To the Paris of our dreams

by Tomas Goncalves

  Eric coughed again and shrugged his shoulders.

  - Yeaah, whatever... as you wish.

  - We are staying in a hotel, around what? Twenty minutes from here? We are all staying here for a few days. We can come and go as you please. If and when you want to see us. We're not gonna force anything on you, son – His dad spoke for the first time – And by the way, Tom send you his best regards. He said he was sorry he couldn't come, but he wishes you the best. He said he's waiting for a visit.

  - Hmm... Cool. Thanks for the mail. - That was meant as an insult - Are you guys going to...hmmm... do what around here exactly? Visit the place?

  - Yeah. Something like that. Maybe some hiking, you definitely found a nice place to come – Isadora, always sweet and trying to make things better

  - Good luck with that - She smiled at Eric's comment, but didn't say anything.

  Silence.

  - Alright, well, we'll be on our way then... We just came to check on you and give you the address and our phone number in the hotel – His father gave him a card – Just call us if you want company or if you need anything.

  Eric didn't answer.

  - Ah, Eric, I brought my laptop with me. There's a lot of people sending you messages. A couple of friends are pretty worried – 'Alice?? Lucy? '

  As Eric didn't say anything else, they just said their goodbyes and slowly left, in two huge cars. The house went once again back to the solitude and silence from before. The inhabitants stayed there, looking at each other, not knowing what to do, or what to take from that.

  That night, Isabella started to vomit again. She even vomited a bit of blood, but she just refused to go see a doctor and actually screamed with both of them when they insisted. Eric started to have chills again and worse: he was having crazy cramps all over his body again. “It should've stopped by now, no?”

  Lucas wasn't talking much. When people got there the next morning, they found Eric and Isabella sleeping, with several glasses and dishes around them.

  Eric woke up and saw Isa there. And then Gustavo. Jack, Liam, Jan and Mike were there too.

  - Hey buddy... rise and shine

  - Hey...it looks like you had a really nice night of sleep Hun? - Gustavo

  - Hmm... I've had worse... - Eric sat on his mattress, hugging the covers. Isa gave him a bottle of water - …Thanks

  Jan started to pick up all the glasses and dishes that were around in the living room and took it to the kitchen, and started cleaning the place a bit when Lucas, who now was back on his bedroom, appeared. They introduced themselves and started doing a nice brunch together. They talked a lot, and Isabella soon enough got awaken. She was worse than Eric, but didn't look willing to show it.

  They talked, and talked, and eventually they started laughing and starting to have a bit of fun.

  Then they played poker, videogame, and later on, when they were making dinner, Eric was checking his messages on Isa's laptop. He had several messages. Way more than what he could've imagined.

  A bit before dinner getting ready, he found on his personal e-mail one particular message that caught his attention.

  “Hey Eric. I miss you. Your siblings told me what happened and I really hope you're doing ok. I wanted you to know that I'm really proud for what you're doing and I wish I could've been there to help you. Actually, I should be there to help you.

  Since we said our goodbyes, I travelled around France and I did everything I told you I wanted to do, but I still wish we had left each other in a better place. Now I'm back home, in Floripa, trying to work some stuff out. Wish me luck about that, as I'm wishing you all the luck in the world with this moment in your life.

  … I miss our honest talks and our magical moments.

  You're a great guy and I wanted you to know that: I don't think I've let you know that enough the last time we saw each other.

  Get better.

  I'm sorry for anything and thanks you so much for everything. Good luck.

  With all my heart,

 

  Alice Martins”

  “Oh my God, Alice!” How bad he had missed her! Her mind, her sweetness, her intelligence and... “Our honest talks and magical moments!””

  It had been what? Six months? Even more than that... His mind was flooded with memories of her.

  'She's back home, working stuff out' probably trying to write, or in a new job, school. Maybe even with a new boyfriend...

  He wanted to see her. Talk to her, he wanted to know what was going on with her life. Tell her about his own. She, more than anyone, would listen to his story.

  - Eric! Dinner is ready!

  The rest of the day would be pretty chill with all of them there.

 

  - Alright. A movie then...

  They all agreed on watching Into the wild, recommended by Lucas. Eric didn't mentioned anything, but he had already watched it with Alice. Coincidence.

  Again, it really got to him to watch that movie, in that place and time, with those people.

  Eric got especially happy about Mike and Isadora. They were still together. Not only that, but they actually had a very intimate, mature and friendly relationship. He actually started to get a bit jealous. But you know, someone in that family should be able to have a healthy relationship.

  Mike and Isadora were in fact living together in Paris for a while now: After what happened in St Jean, Mike decided to stay in France. He had to go back and forth from San Francisco a couple of times until he was finally ready to move with Isadora to Paris, a bit more than a month later.

  Isadora was starting a new university program and Mike had just felt compelled to move there with her. Apparently they were having a really nice time: Mike had been studying French and had looked at the possibilities of having his own music school – He ended up investing some money in this tiny music school where he had also started to teach, after his French got to the basic level he needed.

  They were happy.

  Back to the present moment, when the movie was over, Eric got very quiet, only observing all those people around him, specially his sister and Mike. In that moment he knew he wanted a relationship like that...again.

  That day, they went to have some snacks under the trees, and stayed outside sitting on the grass for a while.

  Nostalgia, sleepiness, possibilities. There, on the grass, he felt a spark of what he had felt in London, a long time ago. There he knew, everything was going to get better somehow.

  Time passes and even though life is full of possibility and even magic, time has a dark sense of humor. Even a bit cruel. He allows us a lot, but he always comes to charge the price.

  What have been the last seven or eight years of his life?

  It was the third day they were all there now.

  - But it's hard, isn’t it? - Mike

  - Ah, you know...

  - Yeah...

  - Anyways, it’s nice in here, man

  - True

  - But....how are you feeling?

  - I don't know... Things are a bit unclear right now.

  - I can only imagine that. But at leas
t you're on the right track, man. And you can count on us, you know that, right? - Mike paused – …I knew you wouldn't like to see this invasion here, man. But anyways... Everyone was freaking out about you. They're still a bit worried, you know.

  - I know.

  Silence

  - But I know you. I know you'll know what to do. In a way or another, you always did.

  “If you say so...”

  They stopped talking for a while. They were in this long deck on the lake and now they were just watching the view. It was cold.

  - I like to see you and my sister together, you know - “It's really weird to call her sister” - It makes me believe how... having a good relationship is possible right. That it exists.

  - Yeah, yeah. I know.... I'm crazy about her, man.

  - No kidding, you cannot tell that.

  - Ha, funny. But you know what? It's funny. I saw you and Alice in St Jean. And even with Marie. I guess I started thinking about my life there... And man, I thought your sister was the most amazing human being I've gotten close to in the minute I saw her. I could just feel how awesome she was, it's weird. But you know, I didn't want to get involved again. I didn't want to ruin everything again. Then I saw you guys, and Alice told me about seize the opportunities and fight for them with all you got, and all her philosophy of life. You know... -He paused - It's like I wanna be a better person for your sister... And I never felt like that before, with anyone... And I guess... I guess I wasn't proud anymore of who I was, about what we were doing. You know?

  Pause. Mike kept going.

  - I actually never liked this story of having to get better for someone. But then we met and... I guess it's kind of natural that you want to become a better person for that special one. I guess love is indeed altruistic...

  - Alright... So I guess you'll be the housewife?

  Mike laughed

  - Yeah, sure.

  - Ha, Nah. It's ok. Relax. I get it, man - Eric

  - It's just cuz... ah never mind. - Mike

  - Hmm ok...if you say so.

  - Don't you want to go inside? - Mike eventually asked

  - No, I need some cold air.

  - Ok.

  - What do you think they are doing? - Eric

  - Cooking, probably.

  -.Right, or they're cooking, or eating, or washing dishes... Or sleeping after eating...

  Mike laughed

  -Yeah, that's a big one

  - Yeah, my favorite. Man, I feel like we are going to get kicked out of this village.

  - True... they might kick us out.

  Silence

  - Buuut... so Eric. What about the situation you're in now?

  - Which one exactly? - Eric looked at Mike very quickly

  - Well... Your family doesn't know about Marie and Marie doesn't know about Alice

  - Ah... Actually Marie knows about Alice.

  - Oh...auch ….Well, that sucks. If I was you, I'd try to settle. You're getting old dude. The older the bride, the less it values.

  They laughed

  - Like you and my sister?

  - ?

  - Yeah buddy. I didn't tell you, but our family is like that. Or do you think we're going to wait until she shows up pregnant? Why do you think my dad is being nice to you? - They laughed. After a while, Eric just brought the subject back – Hmm...I don't know man. I screwed things up...with both of them... I loved them both, and... I was thinking about the other the whole time. I don't know. I don't deserve neither of them, probably. And I don't want to keep hurting anyone. Maybe I should just stay alone for a while... It's just cuz I feel like I can't...

  They went silent. Mike knew that part of that was coming from an Eric he had never heard before.

  - And hey... About the last time we saw each other...

  - Hmm... Nah, it’s all good man...

  - Yeah, no, no I know... I just wanted to tell you that... hun... - Eric cleared his throat - You know...

  - Yeah, I know...

  - I really am... Sorry, I mean

  - Dinner's ready guys! - Isadora almost screamed from inside of the house.

  - Jeeesus....I’m telling you man, I hear order after order to go eat these days...

 

  They were all there the next day, back to that lawless land that house had become. It was basically the same: They would spend the day watching movies, playing cards, eating, playing video games, chilling in the living room and talking a lot about... stupid things, mostly. Eric and Isabella were actually feeling really well.

  Isabella, who remembered Eric's siblings from almost seven years before, was impressed with them. They actually got along pretty well. By the end of the afternoon, Marie, Liam and Jack joined them, to help to prepare dinner. Even Anne and her friends appeared for dinner.

  Marie and Eric were barely talking to each other, and Gustavo tried to get more intimate with one of Anne's friend's younger sister.

  Two days later, after almost avoiding being too close to each other, Marie went to talk to Eric. He was by himself in the deck by the lake.

  - Hi

  - Hey …

  They stayed in silence for a moment. Eric was not really looking at her.

  - So, Yeah...I felt we should talk...

  Eric stayed still for a while, but he finally answered, and threw a little rock on the water:

  - Yeah, very likely we do...

  - … It's amazing here

  - Yeah... Yeah, it is.

  - … I... I wanted to thank you for sending me home... For caring. It really meant the world to me, what you did...

  Eric didn't react at all.

  -... It's ok. Did everything go well back home?

  - Yeah... I had a talk to my dad... actually the talk of my life I guess. They were obviously pretty supportive about me going back home.

  - Good...Good...

  - Yeah… And soon after, Mike and Isadora came to talk to me to know about you. My dad was very vigilant once I got back, but anyways... We stayed in touch.

  - …Time went by really fast, didn't it? - Eric changed the subject - I mean it's been like... more than a year already since we met.

  - Yeah...

  - You know Marie, I really fell for you. For real. I got weak on my knees for you. I'd have never gone back if it wasn't true...

  - I know Eric... I know – She got surprised with that.

  - And I really got hurt with all that happened... Because I thought... that you were the girl I could be with. That's why I probably called you closer, I wanted you around.... But I know I wasn't being able to treat you right anymore... I don't know. I called you closer for all the wrong reasons - He stayed in silence for a minute - I just thought eventually we'd just be ok if it was meant to be. But then... I guess somewhere along the way I stopped being a guy who deserved you, who could make you happy. And everything else got really bad around the same time. - He paused again - Anyways... I don't know how to tell you this. I really appreciate that you came here for me. That you're still here. But I see the way you're looking at me, and I just have to tell you that... is not going to happen. We can't be together right now Marie. I j
ust... I just can't... I wouldn't forgive myself if I hurt you like that again.

  Marie never said anything. She just looked at the lake and felt like she had suddenly got extremely sad and exhausted.

 

  - No, no, no dear... Leave it to me. Today, I'm gonna cook for you guys! - Eric's mother had barely gotten there and was already giving orders to the owner of the house.

  - Eric, we're screwed, mom is going to cook some weird super- healthy stuff – Isadora said, coming from the kitchen.

  - Ah noo... - Gustavo

  - Well, you guys can still run away... - Eric smiled.

  - Yeah....

  - We could actually runaway, baby – She looked at Mike, smiling

  - Mike, wait outside with the car ready- Gustavo

  - Aiai...

  - Ahhh... we should get that car. Go do something, go somewhere. I don't know

  - I don't think it's a good idea...

  - Alright-y, what about finishing Resident Evil, then? We are almost finishing it, anyways.

  - Ah no, come on – It didn't work, they went back to resident evil.

  - Man, your mom is making a weird broccoli lasagna and a weird green juice... Blehhrgh

  - Oh come on, stop being such a girl

  - Funny, those things can kill you, man – Gustavo – And don't pretend you don't like her food, Isa... And yeah... Hey, Lucas, could you call those hot friends of yours, again, please?

  - Yeah, ask them to bring some real food and some drinks....hmm coke! I'm craving some coke...

  They all looked at Eric, smiling

  - Ha-ha Ah funny funny, yeah, the drug addict. The soft drink, not co-ca-i-ne – Then he concluded – But seriously, ask them. I could really use some coke – 'Imaginary drums' he smiled