Notes in Love

by Hetherington, Megan

  I smile over the thought I have of how her crazy is not quite the same as the crazy I’ve recently escaped from.

  “My brothers are okay. They might come across as a little intense but they’re really not. Blue, in particular, has calmed down so much since Josie came back.”

  I nod, not knowing what she is referring to.

  “And Colt is kinda getting over himself too. A little harder for him, suppose, the way he nailed his flag to Blue’s mast an’ all.”

  This time I really don’t know what she means but don’t want to pry so I pretend to ignore Amber’s scrutiny of my expression as she takes a pause.

  “And it’s good having Josie around, she keeps them both in check. Stops them from fussing over me all the time.” She laughs. “I don’t mean to be a handful, but if they’d keep their opinions to themselves, then they wouldn’t be so wrangled by it all.”

  Her positivity makes me smile and I wonder what it must be like to be her. Wonderful, I guess. Although I’m not envious, I would like to sit on her shoulder and be with her on every step of her life journey. Because that would be my fantasy—I’d never have a life as fulfilling myself. Fortunately, she doesn’t realize how intense my thoughts are. Her words flow with the same bouncy intonation as she moves on to talk about clothes, horses, and boyfriends.

  For the first time in a while, I don’t want a moment to end until she asks, “So what d’ya make of Colt, anyhow?”

  I furrow my brow and slow down on my chewing. I don’t want to offend and plan on choosing my words carefully. I knew when she looked at me earlier when speaking about Colt that there was some thoughts sparking.

  “I know he’s my brother an’ all, but he’s kinda cute, ain’t he?” She cocks her head on one side. “And it would be so good for him to date again.”

  I cough behind a fist, shaking my head at her suggestion.

  “You not looking for anything like that?”

  I continue to shake my head pretending still to chew on some donut.

  “That’s a shame. You seem such a nice girl and Mom’s taken a shine to you too.”

  “Has she?” I wonder how on Earth she can tell, when I’ve only been here just over a day.

  “Yeah. She’s real perceptive. If she didn’t like you, I’d know.” She nods her head as if to agree with herself. “And I reckon you are so Colt’s type too.”

  “Type?” If only she knew. I take another bite.

  “Yeah, you’re sweet.”

  I nearly choke and quickly gulp on some coffee so as not to create a scene.

  She slaps a palm on the table. “But, hey, who am I to match make, that’s the last thing I would want him to do to me.”

  Yeah, and I’m the last person he would want if he’s looking for someone sweet.

  “Come on, let’s hit the stores.” She pulls me up and thrusts her arm under my elbow and we walk out of the bakery like two lifelong friends.

  Three

  Lacey

  I push at the corn on my plate with my fork. I’m sure I’ve not ate as many vegetables in one meal before, and as much as I feel blessed, my stomach protests. But everyone seems to enjoy the chicken and leek pie I made, anyway.

  “Lacey…”

  Colt’s arm brushes against my shoulder and I snap out of my introspect. His eyes meet mine, and I shudder at the intensity of them. Everyone around the dining table gawks at me, and my cheeks heat under their stares. I recall they’ve just said the name I go by now, but I caught nothing else.

  “You were miles away.” Amber laughs.

  “Sorry.” I lift the corner of my lips into a faltering smile.

  “Josie asked you to pass the bowl.” She waves her fork at the bowl of mashed potatoes Colt has grasped in his big hand.

  “Sorry,” I whisper across to Josie.

  “It’s okay, honey, but you’re gonna have to tell us what you were thinking of. We could do with a new line of conversation around here.”

  My mouth dehydrates, and I gulp down some water.

  “Yeah, I’ve about had my fill of wedding talk,” Colt mutters.

  Josie laughs. “And you know what I think of discussing castrating steers at the dinner table too.”

  Mrs. Corrigan tsks through a warm smile. “Come on, children.”

  Children? It’s been a while since the man whose warm leg jiggles against mine could be categorized as a child. I twist my hips slightly to move away from the hard muscle.

  I’m sensitive to my interactions with Colt since Amber raised the idea of me and him hooking up. As much as it was a passing suggestion, I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea.

  Blue leans into Josie and whispers something into her ear, which has her cheeks flush up under a sultry grin. An obvious show of affection. Strange coming from a man of so few words. I glance under my eyebrows at Colt. I wonder if he is the same?

  “So, come on then, Lacey? Where are you from? Who have you left behind?” Josie asks.

  My mind screams and I will myself not to push back my chair and escape. “El Paso. And nothing, really. I’m boring.” I load up my fork and shove it in my mouth, hoping Josie will let up with the interrogation. Amber seemed disinterested when I told her earlier that I was nothing special. Let’s hope it has the same effect here.

  “Been thinking on that, is that a Texan accent?” Colt asks. His tone is challenging and I feel panic rise from my gut. I hadn’t even considered my accent. I didn’t think I had one.

  “Of course it is. Anyway, how would you know?” Amber taunts him. But instead of looking at Amber as she speaks, his eyes hook onto mine. The intensity is unnerving and I retreat into the safe place I’ve bolstered deep inside where I can function without emotion under tense situations.

  With no reaction from me, Colt unlocks his gaze, and I breathe a sigh of relief. For now. I need to be more careful about my story and not assume everyone is on my side. Even Colt, who was so keen to take me on with no questions the other day, doubts me now.

  “I think I might arrange a weekend in El Paso with my girlfriends. There’re supposed to be some wild nightclubs there.” Amber leans back on her chair and drums her fingers on the table as if she is waiting for a response.

  I glance at Colt and Blue, both of whom shovel food like it’s about to vaporize any second and I’m relieved Amber has taken the heat away from me.

  The boys’ reaction is interesting. Josie and Mrs. Corrigan give Amber space to rile her brothers with such a threat. And when the anger doesn’t come, Amber smirks and I try to hide my smile behind my glass of water.

  I’m not used to all these strong women. And I’ve never known more than one in a family dynamic before, anyway.

  “Or, actually,” Amber scrapes a pattern into the mashed potatoes on her plate. “We could do a stopover in El Paso and hop across the border to Mexico for a real party.”

  Colt screws his fist around his fork and thumps the table with it. A low growl rumbles up his throat and I stiffen from the energy that pulses from him.

  Josie laughs, soon followed by Amber who quips, “You boys make it so easy.”

  Colt drops his fork onto his plate with a clang and angles back in his seat. “Yeah and who do you expect to come and save your sorry ass when you get in a heap of trouble?”

  She huffs. “Oh, don’t worry, I’ve got a whole line of men I can call on to do that.”

  “Enough, Amber,” Blue barks.

  I nearly jump out of my seat.

  “Who wants dessert?” Josie pushes back her chair and collects the plates. “I grabbed cheesecake from Alma’s yesterday.”

  “Sounds lovely,” Mrs. Corrigan replies, over mumbles from everyone else.

  I dare to breathe again and immediately push up onto shaky legs to help clear the table.

  With the cheesecake comes a lighter conversation. Josie pours coffee and Amber dishes out portions of the dessert, picking a blueberry from the top of Colt’s as she passes it over to him. It’s strange how it works ar
ound here. Everyone is now pleasant to each other. The altercation Amber caused is quickly forgotten and yet her playfulness stays intact.

  I really can’t eat any more, but as everyone else tucks in, I don’t want to cause a fuss, so I push through a few forkfuls. The way Colt shovels his portion down makes me queasy and I hope this family get together will end soon so I can retreat to my room and lay flat on the bed.

  “I’m beat.” Mrs. Corrigan shuffles her chair back. “Thank you for a lovely meal, Josie, and tomorrow it’s my turn. I’ll make meatloaf.”

  My mouth languishes open and I catch Amber shaking her head at me. It’s not that I mind her thanking Josie for a meal I mostly prepared, it’s that she’s offering to knock out a meatloaf.

  “Shall I…?” I go to help Mrs. Corrigan.

  “No, it’s okay, you finish your cheesecake. I’ll take her up.” Josie offers.

  “It’s no problem.”

  “I insist.” She smiles warmly at me.

  I slump back on my chair and smile politely.

  “I’m gonna make a run for it too,” Colt says.

  “Going to that strip joint are you, brother?” Amber taunts. “I hear they have a private room in the back of the Green Parrot now. How does that work?” She taps her fingers on her chin.

  Blue growls. Although I’m not sure who he is aiming his aggression at as he is looking at Colt and not Amber.

  Josie snaps her head over her shoulder as she guides Mrs. Corrigan to the door and glares at Blue.

  Colt just shakes his head slowly as if Amber’s taunt has gotten old.

  I swallow. Get me out of here. Fast.

  I clear the remaining dishes, stack the dishwasher and take a glass of water to my bedroom, where I strip down to my underwear and lay with the window slightly ajar, letting a cool breeze waft fresh country air across my heated skin.

  I had a bath before dinner tonight with the toiletries I picked up in town. My hair smells amazing, like bubble gum, and I pull a lock under my nose and take a deep breath of it.

  Despite the family dramatics, I can last here a little while. Just until the trail goes cold. Perhaps until after pay day—whenever that is. The only problem is the employment form I completed. I need to lose that somehow. I spotted it at dinner, still on the bookshelf where I left it.

  A truck roars to life below the window, and tires scrunch on the gravel. The booming beat of country music fades. Colt, no doubt. Gone to get his fix at the Blue Parrot or whatever that stupid woman-demeaning club is.

  Which reminds me. I swing my legs off the bed and take the chair from the dressing table and wedge it under the door handle. I don’t need any early hour interruptions when he staggers in worse for wear.

  The horses whinny in their stables, and I wonder what it would be like to ride one. Amber has offered to teach me, and the thought of galloping through the wide-open countryside with nothing but the wind running through my hair is a dream I’ll try to fall asleep with.

  I hear Colt come in when just one set of footsteps stride pass my door. But I don’t know what time it is because I don’t have a watch, or phone, or even a clock. I lay awake for the rest of the night, batting around ideas of how long I’ll stay and where I’ll go next. And I can’t afford to sleep in again like I did yesterday. I need that paycheck.

  Four

  Lacey

  I stir the grits; I don’t want to burn the pan. The set looks expensive with their copper bases and shiny steel bodies, and it’s the first time I’ve dared use one since I’ve been here.

  “Hey. You’re up early.” Amber bounces into the kitchen and pours a glass of orange juice from the carton I left on the counter. “Anyone else around yet?” She takes a swig from the glass.

  I shake my head. “Not that I’ve seen. Although, I’m taking some grits to your Mom.” I nod at the pan. “She’s dressed and ready for the day.”

  Amber eyes me over the glass of OJ. “I could have had me an extra hour in bed, seein’ as it’s Saturday and all.” She winks. “And we’ve got a big night tonight.” She does a little dance with her arms and upper body, which makes me smile. “We’re heading to Visalia for Josie’s dress fitting and staying over for a small bachelorette party. You’re welcome to come along.”

  I scrunch up my nose, still stirring the grits. “Nah. Thank you anyway.”

  “Are you sure? Because Blue or Colt can look after Mom.” A shiver shudders over me at the thought of being here without Amber and Josie. But I’ve nothing to wear, and the thought of a night out makes me feel sick.

  “No, it’s fine. Really.”

  “Okay, up to you.” She drains her glass and places it in the sink. “The boys are doing it properly. Vegas. I don’t know why Josie didn’t want us to do that, it would have been so cool.”

  “What would have been cool?” A gruff voice rumbles out.

  Colt’s boots thud across the tiled floor. I return my attention to the grits in the pan, turn the gas down a notch and dip my head.

  “Vegas.” Amber hops up and sits on the island.

  Colt blurts out a deep laugh which forces me to turn and look at him before I can stop myself. It’s a sarcastic laugh and so is the smile that breaks across his face and it makes my stomach tense.

  He notices and paces toward the stove, dumps a stack of papers on the counter and stops at my shoulder.

  “Any of that to spare?” His low voice skits across my cheek, making me feel uncomfortable in a way that I’m nervous about. It’s a mix of my usual anxiety and a self-centered yearning for him to touch me. And I don’t have the capacity to feel like that about any man right now, let alone my boss.

  “Yes.” I spin around with the pan in my hand and he jumps backward.

  “Woah.”

  “Sorry.”

  Amber hastily pushes a trivet toward the edge of the island for me to drop the pan on to. “Heavier than they look,” she comments.

  I ignore my stupid mistake and crumble in some bacon and stir it up with a pat of butter. With a large spoon, I ladle the grits into two bowls and pass them over to Colt and Amber.

  Colt plonks his hat and the stubby pencil shoved behind his ear on top of the paperwork. “You not having any?” he asks, his eyes suck me in again.

  “No. I’m fine.”

  “Here. I’ll grab something else.” He pushes the bowl toward me.

  I shake my head and slide it back.

  “Seriously,” he says in a firm yet caring tone.

  His focus on me puts me on edge. “I’ve already eaten,” I lie.

  He shrugs and taps Amber’s leg so she slides off the island to sit next to him on one of the high-backed stools.

  “So, you gonna bring a wife back with you?” Amber taunts, blowing over a spoonful of the steaming grits.

  “Huh?”

  “From Vegas. Ain’t that what happens at these bachelor parties?”

  He shakes his lowered head and continues to spoon grits into his mouth. I snap away from the picture I’m forming—scenes of Colt at a bachelor party.

  “Commitment issues,” Amber mouths to me from behind a cupped hand. When Colt throws her an inquisitive look, she withdraws her hand and beams a fake smile. I don’t know what she means and smile sweetly back at her. It’s too early for them to drag me into a sibling fight.

  My stomach growls loudly. I press my palms to deaden the sound, but it’s too late. Colt notices.

  “Thought you’d already eaten?” he asks around a spoonful of breakfast.

  “Um.”

  “Thought as much.” He cuts me off, scraping the rest of the bowl clean. “Move over.” He comes to the stove and shoulders me aside. “I’m gonna make you pancakes to die for.”

  I raise an eyebrow, and he steps back with a joking expression. “Oh, I get it, you think yours are better?”

  I shrink inside and shake my head with quick, short sways.

  “Here.” He pulls another heavy-bottomed skillet from the rack.

  Amber
joins in, placing eggs, flour, and milk onto the island.

  Simultaneously, they back me into a corner.

  Colt slams two glass mixing bowls onto the island. “Come on, then. Give me what you’ve got.”

  The pressure is on and I can’t back out. So half-heartedly, I set to and whisk up a batter, ladling a decent sized dollop into sizzling butter in the pan.

  Colt is all fancy with his. Flour puffs from the paper bag he holds high, then he spends forever chasing egg shell out from the batter in the bowl, and when he finally gets the mixture into the pan, the butter is brown. But it doesn’t stop his show, and when smoke thickens above his skillet, he flips the pancake so high in the air he has to push me to one side to catch it. Eventually, he slaps a crispy-edged pancake onto a plate.

  Amber taps a fork on the countertop, deliberating which pancake to choose first. She scoops some of Colt’s into her mouth. “Pretty good, brother.” Then she takes a gulp of OJ and chews some of mine. “Oh, my god. That is super-delicious.” She rips off another bite.

  Colt’s face sours. “Can’t be,” he mutters. “It wasn’t in the pan long enough.” He snags Amber’s fork from her and tests for himself, moaning around his chew. “That is darn good.”

  I hunker down on a genuine smile.

  “Come on, then. What do you think of mine?”

  I hesitate. This is the first time I’ve ever tasted anything cooked by a man. In fact, I even found it novel to watch him grip the tiny wire whisk in his large fist and flick the pan with just one hand. It tastes good, and I have to stop myself from taking another bite. “Yeah. I like it.”

  His smile lights up into his eyes. My comment has just done that, and it confuses me. I smile back but immediately dampen down on any brewing emotion by clearing away the plate.

  Amber eats the rest of mine and Colt grumbles, so I spoon more batter into the pan and make one especially for him.

  Blue and Josie enter the kitchen and before I know it, I’ve made pancakes for everyone and even feel relaxed enough to have one myself.

  Amber turns on the radio and dances toward the deck, as she taps her thumbs on her phone. Blue lifts Josie up onto a stool and stands between her legs while she alternates between feeding herself and him some pancake. It’s odd to me and confusing. There’s nothing sexual about the way they are this morning; they’re just in love. But I feel guilty watching them all the same so I clear the plates and spot Colt staring at me.