California Dreamin'

by Saffron A Kent

  I understand that.

  I’ve always felt the same for Fallon. If she wants something, she should get it. And I should be the one to give it to her.

  There’s a pride in that. A possessiveness. Happiness.

  At least Simon and I have that in common. So even if he doesn’t like me being with Fallon, he might at least understand why I can’t let his daughter go.

  Why she’s mine and I’m not letting anything stand in our way.

  Not even him.

  I push open the glass door and step outside. There are people milling about, setting up tables and chairs, stringing lights up on the trees. Even though there was snow a couple of days before, the backyard looks nice and clean.

  I come to stand beside Simon.

  We’re both silent but I know he’s aware of my presence. Together we watch the proceedings in front of us, the bustle so early in the morning.

  It’s hardly nine but the house seems awake and it looks like it’s been this way for quite some time now.

  “I thought there were only a few people coming over,” I murmur after I see four guys setting down a long, a very long, farm-style eating table somewhere toward the left.

  Simon sighs but there’s a smile in his voice. “Willow likes to go all out.”

  “Yeah, I remember.” I sigh too but with a smile. “She’d do that for my birthdays too. And Mia’s.”

  My younger sister, Mia, is spending Christmas Eve with her college friends in the city but she’ll be here tomorrow. I can’t believe I haven’t seen her in two years.

  She works in the city and I know that she comes over to the Blackwoods’ at least once a month to catch up. Willow wouldn’t have it any other way.

  But I should’ve been there for her as well. Like I should’ve been there for Fallon.

  I’m going to do better now. I am.

  “And the funny thing is,” Simon continues, still watching people working in his backyard, “there was a time she hated it. She hated big crowds, especially on birthdays. Her birthdays. It would remind her of her own eighteenth birthday when she… made her attempt.”

  He stiffens beside me at the thought of Willow’s suicide attempt that landed her in Heartstone. I go stiff as well.

  I can’t imagine not having Willow in my life. She’s the only mother that I’ve known for twenty years. A friend, a confidant.

  “So why does she have them? Big parties, I mean,” I ask.

  “Because she likes to prove that she can.” Simon smiles again. “She says that every time she throws a party successfully, she thinks she can do anything. Even though I know at some point today, I’ll find her hiding in the closet, telling me to stop her from doing these things. And then, she’ll come out of the closet like she always does and go about her day like nothing happened. Only I would know. I’d know that she’s a warrior. My Warrior.”

  He goes silent for a second and from the corner of my eye, I notice him rubbing his chest, the left side of it where his heart is, and my own heart starts banging.

  My own heart remembers how when Fallon was little, she’d hide under the bed before going to school. And she wouldn’t come out until Willow called me and I rushed over to talk to her.

  “She’s always been stronger than me,” Simon says and I think of Fallon. I think how she’s always been stronger than me as well.

  How she’s faced her illness every day and how she moved across the country to be with me.

  I grew up, Dean…

  “Fallon is like her,” Simon tells me in a low tone. “Fallon is exactly like Willow.”

  I look at him then, at his harsh profile. “I know you—”

  Simon ducks his head as he cuts me off. “When you left, I…” He swallows, folding his hands behind his back. “It was unexpected. I don’t think I took it very well.”

  He pauses again but I know he has more to say so I keep silent.

  Besides, I don’t think I can talk anyway, not when there’s a rock sitting in my throat. We never talked about this, about me abruptly moving away. Well, we did last night but Simon never expressed himself other than saying that I wasn’t good enough for his daughter.

  I clench my fists now, to prepare myself for whatever he has to say to me.

  “I watched you grow up.” He finally looks at me, his eyes brimming with emotions. “I guess I started to think of you as my son and I don’t know, I just… I was upset when you left. I was angry at you. For leaving us, leaving Fallon. Leaving this family. But then I told myself that I don’t have the right. I don’t have any say in whatever you choose to do with your life. I—”

  “You have every right.” It’s my turn to cut him off now. “You… You were there for me when my own father wasn’t. You brought me into this home. You made me your family and I… I didn’t want to hurt you. What I feel for Fallon, it snuck up on me. I’ve always felt protective of her but somehow those feelings changed and I hated that. I hated that I was betraying you, the one man, the only man, I’ve respected in my life. When I left, I thought I was doing the right thing. For you. For her. For everyone in this family. I thought I was protecting her from men like me.”

  Turning to face him completely, I look the only man I’ve considered my father in the eyes. “But I’m not leaving this time. I made a promise to her. And I’d die before I broke another promise to Fallon.”

  Simon’s looking back at me gravely from behind his glasses, his gray eyes so much like the eyes of the girl I love.

  And I realize that yeah, he is my family too. This is my family. This is my home, and if he doesn’t give us his blessing, something will break inside me.

  I’ll always feel like I disappointed my father.

  His eyes smile then and something flashes across them that I understand also. Some sort of solidarity.

  “I felt the same way. For Willow. I still feel it. Every time she cries, I feel something.” He clenches his jaw and rubs that spot again, on his chest. “Here.”

  It’s definitely solidarity.

  This love that he feels for Willow and the love I feel for Fallon.

  “Does it ever get easier?” I ask.

  At this, his lips twitch. “No. It gets worse.”

  “I don’t think so.”

  He chuckles. “The more time you spend with her, the more you discover little things about her, the more you fall in love and yeah, it gets even worse. Because then you have a daughter like her and you lose sleep wondering if you’re enough, if you’re doing enough to protect her or if you’re just fucking it up. And to top it off, a few years later a son comes along and he’s just… again so much like her, impulsive and adventurous, and you feel like you have to learn to be a teenager all over again. A different kind this time and yes, you’re definitely fucking up. So no, Dean, it’s never going to get easier.”

  I swallow, feeling something in my chest, something that Simon was talking about.

  Something that makes me think of a tiny version of Fallon, a girl with gray eyes and silver hair. She’s running around the house like Fallon used to do, stealing strawberries and reading Harry Potter. And then, I see a boy. He’s dark like me but he’s brave like Fallon and his sister.

  All of this flashes through my mind in a fraction of a second and I know, I fucking know, that this is the life I want.

  And suddenly, the girl I want it with, I see her in my peripheral vision.

  Fallon is walking down the hallway, heading toward the backyard. She is doing it slowly, almost creeping up on her tiptoes with a slight frown between her brows, nervousness in her eyes.

  Her hair swishes around her shoulders, all silvery and soft, so pretty. Just like her.

  “I don’t want easy,” I tell Simon, still watching Fallon.

  Simon turns to look at her too and her eyes go back and forth between us. “You make her happy.”

  “No, it’s her. She makes me happy.”

  “Good. Because as much as
I want the best for my daughter, I want the same for my son too.”

  I swivel my gaze over to him, feeling the rock in my throat expanding, and he smiles slightly, patting my shoulder. “And I appreciate you bringing her home last night.”

  When I brought her home, Willow opened the door and gave Fallon a look that said she was going to have a chat with her daughter. Then she told me that if I had been five minutes late, Simon was going to come after me. And that she needed me to come help set up for the party tomorrow so I should be here at nine.

  I arrived at eight forty-five.

  Just then the glass door opens and I look back at Fallon, as I say to Simon, “She shouldn’t have been walking the streets all alone at night.”

  “My thoughts exactly.”

  “Dad?” she says hesitantly.

  Simon walks toward her and stops by her side. She looks at me as her dad bends down and kisses her hair. “We’ll talk later.”

  “What does that—”

  Simon doesn’t wait for Fallon to complete the question. He simply leaves her with me. I guess that’s his only way to tell her, to tell both of us, that he’s okay with everything.

  Fallon rushes over to me. “What happened? Did he say something?”

  I smile down at her, tucking her hair behind her ear, touching her pretty pink cheek. “Yeah, he said a lot of things.”

  She grasps my wrist. “What did he say?” Then she digs her nails into my skin. “No, wait. Whatever he said, it’s only because he loves me, okay? Don’t hold it against him. And I’ve thought about it, I think you’re being completely unfair.”

  “Unfair?”

  “Yes. I mean, it’s great that you want to talk to him and explain everything on your own. I know you’re protecting me and everything. But I should get a say too, right? I should make my case too.”

  I grab her waist then, my lips twitching with amusement at the determined look on her face. “And how would you make the case, Tiny?”

  She frowns, coming to rest against my body. “Well, I’ll tell him that I love you. That I was born for you and you make me happy. My dad can’t be against something that makes me happy.”

  I press a kiss on her forehead. “He isn’t.”

  “What?”

  Smiling, I say, “Everything’s fine.”

  Her eyes go wide and I have this insane urge to kiss her. “Shut up.”

  I chuckle. “Okay.”

  She fists my sweater, going up on tiptoes. “You’re kidding. Are you kidding?”

  Yeah, maybe I should kiss her, put my mouth on her parted, incredulous lips. “Nope.”

  She gasps and swats at my chest. “And you couldn’t say that before? I’ve been on pins and needles over here.”

  I shrug. “This is way more fun.”

  She swats at my chest again, her small hand barely having an effect though. “You’re so ridiculous. You have no idea what I’ve been going through.”

  “Tell me.”

  She sighs. “After you walked me home, Mom talked to me.”

  “About?”

  “About…” She blushes. “You know? Things. She said that she doesn’t wanna know if we’ve done it yet but she’s not stupid. She said that we might’ve done other things and if I want to go further and have questions, I should come find her. Because she wants me to be prepared and safe.”

  I bark out a laugh, picturing Willow having the talk with Fallon.

  Fallon glares. “This isn’t funny. I was mortified. Especially after what… happened before you brought me home.”

  I lick my lips then. They still taste like her, or maybe I’ve completely lost my mind over this eighteen-year-old girl.

  The girl I was born for.

  She stares at my lips and licks her own, and my dick twitches in my pants.

  Yeah, I’ve lost my mind.

  I lean down, bringing our faces together like we’re sharing a secret. “Well, the next time your mom wants to have a talk, you tell her that she doesn’t need to worry. Because I will teach you everything. And that’s because you’re mine. I take care of you now.”

  Her blush increases, creeps down to her throat. “You will?”

  “Yeah, I will.”

  “Okay,” she whispers, her body swaying.

  “Tell me what you’ll say to your mom.”

  Her breaths become stuttered. “That Dean will teach me everything.”

  “And why’s that?”

  “Because I’m his now. And he’ll take care of me.”

  “Good.”

  Fuck it, I’m going to kiss her.

  I know it’s her home and her parents are somewhere around here. And her dad might take an issue with it and throw me out but I don’t care.

  I have to kiss her.

  And she wants me to kiss her, with the way she keeps licking her lips and shifting against me restlessly.

  It’s my job to give her everything she wants.

  But just as I’m about to do it, the bell rings and the front door opens up. We both turn to see who it is.

  A brunette steps inside. Actually, now that the sun falls on her, there are a few golden strands visible, which makes it very hard to pin down her hair color.

  Which, in turn, tells me who she is. Violet, one of Willow’s friends that she met while she was at Heartstone. And the large, bearded man who steps in behind her is her husband, Graham Edwards.

  I clench my teeth.

  I don’t like Graham Edwards. Not at all.

  Even though his size falls in the category of intimidating for the most part, I’m not afraid to take him.

  Because of what’s going to happen in exactly two point five seconds.

  “Oh my God, Auntie Vi and Uncle Graham are here,” Fallon chirps from beside me. “Oh my God, am I blushing?” She turns to me with her hands on her cheeks, her eyes wide. “I’m blushing, aren’t I?” Then she goes ahead and fans her face with those hands. “Gosh, it’s so embarrassing. I always do that when he comes around. Like, he’s so big and masculine, you know? I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone this large and tall and dreamy. Damn it. I need to stop blushing.”

  I know.

  I fucking know about the blushing.

  She’s been doing that ever since she turned twelve or something. Every time they came around, she’d blush and make me want to punch something.

  Punch him, to be exact. Graham Edwards.

  So yeah, I’m not afraid to take him.

  In fact, I’d like to have a go at him one of these days. Just to prove to her he’s not so large and tall and fucking dreamy.

  “I’ve seen bigger,” I clip, barely holding onto my animosity.

  Fallon finally focuses on me.

  I don’t hide anything. Now that she’s mine, she needs to know that I won’t let her blush for other men.

  She is not allowed to blush for other men.

  “And yes, you do need to stop blushing,” I tell her.

  She frowns up at me. “Are you ordering me to stop blushing?”

  “Yes.”

  “You do know that it’s kinda involuntary? Blushing. It happens.”

  “It happens when you’re excited. So stop being fucking excited.”

  She watches me a few seconds before a small smile appears on her lips. “Are you jealous?”

  I lean down to intimidate her a little. “Fuck yeah, I am.”

  “But it’s Uncle Graham.”

  “I don’t care who he is. You’re not allowed to blush for other men.”

  She chuckles then. “You’re crazy. But okay. I will cease all blushing and excitement right this second.” When I clench my jaw, she caresses it with her soft hand. “But I only get excited because of how cool their love story is. Uncle Graham and Auntie Vi’s.”

  I know about their love story too.

  Not because I have any particular interest in it but because Fallon, back when she heard it and was in he
r Disney stage, would keep telling it to me.

  It’s the coolest thing, Dean. So Auntie Vi and Uncle Graham are like star-crossed lovers. They loved each other for ages before the world tore them apart because he was her best friend’s dad and people thought that their age gap and stuff is gross. And then, Uncle Graham vanished. But Auntie Vi was like, no, I’m going to find him and she did. All the way in Colorado. Have you ever been to Colorado? It’s all woods and mountains and so pretty. And he was living in this remote cabin, all alone, sad and miserable without her and when she showed up, she brought him back to life. And guess what? He gives her roses all the time. It’s so beauty and the beast, right?

  I don’t understand how it’s like beauty and the beast but whatever.

  So I know about their love story and what they went through in more detail than I’d like to.

  “Besides, what do you think gave me the idea to move all the way to stupid California?” she teases and I sober up.

  “Listen, Fallon, if you don’t want to stay there, we can come back here. I know you don’t like it there. We can—”

  She puts a finger on my lips. “I don’t. And that’s because you’ve never shown me around. Maybe if you do, I might start liking it.”

  I kiss her finger. “I will. I will show you around. Take you anywhere you want.”

  “Because I’m yours now.”

  “Yeah, you are.”

  I bend down to kiss her again.

  And again, we get interrupted. This time by thumping footsteps and a voice, “Why don’t you two get a room or something?”

  This is said by Brendan who passes us by – he was probably in the backyard somewhere helping with the party stuff – in a flash and almost collides with the glass back door in an attempt to get inside as soon as possible.

  “What’s… with him?” I ask, as I watch him dash down the hallway to where all the guests are convened.

  Fallon laughs. “A girl.”

  “What?”

  “Rosie.”

  Rosie is Violet and Graham’s daughter and a couple of years younger than Brendan, I think. She’s standing off to the side, her hands fidgeting as the adults hug and greet each other. It’s obvious that she’s uncomfortable and shy.