Irrelevant Jack

by Prax Venter

  There was no question in Jack’s mind. He was seriously tired of seafood every day- everyone was.

  “Since I’m forcing this Town building to appear, we’ll be able to assign the Townsfolk who’ll be working the Farm. I’ll need this choice made before doing anything. They’d ideally be good with crops and livestock.”

  The conversation Jack and Alt were having was all in his mind, and as such, they were able to communicate much faster than speaking, but Lex noticed something was off. He’d been standing motionlessly staring at the chest for longer than usual.

  “You coming?” the shorter Hero asked.

  Jack saw Lex and Ryea looking at him, and he smiled.

  “Ryea,” he began, “you said you were good with animals, right?”

  “Yeah…” the freckled woman in brown corduroy overalls said, suspicious of the question and of the lopsided grin plastered across Jack’s face.

  “You’re hired!” he said while thinking his intentions to Alt, then the brown-haired, thickly built woman swayed on her feet for a moment.

  “What did you do?” Lex asked, holding out her hand to steady her friend.

  “H-He…” Ryea stammered as she appeared to pull up her personal interface. “He made me a Farmer.”

  “Farmer? How?” Lex asked, her dark eyebrows coming down. “The Farm is…”

  The Bastion trailed off as she looked across the waving grass over to the place where Jack had spent his first night in Blackmoor Cove. From this distance, they could all see the restored buildings, especially the big red barn.

  Lex turned her golden eyes back on Jack. “How-” she began again, but she knew how. She snapped her small mouth shut and narrowed her eyes. Jack had some explaining to do later. He stepped up to the new Farmer and Inspected her.

  Ryea - Townsfolk: Farmer | 88% Proficiency

  [Health: 10/10]

  [Disposition: Friendly]

  Jack rubbed his hands together. “Let’s go check out your new home, Ryea. What do you guys say?”

  A toothy smile split the new Farmer’s face. “I can’t believe this is happening…” Ryea started speaking as if in a trance, but became more excited as she continued. “I very much do want to see this- I mean, my, Farm. How many cows are there? Pigs? Does this mean bacon again?”

  Alt spoke in his mind. “There is a slight problem. Forcing the update might have had… unforeseen consequences.”

  - 25 -

  “Nothing too bad,” Alt responded after Jack mentally hurled a giant question mark at him. “There are no animals on the farm. The pens are empty, but I do have good news. You can fill the pens with something from the same Summon list we just unlocked. The monsters you captured with your Mining Laser.”

  “That’s good news?” Jack said out loud, and both Lex and Ryea looked at him. “I mean- I have no idea! I’m not from around here so what animals we find will be a huge surprise for both of us, I’m sure.”

  Ryea was too excited to notice Jack’s notoriously lousy acting. But Lex did. She kept her golden eyes on him as the three of them moved down the dirt path. The new Farmer babbled about her new job while they walked, and Jack scanned his list of captured monsters from the Tower. The pig wizard caught his attention, but they had been far too human-like to be livestock. That really only left the Orb Pheasants and the Giant Bullfrog as real contenders. Alt spoke again, giving him more details.

  “There is only room for one type of livestock until the Town gets a few more levels. We can also change them out any time if we find something more suitable in the Tower.”

  Jack knew there was a fat chance that they’d run into a group of normal cow monsters. They were walking along the side of the cabin where he spent his first night and had very little time before they all walked into the barn and saw either nothing or one of the two horrors he was contemplating. In the end, it had to be the bat-winged, cyclops Orb Pheasants. They did lay eggs after all.

  “Look!” Ryea pointed to the perfectly planted fields of green shoots. “I know what these are- potatoes, tomatoes… Ooo, and that’s an herb garden!”

  “Shall I deposit the chosen monster in the pens?” Alt asked in his mind, and Jack mentally confirmed his choice.

  Ryea’s excitement was contagious, and the previously suspicious Lex gazed around at all of the new life taking hold in a place that had once been dead, and when she turned her golden eyes up to his, Jack saw a mix of awe and gratitude.

  The new Farmer spun around, almost hitting the shorter Bastion in the head with her long braid and grabbed Jack by the shoulders.

  “Potatoes, Jack! Do you know what that means?”

  “Uh…” he stammered, his mind scanning the catalog of possible dishes made from the versatile tuber.

  “Mashed potatoes! It also means- oh wait…” Ryea broke off as she let him go and stomped over to the herb garden.

  Lex took this moment of privacy to address some of her concerns.

  “Did Alt do all this?” she asked.

  “Well, let’s just say it was a group effort. Alt and I might not have climbed as high without your help.”

  “Chives!” Ryea yelled, kneeling in the middle of the plot of land devoted to a random assortment of plants. Jack was surprised to see how neat and tidy everything was already. He knew a lot of the work related to farming was in plowing and sowing the crops, but was getting better at shrugging things off as videogame logic.

  “Let’s get at the barn,” Ryea said, standing up and wiping some dirt from her knees. “I can’t wait to see what meats we’ll get to have with our potatoes!”

  Jack swallowed hard, and both Heroes followed the woman in the overalls to the large barn near the back of the Farm. Ryea pulled opened the huge double doors and spilled light onto a small coop sectioned off with chicken wire. It took up about a quarter of the barn and was filled with about a dozen smaller versions of the Periwinkle Orb Pheasants.

  “What are these?” Ryea said through a growing smile.

  She was handling monsters from the Tower as livestock well, and he had to admit, the smaller, chicken-sized versions of the egg-hurling creatures did look pretty cute, even with their two sets of leathery bat wings. The balls of pastel feathers all turned their single huge eyes up at Ryea as she approached the pen and began to make tiny cheeping noises.

  “Ohh they’re sooo adorable!” the new Farmer said. “I bet they lay eggs, too.”

  Jack nodded and let out a deep breath. “Yeah, I bet you’re right,” he said, then noticed Lex looking at him intently, her eyes burning with questions and a few…other statements.

  Ryea turned back to Jack and swiftly embraced him in a powerful bear hug, pinning his arms to his sides. She was a lot stronger than she looked, and her plump bosom smashed against his chest, crushing his lungs.

  “I don’t know how you performed this miracle and how you chose me, Jack, but well, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to this Town.”

  She let him go, and Jack was able to breathe again.

  “No problem, Ryea. Glad to be making a difference.”

  Ryea looked over at Lex and hitched a thumb towards the Irrelevant Hero. “Making a difference, he says!”

  The shorter Bastion nodded slowly. “He sure is something.”

  “Would you look at these little beauties,” farmer Ryea said as she stepped up to the coop again and started to open the wire-mesh door.

  Jack was afraid they’d attack her, but these seemed to have a completely different manner than the creatures he fought in the Tower. He joined the girls in the coop and inspected one of the leathery-winged chicks.

  Periwinkle Orb Pheasant – Next Egg: 99:48:17

  “That makes things easy…” he mumbled to himself.

  Lex turned to face him. “Hmm?”

  “Oh nothing,” he said. “Just counting the eggs before they’re laid.”

  They played with the domesticated monsters for a little while and then took a slow, meandering tour around the rest of
the restored farm while darkness settled over Blackmoor Cove. All the talk about future food combinations reminded Jack that they hadn’t eaten yet, so the three of them finally headed toward the inn for dinner.

  “It’s too bad,” Ryea began. “I might not have any crops ready for a few days. And I don’t want to slaughter any of those birds until I have a few eggs. Mmm, I wonder how they taste.” The doughy freckled woman licked her lips at the thought.

  Jack had been wondering that same thing. Who knew what would happen if the Townsfolk found out they were eating creatures found inside the Tower? Lex’s father would probably lose his freaking mind. Would monsters from the Tower even be edible?

  “Yes,” Alt answered Jack’s internal thoughts. “Believe me, I wouldn’t have suggested it if they weren’t edible. Not sure how they’ll taste. That particular sensation has never been something I bothered with, myself.”

  They were almost to the crossroads that led to the Eye o’ the Storm when Jack noticed Lex take a few hurried steps forward.

  “Is that Pan?” she asked, squinting into the darkness.

  Jack followed her gaze and saw the big man running down the dirt path towards the inn- and sprinting directly on his heels were four barely visible demon spawn.

  Both Lex and Jack reequipped their gear and drew their swords.

  “Run, tell Demi!” Lex said, sprinting ahead to intercept the creatures invading their Town.

  The wide-eyed Ryea balked for a moment, frozen by the terrors rushing toward her while Jack pointed his blade at the one closest to the silent Lumberjack and ignited his Mining Laser.

  Lesser Demon Spawn -20 | HP 24/44

  The doughy woman in overalls flinched when he activated his death ray right next to her face. That got Ryea moving, and she began to cry out an alarm with her powerful lungs as she sprinted for the Inn.

  “Demon spawn! There’s demon spawn in the Town!”

  Jack ignored her and focused on the fight before him.

  Lesser Demon Spawn -20 | HP 4/44

  The creature melting under his Mining Laser lit up the whole area, and he could now clearly see their horrible tooth-filled faces snapping in anticipation as they loped after Pan. Their long, blade-like claws tore up the grass, sending tufts of turf into the air as their glistening wet bodies moved.

  Lesser Demon Spawn -20 | Defeated

  Jack finished off his first target just as Lex made it to the pack of attackers. Two of the remaining demons broke off to engage her as the final one continued to run after its prey. The demon spawn was smart enough to put the fleeing Lumberjack between itself and Jack so he couldn’t target the creature, and it was gaining on the panic-stricken Pan.

  Jack had no real course of action but to dash forward and hope he could reach the quiet man before the demon spawn did. Digging his boots into the dirt path, Jack pulled up his shield, intending to put his momentum behind the impending collision and give the fleeing Lumberjack a chance to get away.

  The moment after Jack sprinted past Pan, he slammed his kite shield into the snarling creature chasing closely behind.

  Although the tooth-filled demon didn’t sail through the air like what happened when the eight-foot Kron did the same thing, Jack did halt its progress and forced the creature to deal with him instead.

  The dripping wet, muscular creature snarled and launched forward, but Jack wasn’t prepared for the mindless hatred thrown at him, and its razor-sharp claws sliced into his shoulder.

  Jack -9 | HP 25/68

  Lex hadn’t healed him after they exited the Tower- they had been too distracted by the new Farm and Ryea’s new job, and he was facing this threat with a considerable handicap.

  Jack blocked a few more hits, but it was hard to see the thing in the darkness, and he hoped Lex was okay handling the other two.

  Jack -2 | HP 23/68

  Jack -2 | HP 21/68

  Then he heard the clear voice of Demi singing into the night behind him. A bright light appeared in the black sky after her short song ended, spilling illumination down over the area.

  The demon spawn’s relentless onslaught on Jack faltered, and it cowered as if the light was painful. He took the opening. Holding his blade tightly, he jabbed it straight into the creature’s face.

  Critical! Lesser Demon Spawn -30 | HP 14/44

  Without missing a beat, Jack ignited a point-blank Mining Laser, and since his sword’s tip was impaled inside the vicious creature, it practically exploded from the inside.

  Lesser Demon Spawn -20 | Defeated.

  Jack was finally able to spare a glance over to see Lex deliver the killing blow to the last of the demons. Just over her shoulder, he saw an unknown Townsfolk guard trotting up the road.

  “Blevins?” someone yelled behind him, and he turned to see half the Town standing in a semi-circle. The one who spoke was Lex’s father, Harrak. “Where the hell were you, Blevins?”

  The Townsfolk guard apparently named Blevins turned his face to the ground. An awkward silence followed with everyone staring at the dejected guard. Then Jack began to hear murmurs from the gathered Townsfolk behind him.

  “Sleeping on watch, no doubt,” said one.

  “Deserter…” whispered another.

  Harrak began stalking forward, his hands clenching, his face beet-red behind his beard.

  “I were watching the wharf,” the man said finally as he backed a few steps away from Harrak. “Wharfmaster paid solid coin to guard him and his daughter.”

  Harrak stopped dead in his tracks. The old man was visibly shaking with anger.

  “You abandoned your post near the forest… to go down and guard the wharf? Does Kron know of this deal?”

  “No, sir,” the other man said, casting his eyes to the ground again.

  Demi spoke next, and when she did her voice was both loud enough to hear and yet quiet as a whisper.

  “Your greed for coin could have killed everyone in this village.”

  “It were for the crab, ma’am!” the guard pleaded. “I can’t afford no meat but old fish… I know I was wrong.”

  Harrak continued his angry stomps toward the cowering Blevins and grabbed him by the collar when he closed the distance.

  “You’re coming with me, now.” Then he turned back to the gathering of Townsfolk out under the dimming magic light Demi had summoned with her voice. “The rest of you go home. Show’s over.”

  Before Lex’s father left with his mournful charge, he locked his intense eyes on Jack and gave him one quick nod.

  In Jack’s eyes, that one small gesture from the grizzled man was almost equal to a deep bow of respect.

  Lex gave her father a pat on the back and then stepped up to Jack.

  “Good job,” she said, her eyes glistening as she watched her father go into the night with the sullen guard. He could tell she was more referring to the positive change in her father that Jack had initiated, rather than to his skill battling the demon spawn. Fighting by someone’s side, daily, and in life or death situations really gave a person a strong feel for how another’s mind worked.

  He clasped her shoulder and gave her a nod before they both followed the crowd back into the inn.

  As people settled back into their seats, Jack walked Lex and Ryea over to a quiet corner, then excused himself. He approached the bar and called Demi over. The silver-haired woman glided over to where he stood.

  “I’m giving you a bunch of coin,” he said, opening his inventory. “I want you to lower the price you charge for the crab for a few days. I don’t think it will matter soon after that.”

  Jack moved 60 coins from his inventory over to the silver-haired innkeeper, who glanced back at him over her own interface.

  “You sure about this? This is a lot.”

  “Not for me. And if it helps prevent stuff like this?”

  Demi tapped her accept button and shook her head.

  “If it weren’t for that bastard, Sol…”

  Jack sighed and nodded. That was somethin
g he needed Alt to fix as soon as possible. In response to this thought, the massive spaceship they all existed within spoke up in his mind.

  “Maybe when the Town levels again…”

  Jack thought back an affirmative and walked back over to join the two women. They ate and chatted about the eventful day, with Ryea doing most of the talking- as was customary.

  Lex caught Jack’s eye before she declared she was going to turn in for the night, and he followed her lead.

  “Enjoy your new home on the farm,” Jack said as he was standing up.

  Ryea beamed pure joy at him.

  “No one really knows yet. It’s going to be such a giant surprise! Oh! I need to tell Kron that I won’t be coming to the Wall tomorrow for guard training. Don’t want any misunderstandings- especially after what happened with poor Blevins.”

  The short blonde Bastion was waiting for him at the top of the stairs, and she followed him into his room as she had done before. Each time they closed the door and he was alone with her in the cozy, confined space, his heart began to beat faster.

  “Okay, now tell me about the farm,” Lex said, sitting down on his bed.

  He sat next to her. “Well, Alt told me he could either restore the farm or upgrade some houses. Oh, or the Lumber Mill. The farm seemed like the better idea.”

  She nodded. “And this was because he gained a level, not the Town?”

  “Looks that way.”

  “This is all so… impossible,” she said, putting her head into her hands. A shock of her perfectly straight golden hair slipped forward, and her pointed ear stood prominently in front of him. A strong urge took hold of him to reach out and gently rub it between his thumb and fingers, but he thought better of such a bold move. Not yet. And not that. Randomly grabbing her ear would be creepy.

  Instead, he put his hand on her back. He felt her warmth through her soft green tunic and waited for her to recover. Impossible was a normal day now.

  A stray thought struck Jack when he realized he still only had the itchy cotton “decorative” clothes.

  “Hey, Lex?”

  “Mmm?” She looked up to face him.

  “When do we start seeing more stuff like this tunic you have dropping in the Tower?”