Irrelevant Jack

by Prax Venter

  As they got closer to the first enemy standing on the narrow sandy island, Jack was able to make out their enemy’s form as a muscular lizardman, complete with rough, deep green scales and a thick tail. In addition to those features, the buff-looking fellow had a glowing, gold halo over his head and white, feathered wings sprouting from his back. Clutched between the creature’s clawed hands was a serious-looking bronze trident.

  “A word of warning, Jack. This looks like a Divine-type monster. They will take reduced damage from Arcane and Elemental attacks, such as your Mining Laser.”

  “There are monster and attack types? Since when?”

  “I’m learning some of this now that I can observe from the inside, but from the code I’m seeing, there are four basic types of wandering monsters that can be found in a Tower. Melee, Nature, Divine, and Arcane. There is a circular effectiveness pattern detected.”

  Jack stopped and took a deep breath. “This is getting complicated… Wait, what the hell type was the crazy cat head?”

  “Nature. The Floor 2 Boss might not have been anything that could ever physically exist, but it was technically a beast. Melee attacks do well on Nature types, but Divine attacks would have been less effective. Your Mining laser is Arcane-Elemental. Also, many monsters have no affinity at all, granting no weakness or bonuses.”

  “Interesting,” Jack said. “Maybe you could keep your sensors going on that, and fill me in before we attack anything?”

  “You mean like what I just did?” the ship said, turning to face him.

  “Yeah, come on and let’s see if we can fight this thing. Let me know when you are in range. You start shooting and draw him toward us- soften him up a little. I will intercept and go toe-to-lizard-talon with him.”

  “Understood,” Alt said.

  Jack hefted his wooden shield, trying to predict how fighting an angelic lizardman with a long trident was going to work. His sword’s reach was probably going to be about half as long.

  The lizardman stood relatively still, staring straight ahead, waiting for someone to try and get past the small stretch of sand he was guarding. The width of the sandbar was about ten feet across, but Jack could see the sandy bottom to each side through the crystal-clear water, and the shallow ocean continued to be only a few feet deep for as far as Jack could see.

  The tiny ship twisted its thrusters and slowed to a stop about thirty yards from the humanoid creature, and Jack stopped a few feet in front of his spaceship minion.

  “Fire,” he ordered. There was a satisfying deep *boop* sound from over his shoulder as Alt launched his two orbs of light into the monster guarding the dry land beyond.

  Blessed Lizardman Defender -4 | HP 8/12

  The creature hissed and sprinted forward, his wings folding behind to reduce wind resistance. The lizardman crossed the distance before Alt could fire again, and Jack met him with his shield held tight against his body. The lizardman’s trident slammed into the wood at full speed, and Jack felt the impact deep in his bones.

  Jack -4 | HP 19/25

  He grimaced and shoved the spear up and away, then launched himself forward to stab his sword into the angelic lizardman’s guts. The creature wore no armor, and Jack was able to land a deep jab square in his scaly foe’s wide chest.

  Blessed Lizardman Defender -9 | Defeated

  Their enemy reared back and faded into nothingness, dropping a pile of coins in his passing. Jack bent over and snatched them up without even checking his new total. The amount was unimportant now.

  “They hit hard,” Jack said as he rolled out his shoulder. “Maybe I should try to dodge the next one.”

  “I encourage you to try new things,” Alt responded.

  They moved forward along the strip of land that was Floor 3, and the next enemy came up quickly. Where it stood, they found a larger, round patch of sand and a handful of palm trees.

  “Same plan as before,” Jack said. “This time I’m going to try something new.”

  “Understood.”

  About fifteen seconds later, Alt switched his thrusters to remain motionless. Jack took a few more steps forward and practiced the counter-attack spin in his head a few times, trying to visualize exactly how Harrak had moved in the Yard this morning.

  “Fire,” Jack ordered, grinding his boots into the sand and grounding his stance.

  The pulses of light whizzed over his shoulder and into the foe blocking their path.

  Blessed Lizardman Defender -4 | HP 8/12

  Like before, the monster’s muscular legs tossed up a shower of sand behind him as he launched forward to attack his attackers. The sharply pronged, bronze trident drew close, and Jack attempted to roll his front around the weapon, dodging the strike and then continuing to spin around with a powerful horizontal slice.

  But he moved too slow, and the trident tore through his side instead.

  Jack -7 | HP 12/25

  “Gaa!” Jack snarled and pulled sideways, away from the incredible pain as his flesh was punctured and torn apart. He looked down at his wound but saw no damage what-so-ever, and in fact, the pain itself was drastically receding.

  Alt was backing up as he fired two more orbs of energy into the lizardman’s face.

  Blessed Lizardman Defender -4 | HP 4/12

  But the angelic monster continued his charge. The trident was too low from his charging attack on Jack, so the big green creature pulled up his solid, scale-covered shoulder and attempted to ram the miniature spaceship. The floating hunk of metal tried to slide sideways over the water, but it was clipped anyway.

  Alt -2 | HP 8/10

  Jack pushed off the sand below his boots and rushed the monster from behind.

  The creature planted his webbed foot into the sand, attempting to completely reverse his direction, and due to his thick tail assisting in the transfer of momentum, the Blessed Lizardman was able to quickly spin back around.

  This time, Jack was the one pressing the attack, and he brought down his blade with a savage overhead swing. The lizardman hissed as he raised his weapon up to block and held Jack’s sword at bay with thickly muscled arms.

  The Divine monster’s halo cast a yellow sheen on his polished scales, and the ridges around his ice-blue reptilian eyes cast slanted shadows, giving the monster an imposing scowl.

  Jack retracted his weapon and was able to parry the counter-attack. The lizardman was at a maneuverability disadvantage, however, with his foe standing so close. He choked up on the trident and blocked the flurry of jabs Jack was sending his way.

  The nearby *bloop* noise indicated that Alt’s electron pulse had recharged.

  Blessed Lizardman Defender -4 | Defeated

  Jack +1 | HP 13/25

  A weathered chunk of wood fell into the sand from the dispatched Divine monster.

  Jack sheathed his sword in disgust. “Great that I got a Hit Point back, but that was not what was supposed to happen.”

  “I advise returning to the Exit Orb,” Alt said.

  Jack clenched his jaw as he bent down to pick up the item drop.

  Apprentice Focus - [Off-Hand | Value: 12]

  | Max MP +6 |

  It was interesting, but Jack was too pissed about getting hit to focus on the off-hand item, and he tossed it into his inventory. He stood up and surveyed the long sandy island that was Floor 3. Ahead, he could see the path continuing into yet another divine lizardman, and maybe two or three after that. Jack was about to agree when his eyes passed over the palm trees clumped into the edge of this relatively spacious piece of land- and he noticed a half-buried treasure chest.

  “Let’s see what’s in here first,” Jack said, moving to loot the container.

  Floor 3 - Chest

  Driftwood Long Bow - [Bow | Value: 13]

  | Dmg: 5 |

  | +0.06 Crit Chance |

  Serrated Short Sword - [Sword | Value: 14 |

  | Dmg: 5 |

  | +0.07 Crit Chance |

  “Well well, here’s a new meal for you.” Ja
ck moved the short sword directly onto his Main Hand slot and then inspected Alt for upgrades.

  ARV Alternis - [Sword | Value: 21/350]

  | Dmg: 10 |

  | Hit Chance + 0.04 |

  | Crit Chance + 0.08 |

  | 15% chance to heal 1 HP on kill |

  Jack sighed. “Some good news. Your shots do 5 damage now, correct?”

  “Correct,” his miniature spaceship responded.

  He checked his stats one last time before deciding what to do next.

  HP 13/25

  MP 23/32

  ALT HP 8/10

  Coins: 39

  Inventory Value: 76

  He could take at least one more hit, but he had his minion spaceship too…

  “Okay,” Jack said, facing Alt. “Let’s try one more heavenly lizardman. If I screw up my maneuver again, you fly into the thing’s face, and I’ll sprint for the Exit Orb. Maybe we can get one more blade out of ‘em.”

  “You plan on sacrificing me?”

  “Yup. No good?” Jack asked. “I thought you said if you died, it wasn’t a big deal.”

  “It’s fine, Jack. No permanent harm will come to me. You’re in command.”

  “Great. Let’s try this again.”

  Jack spun on his heel and headed down the length of sand toward the next foe. Once Alt was in range, the hovering ship slowed to a stop and waited for the signal to fire.

  “Wait,” Jack said, as an abusive strategy entered his brain. “Why don’t you fly like twenty feet into the air and shoot them to death, out of range?”

  “I wish I could, but I still have to obey many game world rules. I can travel anywhere on the x and y-axis, but not z, the height axis. As a flying minion, I must remain at your eye level.”

  Jack shook his head and took a few steps ahead of the spaceship.

  “Oh well, it was worth a shot. Give me a few seconds to get my mind right.”

  He focused on the lizardman standing with his sturdy legs spread wide, waiting for something to come along and engage him. Last time, Jack was a little too slow initiating his dodge and counter-attack. This time, he set his boots into the sand again but kept his weight held forward so he could push off with less time spent fighting his center of mass.

  “Fire,” he called out, and Alt obeyed. The bursts of energy flew directly into the lizardman’s chest. In an exact repeat of the last two times, the Divine monster launched forward with his trident held firm like a jousting knight.

  An instant before the barbed weapon struck Jack’s shield, he attempted again to roll toward the jab and avoid the attack. He watched the tines of the trident narrowly whiff past the Dark Jerkin stretched across his stomach. With the hint of a grin pulling at the corner of his mouth, Jack continued his momentum with a backhand slice through his enemy’s angelic pure-white wing and into his thickly scaled back.

  Blessed Lizardman Defender -10 | Defeated

  Jack came to a stop facing back the way they had come and saw their opponent vanish into thin air. As the lizardman faded away, a heavy pair of plated pants dropped onto the ground with a clatter.

  “That’s how it’s done!” Jack cheered, thrusting his sword up into the clear, extra-sunny blue sky.

  “I take it we’ll try again?” Alt asked.

  “Damn straight,” Jack said, bending down to move the plate pants into his Inventory. He knew he couldn’t wear them, so he didn’t even bother to check.

  “So much loot!”

  “Indeed,” the spaceship said, “and I expect we’ll find much more.”

  “No time like the present!” A rush of visceral excitement ran through his mind when he replayed the near-miss and his perfectly executed counter-attack. He felt like a badass warrior. Then his thoughts wandered to his time in The Yard. Both times he had fought there, he came out feeling more confident with his ability to fight- something he never really pursued in his old life.

  “Wait,” he said, stopping in the sand. Alt adjusted his thrusters to slow his momentum and face him.

  “What is it?” his minion asked.

  “I have numbers that represent dodge and hit chance but… does actual skill have anything to do with anything in here? It must, right? Or else why would a Sparring Yard even exist?”

  “No, you’re right. Natural aptitude, emotional state of mind, mental patterns relating to virtual muscle memory… all of these things contribute to a terribly long formula when calculating combat outcomes. Otherwise, this would be a turn-based game. Damage is always the same, however.”

  “I need to see more of Kron…” he said, walking forward again. “Ooo! Maybe I can get Lex to train me.”

  Jack and Alt repeated the same technique as they moved along the sandy stretch of land, and three more Blessed Lizardmen fell without any more mistakes. They collected two more drops, another bow, and an axe, and Jack stored them in his Inventory with the other tasty morsels for the Town.

  With the last lizardman dispatched, there was a long stretch of empty, narrow beach ahead, but Jack could see something huge moving farther in the distance.

  “Let’s check out the Floor Boss,” Jack said. “I mean, we’ve come this far…”

  “Fighting the Boss will be very risky.”

  Jack smiled. “I know.”

  A few minutes later they could clearly see the giant, red-shelled crab aimlessly wandering on a much larger area of dry land. The massive creature was the size of a bus and just above its close-set eyestalks was another golden halo. Yellow, glowing runes covered its bright red shell as if they were painted on, and Jack had never seen anything like it- something that was happening multiple times a day since he woke up in Subroutine Sana.

  “The Boss is also a Divine type,” Alt said, stating the obvious.

  “How much of a drawback would it be to use my Mining Laser?”

  “It depends on the enemy’s affinity. A safe bet would be to assume 0 damage, but at this Floor in the Tower? Maybe 50% reduction. Give me more resources, and I’ll probably be able to tell you exactly how effective your attacks will be.”

  “Hmm, I got a bunch of Mana back from killing those six Lizardmen, via the Rest Bonus. I can channel my attack for 14 seconds… 14 times for half damage, five…

  “It’s 70 damage spread out over 14 seconds, Jack. But that is if the Boss stands still and lets you do it- and if the reduction is only 50%. Could be more.”

  They crept forward as they talked, getting as close to the Floor 3 Boss as they could without getting too close. The gargantuan crab had two claws, one much larger than the other, and Jack easily saw himself getting cut in half. Even in its relaxed state, the monster moved faster than he was happy with. Jack was starting to come to terms with the bitter reality that attacking this angelic crustacean might be the wrong move- that was, until the creature randomly turned its back on them, and he saw a glowing yellow pearl affixed to its shell.

  “Alt, please tell me that obviously placed orb is the Boss’s weak point.”

  - 20 -

  The hovering spaceship drifted a bit closer to the Divine crab, and although Alt had no ‘eyes’, Jack had the feeling he was squinting.

  “Perhaps. I’d give your weak point assessment an 83% probability of being accurate.”

  “Okay, we are going to fight this thing.”

  “There was never a doubt in my mind,” Alt said dryly. “What’s your plan?”

  Jack ran a few possibilities through his head, but it really just came down to smacking the thing in its ass.

  “You’ll circle wide around it, go over the water if you have to. Wait until its supposed weak point is facing you and then shoot it. Depending on how many HPs this thing has, I’ll either hightail it back to the entrance, or I’ll run in and attack it. It’s been a while since I’ve used Double Strike. If it does full damage, that’ll be an instant 20 damage. It’ll probably spin to face me, and I can hopefully get out of range before it pincers me to pieces.”

  Jack paused to rub his chin. He
was distracted for a moment by the realization that his facial hair was not growing at all. He shrugged it off and faced his spaceship minion. “Then you shoot it in the ass again as I run. Please sacrifice yourself if it gets out of control.”

  There was a bit of a pause, then, “Understood. Please be careful.”

  “When am I not careful?” Jack said with a sheepish grin. The spaceship slowly rotated around to face him, and Jack could have sworn he saw a single raised eyebrow. “Don’t look at me like that,” Jack chuckled. “Go on- get into position.”

  His minion obeyed and circled wide around the red-armored, angelic crab and waited for the monster to face directly at Jack.

  When the moment came, and he heard the distant *bloop* of Alt’s ranged weapon, a rush of adrenaline coursed through his body. Jack launched into action.

  Floor 3 Boss -6 | HP 69/75

  Jack almost decided to turn and run when he saw the thing’s total Hit Points, but his stubborn nature wouldn’t let him back down. Besides, the extra point of damage from Alt’s electron pulse confirmed that it had a weak point.

  The crab Boss spun in place to face the tiny spaceship out in the water. Jack was already halfway to the monster before the glowing pearl on its back turned to face him, and on a whim, Jack activated a one-second Mining Laser on the weak point.

  Floor 3 Boss -3 | HP 65/75

  He lost two mana, but now he was sure that his long-range attack would be pointless on this thing- even when focused on the golden pearl. Luckily, the small amount of damage did not cause the crab to turn from its current target, the miniature spaceship, and Jack was able to catch up to the creature before it closed the distance to his minion.

  With intense focus, Jack slashed his sword down at the Boss’s weak point, activating Double Strike right at the moment of impact. His blade became a blur, and sparks flew from the orb on the huge crab’s back.