by Ella Jackson
I looked to her and nodded. "Catch you then." She waved and disappeared into the carpark.
I took a deep breath and steadied myself, clenching my fists. I can’t remember the last time I felt this way about someone. High school?
"Hey, buddy." Tanya's voice still got me going, even when she was being friendly instead of sexy.
I looked around, seeing if anyone was close enough to hear. "Look, would you like to come over for dinner on Wednesday night? Just friends, okay? I'll make dinner, and we can watch a movie."
“I— okay.” She didn't take long to answer.
“Great. Say, six p.m. then?”
She paused, as if she wasn't sure what she was doing.
“Yep. I can bring dessert.”
“Also, we don't have to talk. Even though I know it’s important to be able to keep a good conversation going with friends, I kinda think it’s just as important to be able to just...do nothing.”
"Ha. Yeah, you're right. Okay, see you then. Look forward to it."
It might be worth it. Even though we're just friends.
I pushed my coffee cup away and stood up. Joe was waiting in the front of the cafe with some fans when I walked out, and we posed for a few pictures and signed some team merchandise.
For so long, I’ve known that something like this might happen, but I never figured out what to do until now. But…there was a part of this which was terrifying, and I can’t see a way out of it.
I wasn’t sure if the guys had already been told the news or not; I had better take extra care to look out for Ricky's pranks. He probably shouldn’t even be doing them if there was a chance it'd get out to the press.
"Hey, you heading back to the ground?" I looked over to see Joe waving the fans goodbye, and walking toward me.
“Yeah.”
“Come on.” We got to the carpark, and Joe turned to me. "So, your phone call went OK?" He had a knowing smile.
I grimaced. "Yeah, but keep it quiet, okay? Now isn't the time."
He saluted. "Aye, Captain."
Something told me this wasn't the most secure of secrets.
Fourteen
My brain slowed down, moving at a snail’s pace. It was one of the best, most exhausting times of my life, and by the time I made it back to the condo, I couldn’t believe I had to wake up the following day for more.
I couldn’t help but go over the last time that I had gone on a date with a guy. He'd spent the whole time talking about his dad's hedge fund, and then had the nerve to proposition me at the end of the evening. I told him to to go to hell, and if he called me again, I'd arrest him.
I could tell that Amy really did love Ricky, and there was just no way I could begrudge her wanting to spend as much time with him as she could.
As much as I wanted to spend time with Will, I didn’t want him to go out of his way and make him distracted. I wasn’t sure if he had told anyone else. I couldn’t blame him. I wasn’t prepared for him to be like this.
I doubted the guys at the precinct would be down for this, but I just wouldn’t tell them. There didn't seem to be many secrets in their group.
Ugh.
The last thing I wanted was to talk about Will with anyone.
I had told him I was fine, but I had a feeling he didn't believe me. He knew I wanted to be there for him when that happened, and thought if I interfered now, it would simply drive a wedge between us when there didn’t need to be.
He was evidently a fighter when necessary on the soccer pitch, but I loved that he wasn’t known for that off the field. But he was the captain. I knew he'd do what he had to do.
I couldn't believe it; I was a jersey chaser. I wasn’t sure where to go or who to talk to, but one thing was for certain, I was in something a lot deeper than I wanted to be.
I wanted him to succeed, and I pushed him and urged him on when he’d do things. But I was still nervous about him seeing where I lived. The tension I usually released at work had built up, and I couldn't sit still. There had to be something I could do.
I really thought I’d gotten it right this time. I could only imagine what would have gone down if I hadn’t said we were supposed to be friends.
This was perfect.
I picked out a pair of jeans, along with my favorite pink shirt that had slits in the sleeves.
As if I’d thought him up, a knock sounded at my door.
I stood and shook my head. He was right, of course.
I stopped and pushed my ear to the door, then opened it. Will's dark hair was disheveled, and he wore a dark shirt, stretched across his not-inconsiderable chest.
My heart was slamming against my ribs in excitement, but I tried to quell it.
“Hi.” I smiled and hugged him.
He was smiling, but his eyes looked a little wary. “Is this where you live?”
“It is.”
He looked up and met my eyes.
“It’s nice.”
“Um, sure.”
I could have kissed him then, although definitely only in a platonic way. He would have hated that. I had spent so much of my life convinced that no girl would ever want to be with the real me, that I’d never given anyone a chance to prove me wrong.
I nodded overenthusiastically. “I'm not a college student now.”
He chuckled. “I guess not." Instead of coming in, he went out the door and to his car, fetching me some flowers. "Here you go."
Before I realized, I was smiling too.
“Thanks. They're lovely.”
Every time he spoke, I was surprised how attentive he was. Well, he knew that I wanted to be friends.
"Are you ready to go out for dinner?"
“Yep, just about done. We’re really going to do this, huh?”
I was surprised. Most of the guys I met seemed nice at first, and then bailed out on me when they realised I was a cop. Tonight Will was the exact opposite. I didn't need to protect myself with him.
He was still looking out the window, completely oblivious to what I was doing. I felt slightly selfish.
"Come in, you'll get cold."
He turned and looked down at me. “Of course. Thanks. Shall I put these in some water?"
“I’m fine with that.”
I tried to sound casual. Uninhibited. By giving him this friendly environment, I was making it clear there's nothing between us.
Ha.
He caught me looking at his chest and smiled.
“That’s all you’ve got?" He asked.
I eyed him, and he chuckled. “Anything?”
“Anything.”
I paused. "A toast. Come on in.”
He smiled and nodded once. “I know just what to do.”
Relief washed over me. He picked up friendship without missing a beat. I think he knew my answer. He had no idea what was going on, but if I'd wanted him to do something, he'd be obliging.
I bit my lip to keep from laughing again.
We headed out to the restaurant, about a mile away. It was a road I knew well, but not the place itself. He held the door for me as a sweet woman greeted us from behind the counter and seated us.
“We’ll be with you in just a few minutes.”
Will slipped back into the horseshoe shaped booth and slid to the center, placing me next to him.
“I know you’re not defensive, but you also don’t know me that well yet.”
“And so that gives you the right to ask when was the last time I took a girl out?”
He smiled a little, with that seductive look in his eyes.
“You’ll fall in love and I’ll have to break your nose.” I promised.
Not yet at least.
The waitress came by and took our orders, and I nodded and took a sip of water. “How did you even find this place?”
He laughed. “I looked up every restaurant in the town. Read every damn review, too.”
Once we got through our initial jokes about sports, and I confessed to him that before we met I didn’t know t
he first thing about soccer, we turned the conversation down a more personal path and our night improved because of it.
“You’re putting a lot on the line, spending this time with me instead of training.”
He smiled. “I know, I know,”
The food came quickly, and we chatted a little while eating but mostly enjoyed the food. It was very nearly perfect and I didn’t want to mess it up.
“Trust me.” He stabbed a bite without paying any attention to it and shoved it in his mouth.
Oh. Yes.
I covered my mouth with my hand and blinked rapidly. “This is amazing.”
“I told you.” I had to admit that he was really listening to what I was saying. Yet, for the first time in my life I felt like I was enjoying a date.
“It was the best I’ve ever had.”
Will wiped his mouth. “It is, isn’t it?”
"I’m so glad we came." It was heaven.
He looked at me. "It was nice spending time with you."
"Yeah, it was. We must do it again." Like I could do this again and again and it might never be enough.
“Yes, we will."
He held my gaze for a second... and then he looked down over my body, eating up the sight of me. He wasn't just being nice; I could feel it.
This. This was why I was worried about being around him. Whenever I felt like wavering, I reminded myself that the pursuit of my career was more important than dating guys.
“Want to get out of here?” I asked as I stood. "We were going to watch a movie at my place, right?"
"Sure thing." We left the restaurant and headed slowly home, talking as we did.
That was it.
No question that I wanted what was happening, and that now that he had relaxed into it, it was so damn easy and natural just to go with it. That was all that mattered. Will was so certain, so solid and there and definite in the way he did things, it wasn't surprising girls fell in love with him.
That wasn’t good.
It wasn’t healthy.
And my heart couldn’t take it. I knew if I didn't keep him at arms' length, I’d just have my feelings always there to remind me of the one thing I didn’t get to do. I didn’t know, not until the exact moment we kissed what I hadn’t even realized I was thinking about.
But it weren’t going to happen. Something that is real. Not just a fling with a hot athlete.
I saw it in his eyes. How could we just be friends?
“You ready?” He was waiting for me, the door half-open. He took a step toward me but I put my hands up and he stopped.
I picked up his hand and clasped it in mine.
“Where are you taking me?” I was being cheeky, I knew it.
The corners of his lips turned up. “My place?” I narrowed my eyes. “Sure."
He looked at me and grinned. “We'll be there in three minutes.”
That was good enough for me. If I had thought for even half a second that we were ever going to kiss again, I would’ve left right then and there.
But I didn't see it coming.
Yeah. Going back to his place might not be a good idea. If he was going to have a strange woman over in the evening, then he’d better plan on people asking questions.
“Here we go. I've got a popcorn maker, too."
“Seriously?” I was clasping my hands together in front of my chest like I was a little kid begging for something.
"Yep. Come on in." He looked over his shoulder. "Coast is clear. Come and sit down. Do you need a beer?"
“No, I’m great without it.” His smile grew. “Coffee, then.” He was about to disappear into the kitchen when I put up a hand to stop him. “I’ll be right back.”
I laughed and left.
Soon I was back and he had cued up the movie on his television. He stood and gestured to the lights to turn them off.
“You look good with my coffee in your hand.” I raised an eyebrow and frowned before looking up at him.
“We have to work off the calories we just consumed.”
"There are so many choices." He laughed, and winked at me as he started the movie. “This one’s for you.”
I shrugged. “I guess.” Don't think for one minute that we aren’t going to figure this out. He pulled back, his eyes serious.
”Hey, I know you only gave me a quick rundown, but I don’t think it’s over between Ricky and Amy, you know. I'm going to talk to Ricky and tell him to go easy on her."
“I appreciate your honesty, and I get it." I swallowed. "You have your own decisions to make now. This is your team. You do all these things because you want to.” I paused. “You’re a good person and you’re talented, Will.”
He shook his head and laughed. “Maybe. You’re good at boosting my ego. This means a lot to me, and to the team, just to make a success of things." I nodded overenthusiastically.
"I know." I looked over at him again.
“Do you?” He nodded once. “You want to be friends, and I'm okay with that. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. You’re you. I love that, Tanya."
I practically flinched at his words.
He knew how I felt, but he didn’t realize his feelings had been so obvious to me. I took each word to heart.
He was also the best-looking guy I'd seen in a long time.
This was too much. He didn’t want me, or we didn't want each other.
He started the film and pulled a cushion down for me to sit on. It was just a movie. We were all here in Cheyenne to work hard and do our jobs, but now that we were together, there was an undercurrent of excitement in the air.
He relaxed into the seat close to mine and I realized my mistake of sitting close to him. Sure, it was gentlemanly of him, and I couldn’t fault him for that, but a part of me desperately wanted to feel his touch.
I felt like a little girl all over again. I wanted him to put his arms around me.
No. As much as I’d like that to be true, he and I were in an unusual place at this point of whatever it was we had. Perfect.
We’ll see each other in future, and our friendship will be strong, even if he gets a girlfriend.
I watched his face to see what he thought, but he looked more confused than anything.
We sat there in companionable silence for a while. Now and then I stole a glance at him out of the corner of my eye.
He smiled and nodded once.
“This isn’t some romantic movie,” I say. In fact it was pretty erotic. It was making me horny despite trying to think about other things. I laughed, but I had a feeling this wasn't going to be obvious.
“It’s cute, but it’s not a great flick.”
His eyebrows lifted. “Why not?” I pointed at the picture. “Just because they've had so many happy years together doesn’t they're always going to work out.”
“Where’s the fun in that?” That was the last thing I expected him to say.
My mouth opened but no words came out.
“What’s wrong with a happy ending?” He leaned in closer. "What's wrong with getting what we want out of it?”
He flicked his tongue over my lips, then moved lower as he palmed my breasts.
The back and forth in my brain was exhausting.
What was he doing?
What was going on?
I knew it’d be impossible for me to just keep my mouth shut for two seconds. I couldn’t remember much after that. Couldn't breathe. I waited for him to say more.
But he took my hand, bringing it up to his lips for a kiss. He ran his hand gently along my hair, my back, and caressed my neck.
My senses were on fire. this. was. Not happening.
Will is kissing me.
I trailed one finger down the line of his jaw.
It was new.
Not bad.
Was he thinking the same way about me?
No. Not that.
“Yeah,” he said. "Wow."
I nodded.
Wow, indeed.
I could sa
y it’s because I was waiting for the right time, but the truth is, I didn’t know how to say it at all.
Fifteen
'Will! Get it together, man!'
I snapped back to reality and realized I was in the very center of the field, behind the halfway line. Right after I went down on the field tripping over my own feet, my first thought was to blame Tanya, which was so fucking stupid.
Tanya was keeping me at arm's length. I just couldn’t figure out why.
Was she frightened to be seen in public with me? Was she actually not interested in me? No. I knew she was. She’d made that clear. But there was something else there.
I could tell she wanted to ask if I was okay again. I didn't want to scare her, and if she didn't want this, I’m not going to force it. Then she could stay where she was.
That day that I’d moved here, I thought soccer was going to be my life.
Now I wanted her with me. I wanted us to be together. We’re on our way there.
Watching her wasn’t like being around anyone else, though; no, I didn’t want to just fuck Tanya, I wanted to be with her.
I’m turning into a madman.
“Get your head in the game, Will.” I heard the coach bellow, as someone came up behind me and pushed me in the back. We hadn’t really been training hard, and I had arrived late to training.
This was so not me.
I shouldn’t let it bother me. The coach was pretty upset and I thought if it happened again, there'd be serious repercussions.
I watched as he came back onto the field and waved his arms furiously. I shrugged and took the middle between Ricky and Joe. I’d always looked up to Joe, despite the fact he played defence instead of 'a real position', a long-running joke between us. Ricky took a sip of water and shook his head.
The guy was my back-up, but I wasn’t sure for how long if I kept playing like shit. I was looking for the last little bit of peace I needed to move forward, and I’d found it with Tanya.
She could understand that. As I walked off the field, I looked over at the Thunderbirds changing room, at my teammates having a good laugh and still settling down to finish the game. I just needed a break from everyone.
* * *
Back at my place, I started packing up when a knock sounded at the door.