by Ella Jackson
I felt a flash of jealousy. Should I take that as a clue? That's stupid. Amy's a wonderful girl, and she deserves much more than Ricardo Cortez.
It was life. I was going to have to put up with it.
“Bye Tanya.” The parking attendant waved me through the barrier.
“See you tomorrow.” I pulled out of the carpark and headed for the stadium, aiming to park around the back area through which the players entered.
Pulling up outside the stadium, I checked in my pocket for a message from Will. I killed time fore a little while, and was getting ready to head for the stands when I happened to glance up and see Jessie, walking briskly into the players' entrance with a file of papers. I didn’t particularly want to be there alone, so I got out and called for her.
"Hey, Jessie!" She looked around, and waved back. She looked genuinely happy to see me, which was an unexpected result. I caught up with her, and shook her hand first before she got to the security gates.
“Pearson, with a guest. Just us.” She waved me through, and I caught sight of Ricky, jogging down the stairs. He looked around and I looked around for something to hide under, but there was nothing. I tried hard to remember if I had ever had this feeling with a woman. Fine. Jessie and I walked over and sat down next to him. He smiled, seemingly innocently and held out his hand.
“Good to see you.”
“Thanks. Good luck with training.” This seemed civil enough, so I quit while I was ahead.
I sat in silence for a bit as Jessie worked on her notes, and the players ran drills. I was getting better at following the game, and began to see what they were practicing and why.
“Will!” A beautiful redhead joined him and Ricky on the sideline, sliding her toned arm around Will’s shoulders and offering him a quick kiss on the cheek. I forced a smile and looked away.
“Cherie O'Donnell. Welcome to the Thunderbirds.”
“Thanks.” The redhead quickly covered her mouth and looked up to the stands when she realized how loud she’d been. I looked down at her, Will and Ricky, suddenly seeing him for what he actually was – not just an athlete. He backed away from her and politely answered her questions, fending off any more affectionate gestures from her.
The very idea of him kissing someone else plunged a brick into the pit of my stomach, even though I tried to pretend it didn't. We weren’t doing very well as friends the way I'd been feeling.
I felt sick. I tried to go but Jessie put her hand on my arm.
“Hey, are you okay?”
I nodded and leaned back in my seat, again hoping that would be the end of it.
Will paused and walked toward the sidelines as the other players on the team patted him on the back. There came a point when I knew I had to stop making excuses for how I felt, but sometimes, I’d remember how it felt when we kissed, and I couldn't stop thinking about it. He received a pass from Ricky and pivoted to kick down the field as I watched, but then looked up at me and stumbled.
Guilt washed over me.
This was my fault. He’d been distracted by the idea of me being here, and I hadn’t even protested that we were just meant to be friends. And as much as I wanted to, I knew that I couldn't put it off any longer.
“Will has been talking about it all week.” Jessie looked up from her notes at me.
I turned my head to her. “It's not what you think, honestly. We're just friends."
“Look, just because you haven’t had luck with men in the past doesn’t mean they’re all assholes looking to use you. Not that I'd know.” I brought my hand to the back of my neck and gave it a scratch, trying to keep my face blank.
“It’s just a timing thing, seriously.”
She smiled sweetly. “I’m not much good with emotions, but you don't fool even me with that line.”
She watched every move the players made, her eyes not even flickering as Will pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it on the Astroturf.
“No, thank you.” She rolled her eyes. “From what I remember, it’s best that you take your time and get to know each other. You’re not a soccer groupie, and you're the kind of person who'd be good for Will to have in his life."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing, but I couldn't help smiling at her moxie. "Is that so?"
She nodded seriously. "Yeah. As the team analyst, I've got hard data that players in a stable, sensible relationship train better, put up better numbers, and win more games."
I shook my head, laughing. "Can't argue with that, I guess."
“I need to always be one step ahead of the players, babe.” She turned back to me and smiled. “Besides my family, this team is the most important thing in my life, and I’m not giving them any less than what they deserve."
I didn’t want to see what she'd do if she thought my presence was harming the team. Yeesh. We were just talking about soccer, and then whack, my love life - nonexistent though it is - gets co-opted into the process.
She smiled. “Oh yeah. Will almost begged off when I grilled him about it, but I wouldn't let him get away, and he confessed everything."
I wasn’t sure about that, but as I looked at Jessie's intent face and thought about how badly every member of the team wanted to start well, and to win, how could I have thought this was a waste of time? Why was Will talking as if we were good friends?
“Don’t worry.” If Jessie was thinking Will was going to keep pursuing me, she was delusional. She giggled and held up her hand. “He’s all yours.” I laughed and shook my head.
"Wait.” Because I didn’t know if she’d be okay with this kind of situation, if I could trust Jessie to listen to everything I had to say about Will.
When I turned and looked over my shoulder and recognized him, he waved cheerfully, and I forced a smile. “Yes, he's a good guy. But he's not my boyfriend, and he's not going to be." Whenever I felt like wavering, I reminded myself that the pursuit of my career was more important than some short-term relationship neither of us wouldn’t remember ten years from now.
"He’s still got a thing for you. He's a genuine, transparent guy."
Yeah, he is. And those qualities make him easy to take advantage of. I thought I'd decided all of this, but I felt emotion in the back of my throat and Jessie had pounced on it. Well, she didn’t put it quite like that, but she wasn’t giving up, that was for sure.
"Look, Tanya, I'm not qualified to give you advice. Lord knows my love life would be a mess if it existed, which it doesn't. But Will's crazy about you. I've seen how he looks at you. Don't just ignore that."
“Okay, okay. I won’t.” I held up my hands in a gesture of submission. Since he'd never in our knowing each other told me anything like that, I had a pretty solid feeling she was exaggerating.
She smiled knowingly and looked up to find Joe and Ricky getting on the field. I tried to push down the thoughts she'd sparked in me and just focus on the game, and trying to follow what was going on.
I just wasn’t sure what was happening between us. Though it was interesting how his team had come to know each other and appeared to genuinely like each other, our situation was still complicated.
We weren’t friends. We thought we were doing something good, but that wasn’t quite how it turned out.
But I was getting way ahead of myself. Jessie was sure he was still hung up on me, and I was even more sure that I didn't want to have a relationship with him, but being around him felt electric, like we were instantly close. After the other night, I realised I'd never laughed that much on a date, ever. And now he opened the same door in me every time he smiled and waved.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t still find him attractive. But at least this way, I can make sure he doesn't mess things up for himself. It was better this way. We could be friends.
Until this, I'd never thought of the idea of anyone being soul mates, and maybe I really hadn’t cared about what men brought to my life. I just had to be strong in my decision.
Thirteen
I wasn’
t very good at it. I felt like a teenager. No, like a seven-year-old.
The feeling wasn’t something I was used to.
I hated it. I was the captain. A leader. I was supposed to be in charge, on balance, all the time.
The only real thing I can tell you about the week I'd just spent training was that it was one of the best weeks of my entire life.
Did Tanya think about it like that? It had been so long since I'd felt like this about anyone. I should have spoken to her when she came to watch again, and for a second, I wished I had, but I just couldn't.
Was she really just wanting to be friends? Who would have thought all she needed was a visit to watch me train? Did it matter? It’s not that I never wanted to see her again. I was just busy. So was she.
But maybe she hadn’t noticed. She was busy every day, protecting the public and all that. I was grateful that Jessie was making friends with her to try to make things easier, but that was one angle I wasn’t going to use to get to her.
I didn’t even know how to start talking about what was happening between us. Even though I knew it would keep me awake into the early morning. night. It wasn’t worth the effort. I should just let it be.
I wasn't going to turn her down if she wanted to see me, but it felt like a set up.
Our team had some of the best players in the league, but we weren’t even close to being a team. We weren't cohesive, and disagreements kept breaking out. The only way to make it through our first season was to stay focused, and I was a key part of that. We had the skills, but we were going to have to learn to be a team if we wanted to win.
As always, Ricky was irrepressible, but I think all the nerves about this season were making him even more of a teenage boy than normal. I'd defused two pranks in the locker room already this week, and it was pretty obvious who'd pulled them. I met Joe after the training session, and we headed to the press conference where I was asked questions and then we posed for photos.
It was actually pretty slow, I was finding. Waiting for our inaugural match was beginning to get on my nerves.
We turned to walk into the cafe, but I stopped when I felt eyes on me and turned back. Tanya was just behind me, pulling up in her black sedan. She flashed me a quick smile, and stepped out from the car. I closed the door, and we hugged briefly.
"Hey, you."
"Hey. How's training been?"
"OK. Guys are getting tense."
"Yeah, I guess they would be."
The way she looked when something caught her attention made me fascinated just to look at her. "Aren't you protecting the public from marauding soccer players this morning?"
She laughed, leaning back and putting her arm around my shoulder. "I'm keeping an eye on the most serious offenders, yeah."
Seeing her again was just a confirmation of what I’d always thought. I couldn't stop looking at her. She put out her hand, and Joe took it without hesitation, which was something I’d never seen.
"Joe Parsons."
"Tanya."
“I feel like I already know you.” I liked her, and I could tell Joe did too.
This really was a shock. I’ve never liked anyone so much before. The last girl I remember having this kind of feeling for was a blonde striker who played for our mixed team when I was ten years old. Since then I've always kept girls at arms' length, but Tanya was something different.
This was a first.
We sat down at a table, and Joe went to the bathroom. "Thanks for coming to practice the other day."
“Yeah, sorry I had to rush off. Things have been really crazy right now."
I nodded. “I know.” I understood, and I hope she understood when it happened to me. Coffee arrived, and I sighed and took a sip.
She looked down. “I guess I’m not the only one learning things here.”
And then she proceeded to explain about how she'd been watching soccer videos on YouTube, and forced me to answer her questions about training, formations, the English Premier League, everything. I answered everything, in mild disbelief that she’d done all this work after rejecting professional sport as being a waste of time.
“Hey,” I said softly. "This is a lot of work you've done learning about all this. Thanks."
She nodded. “Well, I have a lot of free time in the evenings, you know. She smiles, again. "Sure thing, Captain. Hey, Jessie's just walked in; are you guys meeting or something?"
I nodded. "Yeah, just strategy stuff."
"Okay. Look, I have to go. Call me when you're done, alright?" She clapped me on the shoulder as she stood up. "Later, buddy."
* * *
Jessie waved to Tanya on the way out, and plumped down in the booth next to me.
“Tanya and you going out yet?” She was always one to immediately hit me with questions.
“I’m not going to get into all that.” Okay, that sounded stupid. "Jess, I-I'm not sure. We're meant to be just friends, though. Seriously."
She gave me a look that said she was unimpressed with my answer, which made me laugh. “That's the least convincing denial I've heard in a long time. Look, you’ll never know unless you take the chance. Come in."
We spent the next hour working on analysis patterns and spreadsheets, and finally when we were both bleary-eyed, I stood up. "I'd better go. We both need our sleep."
"Yeah, as much as I hate to admit it, you're right.
“Thanks for the advice.” I smiled at her and stretched.
“Don’t mess this up.” I nodded and watched the waitress clear away the coffee cups, and our piles of notepaper.
"I think we're prepping right, Jess. You've been a godsend to this team."
She shook her head. "Not the match, idiot. That I think we can handle. I mean don't mess it up with Tanya."
It was bizarre. I can’t let my attraction to Tanya make me act unprofessional. She was both beautiful and smart, but I didn’t need this right now. The Thunderbirds want it to be one-hundred percent clear that we had the full support of the town, and we were focused on the mission. And the fact I couldn’t keep my eyes off one of the local detectives wasn't part of the mission.
While I was facing at the cafe, I kept stealing looks at her using my coffee cup as a shield. I liked her for how she looked, how she spoke, how she acted. But she'd made it clear she didn’t want to change her mind.
I wouldn't say I wasn't thinking about trying to change it for her, but I also don’t need this kind of distraction right now. Still, she was beautiful.
"I don't think there's anything to mess up, Jess." Then again, this was Tanya she was talking about. But how long would it last this time? I was doing my best to pretend I hadn't kissed her and that we hadn’t undone all the progress we'd made in becoming friends. Because it wasn’t just a friendly hug when we embraced; it was like neither of us wanted to let go.
She looked up and smiled. "Will, you're a brilliant soccer player, but you're not fooling anyone with that. Get with the program, okay?"
I gave up arguing. "Okay, okay. I don't see that my personal life has anything to do with this meeting, seriously."
"You remember what we talked about last time, about athletes in stable relationships, buddy." Jess wagged her finger at me. "It's all about the numbers, buddy. Tanya's great for you, and we both know it."
But that was the point. I knew her. And she was probably out on dates every Friday anyways.
If I kissed Tanya when she came over, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stop, and that wasn’t a chance I was willing to take.
This was my chance.
My face was calm, but in my head, I wondered what made her feel she was the type of woman Jessie was referring to. Last time I missed her going out, and I refuse to miss it again. She made me see the world in a way I'd never seen it before.
"So what should I do, O Great Relationship Seer?" I looked at Jessie with a quizzical expression.
Her brows pulled together. “Do what?”
"What. Should. I. Do? You keep telling me to
'do something', but you're not very specific about what."
“Just don't give up on her, that's all. Ask her over for dinner. You guys were obviously meant for each other.”
“In your dreams, maybe.”
She smiled and scribbled down some more notes on her pad before I passed her another sheet of printed statistics. “You saw the numbers from last night's training?”
I nodded and settled back as she typed on her laptop. “We're going to need to step up our fitness if we want to start strong in the first ten minutes.” She pointed to some graphs on her screen. “Any other questions?”
It was worse than I thought. We're not going to make fools of ourselves, but to give Jessie what she wants, we're going to need to train even harder this week.
“I have one question.”
“Yeah?”
"How about we extend training on Tuesday, for an extra half-hour, and then finish early on Wednesday? So we can, uh, leave early?"
She laughed and nodded. “I think we can do that.”
"Okay, good." I couldn’t wait to take a break; I couldn’t remember the last time I wasn’t working out in the gym every day.
“Really?”
Apparently I didn’t have as hard of a time convincing Jessie to back off as I felt like I would. And I was completely failing to be subtle about my motives.
"You know, I'm kinda looking forward to it. I won't tell anyone else what's going on, but don't blame me if they work it out.”
She still hadn’t told the rest of the team what had gone down. We only had one week until our first game, but we did all need a break, to be honest. Again, I was all but ready to give up on Tanya, only for another opportunity to come my way.
“Okay.” Jessie shrugged before standing and walking to the front door. “I’ve got some things to pack up, but I’ll see you at training tomorrow?”