Bittersweet Legacy (The Patricians Book 1)

by R. G. Angel

  I fell back on my bed with a cry of frustration, two more hours to find out if my day out and blatant betrayal of Caleb’s flimsy trust was enough.

  I stared sullenly at the chemistry book I’d given up on about 30 minutes ago. After reading the same page 17 times, I decided that studying was not on the cards tonight.

  I didn’t want to get angry and read the stupid guide of the Good Socialite Woman – every new chapter I read made me want to start a revolution.

  I contemplated watching something on TV but I also knew that nothing would catch my attention either.

  I dragged my eyes to my bookshelf and to the book titled ‘Roman history’ which was just a cover for my mother’s journal, If I’d learned anything in my life it was to hide everything in plain sight.

  I didn’t want to go through it too fast, lose this final connection to the woman who gave me life and who I’d never known.

  I looked at the clock again. 7:03. No, seriously, had time actually stopped?

  I checked that my door was locked securely before getting the journal and laying back in my bed, opening it carefully and setting my bookmark aside.

  I don’t regret giving you away, Esmeralda, but don’t think a day goes by when I don’t miss you, that I don’t wish I was by your side. Today is even harder because you’re turning five – I can’t help but wonder what you are growing up to be. What do you like? Are you an artist? Are you sporty? Do you look like me or did you, like your brother, take after your father?

  I looked away from the journal, reflecting on her words. She wrote this on my birthday, just weeks before her untimely demise. I closed my eyes, willing my tears away. I didn’t think I could grieve my mother for a second time and yet I was grieving in ways I didn’t think I could and I was so alone in this. Nobody to talk to, nobody to seek comfort from – it made it so much harder than it ought to be.

  Would she be disappointed with what I became? How I wasted the freedom she paid so dearly to give me? A freedom I took for granted and wasted on pining over Ben and imagining what life could be instead of trying to make it the way I wanted?

  As for my looks, I hoped she would have been pleased to see that a part of her carried on through me, I was a curvier version of her, it was an advantage and curse, but I was pleased with this – now more than ever.

  I took a deep breath and resumed my reading.

  Thinking of you breaks my heart, my little girl, I hope Luke is being a good father, showing a love I wish I could share with you – a love your father is clearly not sharing with Archibald. He is such an amazing little boy, an artistic, sensitive soul, or at least he is meant to be and I’m trying to preserve this side of him, but your father is much more powerful inside and outside this house. My precious little boy is changing every day. I see it, he is becoming more and more like his father and I’m dreading the day he will be gone completely. I keep wondering if I could have saved him the way I saved you. I’m not proud of the choice I made.

  I thought, because he was a boy, things would be different, he would have a chance and with at least one heir your father would be satisfied.

  But I realise now I must save him too, I can’t lose you both and by staying here, living this life with a man I have come to despise I will lose you both – Archibald in the most soul-crushing way.

  I sighed, rolling onto my back staring at the white ceiling and rose-shaped light fixtures. She had been so right about my brother being in danger and my father succeeding where my mother had failed. Archie was my father’s son. Dark, commanding, heartless, selfish… and somehow, I still wanted to love him, I still wanted him to love me.

  I rolled my eyes at my own foolishness and concentrated on the journal once more.

  I wanted to take him to you, Esmeralda, did I succeed? Are you two as close as I hoped you would become?

  Oh, the irony, I wished, though: “I tried mom, I really tried.”

  I’m close to making it out and saving your brother too. There are two things you need to save yourself Esmeralda – money and power. Information and secrets will get you that power. Are you planning to save yourself? I hope you are; I hope he has not crushed your spirit into thinking this life is all you can get. I’m hoping this journal will be helping you get out, that it will guide you and help you not to repeat the mistakes I made.

  I looked down at my finger and grimaced at the ugly ring sat on it, my eyes flickered to the walk-in closet full of Dior, Chanel, Prada, Gucci and others. Yeah, money to run away was not a problem but I had no secrets, no information… no power, but I was going to have help. I looked at the clock, only 30 minutes to go and maybe the help I would get could make up for the information?

  What I couldn’t understand was why my mother was escaping alone that night. She clearly wanted to save Archie and yet – I sighed. At least it was a small blessing, if he had been in the car too… I shuddered at the thought because it didn’t matter how estranged Archie and I were, it didn’t matter how much he might hate me, I didn’t want him to get hurt. He was clearly not born like that, my mom’s journal and Taylor words were proof enough, he was not born a calculating cold bastard, no, he became one and I would have given anything to fix him.

  At 8:50pm I gave up on the journal as my levels of both dread and apprehension reached their peak, and the more I read, the more questions I had.

  I turned on the shower, retrieved the flip phone from the soap bar box under my sink and sat on the toilet, holding the phone in my clammy hands, keeping my eyes glued on the clock when the clock switched to 9:00 I held my breath, willing the phone to ring.

  Nine o’clock passed, and the phone remained painfully silent in my hand. As the minutes slipped slowly by, my heart sank more and more, my eyes filling up with tears as the last figment of hope to get any kind of help was fading. I was wondering where in the system did it break down. Did his cousin think I was unstable and get rid of the note without calling Ben? Had Ben decided I was not worth the hassle and didn’t want to get wrapped up in this after Caleb’s blatant threat to him? I wouldn’t blame him if that was the case. Did he fail to find Luke? So many questions I would never have the answer to as my heart sank deeper.

  At 9:11 all hope had died; tears were now stinging my eyes. I took a deep breath, allowing myself a few minutes of despair before I needed to rethink a whole new strategy. I was not going down without a fight, I was -

  My thoughts were interrupted when the phone started to vibrate in my hand, I looked down, dumbfounded for a second, waiting for my brain to catch up. Was it actually happening?

  I fumbled as I flipped open the phone.

  “Hello?” I breathed, my heart beating so wildly it was drumming all the way to my throat and ears.

  “Esme? Baby is that you?”

  I closed my eyes, leaning against the toilet. Hearing Luke’s voice was like balm on my soul. No matter what happened, no matter the lies, he was my family and, dare I say, the only person who loved me.

  “Dad,” my voice broke under the emotion. “Dad, I miss you.”

  He sighed. “Oh, Esme baby,” his own voice was quivering - a clear sign that his emotions were mirroring mine. “It’s so good to hear your voice, so good. Say it again, baby.”

  “Dad…” I whispered.

  He sighed. “I’m sorry I’m late. Ben only tracked me down today and the rehab centre doesn't accept visitors. Bless the boy, he threw a tantrum to get me that message.”

  “He did?” Ben was always so calm, almost placid – it was difficult to imagine him throwing a fit for anything.

  “The boy’s quite smitten,” he confirmed and this had the effect of a jab right in my stomach. Ben – lovely, hot as hell, reliable Ben – was smitten with me. Something he took way too long to act upon. He never gave me the real first kiss I’d been supposed to share with him, no, it was an experience I now shared with my fiancé… I still couldn’t associate Caleb with this and probably never would. And yet Caleb stirred a part of me Ben had never reached
, he attracted me in ways that surprised even myself.

  “I’m glad he came through,” I replied, deciding it was better to ignore this comment for now.

  “Yes, and then communication devices are forbidden in here, so I had to find a rule-breaker willing enough to trust me and give me a phone.”

  “It doesn’t matter if you’re late - you’re here.”

  “Yes, I'll always be here for you, Esme – even if it’s my fault you’re stuck in there as a prisoner, forcibly engaged.”

  “How?” I looked at myself in the mirror as I spoke to him, my eyes red from crying, I was so much paler than I used to be and the dark hue under my eyes was now shades darker than it used to be. This life was already taking a toll on me.

  “I’ve been trying to keep tabs on you, baby, and I saw the engagement notice in the newspaper a couple of weeks ago. I’m sorry.”

  I shrugged before realizing he couldn’t see me. “It’s OK.”

  “No, it’s not. I’m sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault, you didn’t do this.”

  “Yes, I did,” he replied, the guilt flagrant in his voice.

  “What do you mean?”

  “You wanted to go to Barnard College, I knew that – I saw the application for the school in your room, the scholarship forms.” He sighed. “You always deserved so much more than the life I gave you. Mediocre home, mediocre present, mediocre food, mediocre… life. I wanted you to have this one – you, no, we, we needed this win.”

  “Okay…” I trailed off, not sure where he was going with this.

  “Your mom left me a note if I ever really needed something, something urgent and critical I could contact J. Astor in Stonewood.” He let out a humorless laugh. “He seemed quite enthusiastic to hear from me, he promised to finance the whole bill, accommodation and allowance included.”

  “What happened then?” I couldn’t be mad at him; he did all this for me. If anything, it made me feel guilty for making him feel shit about our lives. I never intended for him to find out about Barnard. It was just a silly dream that appeared when I watched a documentary. I wouldn’t have said anything unless I got enough scholarship funding to go here.

  “I got a call from William a couple of days later and I knew there was no point in running, that man has more power than you and I could ever comprehend, and we had lost the only advantage we ever had when he found out you were alive.”

  I nodded. “Yes in the couple of months I’ve spent here I’ve started to realise how powerful my genitor is, how untouchable.”

  James Astor seemed to have been in love with my mother, so in love it was borderline obsession, and yet he betrayed her. Why? What did he have to gain in all of this?

  “It’s Okay, Dad, there is no point dwelling on this.”

  “No there isn’t – I can’t stay much longer baby. it’s getting risky. but just know I’m looking at getting you out of there, I have contacts – friends. I’m not letting you marry him.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You don’t need to thank me, baby, this is a father’s role and you might not be genetically my daughter, but you are in my heart. I love you and I will get you out of there. I’m getting out of rehab in two days. I’ll get a burner as soon as I get out and we can discuss more, OK? Wednesday, 9pm again?”

  “Yes. I love you, dad.”

  “I love you too, Esme, so much.”

  The line went dead and I couldn't help but smile as I turned off the shower and hugged the phone against my chest.

  I knew it was irrational, but when Luke said he was going to get me out I believed it. When he said he was going to save me, I knew he would.

  I wouldn’t have to keep up this charade for much longer, I would be Esme Danvers again soon, but I couldn’t help the little longing in my heart when I realized I would miss Tay’s cheeriness, my brother and, God forbid, Caleb’s kisses.

  Now what I had to do is pretend to be a little more and listen to my mother’s advice and try to gather as many secrets as I could.

  Chapter 17

  Money and information - Money to disappear, information to blackmail some assistance or simply keep people at bay.

  My heart hammered in my chest as I entered Archie’s room. It was not something I would have ever done, invading someone’s privacy, but after what I saw at that party, what Caleb told me, I couldn’t subject myself to a whole life of misery. I had to succeed where my mom failed, and for that, I needed money.

  I wanted to believe I could find a middle ground here, maybe not as happy as Taylor’s family but also not as miserable as my family – the problem was that no matter the glimpse of goodness I could see in Caleb, I’d witnessed a lot of bad too – too much – and I couldn’t gamble with my life.

  My brother would never love me, however much I wanted to believe otherwise, however much I tried to read things in him that clearly weren't there. I had to make my peace with him and love him from afar. Could you even experience unrequited sibling love? I never thought it was a thing, and yet…

  I looked around my brother’s room with a weary sigh. It was just as clinically organised as his robotic, hateful personality.

  His bed was made to perfection, almost in a military way, his desk was bare except for a chromatic desk lamp and his MacBook.

  I contemplated trying the computer for a minute but shook my head. My brother was anything but stupid. I would lose valuable time trying to hack something that was far above my abilities.

  His walls were bare except for an In-Deo Speramus poster, which I came to learn was the Brown University motto – the university Archie planned to attend… Well, ‘planned’ was not the word, ‘expected’ was more like it. Six generations of Forbeses had gone there, so Archie didn’t have much say in the matter.

  There was no personality in this room, nothing making it what a bedroom should be. Hell, I’d been here four months with every intention to run as soon as I could and even my room had more personality.

  Where would he hide anything personal? Anything I could hold against him? I hated the idea of causing harm, but I knew he wouldn’t think twice about destroying me. I needed leverage, leverage I hoped I wouldn’t need to use.

  I glanced at my watch, I had about an hour before he finished his stupid Legacy meeting. I rolled my eyes seriously, I felt like I was in the Skulls.

  I thought about all the stupid TV shows I’d watched growing up and where teenage boys hide their secrets.

  I fell on my knees and looked under his bed, again I was not even surprised to find it bare without even a stray dust bunny.

  That boy was a robot. I lifted his mattress to find, surprise… nothing, not even a porn magazine. I crinkled my nose at the thought – I’d already seen too much at that stupid party.

  I opened his nightstand drawer. “Urgh!” I slammed it shut, condoms and lube. Yeah, he was a boy, alright.

  I entered his walk-in closet, which was bigger than our living room back home, and couldn’t help but gasp. Everything was organized by colours and styles. Polo shirts and Henleys were on shelves covering one full wall, in so many colours that it looked like a Ralph Lauren store. On the other side were all his suits and dress shirts, followed by his ties and shoes.

  In the middle of the room there was a wooden and glass cabinet containing watches and cufflinks. Seriously, how old was he? 18 or 38?

  “Damn it!” I kicked his cabinet with frustration and frowned when it moved backward. I knew I had the strength of a shrimp – there was no way I could push that thing with just a kick.

  I kneeled and ran my forefinger on the edge, I could feel a little opening, like a fine crack. I pushed the cabinet and let out a little victory cry when it revealed a secret compartment.

  “Gotcha!”

  I got everything out and started to look through his treasure. First was a photo album, I shook my head at the sentimentality behind it and the fact that he felt compelled to hide it. There were a lot of photos of someone whom I assumed
was our mother. The photos were quite badly damaged, some had been ripped and taped back together, some were lined after being crumpled and some others were darkened by what I believed was a failed attempt to burn them. I sighed, running my hand over my mom’s smiling face, a smile which didn’t reach her eyes.

  The words from her journal resonated in my brain “When I stepped into Stonewood, Connecticut, I stepped into appearances and lies. I realised only too late that nothing was what it seemed.”

  I turned the page and gasped as the next pages had photos of me from when I was a baby to now. Where did he get those photos? Did they ask Luke or did they take them?

  I didn’t know if I should be pleased about that kinship or concerned about him getting the photos.

  I turned the page and chuckled. “Yeah, brother, lie to yourself about not caring.” I muttered looking at Taylor’s face. Tay in a beautiful red dress for some event, Tay in her uniform laughing about something someone said.

  Maybe he meant what he said at the party. He did claim her.

  The next item was a drawing pad and, damn, he was talented. A few drawings were an older version of our mother, how he imagined she’d look now. In one of them, she was sitting between Archie and me, holding our hands as we looked at each other, a small smile on our faces.

  I shook my head, feeling his longing. He craved this salvation as much as I did.

  I turned the page to see a sleeping Tay, her features relaxed, the drawing was perfect, the details uncanny. It was a tell of how aware he was of her, of how much he looked at her.

  At least I was not crazy, the attraction was there.

  The next drawing broke my heart, Archie was standing straight, looking proud and cold just as I knew him but the floor-length mirror behind him was showing the reflection of an anguished pained boy, his face covered in tears as his hand reached out for me, my hands locked in manacles.