon-cutting?”
I nodded. “I just confirmed.”
“Thank you, sir. This is an exciting time and the press with be there in droves. We want to make sure they know this is just the first of over ninety renovations taking place. We won’t necessarily have the prince appear at every hospital, but every single one is important.”
“Thank you, Anne.”
The conversation continued as the nitty-gritty details were finalized. I was only paying half attention when my phone vibrated in my suit coat.
I checked the screen and saw an unknown California number. “Excuse me.”
I hurried out of the room and answered the call as soon as I was in the hallway.
“Hello?”
I didn’t normally answer unknown numbers, I had Lewis screen them first, but something told me this was Serena and I couldn’t risk missing her.
“Cian?”
Her voice was like a glass of water after wandering the desert for days. Relief and excitement flooded my entire body.
“Serena.” I breathed out her name, still in shock this was happening.
“Hi.” She paused. “How are you?”
“I’m well…I mean I miss you, but I’m…I can’t believe you called.”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have.”
“No, Serena. Please don’t hang up.”
I heard her sigh and took that as my sign to hurry and come out with everything I wanted to say. “I’m so glad you called. I’ve missed your voice.” Ugh. I was an idiot. I sounded like a creep. “I mean, I’ve missed you. How are you?”
“I’m…okay.” She sounded sad. I wanted to reach through the phone and comfort her but for all I knew I was the problem.
I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know if I’d ever hear from her again. Now that I had her on the phone, I panicked. I never made it this far in my plan to get her back.
“Are you busy?” she asked. “I should let you go.”
“No, no. I’m having a meeting about the hospital renovations, but I have time.”
“How is it going?”
I smiled. Of course, she was interested in this. “It’s going very well. We’ll begin in the first hospital tomorrow.”
“Wow. That’s so soon.”
“It’s amazing what can be done when I give a task to my team.”
There was silence. What had I said wrong?
“Right. Well, I should let you get back to your meeting—”
“No, it’s okay.”
“Good luck tomorrow.”
She hung up and I nearly fell to my knees. She’d called. I’d actually had the opportunity to talk to her and I somehow managed to ruin it.
I rubbed my face going over each word trying to decipher where it all went wrong.
“What’s going on?”
I looked up to see Aiden walking down the hall toward me.
“I just got a call from Serena.” I was sure a grin had spread across my face.
His eyes widened. “Really? What did she say?”
“She just asked about the hospitals then hung up.”
“Well, at least she called. That’s a good sign, right?”
My happy mood evaporated. “Honestly? I don’t know what to think. She sounded sad.”
He smiled, confusing me even more. “That’s good. She’s missing you too. She probably doesn’t know what to do.”
“What do you mean?”
“You told me she said she has a lot in L.A. to keep her there. Well, it seems like she’s accepted her feelings about you but she’s conflicted with what to do next. Does she come here? Does she suppress her feelings and stay there? She’s confused.”
I nodded. That made sense, especially with how she was acting. “What do I do next?”
He shrugged. “You know her better than I do. Is she the type that needs a push or would that make things worse? Maybe she needs more reassurance from you.”
That was a good point. I’d been calling and texting her and this was her first response, so I didn’t think I should stop that. Maybe she did need more from me though.
“I can’t go back to her. Not right now.”
“I don’t think that’s what she expects either. I think it’s her move, but you should do everything you can from here to make it as easy as possible. From what you said, it seems like she needs the ability to come and go as she pleases. She can’t feel trapped. Maybe offer to have her come here for a long weekend. An end date might make her feel better like she knows she can leave.”
His words caused a wall in my brain to crumble. That was exactly what I needed to do. She seemed to think visiting was a lifelong sentence. I had to show her that she was free to come and go as much as she liked. She didn’t have to stay after her first visit. Of course, I wanted her to. I didn’t want to have to say goodbye to her again, but this wasn’t about me. I needed to put my needs and wants to the side if I wanted a chance with her.
“Thanks Aiden. I think you’re right.”
He smiled, quite arrogantly. “I know.”
I clapped him on the back and pushed him in the direction he’d been going. “Go on. I don’t think your ego fits in this hall.”
He laughed and waved as he walked away.
I stared down at my phone and saved the number she had called me from. It wasn’t the number David had given me, so either she got a new phone or she was calling from somewhere else. I pulled up the internet app and searched for it.
Interesting. It was a number from the hospital she volunteered at. I wondered what made her call me while she was there. Whatever it was, I was grateful. This felt like a step in the right direction. I just had to trudge carefully with my next step.
I could invite her to the ribbon cutting of another hospital. Show her how she impacted me. She could come for that and know there was an end date, a flight home. That was less threatening than the open invitations I’d been offering.
I’d send her a message tomorrow. I didn’t want to be too aggressive right now. Slow and steady. It was the only way I could win her affection.
15
Serena
Michelle had been manipulative. I knew it but part of me appreciated the hard push she gave me. She told me she would take me off the volunteer schedule and get my pass removed unless I called Cian. She had the power to do it and I knew by the look on her face she wasn’t messing around.
She’d even sat next to me at the nu
rses' station when I called him. She was not pleased by how short the call had been or the fact I’d practically hung up on him. I felt like I was back in middle school at a slumber party calling my crush while my friends listened in.
It was embarrassing. Not only having her practically leaning on my shoulder to hear his side of the call but the fact that I’d needed to be threatened to make a simple phone call.
I was scared, terrified really. Not of Cian, but of how I felt about him.
“That was horrible, Serena. A train wreck.” Michelle sat shaking her head.
I nodded, I already felt horrible about myself and didn't really want to be lectured on my failings, but I had nowhere to escape to at the moment. She was blocking the exit. I wanted to go hide with the kids and forget my life for a few hours but she was literally standing between me and that reality.
“I was nervous.”
“You hung up on him.” She laughed, looking as exacerbated as I felt.
I nodded. “He was in a meeting.”
Her eyes narrowed. “He’s the prince. I’m pretty sure they can wait while he takes a ten-minute call.”
She wasn’t wrong.
Cian probably could, and would, have canceled the rest of his day if I wanted to talk, but I was a big ol’ chicken. I’d heard his voice and felt my walls crumble all over again. I thought if I stayed away I would eventually get over him. I was wrong.
She folded her arms over her chest. “What are you going to do now?”
I shrugged. “I’m not sure. It’s not like I can call him back and try again. I’d look like a crazy person.”
She smirked. “I don’t think he would mind another chance.”
“No. No way. Maybe I’ll try texting next time. It will give me the chance to gather my thoughts and not get lost in his voice.”
“Oh boy. You’re so far gone.”
I was. I knew that and I was beginning to realize everyone around me did too. Vanessa hadn’t eased up on the constant reminders about him and his most recent activities. I felt like I knew what he was doing before he did. She was extreme, but it was working. He was constantly on my mind.
His Royal Regret: Royals of Lochland Book 2 Page 11