by Tey Holden
Half asleep, Karen looked to Addy, in search for instructions. Addy came closer to the bed while the nurse showed Karen how to feed the baby. Mother and child were having difficulties. Karen attempted to put the bottle’s nipple in the baby’s mouth, but the baby didn’t know what to do and was not opening her mouth. The nurse showed her what to do, and as soon as the little one caught on, she started to chug down the baby milk formula. Karen chuckled. “Wow, she’s really hungry. She’s kind of sloppy too.” The milk was spilling down the sides of her mouth.
The nurse and Addy laughed, and Addy wiped the excess milk from around Alex’s mouth. Karen was enchanted looking at the tiny little thing chug down the bottle. “I think you are doing very well, Ms. Larsen.” The nurse tapped Karen on her leg and left.
Karen looked at Addy. “I think not breastfeeding was a good idea. This tiny thing would have sucked me dry.” Addy chuckled. “Addy look at her chugging down that formula.”
“I can’t stop looking at her, Ker. I think she is perfect.”
Then the baby moved and started to wiggle and to cry. “She probably has gas. Here, let me have the bottle, put her on your shoulder and pat her back.”
No sooner had Karen done as instructed, the baby burped. “Oh, my God! You are a noisy one too!”
Addy laughed. “Here, see if she wants more.”
Alexandra drank the remaining milk and kept sucking. “I think she wants more.”
“She’s fine. The sucking is an instinct. Put her on your shoulder again and tap her back.” Alex burped again. The nurse came back to check on them, and took the baby with her because the other nurse was coming to help Karen into the bathroom to shower.
“Shower! How? I’m still connected to the IV. Plus, I don’t really feel like getting up. I’m too tired.”
The nurse explained that it didn’t matter, that she could roll the IV holder with her to the bathroom. She also told her that she needed to get up and walk and that someone was coming to help her.
“Addy I don’t want to shower, and I don’t want anyone helping me.”
“Okay, let me see what I can do.” Addy left the room and talked to the nurse who was going to assist Karen in the shower.
“Okay, Ker. They want you to get up and shower. How about if I help you?”
“Ugh! I don’t feel like I need a shower, and don’t they know that I’m a little incapacitated here? Is it a hospital requirement that people have to shower or something?”
“I think it’s a way to get you to move and to get out of bed, which is necessary.”
The nurse came in. “I’m going to show you how to get up and we are going to help you to the shower, and then Ms. Marcos can help you with bathing.” Referring to Addy, she said, “if you need any help in there, just press the red button.”
Getting up from the bed was terrible. All those muscles that had been cut were extremely sensitive and Karen felt as if her stomach was going to escape through the incision. As she finally sat up, she leaned against Addy’s stomach and felt faint. “Addy, I don’t think I can make it to the bathroom.”
“I’m right here baby, right here with you. Take it easy. No need to rush. Take your time.” Karen nodded. After resting a bit on Addy’s stomach, she got up when Addy helped her. Again, she felt weak, but Addy held her. The nurse also came to help. Slowly, they made it to the bathroom. Karen sat on the stool inside the shower still wearing her hospital gown. “Here’s the clean gown.” The nurse placed it on the towel rack and left. “Call if you need me.”
“Let’s make this quick Ker, so that you can go back to bed. We’ll just let the water run over you, no big deal, okay?”
Karen had her eyes closed but nodded. “I feel so tired, Addy.” She pouted and began to cry.
“I know, baby, I know.” Addy removed her gown while Karen was still sitting. Addy made sure the water was warm and ran the portable showerhead over her legs first. “Is it warm?”
Karen had her eyes closed and she was holding to the handrail. “Yes.” She said nothing more. Neither did Addy. Addy knew how awful Karen must feel and wanted to finish the task quickly. Addy used the liquid soap and lathered her back, letting the water run the soap over her body. Once all the suds were gone, she grabbed a towel.
“This was not the greatest shower, but it will have to do for now. Don’t move, I’ll dry you right here.” Karen was still sitting on the shower bench. “When you get up, I need you to hang on to me so that I can dry your rear, then I’ll put on your gown and we’ll head for the bed, okay?”
Karen nodded. It was very difficult to move and not feel every muscle in her lower belly stretch. Addy was quick. She knew that Karen would not last long on her feet. “Now I need you to put your arms around my neck and to hang on to me so that we can walk back to the bed.” Karen did as instructed, but when she came close to Addy she leaned against her and cried.
“It’s okay. You are doing fine. You’ll get better every day, you’ll see. Come on, be my brave girl and let’s make it back to bed.” Addy kissed her. When Karen made it to the bed, she was as exhausted as if she had run a marathon.
She cried more. “I feel so helpless and so exhausted.”
“I know, sweetie, I know. It’ll get better, give it some time.” Addy leaned into the bed and kissed her. “In the meantime, you’ve got me right here, baby, for whatever you need. You are always taking care of me, now it’s my turn to take care of you. You’ll see how this gets better day by day and soon we’ll put it all behind us.”
While at the hospital, Karen slept most of the day. The birth had left her very weak, in fact even a bit anemic. Tiffany prescribed vitamins and a diet to supplement and build up her blood cells. Everything took great effort, getting up from the bed and walking were a monumental task. Every day Addy walked with her, first inside the room, then down the hallway. Walking was necessary to help the healing process.
Karen’s expectations had been that once the baby was born, she would be back to normal immediately. Since it had not happened as expected, and her frustration was overwhelming. She had always been very independent and didn’t like to ask for help. In fact, she was always the one who was helping others. Now needing help for just about everything was killing her. “Addy, I don’t see an end to this! When am I going to feel well again? No wonder you kept putting off the C-section idea, you knew.”
“I didn’t have one, but I had my appendix removed before they did it arthroscopically and I know what it’s like to recover from surgery. So, yes, it will take some time, but you will see improvements every day and soon you’ll be back to normal. Just give your body time to heal. Take one day at a time.”
“Yeah, but when we get home, I will be helpless. You’ll have to take care of the baby and me, and I don’t want you to run yourself ragged. I know you and that is what you will end up doing, I just know it. Maybe we ought to find some help.”
“I will not run myself ragged. I’ll have people come and clean the flat, and we’ll order food. All I’ll have to do is feed and bathe my girls. All will be fine.”
Karen was in the hospital for five days. Although most people are usually glad to leave the hospital as soon as possible, Addy was not one of those people. She was of the opinion that the hospital was the best place to recover because it had the facilities to make recovery easy, and there were trained people who knew how to help you and what to do in case of an emergency. Addy also claimed that in the hospital people rested better because there was nothing else to do other than lay in bed and watch television, read or browse the web. So she was glad that Karen stayed a little longer.
At the end of the five days, Tiffany released Karen and the neonatologist signed off on the baby, so mother and child were sent home. As agreed they returned to the flat. Although the nursery in the flat was equipped with all the necessary baby items, they also had a bassinet in their bedroom because they wanted to keep the baby close to them. Needless to say, the baby never slept in her crib in the nursery
for the entire time they were in the flat. The fact that the nursery was across the hall from their bedroom, and that they had a baby monitor did not satisfy either one. They both felt that the baby was too little to be so far removed from them. The list of ‘what ifs’ was endless, so the baby slept on the bassinet in their room.
Many family and friends offered help. Laurie and Tania had volunteered to come, but Addy had put off the help until later because she thought Karen would feel better just with her at first. She thanked everyone and explained the reasons why they were staying in the flat, and that it was too small to accommodate guests. She agreed to let them know when to come later. So, for now, it was Addy taking care of Karen and the baby. Addy did order their meals and had someone come weekly to clean and to wash the bed sheets and towels. However, she took care of their laundry and the baby’s. Every day that passed Karen did better. She was still walking slowly, but at least, she was now moving more and seemed to have a bit more energy.
During the first week at flat, Karen wanted to take care of the baby and do things, but she tired easily and was not up to the tasks. Anything she did seemed to take a lot of effort. One night, Addy woke up in the middle of the night and heard Karen sniffling. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I just feel worthless, like I’m failing at everything, Addy. I feel sorry for you and for the baby. I can’t take care of her, and I can’t help you either. I feel like I can’t do anything, and when I do something it is not the right thing. She cries and I can’t calm her down, I’m also so tired all the time, I think she senses all that anxiety and I upset her more. I’m failing at everything, as a mother, and as a lover. We haven’t made love in a long time first because of the pregnancy and now look at me! I’m a piece of shit! I don’t think I’ll have the energy ever again. I can’t even stand up for very long!” Karen carried on and on about all her failings. “I fear that we are losing us, Addy. I feel like I’ve—. She choked and cried.
“Oh, sweetie, how can you say that? Come here. Ker, you know what’s going on here? You are having post-partum blues. And it’s absolutely normal. Come on, let’s talk about it.”
“I can’t believe how well you have taken this entire debacle.”
“Because it’s not a debacle.” Addy held her in her arms and stroked her back. “Only you see it that way. It’s all normal. Let me tell you what I see, and how it is, by the way. You are tired because your body went through a lot of strain. You were carrying a baby for nine months and you just had a major surgery, of course, you are tired, if you weren’t you wouldn’t be human! And to take care of that you need to rest and allow your body to heal and to gather its strength again. You’ve done your part, baby, and extremely well. Let me take care of things now. I need to feel useful too. I don’t want you to get up if the baby cries at night, and I will do the morning feeding as well. You are just going to rest. Is that clear? This is not a request, it’s an order, and don’t forget that I’m calling the shots around here for now.”
Karen smiled. “Yes, but—.”
“But, nothing! For now, things have changed. You know how I say that I’m your love slave? Well, we are going to play this the other way around. It’s your turn to be my love slave and to obey, moi, your master, yes?”
“Yes, master, but I don’t see what kind of love slave I can be in this condition.” Karen grimaced.
“The kind that does what she’s told to do! By the way, on the part about not making love, I’m not going to lie and say I don’t miss certain activities, but we gave ourselves to this project and to all that was necessary to accomplish it. This has required temporary adjustments and that was expected. I do not feel like we have lost any intimacy. We come to bed every night, as we always have. I’m kept warm at night when we snuggle, and I’ve felt certain hands making sure all my parts are in place. I hope I didn’t dream any of that because it sure felt pretty good.” Karen chuckled. “If that’s not intimate, please, let me know what is!” Karen continued to smile.
“I believe that I’ve also made sure that all your parts are in place. Haven’t I?” Karen, still smiling, nodded in agreement. “If I haven’t been more thorough it’s only because those parts have been pretty sensitive and I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. Soon, those parts will not be so sensitive and will be ready to be explored. And I assure you that they will be.” Karen continued to smile. “So, my gorgeousness, can you tell me what the problem is?” Addy kissed her tenderly on the lips, then on her head. She also massaged her back coming down to her buttocks. “These are not sensitive so I can inspect them thoroughly anytime.”
Karen was quickly comforted. “Umm, I always like that inspection. Maybe you should do a sensitivity check on the other parts to be able to measure progress, what do you think?”
Addy chuckled. “Okay, let’s start over here.” She kissed Karen’s breast. “This seems to be okay.” She tried her nipple.
“Ouch!”
“Okay, not going there!”
Karen protested. “Oh, Addy, I’m tired of hurting. Damn!”
“It will all be over soon, honey.”
“How soon is soon? I want you to grab me and—.”
“Sssh! Soon.” Addy kissed her.
***
Fortunately for them, Alex was not a fussy baby. After the first few weeks, the little one had fallen into a pattern and was sleeping most of the night allowing the women to sleep at least five solid hours.
Karen’s primary job was to rest and feed the baby during the day. Addy would bring the baby to her and then she’d leave mother and child together and do her chores. Sometimes Karen would fall asleep with the baby cuddled to her on the bed, a sight that Addy always found adorable. While Karen had the baby, Addy would do their laundry, prepare dinner, and do the million other things that needed to be done when there’s a baby in the house. She was also in charge of the morning and night feedings. At night, when the baby was laid to sleep, Addy was exhausted.
As Karen’s felt stronger, she insisted on helping with the chores.
“What are you doing here?” Addy asked
“The baby is asleep, and I want to help you with stuff.”
“Ker, didn’t we have an agreement as to what you would and wouldn’t do?”
“Yes, but you are doing everything, and I have nothing to do.”
“Okay, go back to bed, and I will bring the laundry for you to fold. How’s that?”
“Okay.” Folding the laundry was plenty to keep Karen busy. “For a little tiny thing, she goes through more changes of clothes than you and I! Who would have thought that such a tiny thing would be so messy?” Then she looked at the baby in the bassinet and talked to her. “Yes, you. You are very messy.” Whenever Addy heard such conversations she’d smile lovingly. The same thing happened when she saw Karen feeding the baby. Addy loved to watch and see how Karen was falling in love with their daughter more every day.
“Come, sit with me. You need to rest.” Addy came and leaned her head on Karen’s shoulder. “You make it look simple and you are making it easy on me, but I know that you are exhausted.”
“I think I’m getting old and don’t have the energy I used to have.”
Karen looked at her. “You without energy? I don’t think I’ll live to see that day.” At night, they’d lie in bed exhausted and hold each other. Karen gently rubbed Addy’s back, until she finally heard uniform breathing and knew her loved one was finally resting. In the early morning, Addy would take the baby from her bassinet the minute she made a sound and slip off to the nursery. Although the baby slept in the bassinet next to their bed, all baby necessities were in the nursery next door where she made sure the changing and the feeding occurred so that Karen could sleep more.
“Okay little one, now that you’ve eaten, let’s check that diaper, I smell a surprise. Wow! And a big one it is! How is this possible? How can someone so little have so much inside? You have obviously emptied out. I don’t even know how I’m going to be able to
wipe you clean. I think we are going to need some warm water for this task. Let’s go to the bathroom real quick and quietly. We don’t want to wake up mommy.”
Addy took the baby to the bathroom where they had a portable baby tub with a foam recliner to position the baby in the tub. She had also ordered a hand-held showerhead, which was connected to the tub. “Okay, the water is nice and warm. Let’s get you all cleaned up. Ooooh! That feels good, doesn’t it?” With all the things that needed to be done for the baby, sometimes they forgot to turn off the baby monitor in the nursery where the baby usually slept during the day. Whenever that happened, Karen could hear the morning conversations with the little one and Alex cooing and making all sorts of cute little sounds.
“Yeah, it sure does. Let’s get some baby soap and wash you real well, we don’t want diaper rash for sure. Okay, now that we are all refreshed let’s get you in your little pink towel here. I can see that you like all this attention, you are looking very happy. There you go, and now let’s tippy-toe back.”
“Okay, now, let’s get some of that diaper rash cream on and… Oh, no! You had more coming! Alexandra! What have you been eating?” The more Addy talked the more Alex cooed and kicked her feet and arms feeling all happy. “I can also see that you are having a great time playing tricks on Mommy Addy. I don’t know if I should just stand here and let you finish all your business before we go through the washing drill all over again.”
Karen was dying laughing in the other room. There was another trip to the bathroom for more washing, then back to the bedroom. “Okay, little one, I hope that was the end of that because if this continues we are going to have to call the doctor. Hum, okay. Lots of cream, we need all sorts of protection in this area. Now let’s get you all wrapped up in this pretty little diaper and get you back in your jammies. There you go! I can see I’ve made you happy. It’s a gift from what I hear. At least, that’s what Mommy Karen says.”