by Rob Reger
Had to laugh at myself as I was working on it, because from a practical standpoint, it would’ve been far easier for me to go in through a window. But that’s not what locksport is about. The thrill I get as a tough lock falls open…man, I love that rush!
Am looking forward to tomorrow’s lock!
OK. I think I am finally done geeking out on the fun lock challenge. Ready to get down to business searching this place for those diaries. Luckily I have a full semester of Strange Family 101 under my belt! Great-Aunt Millie gave me a solid basic training in Diary Concealment. And my cats are no slackers when it comes to sniffing out hiding places. If the diaries are here, we will find them!
Later
OH MY FRABWAX
We found them we found them we found them
—Not diaries, but INSTRUCTIONS!!!!!!
Here’s how we did it:
First we went over each room verrrrry slowly, thumping the walls and floors, looking for loose nails and false moldings, measuring the walls to see if they were wider than they should be, examining all the furniture carefully with pocket X-ray…absolutely nothing was turning up, and the cats were getting sneezy from the dust, and I was ready to give it up and go back to the kiosk for a rest…
And then something funny happened to Raven’s eyes.
I’ve seen it happen twice now. Once in the town of Blackrock, and once in my own attic during my final class of Strange 101.
It was the spirit of Great-Aunt Emma animating my golem!
* * *
Great-Aunt Emma
Emily, my dear.
Me
Aunt Emma! It’s great to see you. Err, hear you.
G.A.E.
This is difficult for me…I won’t be able to stay long.
Me
OK. We’re trying to find the Great-Aunts’ diaries. Do you know where they are?
G.A.E.
[Shaking her head—Err, shaking RAVEN’S head.]
Emily, take a good look at the painting hanging in Lily’s bedroom.
Me
The one of the tall black rock? I already took it down, X-rayed it, and inspected the wall it was hanging on…there’s nothing there.
G.A.E.
Great-Aunt Amelia painted it. It was the only painting she ever made that wasn’t a portrait. That has never made sense to me.
Me
Well, I can look at it again, but I really don’t think there are any diaries hidden in it, if that’s what you’re saying.
G.A.E.
[Shaking her head again.]
Look behind the paint, Emily…look behind the paint…
* * *
And she was gone, and it was just dull, familiar Raven again, staring blankly at me.
I went back to Aunt Lily’s bedroom and took another look at the painting of the tall black rock.
Knowing Great-Aunt Amelia had painted it made me see it in a whole new light. Like Aunt Emma had pointed out, this would have been her only landscape, the only thing she ever painted that wasn’t a portrait. That in itself was a bit odd, but another thing was standing out even more clearly to me, and maybe that’s because I’ve done so much painting myself: The technique was totally different in this painting. I’ve seen a few dozen of the paintings Aunt Amelia made, and I never would have recognized this as one of hers. Her normal method was to blend liquid black rock with pigments, then use the mixture to paint portraits that had a very special quality: Under bright moonlight, and held at just the right angle, her portraits revealed their subjects’ future.
The paint in this landscape was completely different. It didn’t have that unusual “mixed-with-black-rock” look at all. No, it seemed like ordinary oil paint.
Paint that I was going to try to look behind.
So I zipped downstairs to Attikol’s engineers’ lab. Armed with solvents and rags, I returned to the painting. And 13 minutes later, this is what I had revealed:
INSTRUCTIONS!!!!!!!!!
Written in liquid black rock!
Am going to read the instructions out loud so I can get a transcript.
* * *
Me
OK. I’m going to read the instructions out loud so I can get a transcript.
[Clearing my throat.]
Here find instructions for the 13th Dark Girl. For it is she who may secure control of the black rock for the 13 Dark Girls to follow, as our honored Aunt LaRue did for us. If she succeed not, alas, alas indeed! For the 13th Shady Uncle may wrest control away! As the black rock has endowed me with the power to predict, I am shown many things which are and which may come to pass. I am shown Bright Girls, mysteriously talented. Their lineage is separate from ours, but at times our destinies meet in strange ways. In some generations they ally themselves with Shady Uncles, and in some, with Dark Girls. But always, once the pride has come upon a Bright Girl, she can be swayed by greed no longer. The pride comes to each Bright Girl differently. A Dark Girl may make a bridge for a Bright Girl from her self to her pride. Oh flammergraks, is this all about Bright Girls? I need some black rock summoning instructions here! All right, I’ll just read the rest of it. Make a bridge…yada yada…Shady Uncles have also talents mysterious, and while we are wont to consider them ancestral enemies, such is to simplify the case overmuch. Their fate is entwined with ours. It is shown to me that our lines may someday become one, and black rock shall be the source of mutual power rather than the source of strife. True, we must be wary, for many (too many!) Shady Uncles are unenlightened, moved only by greed, arrogance, and petty revenge. Know that a Shady Uncle will arise, noble and yet humble, worthy of our friendship. Therefore I tell you, Dark Girl of the future, it will serve you well to look deep into the heart of a Shady Uncle. Quell your rivalry and grant his deepest wish! Thus am I shown.
* * *
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?
That’s it?
That’s my instructions?
Am feeling cheated and worse than cheated—BETRAYED! There is no way I’m granting ATTIKOL his deepest wish! I mean, if his deepest wish were for a SHINY NEW PENNY, I wouldn’t grant it! I don’t care what ANY Dark Aunt tells me, he IS my ancestral enemy. And I don’t care if our lines are destined someday to become one; it’s not happening in MY lifetime!!!!!!!!
And I still do not know how to summon black rock.
OK. No time for a tantrum. I need to focus on concealing these instructions, as unhelpful as they may be, so that Attikol never sees them. Luckily I always travel with a full set of brushes and paints in my pockets…
Later
Went back to the kiosk, feeling kinda morose, and spent some time looking through the TranscriptoFeeds. I was wondering if, despite everything I THINK I know about Attikol, he might actually be harboring a noble and humble heart under that swaggering, abrasive exterior. But, really, I think not. Here’s a small piece of evidence from earlier today:
* * *
Attikol
Well, nerds? How’s the work? Do you have my devices built yet?
BrownTown
Not exactly. No.
A.
And what’s your excuse today?
B.T.
Ummm…You haven’t gotten us the ruthenium we asked for? To actually build either of these devices, we’d first need to build a spectrobollogalvanometer? We don’t know HOW to build a spectrobollogalvanometer, or whatever that is? Oh, and we’re not MAGIC?
A.
[Laughing gently.]
Here’s where I’m probably supposed to tell you my inspirational backstory in order to encourage your renewed efforts and spur you on to a montage scene full of successful device-building.
B.T.
[Sighing.]
Well? We’re listening.
A.
[Snapping his fingers at his thugs.]
Ivac? Sharpie? Kindly tell the team here my inspirational backstory, would you? If you know what I mean. Remember, no injuries to the hands—they’ll need those…
[CENSORED—BRIEF EPISODE OF PE
TTY VICIOUSNESS]
B.T.
[Between yelps and groans.] Let me guess—you don’t actually have an inspirational backstory, do you?
A.
[Cackling maniacally.]
Nope!
* * *
Later
Another thing from Aunt Amelia’s instructions is bugging me—that whole “make a bridge” part. I can see how it could be good for me if Dottie’s ancestral civic pride would kick in and make her less motivated by money. But what exactly would I do to “make the bridge” from Dottie’s self to her pride????? It sounds like way more involvement in DOTTIE and her inner workings than I care to get into. Will keep thinking on it, though, because it would really help out to have a less money-motivated Dottie on my hands.
Later
Was feeling kind of concerned for the safety of the engineers after reading the transcript above, so I spent a good bit of time scanning through the feeds from Mystery’s TranscriptoSpy and the ones I planted around the lab. There is definitely the possibility of continued violence from Attikol’s thugs if the inventions don’t get built. Not much I can do about that, though!
Observations:
The lab is starting to seem wickedly well-supplied, as deliveries of esoteric and spendy equipment arrive almost hourly.
However, many of the parts and materials used in my devices have been difficult to obtain—notably the magnetohydrodynamic differentiator, the liquid-ion cyclotron, the splinting ogrometer, and oh yeah, the liquid black rock.
The whereabouts of which no one has the slightest clue.
Not to mention their complete confusion over WHAT it is.
Or what its function might be in a DuplicatoDevice or Time-Out Machine.
None of which is stopping them from at least trying to put the contraptions together with the parts they do have.
It’s pretty clear why—Attikol obviously wants a return on his investment, and his thugs want someone to hurt.
So the work creeps forward, sprinkled with lots of comments like, “Am I reading this right? Finally, a way to avoid solder embrittlement on a ceramoid pellicle?”
And “Bite me! Meld noneutectic alloys with my bare hands, eh? I’m not Superman!”
And “Did you notice how the magnetic flux through the pipe cleaner/googly-eye matrix, like, totally challenges conventional understanding of Faraday’s law? Genius!”
And “Who thinks of connecting a gravity grid to a motherboard with HUMAN HAIR? It’s sheer brilliance!”
Am starting to feel slightly uncomfortable with all the hero worship!
Gobcheeks—what am I saying? I need to turn said hero worship to my advantage!
May 20
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
—Arthur C. Clarke, Profiles of the Future
Woke up, disguised myself and Raven, and headed out for my usual visit to the Caravan of Wonders. And there I had a potential brainwave! I was sitting in the audience watching Attikol’s ridiculously overblown performance in the evening’s grand finale. I was half-paying attention, just kind of rolling my eyes at him, and half-working on my Documentary of Inheritance. And I realized I was casting Attikol in the Evil Overlord role, even though I don’t EXACTLY see him like that—I mean, he’s hardly Overlord caliber! But in a movie of our epic ancestral conflict, it’s definitely the part he would play.
Well, so that led me to imagine our dramatic final battle for the black rock, and THAT led me to visualize (with great horror) what Evil Overlord Attikol might do if he were to triumph. There’s no doubt in my mind that the dude would gloat. And in gloating, wouldn’t he reveal lots of juicy information? Possibly something I could use against him somehow?
Am thinking I might be able to use my ThoughtCorder to fool him into thinking he has found black rock. It would be so cool to trigger an informative gloat. And at the very least, I might get him off the trail for a while!
More later, when my plans are more solid. Gotta get back to the kiosk. Almost time for dinner with the Posse.
Later
THEY HAVE CATNAPPED SABBATH!!!!!!!!!!!!
When I got to the kiosk, only Mystery, Miles, and NeeChee had returned…so I started checking the cats’ feeds. Oh Horrors! Took a lot of reading between the lines, but what I pieced together was this: Dottie nabbed Sabbath somewhere in or around her home, then turned him over to Attikol. Meanwhile, thugs Ivac and Sharpie had captured Miles in the hotel kitchen using the old Fish Guts Ploy. Sabbath had been taken to a location as yet unknown…but Miles had been released, with the following note tied to his collar:
* * *
To the attention of Miss Emily Strange
By now You have Noticed that we are in possession of your cat “Sabbath..” If you wish to SeE him again, You will appear at the MaYOr’s mansion ALONE, Tonight at 11 P.M. sharp. Again please note you must be ALoNe or we will be forced to take drastic steps.
* * *
RIGHT! Like I will comply with any of that. I just wish I had more time to prepare. It’s 10:15 already. OK, must hurry, will write more later—
Later
Am hiding in a closet in the mayor’s mansion. Here’s what has happened so far:
Arrived at mayor’s mansion at 10:57 and sent Raven around the back.
Picked the lock on the front door at 11 p.m. sharp.
Was immediately approached by Ivac, who took my arm (quite a bit more roughly than I liked!) and pulled me into the foyer.
Where Sharpie was waiting, a loaded syringe in his hand.
With assistance of my Krav Maga training, specifically hammerfist and strategic groin kicks, I wrangled out of Ivac’s grip, snatched syringe from Sharpie, and sedated both of them. (Much to their relief, after the agony of said groin kicks.)
Using specially programmed summoning whistle, summoned Raven from her hideout in the back bushes.
The two of us then tiptoed through the house until we located Attikol and Dottie, lounging (with their respective bodyguards, of course) in the den.
Covertly installed TranscriptoSpy just inside the door to the den.
Retreated and began reconnaissance of the rest of the house.
Helped myself to sandwich fixings in the mayor’s very well-stocked kitchen.
Having been all over the house and found no sign of Sabbath, I decided he was being held in a separate location. Holed up with Raven in Dottie’s closet to monitor the TranscriptoSpy.
After approx. two minutes, kicked Raven out of the closet for mouth-breathing. Sent her to go wait under the bed.
Recorded the following conversation:
* * *
Attikol
11:10 and no sign of Emily Strange. Are you certain your information was accurate?
Dottie
Are you certain your little psychic’s information is accurate? All I can tell you is that HE thinks this Emily girl cares about her cats more than just about anything. Maybe he’s wrong. I really couldn’t say.
A.
Perhaps, perhaps…and maybe she’s just late. While we’re waiting, why don’t you tell us what you learned from the cat?
D.
[Sighing.]
Well, this is a cat of little mind, I think. It only took me a couple seconds to pull everything he knew about Emily Strange and liquid black rock. Here’s my notes. Now…my fee, please?
Mayor Ebenezer
[Entering the room just as Attikol pulls out his checkbook.]
Dottie! Are you using your special talents for monetary gain? I’ve told you time and time again, that’s not the Ebenezer way.
D.
Maybe it’s not YOUR way. But you said you wouldn’t pay for film school, and I’ve got to come up with the tuition somehow.
M.E.
And how many times do I need to say that film school is not an appropriate goal for an Ebenezer? The arts are something we contribute to philanthropically…not something we throw our lives away on!
D.
M.E.
Right! Up to your room, young lady! As for you, Attikol, I’ll have to ask you to leave…and to stop paying my daughter to spy for you!
* * *
Am now waiting for everyone to go to bed. Once they do, Raven and I will emerge from hiding and implement whatever Regret Maneuvers might be necessary to get Dottie to tell me Sabbath’s location. Will report later.
Later
Oh no oh no oh no oh no…
I just realized WHY it’s so terrible that Dottie has Sabbath’s memories of me.
It means that SABBATH doesn’t have them anymore.
If I’d known this could happen, I would have worn the entire Posse in a backpack night and day, puke and claws and all!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Later
I have Sabbath! He does not appear to know me! Am not sure how to feel. Mostly terrible, although I’m SOOOOOOO glad to have him back. But I REALLY wish he knew who I was! The blank look in his eyes when he stares at me…it hurts, man, it hurts!!!!
Anyway, here’s how it all went down:
I burst out of the closet whispering, “RAVEN! NOW!” as loudly as I dared.
And had a terrifying moment waiting for Raven to scramble out from under Dottie’s bed.
But soon Dottie was safely corralled, golem-style, for Revenge and Questioning.
Vented my rage and frustration at her for approx. 13 minutes while Raven applied Regret Maneuvers B and C.