Burrows & Behemoths

by Lee Duckett

  “We are a team you moron! You can take hits the rest of us can’t because the rest of us back you up!” she drilled, stalking up to him. “You! Are! Not! Invincible!” she bit out, punctuating each word with a shove to his chest, the last one knocking him down again.

  “Now wait just a god-damn moment here!” the samurai said, smacking her hands away as he got back up. “I know that. lassie, but me plan-“

  “WHAT PLAN!?!” the scout practically shrieked, strangling the noise. She took a deep breath to calm herself, but it didn’t work. “The plan where you run into the enemy’s lair without telling us? The plan where you leave your entire party behind because you’re sooooo tough that you can take on anything? That’s not a plan, That’s a freaking DEATHWISH!”

  “I would’ve been fine if it weren’t for that pool!” The dwarf shot back, getting offended.

  She looked at him in stark disbelief, hands twitching in a grasping motion that were the aborted prelude to strangulation. “IF!? We wouldn’t have had to deal with the chamber of Scourges IF you hadn’t slipped. Shino would still be here IF those Riders hadn’t been waiting for him. We wouldn’t be here at all IF we never rolled those damn dice! I don’t give a crap what you would have done IF things were different because we have to deal with what is actually happening instead of what IFS!”

  She took another deep breath, finally calming herself, and turning her back on the samurai, her tone dripping in drained disgust. “There’s a treasure chest in the last room, I’m going to go stand guard to make sure that nothing sneaks up on us after this cluster-f…” She took another breath, “ . . . this disaster.” And with that she strode off silently back the way they came, rapier in one hand, everburning torch in the other.

  “What’s her problem?” Rurik grumbled to Aria and Badger, picking himself off the ground.

  “She made some good points though,” Badger responded, looking unhappy, but thoughtful. At the dwarf’s scowl, he continued in a subdued voice, “We’re a team, and when we act like it, we’re pretty darn effective. Remember the run up to the druid fight? When we started adventuring we had trouble dealing with two of those treantlings, but we must have fought our way through a hundred of them with barely a scratch getting to Carnab.”

  He grinned to himself at that, but the grin slid off in seconds. “But alone, we could get picked off. Easily. Aria and I could get ganged up on, Fayne could get surrounded, and you can, and did, get dog piled. Max told us that Lairs & Liches is all about cooperation, and we can’t cooperate if one of us goes running off without even telling anyone else what they’re doing!” he finished with a pointed look at Rurik.

  “I’m sure that’s not what he meant to do,” interceded Aria. “He must have just gotten. . . excited, and thought we were with him.”

  Rurik sighed. “No, lass. The wee man has a point. I gave ya an order and expected ya ta follow it like warriors without even botherin’ to check. I wasn’t even right ‘bout the guards. They weren’t getting a defence ready, they were just eatin’ dinner. It’s why I cut so many down ‘fore they got me.” He turned a glare towards Badger, “and if ya’d been with me we’d have made a clean sweep of ‘em.”

  Badger was unimpressed. “And if you had told us what you were doing instead of just saying ‘let’s go’ I might have. You aren’t our boss, you’re our teammate. If I’d have said no, would you have stopped, or gone on without me?”

  Rurik shifted uneasily, accent slipping. “I would have stopped, of course. But you didn’t, and left me out to get piled on. That’s on you.”

  “Bullshit,” the gnome retorted with a growl. “Rurik, you were already at the door before you could have heard anything I could have said.”

  “What, you want me to say I’m sorry? I’m sorry, move on, it’s over.” Rurik said, turning away.

  “No I will not move on Rurik, because you aren’t sorry you screwed up, you’re sorry it turned out badly. If everything turned out ok you would have been grinning like the idiot you acted like because you got all the ‘glory’!” the gnome spat back, glaring up at the dwarf.

  Aria stepped between the two, “Come on Jack, he said he’s sorry, that’s enough.”

  The wizard looked up at his wife, shaking his head. “No, it isn’t. I’m not going to stand around while my son gets himself killed because he can’t think!”

  Rurik stepped to the side to glare at Badger. “Oh, I can’t think? Are you on about me not being me next, that I’m not acting like ‘your son’ anymore.”

  Badger snorted, “No, I think we’ve solved that. From what you’ve told us, Rurik trained formally as a warrior, to work as a team with others on a battlefield. Rushing in to something without thinking and needing us to save you? Pretending that everything’s okay when you’ve gotten out by the skin of your teeth? Lying to my face to get out of a conversation? No, that’s pure Isaac.”

  The wizard shook his head. “I’ve served in the actual military, not some fantasy one, and I’d hoped that maybe the extra experience you got from Rurik would help you grow up, but it looks like all it did was give you another thing to hide behind. I’m going to go stand guard with Fayne. You grab the treasure. You don’t need the capability to plan to be a packmule, so you should at least be able to do that.” He turned his back to Aria’s cry of “Jack!” and started to walk away, stopping when he heard Rurik unsheathe his katana.

  He stopped, but didn’t turn around. “Really samurai? Pulling your sword on someone who’s back is turned?” His words, though quiet, reverberated in the chamber before he gave out a hollow, mirthless chuckle. “You aren’t a samurai, ‘Rurik’, no matter what you claim. Blaming everyone for your own mistakes? You’re nothing but an honorless ronin.”

  The wizard started walking away when he heard Rurik start to run at him from behind, and Aria’s startled cry of “Isaac no!” Badger spun about, hands already aglow with purple magic and said just one word. “Sleep.” Rurik collapsed to the ground, katana spinning uselessly as it skittered on the ground in front of him, coming to a stop at the wizard’s feet. Badger reached down and picked up the flaming sword, looking at his son.

  “You don’t deserve this,” he told the fallen dwarf as he extinguished the weapon, before looking up to glare at his wife. “Thanks for the help there honey, make sure he doesn’t roll over and fall into the water and drown, again. He’ll be awake in a few minutes. I’m going to go talk to someone who’s taking this seriously.” And with that he turned on his heel, katana slung over his shoulder, and walked out, allowing his frustrated tears to roll down his face.

  Chapter Nine

  Split The Party

  Fayne stood guard at the entrance of the troglodyte den, everburning torch laid down on the ground where the cavern opened up to the wrecked city, bow out and arrow knocked, though not pulled back. The foul scent of wet rot, entrails, and troglodytes from behind her warred with the stale smell of the open cavern in front to tickle her nose as she gazed into the darkness, looking for a flash of movement, a bit of reflected light, anything to give her a warning of incoming danger. Her elven eyes saw better in the dim light then she ever could have back home, but even they could not pierce the complete darkness that swallowed most of the cave.

  While outwardly calm, her temper was still running hot at Rurik’s actions, and how close he came to dying in their first real adventure! Technically this was their second, but with Shino there for the first one, along with how difficult it had been even getting to this cave, she knew that their first ‘adventure’ was more like a guided tour, a tutorial from which they apparently had learned nothing.

  The archer had no doubts that, had Badger not cast that enlargement spell on Rurik, they would’ve had their first fatality, and with the way they’d came in sealed, she wasn’t sure how Aria and Badger would have handled the death of their son. She didn’t say anything as the gnome walked up next to her, letting him have a few moments to compose himself.

  Badger took a deep breath obvi
ously going to say something but Fayne cut him off, “The cave has good acoustics. Probably why they blocked it.”

  The wizard looked at her for a second before releasing his breath and nodding. “Heard that did you?” At her nod, he sighed. “I could have handled that better.”

  Fayne waggled her bow in a maybe gesture. “I was busy while you were in the water, but what would have happened if you hadn’t enlarged him?”

  “Well, he was trying to fight them off, and Aria was pulling them off,” he hedged, “though they were just grabbing him again but maybe-”

  Fayne stopped peering into the shadows and gave him a flat look. “He had no weapons, and that pool looked deep. What would have happened?”

  Badger winced before looking down, “He was going to drown. It went down for a bit and he wears whatever the Asian version of splint mail is called. Even without the trogs, he might’ve drowned.”

  “And not only did he not thank you for saving his life, he blamed you for it, and he attacked you for calling him out on it,” she pointed out, looking at him intently.

  Badger dug a toe at the cave floor. “I could have been nicer.”

  Fayne turned back to the shadows. “And he could have apologized. You heard how I feel about ifs.” She brought her bow up, pulling the arrow back, as she thought she saw something. Her eyes narrowed before she lowered her weapon and relaxed the bowstring. “Idiot almost gets himself killed, and then draws his sword on his dad,” she stated, glancing over to the katana in the gnome’s hands. “We’re going to have to get through this despite him, not with him.”

  Badger’s expression was pained, but he didn’t disagree, changing the topic instead. “So, this sword is way too big for me, and I’d rather have it out of reach when he comes back.” Fayne nodded, quivering her arrow before grabbing Shino’s Bag of Holding from her backpack and tossing it to him. He fed the sword in, and it disappeared into the metallic pouch without a sound, before he paused and pulled out the metal quarterstaff the alpha troglodyte had used to try and kill him. “Hmm.” The wizard pondered as he examined the weapon, which quickly shrunk down to fit his smaller size. “I do believe that this weapon is magical!” he proclaimed with a weak grin.

  “You don’t say,” the elf drolled. “What does it do?”

  The gnome’s eyes glowed prismatically as he studied the simply crafted metal rod in his hands, the pattern of the steel having a wave-like appearance. He turned it over in his hands and jumped as the sound of flowing water emanated from the seemingly solid weapon. Looking over to Fayne he shrugged. “It’s got some kind of force multiplying effect, and something else, but I can’t pin it down.”

  “And the water?”

  “No clue,” he said, shaking his head as he gave it a few test spins, accidently hitting the stone floor, which cracked immediately, sending small shards of stone away from the pair.

  The pair looked at the small crater for a second before the elf looked at the shocked gnome with a grin. “Just don’t hit yourself in the head with this one.”

  Badger paled at the thought, carefully removing his regular staff from its holster on his backpack and replacing it with the new weapon. “Yes. That would be… bad,” he admitted as he slid his old staff into the Bag.

  Fayne shook her head, accepting the Bag of Holding and putting it back in her bag before turning her attention back to the cavern exit. “Magic weapons are dangerous, but useful, just be careful with both of yours.”

  The wizard looked up at her, puzzled, “Both? I just have the one.”

  Now it was her turn to be confused, “No, you have that desiccating dagger. The one you were using to keep the troglodytes from pulling you under.”

  “What? I don’t… Oh, right, that,” Badger concluded sheepishly.

  An eyebrow was quirked in his direction. “You forgot you had it, didn’t you.”

  “No, I… Yes. I tried to swim down to help Rurik and couldn’t get below the surface for more than a second,” he said, reaching behind his back and removing the up till now forgotten weapon.

  Elvish laughter was his response, “I thought you did it on purpose. It kept making hissing sounds when you went under, which distracted the trogs long enough for me to thin them out enough to move properly.”

  Badger shrugged, resheathing the weapon. “Well, it worked, just need to remember that I have it.”

  “Yeah, remembering we what we have is impor-. . .” she trailed off. “That moron.”

  “No need to call me names,” Badger joked. “What is it?”

  Fayne looked him dead in the eye. “What potions did you give Rurik a few hours ago?”

  “I didn’t give. . .” he trailed off. “Water-breathing and levitation. They were supposed to help with this fight, weren’t they?”

  Fayne gave a harsh bark of laughter. “You even told him about it. And you can drink potions underwater, so he would’ve been fine. Max’s doing his best to help from wherever he is, and we’re still screwing it up, aren’t we?”

  “And levitation would’ve let us go back up through the tunnel in the stirge cave,” He nodded, thinking about it now. “Damn it.”

  She shrugged. “I didn’t remember it either. If you remember something like that, please tell me?”

  “Only if you return the favor,” he quipped.

  The elf smiled, letting go of the bow with one hand to hold it out. “Deal,” she agreed as they shook on it.

  Badger cast Mending on her armor as the two stood there for a few minutes, gazing out into the darkness, relaxing the tension that had been building up. They both froze at the sounds of a pair voices coming from the room behind him. The sound was crystal clear as Aria told her son that Badger had cast a Sleep spell, and that they were outside. This was closely followed by the sounds of two pairs of boots coming up behind them, one set tentative, one set angry.

  Rurik rounded the corner, beard soaked, and stalked forward. “Where is me sword, gnome?” he demanded.

  Fayne drew and knocked an arrow as she turned, though kept the bow down. Badger turned and looked sad for a moment, before squaring his shoulders. “It’s safe, dwarf. Tell me something, dwarf. A katana, it’s a samurai’s weapon, isn’t it?”

  The dwarf narrowed his eyes. “Aye, and it deserves to be inna samurai’s hands!”

  Aria, coming up behind him, looked like she wanted to say something, but hesitated. Badger did not. “And samurais act with honor, don’t they? They do things like meeting worthy opponents fairly and not stabbing their companions in the back?” He didn’t wait for a response. “Then when I see one, I’ll give it to him.”

  Rurik looked outraged for a moment, hands grasping where the hilts of his weapons would have been before he hesitated, and the specter of doubt crossed his eyes. The dwarf still looked murderous, but the rage was eclipsed by an internal struggle that quite obviously was taking place. That was, of course, until Aria stepped forward.

  “Jack, it’s his sword, and you need to give it back. I’m his parent too and you can’t do something like that without talking to me first!” she demanded, hands on her hips.

  Rurik snapped out of whatever he was wrestling with to watch Badger’s response, which was to look at her in utter disbelief. “I’m sorry, when has that ever been the rule? You make decisions about Isaac and Max all the time without telling me. Hell, half the time I find out from them what you’ve said because you didn’t see fit to inform me.”

  The aasimar took a step forward, offense written across her face. “No I don’t, you just don’t remember me telling you! As your wife you can’t just ignore me!”

  Rurik shook his head, holding a hesitant finger up, “Uh, Mom. The gn- Dad’s right, you don’t.”

  His mother waved a dismissive hand, “Be quiet Isaac, I’m getting you your sword back.”

  “No. You’re not.” Fayne stated calmly, arrow still drawn as she stood, almost casually, and stared at the aasimar. “He gave me the sword, and I’m not giving it to anyone anyti
me soon.”

  Aria turned angrily to her, “I know you’re trying to help Grace, but this is a family matter.”

  That caused the elven archer to take a step back, eyebrows raised, “And I’m not family now? Well, if I’m not I don’t see any need to give a stranger my cousin’s sword!”

  “That’s not what I mean, and you know it!” the cleric spat back.

  Badger stepped between the two. “Your son tried to stab me in the back, literally, when he didn’t like what I said. He wants his sword back, he earns it, and I’m not going to budge on this. Now, are we going to argue about this and wait for monsters to attack us or are we going to try and get out of here?” and with that he turned on his heel and started to walk out towards the ruins, stopping when he heard Aria shout, “Don’t you walk away from me Jack!”

  He stopped and stood still for a moment, before he turned around, looking tired. “Or what, you’ll attack me too? You want to yell at me? Fine. Just let us get out of the dangerous monster filled caves first.”

  Aria’s reply stopped before she could retort, a shocked look on her face. Shock gave way to offense, and then anger, as she demanded, “Jack, how could you think I would do that?”

  Badger shrugged, “I don’t know Maggie, there seems to be a lot of that going around, and I didn’t hear you complain at all when your son did it, so you must not think it’s that bad.”

  The aasimar looked aghast, “Of course that was bad!”

  “Oh, then I must have forgotten, you saying so,” the gnome commented, voice dripping with sarcasm.

  His wife looked guilty for a half a second, face shifting to imperiousness. “There’s no need to take that tone with me. I told him while you were out here. You should have asked before making such accusations!” Unseen behind her Rurik turned to look at the cleric, disbelief clear on his face.

  It was the wizard’s turn to look shocked, “You what?”