Stigmata

by L M Adams

  “Good… and now, forward… gently.”

  I bring both hands to my side and push forward with them… gently. The boat moves forward and we’re officially underway.

  “Very well done, Hari.”

  “How…” I open my eyes and stand up straight, feeling very confused.

  Even now I can sense the mood and movement of the ship as if it was a living thing.

  “Do you not remember your lessons, Hari? Your lessons of Ra and the trip he would take every sunset.”

  The memories of those stories return. “Mandjet?” I look around at the boat, surprise filling me. “He is real?”

  Mandjet was… is the boat that carries the spirit of Ra to the underworlds of darkness and every morning births him again on the eastern horizon to bring light to the world. In the day he… the boat, is known as Mandjet and at night he becomes a she and her name is Meseket.

  Henenu nods, seeming proud, “Yes, Hari. Your majic is not all fire, hmm? Remember that.” He whispers and folds his arms behind his back as he turns and walks away, leaving me to stand in amazement.

  I know the mighty Mandjet can change shape and form, it fits the needs of Ra’s heart… my heart. This is the ship Ra rode into battle against Apep, the great serpent. This is the ship that Horus took into the spirit world and through the twelve levels of hell with Set by his side… when they were brothers, before war had filled their hearts.

  My eyes find Capaneus, the son of Set, the man I fell in love with. He should be up here, by my side, as the Set to my Horus… the Set before everything went to shit.

  So it was whispered that Set grew jealous of Horus’s power and that was the beginning of the end to their love. Is history always doomed to repeat itself? Will power be the reason that destroys our love as well Capaneus?

  Perhaps I should just be happy that the Wench seems to be enjoying herself. Not let Capaneus’s sour mood, sour my own.

  I stand on the upper level of the ship and look down at Jaevia lounging with Nyrobi, the two women, whispering, smiling, laughing. It is good to see her this way. Jaevia likes the flesh of women and I thought the vamp bitch had turned her away from experiencing this kind of love permanently. It seems I was wrong, and happily so. My Wench deserves every one of her heart’s desires… every single one.

  Our eyes meet and she glances back at Nyrobi before getting up and heading towards… me. The way her body sways in the dress, her horns shine in the sun, her wild and curly hair blows in the wind, her smile, her skin, her heart, her spirit. I fall in love every time I see her – and I understand how Ra fell for the love of a woman. I haven’t stopped falling since the first day I laid eyes on her.

  “Luey,” she smiles.

  “Wench,” I grumble low, feeling vulnerable for no other reason than she is here and that she sought me out on her own volition. I am always happy when the Wench chooses me.

  “You’ve got a living boat?”

  I shrug, “It’s not my boat.”

  She smiles gently, “Nyrobi told me it has not appeared or sailed the waters in all the time since you have been gone. It came for you though.”

  I shrug, unsure of what she wishes from me, “It is Ra’s boat, Horus’s boat, not Lucien’s boat.”

  She chuckles low, “I think you are splitting hairs with a battle-axe.”

  I sigh, “I just don’t want to get used to being here.”

  “Luey, it’s okay to explore your majic… maybe you’ll split your life between here and ‘my time’? Henenu said he can show you how to move between time and space at will. You don’t know what you’re meant to do, don’t limit yourself.”

  I shrug, “Only if you come back here with me.”

  She laughs, throatily and full hearted, “Just try to keep me away, I love it here.”

  “You do, don’t you?”

  She nods smiling, “It’s like home… but better.”

  Can I live with splitting my heart between two times, two places… it is a thing to ponder, I find myself… hopeful? I found a way to split my heart between two people after all.

  “Maybe all of your plans aren’t bad,” I brush her wild hair behind her ear and bend to give her lips a gentle peck holding back my desires for something far more intimate. Like her flesh upon mine, the taste of her lips when she screams, my cock inside of her, her power inside of me.

  She looks away a bit shyly. “I do have a… request,” she says softly, and she grabs my hands, squeezing my fingers gently, “how would you feel if I… with Nyrobi?”

  Well, I knew that was coming, “I would say… enjoy the Ha’mara, wife.”

  Her smile brightens even further, “And you won’t turn into a grumpy beast?”

  I pull her to me so that I can feel her flesh in my arms even if it must be done with clothes parting her skin from mine, something is better than nothing.

  “Only a little,” because although I do not mind her taking up with Nyrobi, I am afraid she will not give me the attentions I enjoy.

  She sighs, “Do you think Jack will mind?”

  “Of course not, but I shall speak to him about it.”

  “No, I can talk…”

  “Let me Wench, hmm? You just go back and enjoy your time with Nyrobi.”

  She pulls back, a serious glint in her eye, “Are you sure?”

  “Aye,” I grin, “maybe you’ll let me watch later?”

  Her laugh is light and filled with happiness as she slaps my chest with a gentle admonishment. She turns away and I can’t help but watch the way her ass jiggles as she walks. She stops at the top of the stairs and looks back over her shoulder, giving me a saucy look. “I’ll see if she would be okay with it.”

  My cock would stand straight up if not for my pants, “Wench?”

  But she only laughs again, leaving my loins hot and ready to poke her. I am not sure why, but suddenly the thought of seeing them together appeals to me. I know that I have never desired such a thing before. I have always been okay with Jaevia carrying on with women out of sight and out of mind. But watching her and Nyrobi make love appeals to something in me.

  I may have to work up a new list of kinks, limits and wants.

  For now I turn to the task of talking to the Bloodsucker. I decided to take on the duty because I cannot be sure if he would be okay with it and I need him to let our wife have fun as she so wishes.

  His reaction to her friendship with Demetri was an odd thing, he has always been comfortable sharing Jaevia with others, yet now he is not? I have always been the jealous bastard and it has taken a lot for me to be okay with a lot of things, a lot of compromises. But I did it, I do it, because Jaevia’s happiness is the most important thing to me. It was the Bloodsucker that opened my heart to the thought of truly sharing her with another. He loves her deeply, he would lay down his life for her without a second thought… he has been the only other man I ever thought worthy of her, and a man I could trust with her.

  Perhaps it is because of my mother’s end, but I always believed Jaevia would use her power on the wrong man, and it would end her, but I know Capaneus never would, no matter what she does to him, he will kneel, he will accept, he will be obedient. He will lay down his pride for her, and that is a true testament of a man sacrificing for his woman… when he can lay down his pride in service to her.

  But something has changed, and I do not know what.

  Even from here I can tell that he’s troubled, his spirit seems defeated. How I wish my being home didn’t make him so melancholy. I wish that my and Jaevia’s love was enough to replace this feeling of emptiness he now carries because he no longer has his powers. How I wish for many things between Capaneus and I.

  I join him at the front of barge and stand with him, leaning against the railing, enjoying the wind across my flesh. My heart wishes to wrap him in my arms and comfort him, but he will pull away… he always pulls away if I do not hurt him first. Better to leave him be until he’s ready to come to me.

  “I’ve spoken to the
Wench and given her my blessing to take up with Nyrobi for the Ha’mara.”

  “What?” He turns on me, his look seeming accusatory.

  I nod, “I wish for her… for you both, to enjoy all that my people have to offer.”

  He sighs and goes back to looking out at the river, “Whatever.”

  For some reason this pisses me off, I feel my anger rise, “Let her be happy without your attitude Capaneus! And if you could stop being so goddamn pensive maybe you could find happiness as well.”

  “What, with another man?”

  He ignites the slumbering flames in my heart, even the thought of another man touching my rose enrages me.

  I lean into him, until my lips almost touch his ear. “I dare you to say that again.”

  The beast inside smells him, feels my anger and growls low… warning him… fucking warning him… behave.

  He bows his head, “I’m sorry…”

  “You damn fucking right you are. Who owns that rose?”

  “You…”

  “Say my fucking name,” I growl low.

  “Lucien owns my rose.”

  I huff, trying to reign in my temper, “Again.”

  “Lucien owns my rose.”

  “Get your shit together before I make you kneel right here and stuff my cock down your throat until you cry in a puddle of your own shame.” I hiss low.

  He whimpers, turning his face away, horrified by the very thought, “You wouldn’t.”

  “Try me… I dare you to fucking try me,” I growl.

  “I submit, Lucien,” he whispers, leaning his head to the side, giving me his vein. The vampire way of showing submission.

  I pull back, trying to calm myself. “The Wench has every right to take up with Nyrobi. Taking out your insecurities on our relationship is not fair and is not the answer. She still will love us above all others.”

  “It’s not that!” He almost yells.

  “Then what is your fucking problem?”

  “They heard me screaming and begging,” he whispers what is bothering him.

  This makes me pause, “You have never been embarrassed about being our slave, what has changed?”

  “That was before I lost everything!”

  I sigh, “This is about your powers?”

  He runs a hand through his hair, “I feel like a goddamn weakling, they all look at me and wonder why you chose me…”

  “That is not true…”

  “I can feel it! Jaevia, they understand... even if she is not ‘one of the people’. Yes, of course she is a worthy mate, I mean my goddess, she’s more powerful here, more accepting, more just everything! I’m not even as powerful as the weakest of them.”

  As usual I am confused by the way he thinks, “Is it only okay for us to enjoy kink when you are cursed with the power of Neoma?”

  “No! I’m saying, don’t make me seem weaker than I already am in front of others, if you want to beat me and shame me, take me out in the desert to do the deed. Don’t let the entire fucking city hear it!”

  My rational mind knows what he needs is reassurance and affection, I need to show him that I place him above all, all but our Queen. But I know he will not accept this affection; he will not accept my love. Yet what else can I do but try? I try because Capaneus is worth the battle, just as Jaevia was, no matter how long it takes.

  I let the back of my hand brush the back of his, trying to signal to him that he can take it and hold it, or he can move into the safety of my arms, that I am here and will put aside whatever issues I have with male intimacy to see him comforted.

  He doesn’t move into me.

  “And if I want to love you, give you the affection? Must I hide that as well?”

  He nods curtly… breaking my heart even further still as he pulls his hand away from mine.

  I sigh, “Very well, I will be sure you are gagged during your beatings, it is not practical for us to go into the desert when we partake of our enjoyments.”

  “Thank you,” he nods again, and I know I have lost yet another battle to win him to me.

  He thinks of our relations as the same as what he had with his father. Things happened that should not have passed between them. Now all love from a more dominant man he feels is seeping in sickness. It is all something to be done in darkness and indignity, even as his spirit craves it. And even as he enjoys it, he feels further shame for having it; he does not see any worth in himself without majics. He does not even feel worthy enough for abuse let alone love.

  Capaneus is a tangled web and I am not sure even I can straighten it all out. I know I can’t unless he begins working on those knots with me. But how do I spark his heart into trying? How do I make him burn for me?

  I place my hand on his shoulder for a moment before walking away and leaving him in peace, my heart saddened that still he does not love himself enough to let me love him.

  I thought being here would be good for him, let him be away from the ocean of blood and the weight of his people, the memories of his bastard of a father. Let him see the connectivity that can exist for all of us… even for the lost souled vampires. Let him see my home and let us fall in love with one another under the desert sunsets and perhaps even make the journey to intimate sex.

  But if being here, away from his power, is eroding the work we have accomplished? The progress we have made? Then perhaps we should cut the trip short. Their care is paramount… even above my own happiness.

  85

  Lucien – Return to Atum

  Mandjet drifts gently down the river towards Atum. We pass fishermen and tradesman on the waters in small boats and rafts, the black river being a major conveyance for the region. The lands by the river burst with life and the blessings of Isis. Animals running free and wild alongside farmers and children playing and laughing, all kind respecting all kind.

  Here it is easy to see the product of the three hearts working together, the desires of Isis to bring life, the planning of Ishtar for farms and irrigation, the building of Atum. Here is what life is supposed to be, a harmony of differences working together in peace and prosperity for all.

  The city Atum comes into view far before we actually reach it. In the distance massive pyramids stretch up into the sky, the tips twinkling with the majic of Ra. Temples and statues paying homage to the gods we came to fear, the same gods we once loved.

  It is hard to reconcile that these people have lost so much, when they still have so much. But it is truth – when the Kindred took the spirits of the old gods and locked them in their prisons of time, alive but not living, they took the heart of man with them. We are less because the ones that dreamed us into existence no longer walk among us.

  Who is to say if our choices were correct, was our greatest mistake imprisoning the gods in the first place? Should we have allowed them to end us and make more perfect beings? Should we have sacrificed ourselves for the continuity of life?

  I know what the future brings, and I know what we become is not better without the gods, without the majics of heart, we are not better at all.

  Both Capaneus and Jaevia join me at the front of the barge and I am happy that they are here to see this with me. Even as my heart is filled with confusion over exactly what emotion it wishes to feel as I stare at Atum, I cannot sense any regret inside of me. I am happy to be home, to see it with the loves of my life, even knowing that it will not last.

  All things have an end, it is important to appreciate what we have when we have it. All I need are Jaevia and Capaneus, they are my heart song.

  The lands of Atum are filled with green life surrounding walls even taller than those of the Kindred, tall enough to defend any who would dare challenge them, tall enough to protect my mother… if she had been here. If the monsters that would end her hadn’t slept in those very walls.

  As the barge takes us closer my heart seems to pound deeper, in rhythm and as one with the heart of these lands. I’m also filled with questions, and confusion. Should I be happy to be here?
This place my mother feared and fled to protect me, this place which birthed the men that would end her and try to end me? Why should I be happy to be here? Do I betray her by even setting foot in these lands?

  Oh Ra, I wish for many answers.

  “Calm, Luey,” the Wench whispers gently and wraps an arm around my waist.

  Capaneus may never know what it means to me as I feel his hand brush against mine. As he puts his issues to the side to take my hand in his and lace our fingers together. He will never know how this small moment makes all of the difference in my heart; giving me courage to face my fears. It took him a moment, but he got here – he reached out to me and it gives me a taste of hope for myself, for him, for the three of us to live as one.

  I do not move from my spot, I cannot, I stand in the sun and bear witness to the lands of my father. I do not wish to miss even a moment of this.

  My mates do not leave my side, not even for a moment, they stand with me letting me lean on their strength and peace.

  As we draw closer, the drums in my heart begin to ring in my ears and I realize that the sound is coming from the city Atum.

  “They welcome you,” Henenu says as he steps up to stand beside Jaevia.

  “They knew I was coming?”

  He nods, “Word has spread through the lands. Peoples from all across will make the pilgrimage to Atum, just in hopes of catching a glimpse of you.”

  I sigh, a heavy weight bearing down on my chest, “Someone should tell them I am not staying.”

  “Who but the Raja could speak for the Raja?”

  “I am not the Raja, I am Lucien…”

  “A Raja does not choose who he will lead, the people choose who they shall follow,” he whispers and walks away.

  More cryptic knowledge from Henenu. Where could I lead them but into damnation? The seeds of Set have already been sown – now we must all reap the fruits – even as bitter as they are.

  Mandjet both moves too quickly and goes too slowly. I need more time to prepare myself, yet I feel an urgency to see Atum… be there. I’ve waited my entire life for a moment I thought would never exist… yet now that I am here, I know I would walk away from it all for another moment with my Momma.