Watching Their Steps

by Alana Terry

  “Who was that?” Lacy asked and then saw her old car parked in one of the driveways. She also recognized the man getting out of the front seat.

  “Did I forget to mention it?” Sandy replied with a massive grin. “We’re having company.”

  Chapter 18

  LACY COULDN’T READ Kurtis’s expression when he opened the door to help her out of Sandy’s rental.

  “You ok?” he asked quietly.

  She was still trying absorb the fact that these two people from her very distinct and very disconnected lives were both staring at her, studying her reaction.

  “How do you feel?”

  She didn’t know how to answer him. Part of her wanted to feign illness and hide in bed for the rest of the day.

  Kurtis took one arm and Sandy another, and they led her up the porch steps to the mission home. Sandy reached into a hanging basket and grabbed a key. Once inside, she put down her bag and yawned. “You two get comfortable. I’ve got to rest for a minute.”

  Kurtis shut the front door. “Should we head to the couch?”

  Lacy felt even more awkward than she had the first time Madeline caught them snuggling together at Kurtis’s house. “Where’s the munchkin?” she asked.

  “She’s at the daycare now. Kim will take her back to her place at the end of the day. I’m not staying long. I just came to drop off your car.” He cleared his throat. “And see how you’re doing, of course.”

  “So Sandy called you?”

  “I called her, actually. I figured you’d want her to know about the accident. And then she just stayed in touch whether I wanted her to or not.” He let out a little laugh.

  “I hope she didn’t bug you too much or anything.”

  “No.” His good-humored smile was back. She had missed that. Kurtis adjusted in the couch so his leg was close to hers without actually touching it. “She said you were leaving the hospital, and I had the day off, and well, I figured you’d want your car back.”

  “You didn’t have to, you know.” Lacy tried to read any hidden meaning behind this visit. He could have held onto the car. Could have kept it in Glennallen so she’d have a reason to go back once she recovered.

  “No problem. My buddy Taylor is heading back from town today, so it worked out perfect. I’ll just catch a ride home with him. Your car’s fine, by the way. Whoever was after you, looks like he unhooked the alternator, that’s all. Sucked your battery dry, but we got it up and going just fine. Made it all the way to town today with no problems.” He flashed a grin. “And I changed your oil, too.”

  “Thank you for everything.” She had a hard time meeting his eyes.

  “Don’t mention it.”

  She didn’t know what else to say. Soon, they would have to talk. A lot. About the past. About Raphael. And then about the future.

  It was a conversation she dreaded more than just about anything.

  “Listen,” she said, “I’m really sorry about ...”

  “Shh.” He put his arm around the back of the couch, careful not to touch her. “You don’t need to worry about that right now.”

  “But if I hadn’t ...”

  “Let’s just save all that for later, ok?” There was that compassionate look in his eyes again. How could she have taken him for granted for so long?

  Something in Kurtis’s pocket beeped, and he took out his phone.

  “It’s Taylor,” he said. “He’s outside waiting for me.”

  “That was fast.”

  The same warm expression. The same soft glance.

  She realized then she didn’t want him to go. “When are you coming back to town?”

  The hint of a smile. “I have next Thursday off.”

  “Good,” Sandy shouted from down the hall. “She’ll need a ride to the doctor’s office. Want to volunteer?”

  Lacy looked for a place to hide her face, but Kurtis only chuckled. “I can take you to your appointment.” He leveled his eyes. “If that’s all right with you.”

  She didn’t know what to say. Her life, her relationships were all in limbo while she waited to hear about Raphael. Was he recovering? Would he even survive? He wasn’t answering his phone calls or text messages, and the doctors refused give her any real information.

  Stupid patient privacy laws.

  Now, here was Kurtis, the same sweet, steadfast Kurtis who had been so good to her. Watching her attentively. Waiting for her response.

  “That would be fine,” she answered.

  He let out a sigh. Was there more to be said?

  Not here. Not now.

  But when?

  He walked to the door. “Coffee afterwards?” he asked. Gentle. Hopeful.

  “Good idea,” Sandy called out.

  Lacy let out a choppy breath. “Maybe if I’m feeling well enough by then.” She couldn’t take her eyes off Kurtis. What had happened to them?

  “I guess I’ll see you Thursday then.” He turned the knob and was gone.

  Chapter 19

  “SO, YOU HEARD FROM that nice policeman lately?” Sandy asked as she folded laundry at the Anchorage mission house.

  “He’s a trooper.” Lacy had forgotten how many times she’d corrected her mother in the past few days.

  “I still don’t see what the difference is.” Sandy put one of the pans away. “Well, have you heard from this trooper friend of yours lately?”

  Lacy rolled her eyes. She was so glad to see Sandy, to be in the same house, to talk about the past without having to remember all the lies of her cover story. But still, there was only so much smothering a New England girl could take.

  Sandy folded one of her floral skirts. “Well, if you don’t want me prying around in your love life, I can respect that.”

  “It’s not that.” She didn’t want to shut Sandy out. God knew she needed someone she could turn to for advice right about now.

  Sandy put down the blouse she’d been folding and sat down on the couch. “Then what is it, sweetheart?”

  Lacy let out her breath. She knew her mom liked Kurtis. Of course she would. Kurtis was polite, attentive, respectful. He had been thoughtful enough to call Sandy to let her know about the accident. But there were some things her foster mom didn’t understand.

  “I don’t know.” Lacy stared over the top of Sandy’s shoulder to avoid making eye contact. “There’s so much going on right now.”

  Sandy grinned. “Like the fact that an Alaska state trooper bought you an engagement ring? Remind me again, was that before or after he saved your life in the car crash?”

  “He’s not the one making things confusing. It’s ...” She let her voice trail off.

  “It’s Raphael,” Sandy finished for her.

  Lacy studied her fingernail and nodded.

  “You still have feelings for him?”

  Lacy’s spine tingled at the hint of incredulity she detected in Sandy’s tone. Why shouldn’t she still have feelings for him? He was her first love. The first man she ever imagined spending the rest of her life with. The first man besides her foster dad she had ever trusted.

  Sandy leaned forward on the couch. “You know I’m only looking out for you, honey, don’t you?”

  Lacy stared at the pile of clothes.

  “Come on,” Sandy pressed. “What’s going on? You can talk to me. We could always talk things through.”

  But that was before, Lacy wanted to point out. Before Raphael made his boneheaded mistake and got them mixed up in some Mafia drama that stripped Lacy of her identity, her entire life. Four years lost. Completely wasted.

  So why was she mad at Sandy and not at Raphael?

  Lacy shook her head. “Everything is so confusing.”

  “That’s perfectly understandable, dear. You’ve been through so much. And now there are two men in the picture, and you don’t know what you’re going to do, but any choice is bound to hurt at least one of them. Is that it?”

  Lacy swallowed past the lump in her throat. “Yeah,” she croaked.

>   Sandy nodded and tucked a strand of hair into her braid. “I understand entirely.”

  Lacy knew her mom was just being polite. What would Sandy know about it? What would she know about mourning a lost love for four years only to find he was really alive? What would she know about being close to a strong, protective man who’d never met the real you? When had Sandy ever been split, torn between two lives, two loves, two identities?

  “You know I adore Carl,” Sandy said. “He and I are every bit as much in love today as we were on our wedding day. Even more so, actually.”

  Lacy nodded. Living with Carl and Sandy was the first proof she’d had that happy marriages weren’t simply lies Hollywood rom-coms tried to sell.

  Sandy leaned back on the couch and crossed her arms, so Lacy knew this would be a long story.

  “Before I met Carl, I was going steady with a young man from my father’s church. He had just finished medical school and wanted me to move with him to Alabama. He was kind. Considerate. Polite. From a well-off family, nice folks in their Southern mansion, the package deal.”

  Sandy adjusted her French braid over her shoulder. “My parents adored him. Our families adored each other, really, which is part of the reason why both David and I felt so comfortable in our relationship. He was a few years older than me, but what did that matter? When he asked me to move to Alabama with him, my parents couldn’t understand why I didn’t start packing that same day. There was just this gut feeling, though, this premonition that if I moved with David away from home, away from both our families, we’d lose ninety percent of the things that made our relationship so perfect. Does that make sense?”

  Lacy nodded.

  “But my mom really wanted me to go, and I didn’t want to be alone. So I transferred from UVA to Alabama to be with him while he was doing his residency. Do you have any idea how hard hospitals make those residents work?”

  Lacy didn’t want to break the flow of Sandy’s story by answering.

  “He was so busy, I’d sneak to the hospital once or twice a week, drop off a snack or little note or something, try to keep him well fed and encouraged. Other than that, we went a whole semester hardly seeing each other. It was a lonely time for me.”

  Lacy bit her lip. Unless Sandy went four years living the life of a perfect stranger, forbidden from speaking to anyone from her past, Lacy doubted she knew the real meaning of loneliness. But maybe that wasn’t fair, either. It couldn’t have been easy for her mom back then, away from home, away from her family ...

  “And that’s when I met Carl.” A slow smile spread across Sandy’s face, and Lacy instinctively grinned back.

  “Carl was basically everything David wasn’t. He came from a broken home, no family name, no money. And of course, you had the race issue.” She chuckled to herself. “I tried for three months to work up the nerve to tell my parents.”

  “What did they say?” Lacy asked.

  “Nothing. I always chickened out. I let little bits leak out. Told them how busy David was, how I wasn’t so sure anymore I wanted to marry a doctor if he was going to be so tied up with his patients I’d only get five minutes of his time. And finally, my mom read enough between the lines to realize there was another man involved. I’m sure she was disappointed, but she was reasonable. She said she wanted me happy. Said if David wasn’t the one for me, she just wanted to know I was loved and taken care of whoever I ended up with.” Another laugh. “That’s before she knew Carl was black.”

  “How’d they find out?” Lacy asked.

  “Well, I had to make things official with David first. He knew we were drifting apart, but before I could really give my heart to Carl, I had to tell David everything.”

  “How’d he take it?”

  Sandy let out a sigh. “That wasn’t so easy. He understood the part about me breaking up with him because of his schedule. Honestly, I think he was relieved. He’d been feeling guilty that he couldn’t give me more time and attention. I mean, he was the one who uprooted me from my home, dragged me to a brand-new state, and then basically forgot I existed. At least, it felt that way sometimes. So in that sense, he understood completely.

  “What he couldn’t figure out was why I would leave him for Carl. I mean, a black, penniless campus minister who had to go around to churches three months out of every year to beg for his salary — that was a real blow to David’s ego, you know? How could I prefer someone like Carl when I could have been with him? But he got over it. Eventually.”

  “Do you ever talk to him anymore?” Lacy tried to keep her expression neutral, hoping Sandy couldn’t perceive the reason for the question.

  “Not really. He was an important part of my life for a season. We had fun memories, enjoyed each other’s company. In fact, I’m still friends with his mother and sister. Send them Christmas cards every year. But David? Well, we both moved on. He found another girl, they got married, Carl and I eventually moved out of the South, and that was that.”

  Lacy chose her next words carefully, hoping she wasn’t giving too much away. “But do you miss him? I mean, did you miss him? Or were things just so good with Carl that ...”

  Sandy interrupted with an unlady-like snort. “So good with Carl?” She leaned forward. “Good? Try sitting in a diner for an hour while waitresses walk right by and ignore you and tell me how good that is. Or what about having half your extended family refuse to call you by your married name? You call that good? Or getting your windshield egged. And those are the things I can laugh about now. It got worse. Lots worse. Even the police didn’t do much to help. They had this attitude like, If you didn’t want to get regular death threats, lady, why’d you go and marry a colored man? There was one night I got a call from the hospital. Carl’d been beat up. Attacked by five or six men. Teens, actually. Boys. Do you know what it does to a man’s ego to get beat up by thugs nearly half his age? The hospital wanted my permission to donate his organs if he didn’t make it, that’s how bad it was.

  “So if you’re asking me if I ever wondered what life would have been like if I’d chosen David instead of Carl, the answer’s yes. A hundred times. And I’m not saying a hundred times total. It was more like a hundred times a day, at least during the ugliest spells. Did I wish things were easier like they would have been if I’d married David? Absolutely. But did I regret my decision to choose Carl?”

  Lacy leaned forward to hear the answer.

  Sandy leveled her eyes. “Never.” The word echoed through Lacy’s chest, its reverberations falling in sync with her pulse. “Never.”

  Sandy took up another blouse. Lacy was just going to hang it up in the closet, but Sandy still folded it with perfect creases that could put a clothing store worker to shame. “You thinking about Raphael?” she asked quietly.

  Lacy nodded.

  Sandy offered a reassuring smile. “Well, I know better than to give you my opinion. If I had listened to my mother, I would have never chosen Carl. Never had the amazing ride we’ve had. Never met you, our other kids ... That’s what would have happened if I’d gone for the safe and easy route.”

  Safe? Why did it always come back to that? It seemed pretty clear that of the two men, Kurtis was the safe one. Is that what Sandy was talking about? Was she telling her not to settle for safe?

  “So you’re saying I should be with Raphael?” Lacy asked, wondering if that was even an option anymore. She still hadn’t heard from him since the accident. Even once he recovered, Lacy didn’t know if she’d learn to trust him again after everything they went through.

  “I’m not saying anything of the sort. I don’t need to tell you again how I get all nervous and unsettled every time I think of you two together. Now, maybe that’s not fair of me. Maybe that’s just because you were involved in that incident together so long ago.”

  Lacy fidgeted with a button on her blouse. She still hadn’t told her mom about Raphael’s role in the accident at the pier.

  Sandy crossed her arms. “Now, I know my mom had her reser
vations about Carl. Said she didn’t understand how I could throw away every chance God had given me for a good life to take such a crazy leap of faith as marry a colored man. I don’t think it was flat-out racism on her part. Not totally. A lot of it was her just knowing how hard it would be if we did marry and wanting to protect me from that. I was naïve, see? I thought with all the progress we’d made in the civil rights movement that people would be more accepting. My mom knew better than that and was trying her hardest to look out for me.” Sandy adjusted the rose-patterned skirt she was wearing. “Just like I’m trying to do with you. But whatever you choose, if you marry the policeman or give Raphael a chance once he’s pulled through his injuries or turn them both down and go have wild adventures somewhere else, I’m giving you my full support. That’s something my mom never said to me, and I’m not about to repeat that same mistake.”

  Lacy offered a weak smile. “Thanks.” She was so tired. The pain pills still made her groggy, but she could hardly sleep two or three hours at night before waking up in a clammy, itchy sweat. Maybe it was a side-effect of the medicine. Or maybe it was just her body’s way of reacting to her trauma. Either way, she knew she couldn’t hold her eyelids open for much longer before she had to lie down for a nap.

  Sandy stood and gave Lacy a kiss on the forehead. “You just think about what I said, all right? And don’t forget to pray. God will always answer his children when they ask him for wisdom.” Sandy paused. “Is that your phone beeping, dear? Do you want me to bring it to you?”

  She handed Lacy her cell.

  “What is it, sweetheart?” she asked. “Is something wrong?”

  Lacy stared at the screen, hardly trusting her eyes. “It’s Raphael. He wants me to come see him at the hospital.”

  Chapter 20

  LACY COULDN’T REMEMBER feeling so nervous before. Not during any of her theater auditions or college exams. Not on her first date with Kurtis or the night on the pier when she thought Raphael was going to propose to her.