Plausibility

by Jettie Woodruff

  “Why do you keep saying Reese? What about Shelby? You have two girls, and furthermore, who kept Reese while you moved away and left her?”

  “Fuck you, Manny. You don’t have the right to judge me during that time. I let my daughter be taken. I couldn’t take care of myself.” Shit. Where the hell did the tears come from? She didn’t want to have those emotions with Manny. Why couldn’t they have manifested with Connor?

  “You’re right. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that,” Manny admitted, standing and holding her in his arms. “I’ve always hated to see you cry. Please don’t cry.”

  Liz couldn’t help it. She cried. She really cried. She cried for her little girl that came home, the little girl that she didn’t know. Would Shelby ever see her as her mother? Everything was so hazy and scary. Was she going to be able to handle this?

  “Do you want a drink?” Manny asked, kissing the top of her head.

  “Normally I would say no, but yeah, I think maybe I do.”

  “Let’s go out back,” Manny offered after mixing them both a mixed drink.

  Liz felt better about her ex-husband after the hour long conversation without arguing than she had in years. They shared their fears about their daughter, and talked until after midnight about what to do and where to go from there. Manny promised to be more involved and to cut back on some of his hours. He needed to do that. He knew that. He hadn’t been there for Reese as much as he should have, and he knew it. He was going to try. It wasn’t like he couldn’t be there in less than two hours. He needed to be there, not only for his daughters, but for Liz as well.

  “Are you seeing anyone back in New York?” Liz asked before saying goodnight.

  “No. Why?” He asked. They didn’t really talk about things like that. He would have never known about Connor had he not been there. They argued enough without adding to it.

  “Just curious, I’m not an idiot, I see the way you look at Sarah, Seri, whatever the hell her name is.”

  Manny snorted. “Yeah, well, she is kind of beautiful.”

  “Thanks. That just shot my self-esteem right out the roof.”

  “I didn’t mean it that way. You know you’re hot. I just don’t see you that way anymore. It’s been too long, and you make me madder than anyone on earth sometimes. I’d probably hurt you,” he teased.

  Liz laughed. “I doubt that.”

  “Are you jealous? Is that why you’re asking?’

  “Don’t flatter yourself. No. I’m not jealous. I was just asking. She was giving you the eye too, you know. I can’t believe she came down here in a towel.”

  “Well, we were being pretty stupid.”

  “Yes, we were. I probably would have beat the shit out of you had she took the time to dress first.”

  “I’m glad she stopped you,” he teased, bumping her shoulder with his.

  “She shouldn’t look like that. It’s not fair that she gets it all in one package. I mean come on, the hair, the eyes, the lips, the breasts, the ass, and the legs. I bet that girl has men crawling all over her. I wonder if she’s in a relationship.”

  “Hmm, I don’t know,” he lied. He wasn’t about to relay the information that she didn’t do relationships. She fucked. Nope, Liz didn’t need to hear that. “You don’t like her, do you?” he asked instead.

  “I don’t know. It’s not that I don’t like her. I don’t like Shelby liking her as much as she does. I want her to want to be with me like she does her.”

  “She will, Liz. Seri will leave, and things will fall into place. Try not to expect so much so fast.”

  “That’s exactly what Connor just told me.”

  “How long have you been seeing Connor?”

  She shrugged her shoulders. “I’m not sure you would call what Connor and I do seeing each other.”

  “He doesn’t want to be in a relationship?”

  “No. It’s not him. He does. I don’t want it to be more than what it is.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t know, Manny. I’m just not ready for that. I like the way things are.”

  “Do you want my opinion?”

  “Probably not, am I going to start screaming at you?”

  “I hope the hell not. I think that you have spent so many years trying to conceal happiness that you’ve forgotten how to be happy. I think that you have tried everything in your power to keep anything happy out of your life for fear of betraying Shelby. You have felt this great sense of guiltiness over your own happiness that you forgot that you still had other people in your life that need you to be happy.”

  “I’m a very good faker, but you’re right. I have always felt like I lost that right when I lost Shelby.”

  “You didn’t lose that right, Liz. Are you in love with Connor?”

  “Really, Manny? We’re going to talk about this?”

  “Why not?”

  “You’re my ex-husband. I doubt that it’s appropriate for ex-spouses to discuss their sex lives.”

  “I’m your friend, and I didn’t ask about your sex life. I asked if you were in love with him.”

  Humph. “I don’t know. I think a lot of him. I love being with him. He makes me smile. Would I call it love? I’m not sure. I need to focus on Shelby right now. I don’t have the time or the endurance to do that right now.”

  “I think that’s a dodge. You rationalize things that you are afraid of by withdrawing from anything that will stir feelings or emotions in you. You’re not getting any younger, you know.”

  “Yeah, thanks for the reminder. It’s late. Let’s go to bed,” Liz suggested. That was enough serious talk with her ex. She needed to process what he was saying. Did she evade Connor because she was terrified of her own feelings? Maybe she was the one that needed to talk to this Monica girl.

  <><><>

  Aquilla was acting like a three year old, waiting for Monica to arrive. She didn’t want to talk to a shrink. She wasn’t going to talk to a shrink. She was wasting her time.

  “Quill, stop it. You’re acting like a spoiled little brat,” Seri scolded at breakfast.

  “I’m not the one with the problem. It’s everyone else,” she was sure.

  “You’re not getting out of it, so you may as well embrace it.”

  “Embrace this,” Aquilla pouted.

  Reese laughed. She couldn’t help it. She had never met anyone like Quill. She was so outspoken, and seemed to always speak her mind. She was confused about her manners though. Quill was the politest person she had ever met, and yet she could turn on a dime and spit out the most incongruous, funny things ever. She was sure she wasn’t trying to be funny, nonetheless, she was.

  “Reese,” Manny cautioned.

  “Sorry,” she snickered. Quill smiled at her. Reese felt that they had just shared something between them. She wasn’t sure what it was, but she felt like it was something.

  “Shouldn’t you be packing?” Manny asked.

  “I’m going. Mom, you said you would let me know this morning whether or not Lil could come with us.”

  “I really wished she didn’t, Reese. She can come the next time.”

  “She can go. I don’t mind,” Aquilla offered. She didn’t mind. It wasn’t like she was going to be the cool big sister anyway. She didn’t want to be the sister period. She was going to try her best to read and find out where the hell Julius was so she could get out of the Cleaver house.

  “Mom?” Reese questioned with pleading eyes. She would be bored out of her mind if Lil didn’t get to go to the lake with them.

  “I suppose,” she replied, giving in.

  “Yes!!! Thank you. What time are we picking her up?”

  “Quill has an appointment at one. As soon as she is done, we’ll head out.”

  “We could just head out now,” Aquilla offered, although she really had no desire whatsoever to go to this lake house. She wanted to read what Julius had written to her. That was the only thing she cared about.

  “Quill!” Seri warned. Geesh,
this girl just wasn’t going to let it go.

  “How far away is this lake, and am I going to be able to go outside? I’m going to go crazy if the press don’t leave me alone soon so that I can walk outside.”

  “Yes. You will be able to walk outside. Our house is on the west end. It’s very secluded, other than your grandparent’s house. Your grandmother is beside herself, waiting to see you.”

  SHIT. Quill forgot about the “REST” of the family that she had to meet yet. Let’s see. There was Grandma Joyce, Grandpa Lee, Aunt Kerri, Uncle Jake, or was that Uncle Jim? Oh, who cares?

  Aquilla got up and walked out to the living room where, of course, she could still see a whole street of news reporters through the crack of the curtain. This was absurd. Three days now, they were pretty much camped from daylight till dark. They even had food delivered. Crazy, that’s what it was.

  <>

  “Quill’s on TV,” Reese exclaimed, running back to the kitchen, taking two steps at a time.

  “Fuck. Shit, I mean, sorry,” Seri tried apologizing for the language as she ran to the front door where Aquilla stood on the front lawn.

  Seri walked beside of her. “What the hell are you doing?” she whispered through gritted teeth.

  “I’m getting rid of these people, once and for all.”

  “Shelby, how does it feel to be back at home with your family?” someone yelled, and then the shouting started. She couldn’t understand what any of them were saying. They spoke so loud and on top of one another.

  Aquilla raised her hands in a stop notion. Her eyes darted around, counting only the people holding microphones, there were nine of them all together.

  “I’m going to answer one question from each of the reporters, IF you leave as soon as your question is answered. As soon as your question is answered, I need you to get in your vehicle and leave us alone,” she explained.

  The reporters all started yelling out their questions again. She did the same hand motion, silencing them once again.

  Seri smiled at the power that Quill thought she carried. She kind of did. They were listening to her.

  Aquilla pointed to one lady.

  “Shelby, did you ever try to find a way to escape your abductor?” she asked.

  “No. I was raised as his daughter. I never knew I was taken from any family.” She couldn’t say her family. Her father and Julius were her family.

  “What was your reaction when you found out?” the lady asked.

  “You had your one question. You need to leave now,” Aquilla demanded.

  No way. This was breaking news. She wasn’t going anywhere, not until Aquilla crossed her arms and refused to say another word, anyway. The rest of the reporters started yelling at her to leave so that she would continue to answer their questions.

  “How did you feel when you found out that the father you were raised by was shot and killed?” a guy called after she pointed to him. Seri sensed her stiffened posture. She slid her arm over her shoulder in a supporting manner.

  Aquilla felt a feeling of aporia, a crazy emptiness like when you realize that something you believed isn't actually true. And then things feel even more weird when you realize that actually, the thing you believed might be true and might not — and you'll never really know. She knew now. She knew more than she ever cared to know.

  “How would you feel if your father was shot and killed?” she asked. “You can go now,” she said, dismissing the dumbass.

  Seri dropped her arm as Liz walked to the other side of Aquilla. Aquilla wanted to step away from her when she felt Seri’s arm being replaced with her mother’s. She didn’t want her to touch her.

  Aquilla continued to answer the disturbing questions, and watched one by one as the reporters left. Seri was not only gratified by Quill’s ability to hold it together and answer the tough questions that she knew were destroying her inside, but was also amazed. She couldn’t believe how she nervily walked out to that yard, tackling the mob head on, and getting them to do what she wanted them to do. She held the upper hand, she led the questions, answered how she felt compelled, and dismissed them, one by one.

  It took only 25 minutes and the flock was gone. Three days of camping outside was put to rest in 25 short minutes.

  Aquilla stepped away from her mother’s hold and walked back to the house. She needed a moment. She needed to be alone and sort out the confusing feelings. Her dad smiled a reassuring smile as she passed. Reese patted her back as she stepped through the door.

  Seri wanted to go to her, but didn’t want to step on her mother’s toes.

  “Do you want to go to her?” she asked. Somebody needed to, whether it was her or Seri. Somebody needed to make sure she was okay.

  “I don’t know what to say to her,” Liz admitted.

  Seri smiled. “Just let her know that you are there for her,” she explained.

  Aquilla tried. Where the hell were these tears coming from? They were really starting to piss her off. She quickly wiped them away when she heard the tap on the door. It wasn’t Seri. Seri wouldn’t knock. What the hell? Couldn’t they just leave her alone?

  “What!?!” she yelled.

  Liz opened the door and sat on Seri’s bed. She wasn’t sure what to say. She could tell that she was crying. She wished she could wrap her in her arms and tell her that it was all going to be okay. Had it been Reese, she would have done just that. She couldn’t do that with Aquilla. Aquilla would push her away.

  “I am so proud of you. Where the hell did you learn to demand that much respect? I need you to come and help me with my second graders,” she decided.

  Aquilla smiled a warm smile. She knew none of this was her fault. She knew that her mother felt as though all of her years were robbed from her. They were, and no matter how much Aquilla didn’t want to be there, none of it was the fault of her first family. They were the victims in this fucked up mess.

  “I was raised around a lot of power,” she admitted.

  Liz didn’t respond. No response was needed. She knew she was there for her and that was her main goal. She wasn’t going to push her. She was going to try her best to let her do the walking (baby steps) while she prayed that she would be okay. She stood, kissed Aquilla on top of the head and left her.

  Seri too left her alone for almost an hour before going to talk to her.

  “Hey,” she said, moving her feet from the foot of her bed.

  “Geesh, sit on your own bed,” Aquilla demanded, sitting up

  Chapter 12

  “Monica just called. She’s running late. You’re going to head out with your mom and sister. Monica and I should be there by five,” Seri explained.

  “No, I’m not. I will go with you and Monica.”

  “Quill, please go with your mother. It’s only about an hour drive.”

  Aquilla got off the bed and walked past her, down the stairs and to her mother. Seri could only shake her head. She knew where she was going and she knew what she was up to. Seri was sure she had never met a more obstinate person in her life. She rose to follow.

  Seri stood behind Quill, trying to give Liz an apologetic smile.

  “Is it okay if I wait and ride with Seri and Monica?” she asked her mother.

  Liz wanted to demand that she ride with her and her sister. She didn’t. She couldn’t. She knew it would only push her away more.

  “I really wish you would ride with us. There is this little trailer that sits beside Benson road with the best eggrolls ever.” Yeah, like she was going to bribe her with an eggroll.

  “I’m not really that hungry. I’ll just ride with Seri.”

  <>

  Seri was thankful that Aquilla was still there once Liz headed out. She hadn’t thought about being left alone with Manny. That could have been bad, or really good. She needed away from her dad. She wanted to do dirty things with her dad. God, she needed to get laid. How much longer was she expected to stay there?

  Manny wasn’t too happy about the situation either. He
had let himself get a little excited about being left alone with her. He too needed away from Seri.

  The three of them sat out on the front porch, waiting for Monica’s arrival. Emmanuel brought them out a cherry Popsicle, and within a couple of minutes, they all looked to be wearing red lipstick.

  “What is that noise?” Aquilla asked, turning to her dad.

  “Oh, that’s Powder Valley. It’s an old dirt track. That’s how this road got its name. When they race there on Saturday nights, there’s a blanket of dust for miles. Your mother hates that race track.”

  “Where is it?” she wanted to know, turning her attention back to the noise in the distance.

  Manny pointed down the street. “It’s the next road to your right.”

  “Have you ever been there? Why are they racing during the day?”

  “That’s not a race. It’s probably just some thug running circles around the track. It’s a lot louder than that when they’re racing, and no, I’ve never been there. You like racing?”

  Aquilla shrugged her shoulders. “I’ve never seen one.”

  “Well, maybe some weekend before the snow starts flying, I’ll come and go with you,” he smiled.

  Snow? She forgot about that, she had never seen snow in her life. Well, not that she could remember anyway. Snow meant cold. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that either. She liked the tropical atmosphere that she was raised in.

  Manny loaded their things into the back of Monica’s SUV before heading out himself. He kissed Aquilla on the head and told her to call him anytime she wanted, and he would see her in a couple of weeks.

  She thanked him and climbed into the back seat with Julius’s laptop. She could read for an hour while pretending to play a game or something.

  “You’re very pretty,” Monica said through the rearview mirror as they drove down her new neighborhood. “Powder Valley.”

  “Thanks,” Aquilla replied as she adjusted her body to a leaned position against the door.