Black Clouds of Cotton (In Vein Series Book 2)
Page 18
Sloane punches some numbers into the machine before bending down to fish something out from the door. Casting my gaze to the floor, I follow the lines in the linoleum as Sloane and Troy walk back over to me. I glance up as she waves a pack of crackers in my face.
“You need to eat before you wither away.”
My anxiety is too high, it quickly silences my stomach as it rumbles. “I’m not hungry, but thanks,” I tell her quietly as I push her hand away from my face.
A defeated sigh slips from her lips as she drops down into the seat beside me. “Don’t think that I haven’t noticed what’s going on, Hadley.”
My brow furrows as I search her concerned eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Given everything that’s going on, I don’t exactly have an appetite right now.”
“I rarely see you eat anything anymore,” she says in a hushed voice as her worried eyes scan my face. “You’ve lost weight because you haven’t been eating. Please, just talk to me.”
“It’s not what you think,” I tell her honestly, swallowing hard. “I don’t have an eating disorder or anything. It’s just my anxiety.”
It’s just my need to feel some kind of physical pain.
Sloane narrows her eyes slightly, but she doesn’t push the issue. Sometimes she surprises me and respects my boundaries. “I obviously don’t mean right this second, but can you at least promise me that you’re going to start fucking eating again and get some help?”
I’ve been so focused on helping Ander that I had never considered the fact that I need help too. He became my priority and was always at the front of my mind. I’ve neglected myself and my own mental health for months now. It was easier to ignore my problems by channeling all of my energy on Ander instead.
“How can you expect to help someone else when you can’t even help yourself?”
I stare back at Sloane as the lump in my throat lodges itself there. My eyes sting as tears prick the corners of them. No truer words have ever been spoken and it’s exactly what I needed to hear. Swallowing back the emotion, I nod in agreement. She’s right—if I want to be able to help Ander, I need to help myself first.
“Hadley,” Hera calls my name from the doorway, breaking through our moment. “You can come back now if you want to see him.”
Glancing back at Sloane, she gives me a small smile and a nod. “Go get your man,” she says as she nudges my shoulder. “Just remember, you don’t have to choose. There’s enough room for both of you to come first.”
Softly pushing the door closed behind me, I stand along the perimeter of the hospital room and my eyes quickly find Ander. His blue eyes meet mine as he quickly sits up straighter in the bed. He looks so weak and fragile, almost as if the mattress will swallow him whole. I’ve never seen him look more beautifully broken.
“Come here.” His voice is soft but demanding as it reaches deep inside my soul. Pulling on my heartstrings, the invisible thread between us grows shorter as my feet carry me across the room to him.
As I reach the bed, he scoots over to the side, making room for me as he holds open the sheet. I slip under the covers with him as he wraps his thin arms around me. He envelops me with his warmth as I settle in against his chest, careful to not pull any of the wires attached to him. Holding me tightly, he strokes the top of my head as he buries his nose in my hair.
“You didn’t leave,” he breathes as he moves his lips to my forehead.
“Of course I didn’t.” I wrap my arms tighter around his torso. “I meant it when I told you before that I would always be here.”
Ander slips his hand up to cup my chin, gently tilting my head back to look up at him. A storm brews within the depths of his blue eyes as he searches mine. “I’m going to lose you eventually.”
My brow furrows as I stare back at him. “Why would you say that?”
“Because, I know how this story ends.” He pauses for a moment as he softly strokes my chin with the pad of his thumb. “The only thing I will do is ruin you.”
“So, ruin me,” I whisper as I fight against the twinge of pain that wraps itself around my heart. “I already told you. I don’t care about the things that you’ve done, Ander. Nothing you could do will make me stay away, so stop trying to push me away.”
His jaw clenches as he internalizes whatever is eating away at his mind. His eyes fall shut as he lets out a ragged breath. Pulling me closer, he softly presses his lips against my forehead.
“What happens next?” I murmur against his chest as he holds me against him.
“They’re discharging me later today and I’m going straight to detox until this shit is out of my system. After that, I’ll be going to a treatment center.”
Relief floods me as a tear falls from my eye. “How long?”
If he wouldn’t have ended up in the hospital again, I don’t know that he would have come to this decision by himself. For once, I’m grateful that his body finally told him that it was enough. It’s time for him to get help and we’re finally on the same page.
“The doctor is pushing for three months, but I won’t know for sure until I’m there.” Ander’s warm breath tickles my skin as he sighs. “I don’t want to be away from you for that long.”
We were apart longer than that before.
Lifting my head, I look up at him, meeting his worried expression. “After everything that we’ve been through together, we can get through this too. I will always wait for you.”
There’s a gentle innocence that mixes with the fear in his eyes. He’s so broken and desperate for my love. It’s as if I’m staring at the scared little boy that everyone always lets down. I won’t be another person that lets him down.
Come hell or high water, I’ll stand by his side through it all... even if he ruins me in the end.
Note from the author:
Addiction is a serious illness. If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, please seek immediate help. There are many resources available and there are people who want to help. You are worth it.
SAMHSA National Helpline: 1-800-662-4357
COMING APRIL 2021
HEROIN STAINED HEARTS
In Vein Series #3
Pre-Order on Amazon: HERE
About the Author
C.M. Radcliff lives in Pennsylvania with her husband and two demon children. Known as the Psycho Queen, she speaks fluent sarcasm, dark humor, and has the mouth of a sailor. If she isn't reading or writing, she's probably on an adventure with her little family.
Also by C.M. Radcliff
Darkness Duet
When Darkness Consumes
Returned to the Light
Entangled Series
Chaos
Severance
In Vein Series
Opium Skies
Black Clouds of Cotton
Standalones
The Life and Death of Matthews
Traces of Her
Mirage