by Rob Reger
Ü.
Yes…very clear…
* * *
* * *
Mayor Ebenezer
One more time, Dottie: I don’t care how you spend your free time, as long as you do the forty hours of community service I signed you up for.
Dottie
Paint the school yourself! I’m going to the movies.
* * *
Later
Am wondering why the letter from my Dark Aunts didn’t mention the Attikol factor. Back when Great-Aunt Emma sent me on that mission to Blackrock, her letter made sure to warn me that my ancestral enemy would be there, so that I could take proper precautions. And I wasn’t even ready to summon black rock back then!
Am also a little surprised there was no mention that summoning black rock would be a challenge of any kind. Or maybe it’s not that surprising. I AM supposed to be coming into my full powers now. I guess the days of hand-holding are over, and I have to solve these problems on my own!
Later
Out and about! Once the kiosk was as decorated as any kiosk needs to be, I started feeling antsy to go reconnoiter. So Raven and I got our disguises on and spent a few good hours slinking around undercover. Allowed ourselves to get stopped and questioned by Seasidetown police, just to get a sense of the threat level. AHhahhHAHhhahHAHH. Right. Here’s how THAT went:
* * *
Random Officer
Sorry to bother you, madam, but have you seen this girl? She’s wanted in seventeen states!
Me
Why, yes…I’m pretty sure I spotted her in the grocery store in Salem!
* * *
Anyway. Whom should we run into eventually but NeeChee, skulking around the outskirts of Attikol and Ümlaut’s caravan. It’s parked a few blocks from the hotel. They have repainted it since that artificial sandstorm I unleashed upon it back in Blackrock, but even so, I can see why Attikol is staying in the hotel instead—it looks like a super-sized child’s circus train set, and not exactly the kind of lodging that’s going to make a positive impression on a sophisticated woman like Mayor Ebenezer.
Seems they’ve been changing things up in the old medicine show since I last saw it. Poor Ümlaut—I have a feeling he’s playing the Fire-Walker/Snake-Charmer/Sword-Swallower just because Attikol enjoys watching him suffer. At least I can be glad Jakey is only expected to be psychic and not fireproof as well!
Will think about coming back during open hours to see the show. Am SUPER glad I packed disguises.
Later-back at the kiosk
Almost daylight. Must get some rest. Have commanded Raven to stand watch. Am thankful golems have no need of sleep.
May 15
Follow your inner moonlight; don’t hide the madness.
—Allen Ginsberg
Middle of the day—I should not be awake!!! Was enjoying a lovely, lovely nightmare about giant mutant yeti-spiders when I was brutally shaken out of sleep by loud knocking on the kiosk door. I opened my eyes in time to see Raven sneaking, fast’n’silent, over to the door. “POLICE,” came a loud voice. “Anyone in there?” I held my breath. Waited for the door to be kicked in. Heard booted footsteps move around the kiosk, pausing near the windows. Then finally—“Ehh, this place has been empty a long time. Let’s move on.”
Am going back to sleep.
Later—just past sundown
Decided it would be time well spent if I devoted an hour to making sure my position was more secure. Have fortified the perimeter with a quick’n’dirty alarm system. Am breathing a little easier.
It’s kind of a peculiar place I’m finding myself in, this empty lot. I mean, it isn’t even paved. Good thing it’s fenced, or desperate tourists would be trying to park in it. All the plants in the lot are dead—black and crispy. I wondered at first if there’d been a fire, but the kiosk’s elderly paint job doesn’t have a single smoke smudge.
Later
Have devoted some serious contemplation to Dottie’s talent and how it might work. Thought pulling, man! It’s kind of a mindbender. Is it anything like how my ThoughtCorder works? When I built that thing, I had to really ponder the nature of thoughts and how to isolate certain ones out of the whole jumbly mind-mess so they could be recorded. Would LOVE to know more about how Dottie does what she does!
Am wondering if it might be wise to try to talk to her. If I learned more about how her talent works, it might be useful in future upgrades to the ThoughtCorder. On the other hand, I have to admit, the thought of meeting her gives me the super-heebie-jeebies. Because I REALLY don’t ever want to experience what she does firsthand! I can’t imagine the trauma of having MY OWN THOUGHTS ripped out of my mind by some freakish thought ripper of a girl.
Top 13 thoughts I must protect from Dottie:
Names, history, characteristics, and fond memories concerning my cats.
Anything to do with my family history, but most particularly the Dark Girls.
Spycraft training with Venus Fang Fang—I busted my cheeks for that stuff!
Esoteric knowledge of punk rock 45s from the 1970s and 1980s.
Detailed memories of the something like 1,313 rock shows I’ve been to so far.
Secret locations of all my heirlooms, keepsakes, memorabilia, thrift-store treasures, and other priceless belongings.
Methods for disarming the various booby traps set up in and around my room.
Passwords. Lots of passwords.
All my hard-earned skateboarding, escapology, Krav Maga, 13th-century poetry, sleight of hand, particle physics, lockpicking, and fingerpainting knowledge and skills.
Blueprints for the glorious Time-Out Machine.
Blueprints for the marvelous DuplicatoDevice.
Blueprints for the magnificent ThoughtCorder.
Oh flamfarx—who am I kidding? It’s ALL precious! SHE GETS NOTHING!!!!!
Later
I decided to take my mind off the diabolical Dottie by checking out Attikol’s revamped medicine show. In costume, of course! Well, what do you know? Attikol has renamed the show “The Uncle Boris Caravan of Wonders” and is doing his best to boost Uncle Boris’ popularity in Seasidetown by making sure everyone knows he (Attikol) is a descendant of the Great One. Every act is full of nonsensical pseudo-history about Boris. For example, during the magic show, Attikol made a total fool of himself by constantly reading silly quotes from Boris’ diary. (Don’t think for a second that Attikol was the magician! He doesn’t have the talent.)
Here is a brief (VERY BRIEF) excerpt, just to give the general flavor:
* * *
Attikol
Everyone in Seasidetown wants a bottle of my black potion! I will be wealth—AHEM—respected beyond belief. Dinner with the mayor tonight is certain!
* * *
He did the same during Ümlaut’s exhibition of fire-walking, sword-swallowing, and snake-charming, and then again during Jakey’s act. I did my best to cheer up Jakey by mentally sending him silly observations of the meathead tourists in the crowd but got no more than a raised eyebrow for my efforts. The kid is clearly losing heart, and it’s not hard to guess why—as soon as the Moon Child’s act was done, two of Attikol’s thugs escorted him roughly off stage.
No wonder I didn’t get any early warning from him about Attikol’s plans. He probably got my psychic requests just fine—there doesn’t seem to be any limit to his range, at least when it comes to MY thoughts. But being under heavy guard, most likely without access to a phone, he couldn’t get in touch with me. And then Dottie got to him and pulled all thoughts of me out of his mind. He wouldn’t even have noticed when I got to town, because he no longer knew who I was!
Am seriously regretting that I didn’t figure out a way to spring him from Attikol’s caravan before this all went down. Of course, it was nice for a while to have a psychic ally in Attikol’s crew, someone on the inside who could keep me posted on Attikol’s doings. Well, in this case, my procrastination has back-fired—big-time!!!
Later
I should probably try to talk to Jakey again before his guards escort him back to the hotel. Luckily I’ve noticed that they take frequent breaks. Together. Leaving him alone in his trailer. Which has air vents I can easily unscrew.
Will tape in the TranscriptoFeeds if they are at all interesting.
Later
THEY WERE INTERESTING.
* * *
Me
So. Cousin. You’ve had a chance to catch up on our history, I guess?
Jakey
Yeah. Hope you don’t mind, I looked in your thoughts pretty freely.
Me
It’s cool—I need you informed! And I’m gonna need you to look around in Attikol’s mind for me too.
J.
Already on it. What should we start with?
Me
Where to begin? OK, how did Attikol find Dottie in the first place?
J.
She found him! He’s been bringing his show here to Seasidetown for years…she’s probably seen it dozens of times. We rolled into town last week, and she came up to him after a show, told him she was a thought puller, and hit him up for a job.
Me
And he gave her one.
J.
And asked her about something I would never tell him.
Me
Black rock.
J.
She suggested pulling thoughts from MY mind, since theoretically that would give her access to everyone in town. Well, I guess they hit the mother lode with that. You AND the black rock must have been in the thoughts she pulled, cuz that stuff is gone from my mind now…and Attikol knows all about YOU.
Me
[Feeling sick inside.]
Jakey, do you know the exact date when she pulled your knowledge of me and black rock?
J.
Sure, it was on May ninth—six days ago.
Me
[Paging frantically backward in my diary.]
Oh my friping thujones.
J.
What is it?
Me
Just some very important ancestral secrets, is all. Well, at least it doesn’t look like Attikol knows about the letter I got from my aunts. And he still doesn’t know I’m in town. That’s something.
J.
I’m really sorry, Emily. I wish I could have stopped them!
Me
It’s cool, kid, I’ll figure this out. OH! Hey! I should have asked you this earlier—does Attikol know how to summon black rock? Quick, take a look right now if you can!
J.
OK, I’m…yeah, he’s in range…huh…that’s weird…
Me
Tell me tell me tell me, does he know how???
[Sounds of thugs returning to Jakey’s trailer.]
J.
Yes and no—
Me
[Frantically whispering.]
Which is it?!?!?!?!
[Door opens and thugs enter.]
J.
It’s hard to—
Thug
[Suspiciously.]
Who are you talking to?
J.
My parrot.
Lily Parrot
SQUAWK!
Jakey’s parrot, Lily
T.
Shut it or I’ll shut it for ya!
* * *
Later—lurking behind Jakey’s trailer
Where are my Dead Dark Aunts when I really need them?
I need someone to tell me that Attikol does NOT know how to summon black rock.
That it can still be mine.
I’m just hoping hoping hoping so powerfully, it feels like I will burst my eyeballs with the force of my hoping, that when Jakey said “Yes and no” he meant “OH HAIRBALLS NO! Attikol?? Summon black rock??? You must be clear outta your skull!!!!”
Yeah. Surely that’s what he meant by that.
In any case, I am not leaving this trailer until those thugs take another break.
Much Later
OK, so the news is…horrible? Wonderful? I just can’t decide…
What Jakey found in Attikol’s mind was complicated. Attikol did learn the method of summoning black rock from an old diary handed down to him from some ancestor.
Thanks to Dottie’s thought-ripping Jakey’s knowledge of my conversation with my Dead Dark Aunts, Attikol ALSO knew I didn’t know how to summon black rock.
He knew Jakey would give me this knowledge if he had the chance.
So he decided to protect that knowledge by having Dottie remove it from his own mind!!!!!!!!
Um…I actually gotta give Attikol credit for a minor stroke of brilliance on this one.
GABFLAX HIM!!
So yeah. DOTTIE possesses the secret of summoning black rock! Have asked Jakey if he could see it in her mind.
Not yet—he’s gotta either know someone pretty well, or get within spitting distance, to read much—but he’s going to keep trying. Also asked him to conduct a super-thorough exploration of Attikol’s thoughts. Which I really appreciate. It’s probably the mental equivalent of slogging through a sewer. A STUPID sewer.
Later—back at the kiosk
What with all this drama, I completely forgot to describe Ümlaut’s act, which is AMAZING. He is actually a very talented fire-walker/sword-swallower/snake-charmer. Plus he has style. He doesn’t just take out a sword and swallow it (though that is the first trick he does)—he puts that sword through paces! And he doesn’t just walk through fire—he wears it, rides it, tames it, sculpts it, and swallows it. Oh, and he swallows the snakes too (they come out his fingertips, completely unharmed). Very impressive illusion!!!
The final act of the evening was a major letdown, though. Attikol and Ümlaut shared the stage, trying to sell bottles of Professor Ümlaut’s Pätented Pötion of Pöwer. The audience really wasn’t going for it, even when Attikol told them it was based on Uncle Boris’ Black Potion—the very same one that had cured all of Seasidetown of the white fever, more than two centuries ago. The nerve!!! His “cure” was MY aunt Lily’s dark elixir/black rock, which Boris stole. Guhh!!!
Aside from the potion fakery, though, I have to be honest—if you took the Attikol out of Attikol’s medicine show, then it wouldn’t be bad entertainment. I guess their magician is a bit run-of-the-mill—he doesn’t have the mastery that Ümlaut does for illusion. And personally I’d prefer some real-life freaks, daring feats of escapology, and maybe some spirit communication instead of the fire, sword, and snake stuff. Of course, in this day and age, there are no freaks left—everyone has been surgically normalized at birth. Even conjoined twins are rarely lucky enough to be left alone and unseparated. On the other hand, there’s way TOO much spirit communication these days, and almost none of it is the least bit real—I should know, my dead Great-Aunt Millie told me so! As for the escape artists, no one respects the simple technical mastery of a lock anymore. No, you pretty much have to bust free from inside a vacuum cleaner while a swarm of flesh-eating bacteria nibbles your septum for anyone to be interested.
Chaaaa. Forget modern entertainment, anyway! At least I have my ThoughtCorder. Maybe later tonight I can spend a few comforting hours creating the escapology/spirit-talking/freak show of my dreams.
Later
Just got back from food run. Amazing coincidence (or is it, really?)—I ran into my old acquaintance Schneider at the grocery store! Had just barely made it through the doors before they closed up for the night—and there he was in the checkout line.
* * *
Me
Sup, Schneider.
Schneider
[Doing classic double take.]
Em…i…ly? What a surprise.
Me
Is it? Is it really, Schneider? I mean, you do know that my ancestors are from this town, right?
Schneider: Portrait of a semistalker.
S.
Well…yes.
Me
Dude, you are THEE most stalkerish person I have ever semi-trusted. You are so lucky Great-Aunt Emma liked you.
Uh…thanks. Look, I have a perfectly good reason to be in Seasidetown. Let’s see, last time we talked, your Aunt Emma’s old house in Blackrock had mysteriously evaporated, leaving me kind of homeless.
Me
Right. Did you find another place to live? You said there was some insurance money?
S.
There was. I wasn’t sure where to go, and I was feeling kind of interested in your family history after such a bizarre episode. I mean, EMMA’S family history. It was a pretty unique house, if you’ll recall. Even aside from the vanishing act. I thought I might figure out where it went if I tracked down some of the LeStrande/Strange history. Along the way I learned that Emma’s Great-Aunt Lily Étrange lived here in the late eighteenth century…and they’ve got a great historical library…so I’m living here now. If that’s stalkerish, well, I’m sorry.
Me
Oh, chill, Schneider. Stalk me all you want. I can handle it. Did you know that Attikol’s in town too?
S.
Yes, I saw his caravan. Do you know what he’s doing here?
Me
Stalking me and/or my ancestors. The national flabberflacking pastime.
* * *
Sheesh! Anyway, as it turns out, Schneider is the new head librarian (as well as the town dogcatcher—good old Schneider!!—AND chief crossing guard). Have informed him that he might come in handy in case I need any historical information on my ancestors. Should save me from going to the library during daylight hours.
Later
Feline TranscriptoSpies have started to pay off in intel. Here is an unsettling highlight:
* * *
Attikol
[Into his phone.]
I’m going to need a full team of engineers in Seasidetown by tomorrow. And a fully equipped lab. Spare no expense.