Baby I’m Yours

by Elks, Carrie

  “I’ll put your name down on the guest list.” She pulled at her sleeve. “I guess we should do my blood pressure before I drink the coffee. I don’t want to have any caffeine spikes.”

  “It’s decaf.”

  “Even worse. I’d hate for my body to go into shock.”

  James laughed and took the blood pressure monitor from his backpack. “Take a seat,” he said, inclining his head at one of the stools pushed beneath the counter. Gently, he took Harper’s arm and wrapped the cuff around it, his fingers gentle as he pressed the Velcro strips together.

  It was almost impossible not to shiver at his touch.

  “Are my fingers cold?” he murmured, looking at her through his thick lashes. God his eyes were striking.

  She took a deep breath and shook her head. “No. It’s all good.”

  “Okay. I’m going to start it. You’ll feel pressure for a minute.”

  “I know.” She grinned at him. “You say that every time.”

  “You can guarantee the one time I don’t say it my patient will start freaking out. It’s part of the doctor’s language. Just a little pinch… you might feel some pressure… it’s important to make the patient as comfortable and as aware as possible.”

  She wondered what it would be like to be one of his patients. He was so calm, so capable. Almost impossible not to be in love with.

  And yet she had to try.

  When the machine finished measuring her blood pressure it gave a beep, the cuff slowly loosening. James looked at the monitor, his brows knitting together.

  “Any change?” she asked him.

  “It’s a little better than yesterday but still too high. Are you feeling any other symptoms? Nausea, dizziness?”

  “No.”

  “Any swelling of your hands or feet?” He took her right hand in his, looking down as he turned it over, before he repeated it with the other. It was strangely intimate, the way he was looking at her. He might have only touched her on her arms and hands and yet her whole body was tingling.

  Stupid, treacherous body.

  “Nothing more than usual. I swear my feet have grown since I got pregnant. I’m living in sandals.”

  “That happens sometimes.”

  “Will they ever shrink back?”

  “It depends. But maybe it’s a good excuse to buy new shoes.” He smiled at her. “How are you sleeping?”

  “Badly. And you?” She raised an eyebrow.

  “The same.” He sighed. “Is there anything I can do to take some of the burden off you? I can’t sew, but I’m great at transporting stuff in my car.”

  She lifted the lid from her coffee and took a sip. “Mmm. You want some?” she asked him.

  “I drank mine on the way.”

  “Was Ally there?”

  “Yep. She says hi. So did Nate.”

  Harper smiled. “Thank you for bringing this,” she said, unwrapping the muffin. “I have a feeling this little baby is going to come out looking like a blueberry.”

  James laughed. “We’ll still love her though, right?”

  Her heart clenched. “Yeah, we will.”

  He ran the pad of his finger along his jaw. “Harper…”

  “Yeah?”

  “I’m so sorry about the other week. About scaring you when you saw Alice, and not telling her about you and the baby before she flew in. I never meant to hurt you.”

  “I know you didn’t.” Harper looked up at him. “But I was hurt.”

  He nodded. “I know you were, and I hate myself for it. I keep thinking that if I’d done things differently maybe you wouldn’t be dealing with high blood pressure. That it’s all my fault.” He glanced down at the counter, letting out a mouthful of air. She wanted to run her fingers through his hair, make that frown disappear. But she couldn’t. Not if she wanted to stay sane. She needed to keep her promise to herself.

  No more hurts.

  She pressed her lips together, trying to sort through her thoughts. “I think I expected too much,” she told him. “It’s none of my business who you tell about the baby. As long as you’re a good dad to her, that’s all I can ask for. And I know you’ll be wonderful.”

  “I want more than that.”

  Her throat tightened. How many times had she longed to hear those words? To know he wanted her the way she wanted him? But he had his own demons to fight, ones that kept pulling him back to the darkness, and she couldn’t fight them for him.

  All she could do was protect herself.

  “I don’t think it’s a good idea. Not now.” Her gaze softened. “Everything is so heightened. With my high blood pressure and the fashion show and the due date closing in, I don’t know if my heart can take much more.” She rubbed her stomach. “I need to concentrate on this little one. She’s all that matters.”

  His throat bobbed as he swallowed. “That makes sense. You don’t need any more stress. You have more than enough as it is. And I agree, the baby’s health – and yours – are the most important things.”

  She waited for relief to wash over her, but all she felt was sadness. Her body ached for him, for his strong arms to wrap around her, for her head to fit against his chest as he cradled her to him.

  Taking a bite of the muffin, she swallowed it down and chased it with a mouthful of coffee. But it didn’t fill the hole inside her at all.

  “I should go,” he said, putting the blood pressure monitor back in his bag. “Unless you need me for anything else?”

  “Can you check the baby?” she asked him. “Listen for a heartbeat?”

  “Of course. Why don’t you go lie down and I’ll take a listen.”

  She smiled at him. “Thank you. Let’s use the sofa.”

  * * *

  James warmed up the chest piece of his stethoscope on his palm, then pressed it against Harper’s bare abdomen. She was lying on the sofa, her shirt rolled up to just beneath her breasts, revealing the dome of her swollen stomach.

  “Tell me if it’s too cold,” he told her.

  “Did they teach you that in medical school, too?” she teased.

  “Yep. Right after how to keep your patient from driving you crazy.”

  She laughed and it made him feel warm. He tried to push that feeling down, ignore it. It wasn’t useful right now. She’d made it clear that whatever had been going on between them wasn’t going to continue. She’d been sweet as heck about it, too. But it still hurt. Especially as it was all his own damn fault. He’d had everything he wanted, and thanks to his own fears he’d lost it all.

  No, that wasn’t true. He hadn’t lost their baby. No matter what happened between him and Harper, their daughter would always be half his. A connection between them that nothing could break. That meant something, didn’t it?

  He slid the tips into his ears and concentrated on his job, moving the chest piece around until he could hear a rapid rhythm, much faster than Harper’s own heartbeat. He listened to it, a smile curling his lips. “She’s got a strong heartbeat,” he told Harper. “Want to hear?”

  She nodded, and leaned forward as he slid the ear pieces in place. Her eyes lit up as she listened to the echo of their baby’s life source. “So fast,” she whispered. “Such a tiny heart and so much work to do.”

  “It sounds like a strong one.” James smiled. “Should keep her going for at least ninety years.”

  Harper’s gaze met his and he felt it again. That urgent need to hold her, to take care of her and make her smile every day. To be with her and enjoy her company, then take her to his bed and spend the night.

  “Can you see the dark line on my stomach?” Harper asked him. “And the stretchmarks? They’re ugly, aren’t they?”

  “Nope.” He winked at her. “They’re as beautiful as the rest of you. And they’ll fade over time, you’ll hardly notice them.”

  He wanted to trace their jagged lines, feel her stomach contract at his touch. But instead he wiped his stethoscope down and put it away. It didn’t matter what he wanted, or what
he needed. Right now the only important things were Harper and this baby, and he’d do whatever it took to make sure they were okay.

  Everything else could wait.

  “You need anything else?” he asked her.

  “No.” She smiled. “I’m good.”

  He gently rolled down her shirt, covering her stomach back up, and offered his hand to help her stand. “Same time tomorrow?”

  “Sounds good to me. I have to wait around for the postman to pick up the last of my custom orders.” She looked at the gown-filled room. “Hopefully I’ll be able to move around in here soon.”

  “Let me know if you need anything. Day or night. I always have my phone on.”

  She nodded. “I will.”

  “Okay. Take care of yourself.” He couldn’t resist any longer. He brushed her cheek with his hand, before quickly pulling it back.

  Her lips parted and for a moment they stared at each other, the air around them crackling.

  “Goodbye, James,” she whispered. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “You definitely will.” If that was all she had to offer he’d take it. And willingly so. The only thing worse than not being able to be with her would be not seeing her.

  And he’d keep hold of that for as long as he could.

  28

  Being backstage at the fashion show was pure, adrenaline-fueled madness, but Harper was used to that. Having worked in costume departments on Broadway for years, quick changes didn’t faze her at all. As soon as her models walked off the catwalk and through the curtain separating the staging from the dressing area she was ready for them, holding her hands out to unfasten the ties that kept their previous dresses on, then lifting the next dresses carefully over their heads, careful not to touch their clipped-in hair.

  “Okay, you’re done,” she told Lola when she’d fixed the tiny tiara on her golden hair. “Let me just get Annabelle ready and you two can walk on for the finale.”

  The little girl was wearing Harper’s final design. This one was all-out glitz. A tight silver bodice – strapless on Annabelle and with spaghetti straps on Lola, attached to a hooped tutu made with layers of silver tulle. Each dress was embellished with hand-sewn rhinestones, which caught the overhead lights. They were the type of princess gown that little girls dreamed of wearing, and Lola couldn’t hide the excitement on her face.

  “You look fabulous,” Harper whispered to her as she turned to Annabelle. The model already had her arms up, ready for Harper to lift the dress over her head, covering her strapless bra and silk stockings. As Harper pulled the eyelets at the back together, Annabelle stepped into a pair of silver shoes while the make-up artist touched up her lipstick.

  “Ready for the final group,” the show runner shouted out.

  Harper took a final look at her models, checking that their dresses were hanging correctly. “Okay. You’re good to go. Break a—”

  Her last word was swallowed by a gasp. She put her hand to her stomach, wincing at the sudden pain shooting through her abdomen. It was enough to make her stagger to the left, reaching out to steady herself on a clothing rack. It shifted with her weight, but she managed to stay upright.

  “Harper!” Annabelle’s voice was full of alarm.

  “It’s okay,” Harper said, swallowing hard in attempt to not cry out again. “I’m fine. You need to get to the catwalk.”

  “Are you sure? You want me to call anybody?”

  Somehow Harper managed to force her lips into a smile. “It was just indigestion. Now go, before you miss your cue.”

  With a final worried glance, Annabelle took Lola’s hand and walked over to the gap in the curtains where the catwalk began. As soon as her back was turned, Harper let out a low moan and collapsed into the nearest chair.

  What was wrong with her? She gingerly touched her stomach to find it was hard, the skin pulled taut like a trampoline. Taking a deep breath in through her nose, she held it for five seconds like her yoga teacher had taught her, then slowly exhaled through her mouth.

  She could vaguely remember Ember talking about Braxton Hicks contractions. Sudden shooting pain that felt like real contractions, but were really the body preparing itself for birth. Is that what this was? Harper wasn’t sure.

  “Designers, your call is in two minutes,” the show runner shouted. “Can you all come to the curtain.”

  It was customary for the designers to walk on stage at the end of the fashion show, to accept the audience’s applause. But Harper found herself sitting exactly where she was, unable to find the strength to push herself back to standing.

  “Harper Hayes? We need you,” the show runner called out.

  Another wave of pain assailed her, making her double over. She couldn’t catch her breath, no matter how many times she tried to inhale. She let another moan out, deeper and more anguished.

  Blood was rushing through her ears, drowning out the distant sound of clapping. Harper was vaguely aware of the curtain pulling back and the designers walking onto the catwalk, but everything else felt like it was blurring in front of her eyes.

  “Harper!” The show runner ran over to her. “Is it the baby?”

  Harper opened her mouth to answer, but only a groan came out.

  “We need a doctor,” the show runner called out. “Is there a doctor around here?”

  Annabelle was there, kicking off her shoes, and scooting down next to Harper, still wearing her silver evening gown. “Honey, are you okay?”

  “No,” Harper managed.

  “Do you want us to call somebody? Lisa’s going to see if there’s a doctor in the audience.”

  “James. He’s a doctor,” Harper gasped. “I want James.” And then the pain overtook her again.

  * * *

  James clapped as the designers walked on one by one, scanning each to see if they were Harper. Her designs were beautiful, and the crowd had loved the mother-and-daughter matching outfits. He’d heard a few of them talking about putting in an order.

  They’d have to wait awhile. Harper was determined to slow down for her last few weeks of pregnancy. Her high blood pressure had scared them both, but it had also brought an ease to them, too. She’d let him take care of her the best way he knew how – by checking on her each day, and making sure she was eating properly. It was strange how he felt closer to her now that they’d taken having a relationship out of the equation. It was as though his head was finally catching up with his heart and they’d both reached the same conclusion.

  He wanted her in whatever form she came. Friend, lover, mother of his child. If she wanted to wait, he’d wait for as long as it took. He hadn’t been in a hurry in the past three years, and he wasn’t in a hurry now.

  In the meantime, he’d look after her and their daughter the only way he could.

  The crowd began to murmur and he looked up to see a woman with an electronic tablet clutched close to her chest. She ran onto the stage and grabbed the microphone from the stand. “Um, can you all hear me?” she asked, tapping it with her finger. “I’m looking for a Doctor James. Are you here?”

  His skin turned to ice. He stood, his breath catching in his throat. “I’m here,” he called out.

  “Thank goodness.” The woman sighed. “Can you come backstage, please. We need your help.

  He was acutely aware of everybody looking at him as he walked down the aisle between the seats. There were a set of steps at the end and he climbed up them, following the woman with the tablet to the back of the catwalk.

  “She keeps asking us not to fuss, but something’s not right. She’s doubled over in pain.”

  “Harper’s in pain?”

  “Yes.” The woman nodded. “We’ve put her on the sofa over here.”

  Harper was half-laying, holding on to the hand of a woman in a silver ball gown. James recognized the dress from Harper’s apartment. He dropped to his haunches, his gaze meeting Harper’s.

  “You doing okay?” he asked, softly stroking her hair.

  She
shook her head, her eyes glistening with tears. “It hurts,” she whispered. “And I’m scared there’s something wrong. Somebody’s already called an ambulance.”

  He took her free hand in hers. “Try not to panic. It’s going to be fine.”

  “Don’t let go of me,” she told him. “Not for a minute.”

  “I won’t.” He smiled at her. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  “I’m so scared.”

  “You don’t need to be. You’ve got this. You’re thirty-six weeks pregnant, the baby’s doing great. If you end up giving birth early, she’s going to be just fine.”

  Harper blinked. “I can’t give birth. Not yet. I’m not ready.” She squeezed his hand so tight her knuckles blanched. “They’ll stop it, won’t they? Put me on bed rest.” She bit her lip. “I’ll do whatever they say, I promise.”

  “Just try to breathe,” he told her. “That’s all you need to do until the ambulance gets here.”

  “I’m trying,” she told him. “But I keep hyperventilating. What if the baby can’t breathe when she comes out? What if I—oh!” she groaned, her eyes squeezing shut as she pulled her legs up against her bump. “Aaah, oh god it hurts.” She pulled at his hand, bringing him closer.

  “Breathe in,” he whispered. “One, two, three, four, that’s it. Now exhale.” He looked at the model still wearing her gown. “How long since the last contraction?”

  “About six minutes.”

  “Okay.” He nodded.

  “You’re so calm,” Harper whispered. “How can you be so relaxed?”

  “Because I know you,” he told her. “I know you’re strong enough to get through this. So that makes me strong, too.”

  “I don’t feel strong.”

  “You will. You’re going to be an amazing mom, Harper. Whether it happens today or in four weeks’ time, you’ve got this.”

  A tear rolled down her cheek. “I’m going to be a mom,” she said, as though it was a revelation.

  “Yeah, you are.”

  “And you’re going to be a dad. Again.”

  “Yep.” He nodded. From the corner of his eye he saw the stage curtain move. He glanced over his shoulder and saw Caitie walking over. “Is everything okay with…” her voice trailed off as she spotted Harper on the sofa. “Oh god, is it the baby?” She knelt down next to James and stroked Harper’s face. “Are you having contractions?”