by Erin Trejo
“You will never deserve anything as pure as her,” I tell myself, needing it to stick. I need to come to reality about this. She isn’t mine to keep, and when the time is right, I will set my little sparrow free and watch her fly. I climb in the shower and wash away her scent no matter how badly I want to keep it. She looks at me with so much adoration in her eyes that it slowly kills a piece of me. I’ll never be good enough for her. I will never be what she needs, yet the thought of letting her go angers me. I wash quickly and climb out of the shower heading to the closet. I pull out a t-shirt and a pair of sweats and dress quickly. Taking one last look at her, I leave the room and head toward my office. I need to clear my head and focus on the growing threat that the Irish are imposing.
“Are you okay? It’s late,” Vera says when she spots me. I run my hand through my disheveled hair and shrug.
“I don’t know anymore, Vera. That girl has me in knots,” I admit. She smiles and giggles a little when she rests her hand on my arm.
“You care about her. She’s been here for a while now. I saw the way you looked at her, and I was wondering how long it would take you,” she says.
“She doesn’t need someone like me. You know that.”
“Who are we to say what she needs, Alexei? Do you know her that well?” She raises an eyebrow and I sigh.
“Not the way I’d like to. She’s just begun to speak to me.”
“Then don’t put words in her mouth. You know as well as I do that sometimes we can’t help what we feel, or who we feel it for.”
“I’ll ruin her,” I remind Vera. She shakes her head and smiles up at me.
“I think she’s already ruined, Alexei. You can put her back together,” she says before walking away and leaving me to think. Thinking isn’t the best thing for me right now because I will think with the wrong parts and go back to my room and take her again. Instead, I head into my office and grab the bottle of whiskey before booting up my computer. I need to research the Irish in New York. I need to find any type of connection to the Italians and get this shit handled. I don’t stop either. I force myself to keep looking even when I hit a dead end at every turn.
Chapter 14
Clara
He left me in his room the other night. He never returned and when I woke, I noticed the bed on his side was never slept in. I returned to my room and haven’t been back. That was over a week ago. Alexei is very hot and cold with his attitude toward me. I find myself wondering what runs through his head.
“What are you doing?” I ask Vera when I walk into the kitchen. She looks up at me with flour on her face and a smile.
“I’m baking. It’s Christmas Eve and I’m going to see my family,” she says happily. My smile slowly fades wondering what my father must be thinking. Vera notices, moving around the counter and pulling me into her arms.
“I’m so sorry, Clara. I didn’t even think,” she apologizes.
“No, it’s fine. We never did anything for the holidays anyway. I would most likely be in my room alone,” I tell her when she pulls back. Her hand comes to cup my cheek, a soft smile tugging across her face.
“Do you have kids?” I ask when she walks back around and gets back to work.
“I don’t. I do have nieces and nephews though. I don’t think I want children to be honest. What about you? Do you want children one day?” Her eyes sparkle as she looks up at me and I find myself smiling at her.
“I never really thought about it. My mother left us when I was young, and my father was more worried about work. I wouldn’t want to treat my children that way but it’s all I know,” It’s hard to admit that even though it’s the truth. Vera has grown on me, and I really find myself opening to her more and more each day. I would even consider her a friend.
“I don’t think you would. I think you’d make a great mother. You’re beautiful and sweet.” My cheeks heat up, a blush no doubt creeping up my neck. No one has ever said those things to me.
“Can I help? I don’t know how but I can try,” I tell her. Vera claps her hands together and nods. I round the counter and she begin to show me how to make pies. I’ve never done this in my entire life. It’s almost fun with Vera. I’ve never really had a good time either, but I’d like to think that is fun. We work together side by side laughing and talking as we work. I find myself letting go and just being me. I haven’t been that in a long time.
“You’re good at this!” Vera cheers me on and I can’t help but smile brighter. We get the pies in the oven when I hear his deep voice thunder through the room.
“What are you two doing in here aside from destroying my kitchen?” he asks in a playful tone. It’s one that I’m not accustomed to from Alexei. Dmitry smirks at us, leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed over his chest. I suddenly feel out of place. My smile slowly fades, and I take a step back. Alexei moves, kissing Vera on the cheek before his gaze moves to mine.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be here,” I say in a rush. I turn on my heel and start to move when his arms wrap around me.
“What’s wrong? What did I say?” He asks into my ear.
“I don’t belong in your kitchen,” I say softly. His lips nibble at my earlobe and I shiver under his touch.
“You’re right. You don’t,” he says. I start to move, knowing that somewhere deep down he didn’t want me after what happened to me. He has to find me disgusting.
“I… I can’t finish.” His lips skim over my neck and I moan.
“You don’t belong in my kitchen. You belong in my bed,” he says biting into my neck. Vera giggles behind us when Alexei pulls away. He spins me around and pulls me into his side, his arm resting possessively around my waist.
“I will see you after the New Year and I hope you enjoy spending time with your family,” he says speaking to Vera. She’s leaving? She can’t leave! What am I supposed to do with her being gone? I tense within his grasp and he notices.
“Are you afraid of being alone with me?” he asks looking down at me. When I look back up at him, I shake my head. Being alone with Alexei doesn’t scare me. It’s when he runs away and hides that I need someone. “Good. Now go change. There’s a dress for you in your room.” Tilting my head to the side, I study the man. From his sexy accent to the raspy undertone. He’s all man, dark eyes, and tanned skin. He makes my skin come alive when he touches me. I find myself yearning for him when he isn’t around.
“What?”
“I’m taking you out tonight. Go get changed,” he says once more, that smile of his crossing his face. I’ve learned that Alexei rarely smiles and when he does that’s it’s a treasure you must cherish. I smile back, and he leans down, pressing his lips to mine before giving me a little shove.
“Vera, would you go help her, please? I’ll watch these,” he says nodding toward the oven. She nods her head and moves toward me, a strange look on her face. She wraps my arm around hers and as we walk out of the kitchen, I hear Dmitry speak.
“What are you doing with that girl?” I try to listen to see what Alexei has to say but Vera is already dragging me down the hallway and up the stairs.
“I saw the dress. He picked it himself. It’s amazing,” she gushes as we step into my room. Just as he said, laid out on the bed is a long red silk dress. I gasp when I walk over and run my fingers over the delicate fabric.
“Why is he doing this?” I ask more to myself but Vera answers.
“He cares for you. He’s never left the house on Christmas Eve. He’s never even had a woman here before, let alone buy her clothing and take her out. That isn’t who he is.” I turn to face her.
“I know that. I’ve learned that. He avoids me at times and I just thought that he wanted me gone.”
“I don’t know what you’re accustomed to Clara but I’m pretty sure it isn’t Alexei’s type. He’s different in every sense of the word. He doesn’t trust easily, and he doesn’t let anyone get close to him.”
“You’re close to him,” I reply.
> “I am, but I’ve also known him since he was a child. I’ve never seen him so interested in anyone the way he is with you.”
“He bought me,” I remind her. The thought alone sends a chill over my body. I cringe at the idea of him only wanting me for that reason.
“Stop! That isn’t what this is, and I think you know that, Clara. Money means nothing to him. He bought you for a reason that he himself has never figured out. The fact that he kept you here that is something altogether different. He doesn’t let people in, but he is slowly letting you in. If you care anything for that man you will handle him with care.” I let her words settle inside of me as I change into the dress. Vera helps me curl my hair, letting it hang down my back before setting about to do my makeup. I don’t typically wear any but whatever she did with the black really makes my blue eyes pop. I stand in front of the full-length mirror and look at myself. I don’t even recognize me. Who the hell am I?
Chapter 15
Alexei
I pace at the bottom of the stairs in my tuxedo. I haven’t worn this in a long time. I’m nervous. I, the fucking Vor, am nervous. I’ve never had this feeling before, it’s foreign to me. I’ve always just taken what I want from women and moved on, but she is different. She is working her way inside of me and I can’t stop it. The more I have of her, the more I need. I know she’s all wrong for this life, but I can’t help myself. I look up from where I stand at the bottom of the stairs. All the air is sucked from my lungs as Clara walks slowly down the stairs toward me. I have no words for how devastatingly beautiful she is. This girl is going to fucking break me. I can feel it. When she steps off the last step, I gasp. Her eyes are outlined in black making them pop against her pale skin. She stands in front of me, not moving an inch.
“Alexei?” Vera calls, breaking the spell Clara has me under. I clear my throat and adjust the bowtie that’s wrapped around my neck. Vera laughs.
“You look absolutely stunning,” I tell her. Clara’s lips part and a genuine smile crosses her face. My heart leaps in my chest as I reach up and caress her face. My fingers linger a little longer before I lean down and kiss her. She opens to me and our tongues collide. I have to stop this before I have her naked in my bed. I’m trying to do what’s right here. I’m trying to give her a good night but she’s making it painfully hard for me. I pull my lips from hers, which was a challenge in itself, before I smirk at her.
“If we keep this up, you will never get your surprise.” Her smile slowly fades.
“I don’t like surprises.”
“This one you will. Come,” I say holding my hand out to her. She takes it without an ounce of hesitation which sends me soaring. I wink at Vera over my shoulder as Dmitry hands me the coat I got for Clara. I help her slide her arms in before grabbing her hand in mine and leading her out the front door. As soon as we step out, it occurs to me that she hasn’t been out of the house since she’s been here. I watch the way she inhales deeply, taking in the cold winter night. I give her time to adjust, her eyes darting around at the newly fallen snow. The driver stands with the limo door open, but I can’t take this moment from her. Her eyes move around before coming to rest on mine.
“Thank you, Alexei.”
“I haven’t done anything yet,” I chuckle. She grabs my face in her hands and kisses me quickly. She only pulls away enough to speak, her warm breath still dancing over my skin.
“You’ve done more than I can tell you.” With that, I take her and lead her to the car feeling the chill as it races over my skin. Once I have her settled inside, the car begins to move.
“What do you like to do?” I ask finding that I want to know more about her. She’s like my own personal drug that I can’t get enough of. Every time I think I can push her away, she comes falling back into my arms at full force.
“I like to listen to music. I’m not a very fun person. I read sometimes but that’s about it.” It’s hard for me to believe that she didn’t have a social life before now.
“You’ve never told me that or I could have gotten you some music to listen to or books to read,” I tell her. She turns to me, her face as soft and sweet as always.
“Alexei, I’m happy just being with you and Vera. I’ve grown quite fond of her. We get along really well and Alina, she’s just the best.” I nod my head and pull her closer to me, needing the warmth that she provides.
“I’ve never asked you this and for good reason. I’m a selfish man and even if you said yes, I don’t know that I would accept it, but I have to ask. Do you want to go home, Clara?” My chest tightens when the words leave my mouth. I didn’t want to ask her, in fact, if she says yes, I might just ignore her anyway. I’m not ready to let her go just yet, although I know it’s wrong to keep her too.
“If I’m being honest, no.” I let out a breath when she says no. She doesn’t want to leave me, and I don’t know that I ever want her to go. Something about Clara calls to me, grounds me. I keep her tucked into my side as we pull up in front of the club.
“I have to take care of something here. You can come in or wait here,” I tell her.
“What is this place?”
“It’s a gentleman’s club.”
“A strip club?” She looks up at me with her eyes wide. I chuckle and press a kiss to the tip of her nose.
“I own it, воробей.” She tips her head a little like she always does when she’s studying me.
“You own a strip a club?” I chuckle once more and reach for her hand when the driver opens the door. I climb out and help her out too before heading inside.
“I’ve never been to a place like this before,” she admits.
“You shouldn’t have a reason to.” Pulling her along with me, the bouncers nod as I make my way past. Clara’s eyes move around the room taking it all in.
“It’s… nice,” she muses.
“I pride myself on taking care of all things in my business.” She smiles up at me when one of the girls strolls up to me.
“What are you doing here?” she asks sweetly.
“Handling a few issues. How is the new girl working out?” I hired her right before Clara came to me. She was thin but needed a job. She could move her hips and tease in the right ways, so I hired her.
“Watch and see. She’s up next. Did you need Mitas?” Ashley asks. I nod my head and watch her walk away, ushering Clara to one of the empty chairs. I pull out her chair, watching her as she sits never taking her eyes off the stage. I glance around and wait for Mitas. He’s the man that I leave in charge of managing the club when I’m not here. The music begins pulsing through the room and the girl in question, I believe her name was Victoria comes out on stage. Ashley was right; the new girl has gained weight which is good. She crosses the stage like she owns it which is the way she should. She should be confident and ready to handle her job. That’s why I pay better than any other club in New York. I glance over at Clara, but her eyes are glued to the stage, taking it all in. I turn back to watch the show, watching Victoria slide along the pole before peeling her clothes off. The men whistle and catcall, tossing money her way. I keep watching until I see Clara stand out of the corner of my eye.
“Where are you going?” I call to her but it’s too late. She’s rushing toward the bathroom sign not looking back. I shove out of my chair and follow her when Mitas steps up with the paperwork that I needed to sign off on.
“What’s wrong? You look off,” he says holding the folder out to me. I grab it and sign it quickly.
“Is that all?”
“Yes, that was it.” I brush past him and walk into the women’s bathroom not giving a damn if there’s anyone in here. Clara stands at the sink, her head hanging between her shoulders. She takes slow, deep breathes and it unnerves me.
“What happened?” She turns her head to look at me, unshed tears sparkling in her eyes. I move toward her and she moves back.
“It’s degrading. Do you know how many girls are forced to do things?” She gasps for air. It neve
r occurred to me that this would hit her so close to home after what happened to her.
“Clara, these girls ask for the jobs. I don’t force anyone to do anything. Is that what you think?” The blue eyes that stare back at me crush my fucking emotions. She thinks I force them into this? What kind of monster does she believe me to be? “I’ve never forced any woman to do anything they haven’t wanted, Clara.” She swallows hard and bites her lip between her teeth. I can see the apology in her eyes, but I don’t want it. I don’t need it. Maybe I am making a huge mistake with her. Maybe I should send her on her way and forget this whole thing. The thought lingers in my mind until she takes the first step toward me. Then another until she’s standing directly in front of me.
“I’m sorry.” Reaching for her, I pull her into me, kissing her until she only thinks of me and what I do to her body. When I break away from her, her eyes are wild.
“No. Don’t be sorry. I should have thought it over before bringing you here. I’m sorry.” Neither of us says another word. I take her hand and lead her out of the bathroom, back to the limo.
Chapter 16
Clara
My eyes widen as the car pulls up to the theater. I can’t tear my eyes away from the glittering sign.
“Are we going?” I ask looking over at the smile on Alexei’s face.
“We are. Have you been?” he asks. I shake my head excitedly. I used to beg my father to bring me when I was younger, but he never would.
“No, never. Father was always too busy to take time away to do much with me,” I admit. Alexei smiles brighter, reaching for my hand as the door is opened. He climbs out and tugs me along with him, jerking me against his body once we’re out of the car.
“Then it will be a first for both of us,” he says before pecking a kiss on my lips. He loops my arm around his and walks us inside. I can’t stop looking around at all the people dressed in the fanciest of clothing, smiling, and enjoying their night. I’m hypnotized by the sight in front of me.