Making the Rules

by Emma Leigh Reed

  “I can’t forget memories of anything in my past, Nick. I don’t ask you to forget your memories. I’m sure you have had other girlfriends who you think of every once and awhile.” I tilted my head to look him in the eyes.

  “You’re saying you only think of him once and awhile?” Nick questioned.

  I prayed my face stayed neutral. “Yes. He isn’t a constant in my thoughts.” I hated lying about Jack, but I couldn’t tell Nick how I still thought of Jack daily and how Jack always came to mind when there was something good or bad that happened and I wanted to share with him.

  Nick reached for me and pulled me into his arms, holding me close. He whispered, “God, Izzy, I was afraid I had lost you.”

  I allowed my arms to tighten around him to reassure him. “We’re good. Don’t worry.”

  A knock at the door broke us apart and Nick went to grab the pizza. I let out my breath, not realizing I had been holding it. Things had been good before the trip. There was no reason we couldn’t get back to that. I thought of the yellow roses. He brought my favorite flower. Things could work out. I grabbed a couple of paper plates and headed back to the living room.

  “What’s next for a movie?”

  “I suppose you’re wanting a sappy love story?” Nick looked at me.

  I shook my head no. “I’d prefer comedy or action.”

  “I knew there was a reason I loved you.” Nick starting flicking through the choices of comedy movies.

  I, internally, winced at the words. Why, oh why, must he bring that word into it? I berated myself for the thought and tried to let it go. Chill and movies. By tonight, I would be ready to dive back into manuscript reading.

  By the time the afternoon had passed, and we had watched three movies, I was ready to call it a day, but Nick appeared to be settled in for the long haul, and I tried to stifle a yawn.

  “Tired? Want some coffee or we could take a nap instead?” Nick asked.

  “I’m a bit tired, but coffee, it has to be. I have a ton of work to get to and I’ve already wasted most of the day.”

  Nick scowled. “Watching movies with me is a waste of time?”

  “I didn’t mean it like that. But I’m still trying to catch up from taking time off. I have a lot to do.”

  “Go ahead and do it.” Nick started flipping channels and stopped on a baseball game.

  After making coffee, I grabbed a cup and my laptop and headed to the bedroom. Propping myself up with pillows behind me, I opened my laptop and started to work. I found myself lost in a mystical fantasy story. The uniqueness of the plot and characters pulled me in. I found myself drifting into the abyss of a new world and losing all sense of time of the real one.

  As I reeled and pillaged my way through the book, I mentally cheered for the protagonist who was finding her way on her own and swore at her to watch out when the villain was sabotaging her. The story had me so enthralled I didn’t realize the time and was yanked from my imagination when Nick laid on the bed next to me.

  “Game over?” I asked, trying to go back to the story.

  “Yup. You about done with your stuff?”

  I shook my head no. “Only about half way through it.” My eyes stayed on the screen, and I was trying to refocus on the words, but the moment of pure bliss of being inside another’s story was gone. With a sigh, I snapped my laptop closed and looked at Nick.

  “Am I interrupting?” I could tell by the expression on his face, he knew full well he was interrupting me.

  “Yes, but I guess I can take a small break and finish up a bit later.”

  The subtle meaning Nick recognized immediately and his smiled faded. “After you kick me out for the night?” His tone was harsh and I watched him.

  “Why are you suddenly so irritable?” I sat up straight.

  “I just feel like you’re still pushing me away, Izzy. Why don’t you just give me a new key and let me stay.”

  I internally winced at the idea of giving him a new key. “I don’t have any extras made up right now. I’ll try and get that done this week.” I tried to brush it off and hoped he would accept that.

  He didn’t say anything, but moved my laptop to the side and pulled me down next to him on the bed. His body laid across part of mine, just enough weight to hold me still unless I really wanted to move. I waited.

  “Izzy.” He murmured as his lips grazed mine before the kiss became more demanding, almost possessive. I tried to pull back, but he had moved his hand to the back of my head, rendering me nearly immobilized. I pushed against him. “What?”

  “What is up with you?” I pushed him away. “This isn’t like you, so forceful.”

  “You like forceful. I remember a night you told me it was exactly what you needed.” Nick sat up on the bed not even trying to hide his irritation.

  “Not like this. My God, Nick, you act like you have to prove something.” I stood and picked up my laptop and coffee cup and headed for the kitchen.

  “Well, you do what you do best and just run away from anything that requires a conversation.”

  I turned in the doorway. “I’m not running away. This is my house.”

  “You are so quick to point out all of a sudden. Your house, you can handle things. Why do you bother to keep me around, Izzy?” The condescending tone was enough to send me over the edge.

  “Nick, don’t push your luck. Ever since I got back you have been irritable, possessive and jealous. Not one of those traits is attractive. If you want things to go back to the way they were, look in a mirror and at your behavior. Or, if you don’t like it, why bother to stay at all?” I turned and walked out of the room.

  I stood by the kitchen table, shaking. I was furious…at Nick and at myself. Why was I letting this bother me? I know he suddenly needs reassurance, but, damn it, the kiss felt forced and I would not be forced to do anything I didn’t want to.

  The shutting of the apartment door drew my attention and I returned to the living room to find Nick gone. “Nick?” I peeked into the bedroom. He was definitely gone. I walked to the door and flicked the deadbolt into place and double-checked to make sure the other lock was secure. A feeling of uneasiness settled over me and I walked to the balcony to look outside. The rain had slowed to a steady drizzle. There was no sign of Nick outside that I could see from the balcony.

  I pulled the curtains shut and paced around the living room. My nerves were frayed and suddenly I didn’t want to be alone in the house. I reached for my cell phone and punched in Diane’s number.

  “Hey girl, what’s up?” Diane’s sprightful voice was a comfort.

  “Hey, what are you doing tonight?” I jumped right to it.

  “No plans. Just hanging out. Want to do something?” Diane asked.

  “I hate to invite myself, but could I spend the night at your place?” I bit my bottom lip as I waited for her answer.

  “Of course. What happened though, or you want to wait until you’re here to talk about it?”

  “We’ll talk when I get there. Let me throw some stuff together and I’ll be there shortly.”

  8

  Jack

  I parked outside the building and took a deep breath. I had planned on doing this for years, and I just couldn’t put it off any longer. I needed someone to talk to, about everything, without walking on eggshells. I was tired of carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders with no help. This was it. The moment of truth. I had finally broken down to see a counselor. He had come highly recommended from Neil, but I still wasn’t sure about this. I made my way to the door. Charles Winham. Bold, clean letters on the doorway let me know I was in the right place.

  A sign just inside on a small stand caught my eye. Please take a seat. I’ll be with you in a moment. Must be in with someone still. I found a chair and flipped through a magazine. The pages were a blur and I couldn’t concentrate on what was in front of me. In my mind, I ran through things that needed to be talked about...things I didn’t really want to talk about. Why was I here? I was
n’t sure this was the best thing for me, but at this point, my life needed something...something more than it had now.

  Not more than five minutes had passed when the inside door opened and a teenage boy came out. He scowled at me and was gone before I could say a word.

  “Mr. Riley?” The voice from the doorway brought my attention to the man standing there. A 60-something year old with a close grey beard and wire-rimmed glasses. He was right out of a book…which book, I couldn’t say.

  “Yes.” I stood and put out my hand to shake his.

  “Come on in.” He stepped back and I entered his office. The room was decorated with dark wood and leather. A black leather couch and two matching arm chairs were in the center of the room. On the far wall was a mahogany desk with a laptop and a single lamp. The other walls held floor to ceiling bookcases, filled with books. The only disorder in the office came from the bookshelves. “Have a seat.”

  I chose one of the arm chairs and continued to look around. Finally settling my gaze on him, I realized he was watching me with a pad of paper in his lap, a pen laying on top of it. “Please call me Jack.”

  “Jack, it is. What brings you to see me?”

  Well, there it was. Right out there. No small talk. I supposed there shouldn’t be small talk at the price I was paying per hour. I took a breath. “I just...” I just what? I had no words to describe what it was I thought I needed.

  “You just?” He prompted.

  “I’m not sure.” I sat back feeling defeated. My life was a train wreck and all I could come up with was I’m not sure.

  “Well, tell me a little bit about yourself. Married?”

  I nodded. “A second marriage, yes.”

  “Okay. How long have you been married?”

  I sighed. I wanted to say eternity, but opted for the actual length. “Two years.”

  He must have heard the dejection in my voice, “not going well, huh?” His question was quiet, and more of an observation than a real question, but it made me think.

  “Define well.” I let out a small laugh.

  “Still in the honeymoon phase?” He raised an eyebrow at me, knowing the answer before I could shake my head no.

  “Not even close.”

  He nodded. “Let’s start there then.”

  “I don’t even know where the beginning is really. We met, seemed to hit it off, then realized we handle life challenges a bit differently. Since then we just seem to co-exist.”

  “What life challenges have you viewed differently? Two years of marriage isn’t a lot of time to see a lot of challenges, I wouldn’t think.”

  He was right. Two years shouldn’t have been a long time. It should have been fun, loving, full of passion. “She wanted children and I couldn’t give her one. At least not in the conventional way. I’m now a guardian to the sweetest baby girl and Madde will have nothing to do with her.”

  Charles held up his hand. “Let’s go back a little further. How soon after marriage did you try to start a family?”

  “Right after we got married. Madde wanted a baby within the first year and started pushing to begin trying within a couple of months after the wedding. I wasn’t against it, but I didn’t want to rush into it. Either way, it was taken out of our hands when she couldn’t get pregnant and then, after some doctor’s appointments, it was determined that I was sterile.” God, I hated that word.

  Charles scribbled on the paper and nodded. He never looked up from his writings, but when the pen paused I sensed he was waiting for me to continue.

  “We handled it differently. I brought up the idea of adoption or fostering children and she didn’t want to do that. She stated she only wanted a child of her own, not someone else’s. I wasn’t comfortable with artificial insemination just so she could carry the child and it not being my child, though. Seems a bit odd to me.” I paused. “It became a very sore subject so we just kind of stopped talking. The distance between us just continued to grow over the past year.”

  “And this child you are now guardian to, how old is this child?

  “Six months.”

  Charles looked up at me, his pen stopped mid-word. “Okay. And how did this come about?”

  I stared into space for a few minutes, trying to formulate a politically correct response. Finally, I shrugged and just started. “My niece has a friend. They’re teenagers, but her friend made a mistake and the consequence was a pregnancy. She hid it for the most part, but, when her mother found out, she informed her daughter that she couldn’t come home unless she got rid of the baby. By this time, the girl was seven months pregnant. Too far along for an abortion, and at a loss on what to do. Her mother agreed for her to stay in the house, as long as her father didn’t find out. They hid the pregnancy somehow and then, a few weeks before her due date, the young girl went into labor.”

  The words rushed out of me. I hadn’t even told this to Madde. I had promised my niece and her friend that I would keep the secret of where the baby came from. “My niece talked about it with me and I didn’t want the child to just go anywhere.” I shook my head.

  “And you took the baby?”

  “I met with the mother at a diner. She told me about her home situation and how she just wanted to go back home, finish high school and go to college. She was insistent that she had to give up the baby and she didn’t want any contact with the baby. I made a deal with her that I would talk to a lawyer for her and have him draw up papers to make me guardian. I didn’t want her to terminate all her rights.”

  I stood and started pacing around the room. Charles just watched me, waiting for me to continue. “We agreed I would take the baby that night and my niece would let her know what day to meet me to sign the papers. She went to the lawyer’s and, before signing, she requested that I adopt her…Charlotte.”

  “And did you adopt her?”

  “Right now, I’m her guardian, but after a year, the adoption will go through. I wanted a waiting period in case she changed her mind.”

  “So, Madde, your wife, didn’t like that idea and you did it anyway?” Charles’ question had no judgement in it, yet I felt it anyway.

  “Not exactly.” I sat back down. “I did it all and didn’t even talk to her about it. I, honestly, didn’t think about it. I brought Charlotte home that first night and Madde came home and was not happy. But I couldn’t leave the infant knowing she needed a home. Honestly, I never thought about her possibly not wanting to raise her. I told her my plan of wanting to be a guardian and she never said no, she just said ‘that’s your deal’.”

  “Ahhh…and you didn’t think that was a red flag to your marriage?” Charles again held no judgement in his tone, but his words hit me hard.

  “My marriage, if you can call it that, was long dead before Charlotte arrived in our home.” I struggled to keep the frustration out of my voice.

  “Why do you stay then?”

  I sighed. “Because it’s the right thing to do. I have an obligation to my wife.”

  Charles raised an eyebrow at me. “An obligation?”

  “Well, you know. Marriage vows. I can’t just walk out on her.”

  Charles set his pad of paper aside. “I think that is a good starting point for next time. However, before we meet again I want you to really think about the word obligation and what that means to you.”

  I nodded, shook his hand, and the session was over. I had survived, yet there was a feeling that I wasn’t going to like what was to come.

  9

  Isabelle

  Pulling up to Diane’s bungalow, I noticed the house aglow with lights glowing from every window. Her electric bill must be outrageous. As I started up her walk, the music was blaring to the point that I doubt she would even hear the doorbell. I didn’t need to worry about that considering the door flung open as soon as I reached small porch.

  “I’m so glad you’re here.” Diane grabbed my arm and pulled me in.

  “What’s gotten into you?” I looked around. “Start drinking w
ithout me?”

  Diane laughed. “No. I haven’t been drinking at all. I was thinking we could have a small party, invite some friends over. I haven’t called anyone yet. What do you think? I can call Nick and have him come, too.”

  “No.” The word came out viciously, surprising myself and, obviously, Diane as she took a step back.

  “O--kay.” She moved to the stereo and turned down the music. “What happened?”

  I slumped onto her couch and waited for her to sit before I spilled it all out -- the way Nick had showed up with flowers, stayed even when he knew I had work to do, and even the forcefulness of the kiss and how uncomfortable it had made me.

  “Wow. You don’t think he would do something…I mean, he wouldn’t force himself on you?”

  I shook my head. “I really don’t think so, but this whole jealousy act since I’ve gotten back is getting old and making it so I don’t even want to see him.”

  “When he left, you didn’t want to be alone though because you were feeling uncomfortable?”

  “Yeah.” I looked at my fingernails, playing with an imaginary hangnail.

  “Hey, you did the right thing. I’m glad you called. No party. Just you and me. Girls night.” Diane reached for my hand and gave it a squeeze. “This doesn’t sound like Nick though.”

  “No. His actions have been totally out of character for him.” Saying the words, I realized that was the problem. This wasn’t the Nick I had grown to know and this difference was a man who I wanted nothing to do with. “What changed for him to be like this though? Did something happen while I was gone?”

  “Not that I know of, but then again I don’t see him that often.”

  I shrugged. “We’re not talking about him tonight. I’ll deal with that another time.”

  Diane laughed. “Sounds like we need some wine.”

  Diane refilled our wine glasses for the third time, or was it fourth…I couldn’t remember at that point. We had talked about everything from our high school crushes to what we really wanted in a man. My phone had been blowing up all evening and we had been ignoring the text messages from Nick. I, with just enough alcohol in me, was ready to tell him where to go.