by Rob Reger
…
Let’s just say that I need you to build several very special
devices for me.
…
[Irritated.]
I can’t help you with that. YOU’RE the engineer!
…
I don’t HAVE the specifications yet. All in good time! Just get your team here as soon as you can!
* * *
Am super uneasy to find Attikol talking about “very special devices.” Why is he being so vague? Why doesn’t he have specifications for these devices? And…how’s he going to get said specifications?
I really hope this has nothing to do with his need to find ME.
But given his fascination with black rock, I suspect that it does!
Later
OK. Am thinking that, for a start, it would help to beef up my surveillance on Attikol. Am going to add video capability to some of the TranscriptoSpies. I think I can scrounge the necessary parts right here in the souvenir kiosk. Will report back on my progress.
TranscriptoVid!
Later
Not bad work considering my limited resources! Have spent the past hour dismantling cheap souvenirs and scavenging them for bits and pieces. Have managed to cobble together a TranscriptoVid with sixty-six-hour video storage. Am going to head back to the Boardroom and swap it for the old model. Am not super happy about visiting the Boardroom again, tainted as it is by Attikol’s presence. Will have to burn some catnip in there, or something, to purify the energy. Ha! Ha!
Later
Back at the kiosk. Feeling a little off. Probably just anxiety over the diceyness of the situation here in Seasidetown. Am going to just chill for the rest of the night. Will write more later.
Later
Ended up rewiring the kiosk’s ancient (like, circa 1990s!) computer to get TV signals, then sat around in a nest of black dresses and watched late-night TV for several hours. Am surprised at myself. I mean, I’m the first to admit to being Queen of Procrastination but have never stooped to actual hours of TV viewing. Must be more productive tomorrow. Must figure out Attikol’s plans and a way to thwart them. Must summon black rock. Must…get…some…rest…
May 16
My medulla oblongata’s
Mushy like an old tomata
Cerebellum’s lost at sea
Temporal lobe, where can you be?
Corpus callosum void and null
I got no brains inside this skull
Hippocampus come back to me
I’M A PRETEEN LOBOTOMY!!!!
—From the poetry journal of Emily Strange, age 7
Woke up VERRRRY out of sorts. Probably due to unprecedented hours of TV last night. Guh! Am not feeling up to Master Planning and Counterespionage. Would not be averse to a few more hours of TV. Unfortunately the situation demands action, so I am gonna have to drag my carcass out of this kiosk and take care of business. Will write more later. If I have the strength.
Later
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOAH bad stuff bad stuff bad stuff
Here is the latest from the FelinoTranscriptoFeed:
* * *
Attikol
Congratulations on your new post as Head Librarian!
Schneider
Thank you. It’s quite an honor.
A.
You’re probably already aware that my family has been very prominent in this town for centuries.
S.
Is that so?
A.
Indeed! In fact, my Uncle Boris single-handedly saved the town from an outbreak of white fever in 1790.
S.
Fascinating!
A.
I presume your new duties are keeping you busy. Perhaps you haven’t had the time yet to peruse my family records, but there is 1300 years’ worth of documentation on us stored in your library.
S.
Remarkable! Is that what brings you to Seasidetown, then?
A.
That, and an inheritance I’ve come to collect. Which brings me to the reason for my visit. You are Seasidetown’s only licensed private investigator, I believe.
S.
I am indeed.
A.
I need you to locate this inheritance for me. I must warn you, this will sound quite unusual, but I’m looking for a black liquid, possibly in the form of a pool or fountain, that will have recently appeared somewhere in Seasidetown.
* * *
AAIIIIIIIIEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEE
EEEE!!!!!!
Attikol
has
summoned
black
rock
Well, that’s that. I have failed my family. And myself. I will never again know the joys of frolicking in a fountain of molten black rock. And never discover my unique talent. May as well pack my stuff and head home.
OK…Wait just a moment…his conversation with Schneider happened five hours ago.
Why haven’t I heard from Schneider?
Is he not planning to inform me?
Or…is he just avoiding me like the loser of black rock that I am?
Later
Have heard from Schneider. Am VERY surprised to be writing this, but he has actually made me feel a tiny bit better.
* * *
Schneider
Sorry I didn’t tell you right away. I thought it was best to get the search started immediately so that I had some good news to share.
Me
Huh. Good news. Riiiiight.
S.
Oh, come on. If Attikol had really summoned black rock, don’t you think he would KNOW WHERE IT WAS?
Me
I guess. Maybe.
S.
Well, keep your chin up. I’m all over the case. If ANYONE in this town sees an unusual black liquid, I’ll be the first to know!
* * *
OK—it’s not a lot, but it’s all I have, so I’m clinging to it with all my strength!
Am glad Attikol is a born delegator. If he were the kind of guy who took care of important business himself, I might still be in the dark here. Am also feeling grateful that Seasidetown’s only private detective is willing to play Double Agent and keep me informed of Attikol’s doings. And that his affection for my dead Great-Aunt Emma means he will go out of his way to help ME.
Anyway, despite trying reeeeeeally hard not to fall into a bottomless pit of despair, I am not happy, and Schneider was clearly feeling bad for me. He has suggested that we take a look at Attikol’s family records. Could be helpful, I guess. Schneider’s going to bring them to me tomorrow.
I don’t have high hopes.
Later
It took about twenty-three minutes after the above entry for me to fall back into a—well, not a BOTTOMLESS pit of despair, but at least a medium-sized ditch of despair. Was gripped with fear that Attikol had indeed summoned black rock. Decided I might learn something by observing him. Thus I’m sitting in the crowd at the medicine show right now. Am dressed as a tourist.
I was actually able to follow Attikol around quite a bit since it is far beneath him to take notice of the customers (unless they are of romantic interest). He can’t possibly be liked much around the caravan. He manages to be both distant and abrasive to everyone. He saves his special contempt for Ümlaut, though. I witnessed a lot of insults and kicking in their interactions. Eventually decided that this was not the euphoric, self-assured behavior of someone who has actually summoned an ancestral treasure, but the insecure, slightly panicky conduct of a man in a fit of anxiety.
This did wonders for my mood. Have upgraded to a mere cavity of despair. Not bad, not bad. Still need to talk to Jakey and confirm some things with him, though.
Later
Just witnessed funny scene of Seasidetown police scanning the medicine-show crowd for me. I know they were looking for me because they were holding posters of my face for reference. I made eye contact and gave them a long look at me. There was no spark of recognition. Zang, my disguises are good!
L
ater
After getting sick of watching Attikol, I stationed myself at Jakey’s trailer and waited until his guards took a break. I knew I needed a good, long session with him this time, so I took steps to make sure we were not interrupted. Steps that included Raven (dressed as an alluring redhead), some lies about a flat tire, and, yes, some beverages laced with glycoloid resin. It’ll take them at least an hour to sleep that off!
* * *
Me
Dude! Attikol is looking around town for black rock!
Jakey
Yeah…sorry, I should have told you. He thinks he might have summoned it. He’s not sure, though.
Me
I kind of need to know these things, man.
J.
JI just didn’t think it was worth freaking you out before we knew. I mean, I thought I’d be able to get some information out of Dottie’s mind by now.
Me
And you can’t?
J.
I can see HER thoughts, as long as she’s close enough—but nothing that she’s pulled from someone else.
Me
Aw, flizzles.
J.
I’ll keep trying, though. Maybe I’ll figure out how.
Me
Thanks. Right now, I really need to know more about Attikol’s mind, though. What exactly does he know about black rock?
J.
THAT I can tell you…
* * *
Oh boy…Jakey has told me an earful. Here are the high points:
Attikol inherited his great-uncle Boris’ diary a while back.
Turns out, though, this diary contained a reference to ANOTHER, earlier, diary…that of Great-Uncle Alaczar, which Attikol recently located…in the tunnels under Great-Aunt Lily’s house!!!!
I was correct in surmising that Jakey has been under heavy guard for a while. Seems his obvious unhappiness made Attikol suspect him of wanting to run away. Otherwise, he’d have warned me at that point. He apologized again and again for not being able to!
Anyway, Uncle Alaczar’s diary gave Attikol his first clear idea of black rock, which Alaczar described as “a great treassure that bringeth imagination to life, and wich hath been stollen from us by those accursed womyn.”
Alaczar also recounted the legend that I heard from Aunt Emma: that the 13th Shady Uncle would have a chance to gain control of the black rock if he could summon it before the 13th Dark Girl did.
Plus summoning instructions…subsequently ripped from Attikol’s mind.
And some intriguing snippets about none other than Dottie’s ancestors: “These Bryte Girls, darke of skin and strong of talente, can be swayed by golde, but only until the pryde comes upon them.”
Attikol ordered Jakey to search Seasidetown’s citizens’ minds for intel on black rock.
Though Jakey did his best to pretend that “black rock” meant nothing to him, he is not the world’s most talented liar. Attikol never really believed that he wasn’t finding anything.
So he was happy to pay an enterprising young thought puller to forcibly rip said intel out of his rebellious psychic’s mind.
But Attikol was SUPER surprised at the sheer wealth of what Dottie did find: the whole history of the times I’ve outwitted him, and everything Jakey knew from me about black rock.
Plus knowledge of some of my cool and potentially valuable inventions, which Attikol is determined to possess as well.
Knowing now that Jakey would help me if he could, Attikol paid Dottie to rip the most sensitive information from both their minds.
I thanked Jakey heartily for all this inside information and assured him that I would, eventually, somehow, rescue him from Attikol forever.
* * *
Me
You hanging in there, kid? They’re not…hurting you, are they?
Jakey
Nah. After all, I gotta do two shows a night. Wouldn’t look good if I was bruised.
Me
Well, that’s something. Hey, so what about Dottie’s thoughts? Anything I should know? Any good dirt?
J.
Not really sure. She doesn’t get along with her mom too well—I saw that nice and clear. And that NannyGuard who’s always with her? Dottie doesn’t like her much either.
Me
Why does Dottie need protecting, anyway?
J.
It’s Mayor Ebenezer who needs protecting. From Dottie and her scary talent.
Me
Wow, creepy.
J.
Oh…I’m picking up something from her now. Looks like she’s actually coming to see the show. I’ll do a good scan of her tonight if I can.
Me
Yeah, pick that brain good for me! Here’s hoping for some juicy nuggets.
J.
Do you have to say “juicy nuggets" when you talk about BRAINS?
Me
Yes. Yes I do. OK, kid, I’m outty. I bugged your trailer, so give me a “Flabjax!" if you need anything!
* * *
All right—Ümlaut’s show is starting. More later!
Later-back at the kiosk
Intense mental fatigue. I MUST be coming down with a bug, causing brain to turn to snot, or something. Hopefully it is not a new mutation of ye olde white fever, resistant to all inoculations!!!!! Since I have no dark elixir, black rock, or Pätented Pötion of Pöwer here to cure me. Ha. Ha. Ha. Luckily the cats are home for dinner. They can obviously tell I am poorly, because they are all staring at me anxiously. Will get them in a purring pile on my chest once I’m done writing. This usually works wonders in warding off illness or bad moods.
Just in case, have made sure Raven is properly programmed to get me to an emergency room if I collapse.
Later
No collapse as of yet. Unless you count watching FIVE STRAIGHT HOURS of television. Definitely a record for me. Not one I am proud of setting, either. Am clearly ailing. No real symptoms, though. Nothing solid to tell a doctor. “Well, I was feeling kind of generally unmotivated, Doctor, and all I wanted was to sit around and watch TV instead of coming up with clever master plans for defeating my ancestral enemy.” Right. Half 75% 95% of the population suffers from THAT malady.
Later
Am I ill? Feverish? Soft in the brain? What in flakes is wrong with me, sitting around in front of the TV all night? Must tear myself away and make some progress on the Plan. How can I summon black rock AND keep it away from Attikol? How can I rescue Jakey from Attikol’s clutches before more of his mind is sucked away?
Am struggling to pull myself out of this slump. Will at least check TranscriptoFeeds. Will report back if anything looks interesting.
Later-oh my cheeks
DOTTIE HAS BEEN IN MY MIND!!!!!!
MY THOUGHTS HAVE BEEN PLUNDERED!!!!!!!!
I WILL DESTROY HER!!!!!!!!!!!
Must. Get. Control. Of. Myself.
So. I. Can. Make. Ultimate. Revenge. Plan.
THAT GIRL IS GOING DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!
OK. Have watched the video and read the transcripts of yesterday’s visit to the Boardroom. Here’s what happened:
11:23 p.m. First image from TranscriptoVid. Image then jumps around quite a bit as I adjust the view frame until the entire table is visible.
11:27 p.m. I appear in the view frame, walking up to one of the chairs and starting to inspect it. Suddenly I jerk away from the table, then turn quickly back toward the doorway—but then lurch back and fall on my butt. There is a HAND gripping my ankle!
* * *
Dottie
Gotcha! Let’s see—I’ll go for the DuplicatoDevice first…
Me
Aiiiierrrrghhhhhhh…
D.
[GRUNTING NOISES—approx. three minutes.]
Whew…OK…Now let’s get your memory of THIS little incident…
[GRUNTING NOISES—approx. one minute.]
There we go. Ugh, that’s about all I can handle of YOUR mind for tonight, weirdo. Catch ya on the flip side.
* * *
/> 11:33 p.m. Dottie scrambles out from under the Boardroom table and leaves the room. I remain, lying halfway under the table, out cold, for the next thirty-eight minutes.
12:11 p.m. I slowly get to my feet and stagger out of the Boardroom, face blank, eyes foggy.
Oh NOOOOOOOOO! The wondrous DuplicatoDevice! Have lost all memories pertaining to building and using it. This is TRAGIC!!!! Am tempted to call up Mom right away and see what she knows. Do I still have the device? What kind of cool stuff did I duplicate with it? Did I make actual written blueprints? Probably not—haven’t been that formal with my contraption-building since I was four years old. Am sure it took a lot of experimenting to get something that complex working. If I can’t build another one, can I use the DuplicatoDevice to duplicate ITSELF? Oh no—what if I broke it down to use the parts in another contraption?
Cannot write any more. Too heartsick. More later.
Later
Must focus on preventing Dottie from getting in my mind again. From now on, I travel with a bodyguard. Raven will accompany me everywhere! Have shown her the video of Dottie and commanded her to keep that girl from touching me, no matter what!
Later OH NO OH NO OH NO
Dottie has already gotten in my mind again! Just reread my list of “Top 13 thoughts I must protect from Dottie”—and I have no memory of any glorious Time-Out Machine!!! Must stop writing and check TranscriptoFeeds…more later!
Later
Oh the diabolical evil of Dottie!!!!!! Have scanned the feeds until I found this one:
* * *
Jakey
Flabjax! FLAB JAX!!
Eye-patch Thug
Whuh?
J.
Oh…nothing…
E.T.
Well, keep it under your hat, ya freak.