“It’s gorgeous, right?” Nick’s voice was right behind me and, as he spoke, he slid his arms around my waist. I leaned back against his chest and sighed.
“I’ll run the bags up to the room. You can stay here and enjoy the view. There’s a great seafood place that was recommended, just a five-minute walk down the beach.”
“I’ll help you with the bags.”
He kissed my neck. “No, you won’t. You’ll enjoy the view. I’ll be right back.”
This was the Nick I could get used to being with. Since we had started planning this trip, he had been loving and attentive, the Nick I had grown to care for deeply before I left for New Hampshire. Grown to care for. That was as deep as I could get. I still didn’t believe I loved him, as much as I did ‘cared for’ him.
“Ready?”
“That didn’t take you long.” I smiled up at him as he reached for my hand. The walk didn’t even seem like five minutes and, before long, the Crab Shack stood before us. There were quite a few cars in the parking lot, considering it was off season. As we entered, we saw the place was near full.
“Two?” The hostess greeted us.
“Yes, please.” Nick answered.
“Ever been here before?” She asked as she lead us to a table by the window.
“No, first time.” Nick responded.
“You’ll love it. We stay busy year-round because the locals think we’re the best in town.” She winked at us. “Darla will be right with you. I would highly recommend the shrimp. No matter what way you get it, you’ll love it.”
She was gone before either of us could respond. The place was hopping, that was for sure, and was definitely filled with locals. A group was gathered on the other side of the bar where there was a dart board. The bar was standing room only as people stood and talked like old friends who hadn’t seen each other in years.
On the side of the restaurant where we sat, were tables and the whole back wall was windows from floor to ceiling giving the view of the ocean to any table in the place. We were fortunate to be sitting right up by the window. The whole place had an atmosphere of home.
“Hi, I’m Darla. What can I get y’all to drink?”
“What’s on tap?” Nick asked.
“Our most popular is Ireland’s finest, Smithwicks.”
“Sounds good to me.” I said.
“We’ll both have it.” Nick answered.
Darla nodded. “I’ll be right back with those.”
We looked over the menu, but I immediately gravitated towards the shrimp choices. And were there ever choices. Boiled, fried, baked or broiled. Broiled in lemon garlic butter sounded good to me. Probably not very healthy, I told myself, but it was healthier than fried.
Once food was ordered and we were sipping the ale, I found myself people watching. “This is a fascinating place.”
Nick laughed. “It feels like home, that’s for sure.”
“Exactly. Isn’t it odd for a restaurant to feel that way? Yet, look at all these people, all acting like they are just one big family.” It made me feel a little wistful for the family I wish I’d had. Once the food was placed in front of us, both of us were too busy eating and talking about the incredible food for me to dwell on the longing of a family.
By the time we had finished eating, and Darla offered dessert, I couldn’t eat another bite. Thankfully, we had to walk back to the bed and breakfast, and I was hoping I wouldn’t feel so full by the time we got back. It was dark out by the time we were ready to go, yet the beach was illuminated by the moon. We walked, taking our time, back to the B&B, hand in hand. As we got closer, Nick stopped me and turned me towards the ocean. Then he wrapped his arms around me.
His warm breath on my neck had me leaning back into him. I wanted to feel his mouth on me and, yet, he just held me. Slowly he opened one of his hands in front of me. In the palm of his hand sat a silver necklace with a starfish charm on it. The starfish was solid and about the size of a quarter.
“Nick, it’s beautiful.”
He kissed my neck before stepping back to put it on me. As he adjusted the clasp, I reached up to hold the starfish. As he came against me once more, he spoke softly. “I found this when I found the sand dollar. This one has a bit of information with it, too, that I felt was as appropriate as the sand dollar.”
“Okay.”
“The starfish stands for a period of healing and renewal because they can regenerate healing within themselves. That ability to regenerate is supposed to teach us to trust in our ability to renew ourselves to be a different, but better person.” Nick paused. “Izzy, I know things have been hard for both of us, in our past and now, but I want us to be able to heal and renew what is between us.”
“That’s beautiful, Nick, and you’re right. It’s very appropriate for us.” I turned to him and wrapped my arms around him. “Thank you.”
21
I fiddled with the necklace, the starfish that hung just low enough to reach the top of my cleavage. I fingered the small arms off the body and thought about the meaning behind it. Renew ourselves. It was, indeed, extremely fitting after my trip to New Hampshire, finding out who my mother really was and realizing I still loved Jack. I was renewing myself into a different person, although the jury was still out that I may be a better person.
Nick stood behind me, holding me, but not saying a word. Both of us seemed to be lost in our own thoughts. My thoughts turned to wondering what Nick could be thinking about and if he had secrets from his past that he felt he had to renew himself from. Did the man even have a regret in his life? Did he know what it was like to live with guilt? I wanted to ask him about his lost loved one. Was it someone he had regrets about? Is that why he was so, seemingly, jealous of my memories of Jack? Did he have memories that haunted him day and night like I did?
“You ready to head in?” His voice was soft and low against my neck following the words with soft kisses at the base of my neck, the tender spot that always gave me chills when he kissed me there.
I sighed. “I don’t know if I want to leave this view, but yes, I guess it will be here in the morning.”
“If I had known this was all it took to get your mind off work, we would have been here a lot sooner.” Nick stepped away from me and grabbed my hand. We strolled hand in hand up to the B&B. I turned and took in one last look of the moon sparkling over the water. The waves were mere ripples on the sand with the calmness almost eerie.
I hadn’t seen the room yet as I had been admiring the view when Nick brought the bags in. He swung open the door and stepped aside for me to enter. Walking into the room, there was a small wall that jutted out in front of the door causing me to walk to the left of it to enter the room. The wall was the home of the headboard of the bed, which faced the far wall--of windows with French doors opening onto a balcony. They were situated between the rest of the wall covered with ceiling to floor windows. It was the perfect view of the ocean.
I glanced at Nick and he was watching me. “It’s gorgeous.” I walked over to the French doors and pushed them open. The salt air teased me, beckoning me out on the balcony.
Nick joined me as I leaned against the railing, mesmerized once again by the small waves and the light dancing across them from the moon. I, once again, fingered the starfish necklace. It was time to let go of the past, of Jack, and start anew. If only that was as easy to do as it was to think it.
“Thank you, Nick.” I spoke the words softly, but turned to face him. “For all this.”
“You’re welcome.”
I took a step closer, and wrapped my arms around his waist. I watched him as he pulled me closer and bent his head toward mine. The kiss was soft and gentle. I leaned into him, my hands splayed across his lower back, pulling him closer. I tried to deepen the kiss, yet he pulled away, just a hair, to not allow the kiss to become more than the soft and sensual introduction that it was. I groaned in frustration and Nick pulled back, a smile on his lips.
“We have all night. We
don’t need to rush.” He pulled me closer, but turned his head to look out at the view.
“Seriously, Nick.” I tried to pull away from his embrace, but his arms tightened around me.
“What are you in such a hurry for?”
“Not so much a hurry, but let’s not drag this out at a snail’s pace either.” I was irritated, and I couldn’t put my finger on why. Was it the primal need for sex, or was it the hope that I would be able to drive Jack from my mind if I gave myself to Nick?
Nick chuckled and pulled me against him. “Izzy.” His whisper sent shivers down my spine as he slowly caressed my back while he nibbled my neck. “Relax and enjoy the ride.”
I moaned and clung to him. I hated the feeling of needing him this much. It went against my every fiber to need a man like I needed him, physically, right now. The thought pulsed through me…it was just physical. My body relaxed and I released the need to make it more than it was. I went with my instinct and let my physical need guide me. When Nick’s mouth claimed mine, I was struggling to hold on to control. His tongue stroked mine and I sucked gently on his tongue. His moan told me I had sent him into more of a hunger that demanded to be met mode than the soft and gentle one.
Never breaking the kiss, Nick guided me back inside until the back of my legs hit the edge of the bed. He slipped my clothes from me as I fought to free him from his clothes. Brushing my hands away, he undressed and pulled me onto the bed with him. Urgency took over and animalistic need pulled us into that moment when no thoughts could break through anything but the need to dull the ache within.
I stretched out beside him in the aftermath of sex. He held me close as my head laid on his chest. Listening to his heartbeat, I tried to find the rhythm with my own, but they didn’t sync up. The realization that our hearts were not in sync brought my spirits down. I wanted that…another heart that would beat with mine, be in time with mine, understand mine. It wasn’t with Nick, and I had no reason other than the small ones that I seemed to be looking for.
I must have drifted off to sleep fairly quickly. I awoke to the sounds of the waves crashing onto rocks and seagulls calling for breakfast. I glanced over and Nick was still sound asleep. I slipped out of bed, grabbed my clothes, and headed for the shower. When I walked back into the room, Nick had rolled over, but was still sleeping. I scrawled a note stating I was going for a walk and raced out to the beach. Kicking off my flip-flops as I hit the sand, I let my toes sink into the warmth, even though it was still early morning.
I made my way down to the water’s edge before turning and walking along, allowing the small waves to run over my feet and pull at my ankles as it made its way back out. The water pulling at me pulled the stress out of my body as the ocean worked its magic on me. I walked until I got to the Crab Shack and then turned to head back to the B&B. I hadn’t brought my phone and Nick probably would be looking for me.
My thoughts drifted as I walked. Not even realizing what I was doing until a wave hit my knees, I glanced around to see that I had been drifting as I walked and was now walking further out than I had intended. Although my jeans were rolled up, the bottom part from the knees down were soaked. I sighed.
“What are you doing?” Nick’s voice behind me broke my attention.
“Getting wet, apparently.” I answered, turning to face him as I shrugged.
“On purpose?”
I shook my head. “I wasn’t paying attention. I guess I was deeper in thought than I realized. I, evidently, wasn’t walking a straight line and walked out a bit further than I intended.”
Nick gave me a puzzled look. “And you didn’t feel the water?”
“Well, yeah, when it hit my knees.” I walked toward him. “Not important. It’s just water and I have other clothes.”
“I thought maybe you’d want to go into town after we eat and do some sightseeing and, possibly, shopping. I guess things are still open because of the big turtle hatching.”
I nodded. “Sounds like a plan. I’ll change really quick and meet you in the dining room.”
As I entered the dining room, I saw Nick sitting at a table with his plate full. He was drinking his coffee as he looked out the window. However, my attention from the smell wafting through the air, turned towards the buffet. Warm cinnamon rolls, with icing melting off the edges, eggs, bacon, fruit…it all looked so good. My stomach growled in agreement and I heaped a plate high.
Nick laughed when I set my plate down. “There is nothing that stops you from eating, is there?”
“Hey, don’t judge me.”
He held his hands up in surrender. “I would never.”
“Just eat your food. I’ll probably still be done before you.” I took a bite from the cinnamon roll and sighed. Pure heaven. No words were spoken between Nick and me as we finished our breakfasts.
“You sure you don’t want seconds?” Nick chuckled.
“Very funny. I’ll be fine until lunch.” I grinned at him.
Downtown was a short walk. I felt like I was gawking constantly as we strolled down the sidewalk. The roadway wasn’t as busy as I had expected for this, supposedly, momentous event that the town celebrated every year. But, I stood corrected as we turned the corner into what looked like a small street fair. Venders were lined up along the street in tents and people were wandering in and out, browsing. This is where the crowd was.
22
Jack
Two weeks had passed since I had served Madde with divorce papers. Still, no signed papers had been returned. She was up to something, but I didn’t know what. I spent eight to nine hours a day at the new house, working side by side with Neil to keep things on schedule. Cabinets were arriving today.
I pulled up to the house just as the delivery truck pulled away. Neil was in the kitchen opening boxes and making sure everything was as it should be. “These are great, Jack. You need to be the one picking out this stuff all the time.”
“Happy to do it. I think they will look great with the countertop.” Neil and I spent the next few hours hanging the cabinets. Stepping back and looking at them, I felt a surge of pride go through me. This was the first house in which I had been hands-on for this stuff, and it felt great.
The rest of the day flew by and, by the time I was on the road to pick up Charlotte at my sister’s, I was exhausted. The physical work had been a great outlet for stress, but I realized just how little physical work I had done in the past few years. Man, was I sore.
My phone buzzed with a text message as I pulled into my sister’s driveway. We need to talk. Madde.
About what?
The divorce papers.
I shook my head. I knew she wouldn’t go quietly. What about them? Just sign them.
We need to discuss things. I’m not just signing off on everything. Jack, just meet with me.
Fine. When and where?
Tomorrow. Coffee shop. 9.
I didn’t respond, but slipped my phone in my pocket with a sigh. I didn’t want to deal with this, but if it was the only way to get her to sign the papers, so be it.
Morning brought a deluge of rain and a cranky Charlotte. She was not happy. Although she didn’t seem feverish, the poor child was screaming nonstop. I didn’t want to leave her to meet with Madde, but I certainly couldn’t take her with me. I called my niece to see if she could come to the house for just an hour to watch her. With her onboard, I was able to settle Charlotte down. I slipped out of the house quietly while she and my niece watched a Disney movie.
I walked into the coffee shop to see Madde seated at a table in the corner. The place wasn’t too busy. I sat down across from her and waited.
“Thanks for coming, Jack.”
“What’s the problem with the papers, Madde? You told me you would just sign them.”
“I know, but things have changed. I talked to a lawyer yesterday and we need to change a few things.” She wouldn’t meet my eyes as I glared at her.
“What things?”
“I want alimony, Jack.
” She hesitated. “I’m going to need it.”
“Why? Your boyfriend can’t help out?” I couldn’t keep the sarcasm out of my voice.
“It’s not that.” She took a deep breath and looked up at me. “Jack, please. We are still married.”
I stood. “Sign the papers and we won’t be.”
Madde reached out and grabbed my hand. “Please, Jack. Sit and talk about this.”
I slid into the chair, pulling my hand away from hers. “What are we talking about? You want money and I’m not paying you money. You were the unfaithful one in this marriage.”
“Yes, I was and I know you are upset, but Jack, we weren’t happy.”
“That doesn’t make it right to do what you did. If you were so unhappy, just get a divorce instead of screwing around behind my back. A year, Madde, we had only been married a year.”
“I did love you, Jack. I just wanted a baby so badly.”
“And if you had gotten pregnant, what then? Were you going to try and pass it off as my child?”
Madde’s eyes dropped and she didn’t say a word.
“Shit. You were going to do that. Damn you, Madde. This is done. We are through and you will not get any money from me.”
“Jack.” Madde’s voice was soft. “Please, Jack. Just let me talk.”
“No. I’m not listening to another word of this. Sign the papers.” I turned to walk away.
“I’m pregnant.”
The words froze me. How long had I wanted to hear those words from her? Yet I knew this child wasn’t mine. I turned slowly to face her.
“Congrats to you and your lover, but it doesn’t change anything, Madde. You have the baby you always wanted, but I’m not involved in that at all. Sign the papers.” I turned and was gone before she could say another word.
Making the Rules Page 11