I sat in my car and dialed my lawyer’s number. Before connecting the call, I paused. Eyes closed, I tried to sort through what I was feeling. I wasn’t even really upset. Shocked a bit that Madde was holding out for alimony. How would this have played out if I hadn’t caught her in the affair? I hung up the phone. I just couldn’t think about this right now. I’d deal with it if she didn’t send the papers back signed in the next couple of days. If she wanted to fight for alimony, the affair would come out and I wouldn’t be quiet about it.
Right now, Charlotte was my only concern. I drove home, shutting Madde’s situation from my mind. My poor sick girl needed me and I would be there for her. I would be the best father that girl could have.
I had called to set up an appointment with Charles after Madde’s bombshell. I couldn’t seem to process what it was that she wanted from me. Money, sure, but Madde had a good job. She couldn’t seriously think she could pass this child off as mine since there were medical reports showing that I was unable to have children from about the time she started her affair. It would be very well documented and certainly she was smart enough to know that.
Charles was waiting for me when I arrived. I had no sooner sat down when I stood up again and started pacing the room.
“Jack, what’s going on?”
I stopped pacing for a moment and started again. “Madde’s pregnant. She told me she wants alimony.” I sat down.
Charles was silent, watching me, just waiting for me to speak.
“Her plan before she got caught having an affair was that, if she got pregnant, she was going to pass it off as ours. Did she really think that would work? Did she think I would assume test results were incorrect? Does she think she can do that now and expect me to pay for another man’s child?” Anger was rolling off me now and I couldn’t seem to stem the flow of words. “I won’t let her. I don’t know what to do, but she will not do this to me.”
Charles held up his hand to stop the words. “Let’s think about this, Jack.” The tension in the air filled the room, making it impossible to breathe. I let my head fall into my hands and closed my eyes. Concentrating on taking deep breaths, inhaling and exhaling, I felt some of the tension dissipate. When I looked up, Charles was watching me.
“What do I do?” The question was almost a plea. I had reached my end. Suddenly the stress of everything was too much…Charlotte, being a single parent, working, and now this with Madde…I just couldn’t take any more.
“You take a deep breath and deal with one thing at a time.”
I growled. “Easy for you to say.”
“Of course, it is, but it’s not as difficult as you think. Jack, think this through. She doesn’t have any way to make you pay for a child that isn’t yours.” Charles watched me, letting his words sink in. “Have you talked to your lawyer?”
“Not yet. Charlotte was sick yesterday. I just wanted my focus to be on her.”
Charles nodded. “And she should be your top priority right now. She’s your responsibility. Madde’s child is not your responsibility. She was unfaithful and alimony isn’t typically awarded when a person is working. If anything, alimony for you could be considered for an award for her unfaithfulness, but, unless you want to drag that through the courts, I wouldn’t bother.”
“I just want this over with. I want her to sign the papers and for us to be done with each other. She’s right. Neither of us was happy. I’m not even upset about the divorce, but I am angry that she wants me to pay for another man’s child.”
“Wait and see what happens. After that conversation you and she had yesterday, she may just sign the papers.” I nodded. Hopefully, she would, but I wasn’t going to hold my breath. Charles continued, “let me ask you this. Where have your thoughts been with this?”
“What do you mean?”
“Are you only thinking of Madde or have your thoughts drifted to Isabelle?”
I sighed. Izzy. “I can’t say I have been thinking of her all the time, but yeah, she’s on my mind no matter what is going on. How different things could have been if I hadn’t walked away from her. Or, why did she come to see me and what does that mean for the future?” I paused.
“Let’s rephrase that. ‘How different things could have been if she hadn’t pushed you away’. You need to stop taking the blame.”
“I know, but when I think back, we both were to blame. It wasn’t all her and it wasn’t all me. It was a lack of communication. I should have told her I loved her.”
“Maybe. But she didn’t tell you that she loved you. Why think that was all on you?”
I shrugged. “Maybe it would have changed the outcome if she knew how I felt. She wasn’t in the best place back then. Her parents didn’t make her life easy.”
“You don’t know for sure what her mindset was. She didn’t tell you.”
I laughed. “Devil’s advocate, huh?”
“The point is, you only know your side, really, so you can’t take all the blame for any of what happened back then or what happens now.”
Charles was right. I couldn’t and I knew that, deep down. But years of being the scapegoat for everything that went on was just a bit hard to overcome. I knew that, for whatever reason Izzy had shown up on my steps, it had triggered a chain reaction that I prayed would lead me back to her.
I awoke with a start when my phone rang. The night had been long with Charlotte up a few times crying. Poor girl was congested with another cold, which, in turn, led to me not sleeping very much. “Hello?”
“Jack, Peter Lawton here. I wanted to discuss the divorce papers if you have a second.”
I rubbed my eyes and sat up. “Sure. What’s going on? Did she send them back?”
“Not yet. Her lawyer called and wants to talk about you paying alimony.”
I sighed. “No. Madde and I met the other day. She wants alimony because she’s pregnant. She’s not asking for child support because it’s not my child and she knows she would never get it. She’s been having an affair for a year. If she would like to drag that through the courts, tell them we’ll go fight it out. Otherwise, she needs to sign the papers and be done with it.”
“Interesting. None of that was conveyed to me by her lawyer. She didn’t even mention you two had met.”
“Let’s get this done, can we?”
“I’ll be back in touch.” He hung up before I could say anything. I was praying that this phone call would be the last of it and I would just get notice saying the divorce was final. My thoughts were waylaid when Charlotte’s cry pierced the room. I stood slowly. My body ached and my head felt as congested as Charlotte’s had sounded all night. I didn’t have time to get sick.
Charlotte was standing in her crib, eyes red and snot running down her face. I grabbed a tissue and wiped up her face before picking her up and holding her close. “You and me both kiddo.” I sat in the rocking chair and rocked her while she snuggled into my shoulder and closed her eyes. I closed my eyes and felt myself being lulled to sleep with the rocking. I dozed off and on as Charlotte snored on my shoulder. I knew, if I laid her down, she would be awake and crying again in no time.
Slowly standing, I went to the kitchen to make some coffee. As it brewed, I took a couple of ibuprofen to ward off a sleep deprivation headache and sent a text to Neil telling him Charlotte was sick and I wouldn’t be in today, but would be in contact with the realtor about the open house. A work from home day, hopefully without holding Charlotte all day.
Charlotte had finally gone down for a nap after she had lunch and her decongestant. If I could, at least, get an hour to get some emails done, I would consider it a win. As I sat down at my laptop, and opened my email, my heart sank as there was one from Madde. I skipped over it and focused on the work emails. I sent one off to the realtor regarding possible days for an open house and asking her to get some comps to us for the location. After I had finished my work, I sat there staring at my inbox and Madde’s name. Finally, deciding to just get it done with, I opened
the email.
Jack,
I know things didn’t go well the other day between us. But you have to know I still love you and I really don’t want the divorce. Please, let’s think about what is best for us. We could be a family. Charlotte could have a sibling. Think about it, Jack.
I love you still,
Madde
It was all I could do not to choke. A family? She was thinking of Charlotte having a sibling, when she would only call her “that child” before? She was delusional if she thought she was coming back here to be a family after the crap she had pulled. I forwarded the email to my lawyer with a quick note in the subject line This has to stop.
I opened the internet and did a search on Isabelle LaFayette. I found she worked at a publishing house as an editor. That was about it. Not much on social media, what she did have was private so I couldn’t see anything. I assumed the publishing house was in the same area where she lived. Virginia. Why did you come see me, Izzy?
I hadn’t told Charles that Izzy had shown up and wondered what he would say about that. We had been so focused in sessions about Madde and this marriage which was very quickly disintegrating.
23
Isabelle
I was in heaven. I had not spent any time just shopping, or browsing. I enjoyed wandering in and out of the tents, trying on hats and sunglasses. I found a beautiful scarf that fit Diane’s personality perfectly and picked it up for a Christmas present. Nick was quiet as he trailed along behind me, never complaining that I stopped at every booth.
As lunch time approached, the crowd thinning out some and, in spite of the fact that my stomach was ready for food, I enjoyed spending more time chatting with the booth owners and looking at things that the smaller crowds afforded. I glanced over at Nick to find him smiling and chatting with one of the owners as I looked through a rack of sweaters.
It was just turning two p.m. when we approached the end of the sidewalk sales. I glanced up as I heard a man call out, “Steve”. I looked around and no one seemed to be paying attention to the man. He was about my age and was walking towards Nick and me with a smile on his face.
“Steven Melrose, that is you! I haven’t seen you in years.” He reached out to shake Nick’s hand.
A look of rage fleeted across Nick’s face. “I’m sorry?”
“Steve, it’s me Grayson Caldwell.”
Nick looked visibly uncomfortable. I stood back and watched him. “Man, you have the wrong person.” He glared at the man before turning towards me and grabbed my elbow. “Let’s go.”
“I’m not done…” I trailed off as Nick propelled me through the few people standing around.
“Steve?” The man called after us.
“What are you doing?” I tried to pull my elbow out of his vice grip.
His fingers tightened around my arm. “I don’t like being bothered by people and that guy obviously has me mixed up with someone else. It didn’t look like he was going to let it go.” His voice was curt and I glanced up curiously at him. Nick reverted to his behavior of September, irritated and sullen.
“I think that was a bit of a harsh response to him. It was obviously an innocent mistake.” I stopped. “Let go of my arm, you’re hurting me.”
Nick’s hand dropped from my arm and he glanced around before looking at me. “Sorry.”
“What is going on?”
“God, Izzy, stop being so dramatic. I just was ready to go.” Nick turned and started walking away.
I glanced behind me, looking for the man, but he was gone. I walked after Nick, pondering what had just happened. He sulked all through lunch. I tried not to let it bother me, but the more he snapped at me, the more I became irritated and wanted to get away from him.
We walked back to the B&B in silence. My mind raced with possibilities of what had happened. Who was Steven Melrose? Why did this man, what did he say his name was, Grayson Caldwell, think he knew him? Working in the publishing field, my mind immediately ran through mystery book scenarios and, by the time we walked up the steps of the B&B, I had Nick pegged for an ax murderer looking for his next victim. I tried to keep the smile off my face as Nick turned towards me.
“Look, it appears this weekend is ruined. Let’s just head back.”
I stared at him. “Are you serious? What is going on with you?” Before he could answer, I moved up the steps and into the home. This weekend definitely was ruined and it was Nick’s fault. Him and his damned moodiness. I stormed up to our room and started throwing my clothes into my bag. I had my stuff all packed by the time Nick came in. He looked at my packed bag sitting on the bed and didn’t say a word.
“Let me know when you’re ready to go.” I moved to the balcony and shut the French doors behind me. Staring out at the ocean, I couldn’t help but think how wrong I was to think I could stay in this relationship. Nick was out of control and I had no idea when it had changed. Did my trip to New Hampshire really bring up so much jealousy in him that he would throw whatever type of relationship we had away?
I kept myself from laughing out loud. Relationship. Yeah, that word was used very loosely. Acceptance of letting myself open up had started to seep into my brain before I left for New Hampshire, but, now…no, there was no way I was going to allow myself to be vulnerable to any type of hurt. And at this very moment, Nick was very capable of hurting me. I rubbed my elbow -- physically and emotionally, he could hurt me.
“Ready.” Nick’s sharp tone drew me out of my thoughts. I nodded at him. The ride home was silent with the radio playing low. There was no singing or laughter. By the time, we pulled up in front of my apartment building, I had a raging headache. Nick started to open his door.
“No, don’t get out.” I grabbed my bag and slammed the door. Without giving him a backward glance, I walked away from the car. My thoughts had already turned to work and I was mentally preparing to throw myself into my to do list as soon as I walked through my apartment door.
First things first. I started a pot of coffee and grabbed my laptop. I checked work emails and found that the design team had sent me an email just a few minutes ago stating they’d had a good work session that morning and felt I would be happy with the end result by Monday. It stated they would be at work at nine a.m. sharp tomorrow to finish mock ups for me to view. I didn’t reply, but instead set my laptop aside and contemplated Gayle’s words about showing appreciation to the staff. I knew that I wouldn’t be waiting until Monday to bring them breakfast. Tomorrow morning I would be right there with them in the office, breakfast for them in hand for them, to work alongside them and bring this book cover to completion. It felt right to me to be in the office with the others who, on my orders, would be working.
Fresh mug of coffee in hand, I pulled my laptop towards me once again. My fingers tapped on the keyboard as my mind raced with how to go about searching for answers. Could it truly have been mistaken identity with Nick and this man on Emerald Isle? The weight of the starfish necklace around my neck brought my fingers up to touch it. What was prompting all these gifts? Before the New Hampshire trip, Nick hadn’t been one to lavish me with gifts. Was he truly courting me as Mary seemed to think?
The pounding in my head intensified and I pushed the laptop aside. Maybe a nap was more what I needed. Glancing at the clock, I realized, maybe it was more food that I needed. It had been a while since lunch and, honestly, I hadn’t eaten much after Nick’s turn in mood. I made my way to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator door. I really need to do grocery shopping. I shook my head at the meager contents. I had to stop living off coffee and creamer.
I grabbed my phone and sent Diane a text. Dinner?
Yup. Where?
Flamigo’s was the usual spot, but I wanted something different. Pete’s Pizzeria?
See you in 20. She never ceased to amaze me at how much she could convey in the shortest text. I sent her a thumbs up. The pizzeria was only a couple of blocks away. Walking might help the headache.
I arrived just as Dian
e was pulling in. “Hey, I thought you were gone for the weekend.”
“So did I.” I shrugged. “I’ll tell you about it over pizza and beer.”
For a Saturday night, the place wasn’t too terribly packed. We found a small table over in the corner and once the beers were in front of us, Diane gave me an expectant look.
I shook my head. “I don’t know. I’m fed up with his mood swings.”
“What happened?” Diane leaned forward to hear over the music playing and the laughter from the dart corner.
I showed her the necklace and told her how great Friday night was. As I continued on to the bizarre behavior at the sidewalk sales, Diane scowled. “Are you hurt?”
“Slight bruise on my elbow, nothing that concerns me.” I absently-mindedly rubbed my elbow.
“I have never seen him be anything but charming,” Diane said, “but I’ve never seen him outside of the networking groups either. I guess we just never know people’s true personality.”
I nodded. “It’s like a switch flipped while I was gone.”
“Do you think he is truly jealous of Jack or is it something else?”
I didn’t speak as the waitress approached our table with the pizza. We served ourselves before I spoke. “I honestly can’t say. I do know I don’t like the way I feel when he’s like this. But I don’t know if it’s because I just feel different…stronger since I’ve gotten back.”
“Maybe knowing you still love Jack has changed your perspective.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement. One that I knew, probably, held some truth to it. We switched gears and talked about Diane’s love life, or lack thereof, as we finished the pizza. I glanced around the pizzeria and no eligible males seemed to materialize out of nowhere.
“Maybe you need to try a dating site,” I suggested.
“No thanks. Do you know the number of creeps who are on those things?” Diane shook her head vehemently.
“More so than the creeps who come across as normal that we run into in person?”
Making the Rules Page 12