Dawn of Eve

by MJ Howson

  “Okay. Okay, that’s . . . that’s good to know.” Dr. Cole presented a supportive smile, despite being taken aback by her reaction. “We . . . we sometimes end up mimicking our parents without realizing it.”

  “I’m nothing like my mother.”

  Dr. Cole nodded. He knew she still wasn’t ready to discuss her relationship with her mother. He glanced at his notes from Dawn’s second session when they covered her past miscarriages. After reviewing them, Dr. Cole leaned back in his chair and scratched his beard.

  “Dawn, you told me your first two pregnancies were unplanned, correct? You weren’t in any sort of relationship.”

  “Right. I was only twenty-one that first time.” Dawn lowered her eyes and stared at her hands. “And the second happened a few years later.”

  “But your next two pregnancies happened when you were dating?”

  “Yes. Both those times, I was in love.”

  “Was it like the love you feel for Jacob?”

  Dawn looked up at Dr. Cole and furrowed her brow as if she’d never been asked that question before or given the subject any thought. She said, “It’s different this time. With Jacob.”

  “And there was a long break between your fourth pregnancy and the last one, correct?”

  “Yes. I . . . I could never conceive. My doctor said no fertility plan would ever allow me to get pregnant again. Don’t you see? That’s why Jacob’s so special.”

  “Did you continue with fertility drugs after the fourth miscarriage?”

  “Well, for a bit. But the doctors said it wouldn’t make a difference. I tried so many different doctors.”

  “You aren’t on the fertility drugs now, are you?”

  “No.”

  “Okay, good. Drug interactions can have serious side effects. I just wanted to double-check.”

  Dr. Cole quickly wrote this down. He grabbed the bundled tissue from earlier and wiped his nostrils again. The mechanical gears inside the wall clock ticked like a metronome as he reviewed his notes. Dr. Cole’s nods soon came into sync with the clock’s ticking. He tossed the tissue in the trash and looked at Dawn. Her nerves and discomfort were on full display as she sat slumped in the chair.

  “Dawn,” Dr. Cole said. “Your desire for motherhood is, well, incredibly strong. Can I ask why you never looked into adoption or surrogacy?”

  “I . . . I just always wanted her born of blood. Of love. I always dismissed those options. I felt like it was adopting a stray. I’ve always dreamed of having a daughter of my own, you know? Giving birth is giving life. It’s . . . it’s special.” Dawn smiled and sat upright. “It was Jacob who got me pregnant. I really believe we’re destined to have a baby together. Should we have him come to a session?”

  “Jacob?”

  “Yes. He lives in New Jersey, and his schedule can be unpredictable, so we’d have to plan it in advance.”

  “Sure. If you’d like. Is he open to coming in?”

  “I . . . I think so. Maybe.” Dawn sighed and lowered her head. “We were planning to live together at some point. Then the pregnancy and miscarriage. It’s . . . it’s all been so much for us to handle.”

  “I understand.” Dr. Cole removed his glasses and leaned forward. “But you told me Jacob’s been very supportive.”

  “He has. He’s the one who recommended I seek help.”

  “And he shares your dream to have another baby together?”

  “Of course.” Dawn bit her upper lip and glanced around the room. She finally looked at the doctor and asked, “Why wouldn’t he?”

  Eight

  Jersey City

  The New Jersey PATH train that ran from the World Train Center to Grove Street was quiet this evening. Jacob, his legs spread wide, glistened with sweat from his last client session. His blue nylon shorts and skin tight white tank top clung to his body. Droplets of perspiration fell from his forehead and onto his thighs. The car felt extra humid on this late August evening.

  Jacob did his best to ignore the dozen riders scattered throughout the car. He kept his focus on his phone, scrolling through the long list of notifications. Every app on his phone–Uber, Mail, Message, Cash, Amazon, NYMeet, Instagram, SAM, RidePATH, Yelp, CCredit, and many others–seemed to remind him of something missed, pending, or desired. Jacob wondered why his life felt so complicated. The time was 11:22 p.m., and he was anxious to get home. This evening’s client decided not to renew another six sessions. Jacob was pissed he’d lost another newbie. He’d have to sign another one soon to keep the cash flowing.

  The overhead speakers announced the approach of the next stop. Jacob stood up as the train began to slow and grabbed his backpack resting on the seat beside him. The black canvas bag had seen better days. The zippered side pockets were broken, and the handles and straps frayed. But the bag had traveled the world with Jacob and reminded him of a life he once relished. Jacob walked to the closest set of doors and leaned against a pole. As he did, many others focused their envious eyes on him.

  Jacob was used to being watched. He gave a quick glance around the car. Half the men and women were looking him up and down. Deep down, he loved the attention. He could have easily showered and changed before heading home. But he preferred looking raw and fit.

  His apartment was a few blocks from the Grove Street station. Jacob used the walk to review his calendar for tomorrow. Far too often, his bartender and client schedules clashed. He chuckled to himself at the thought of getting a secretary to help him keep his life in order.

  The muggy stale air caused Jacob to sweat even more. He tossed his phone into his backpack and began to jog the rest of the way home. Running always helped ease any tension he felt.

  Jacob lived in a two-bedroom flat located on the top floor of a nondescript three-story brick apartment building. He sprinted up the stairs to get one final bit of cardio in before calling it a night. After unlocking the door, he stepped inside and looked for his roommate Sean. The lights were on, but nobody was around. A window-mounted air conditioner hummed loudly. As he headed to his bedroom, he paused beside Sean’s bedroom and placed his ear to the closed door. Although he couldn’t hear anything, the wavering light from the bottom edge of the door told him his roomie was inside.

  Jacob continued down the hallway and flicked the light on in his bedroom. Posters from Jacob’s days of modeling covered the walls, including a number of iconic photos shot for Calvin Klein, Tommy Hilfiger, and Hugo Boss. The pictures reminded Jacob of his youth and stardom prior to the scar that ended his career.

  After tossing his backpack onto his bed, Jacob quickly tore his clothes off and flung them onto a pile of dirty clothes lumped in the corner. He went to the bathroom and grabbed a hand towel. Jacob ran the cloth over his naked body to wipe down the sweat, tossing the rag into the sink when done. He checked himself in the mirror, noting his chest hair was getting a bit fluffy. He’d have to buzz that down tomorrow morning. Jacob ran his thumb across his facial scar before turning off the bathroom light. He returned to his bedroom and slipped on a pair of white and black checkered boxer shorts.

  Jacob went into the kitchen, grabbed a bottle of tequila, and poured himself a double shot. The room smelled of garlic and oregano. A pizza box beside the microwave had two cold, stale greasy strips of pepperoni and mushroom inside. He downed his shot, the burn from the tequila causing him to wince. Jacob grabbed a slice of pizza, walked over to Sean’s bedroom, and opened the door without knocking. He found Sean where he too often found him–in bed with his headphones on and his hands tightly gripping a video game controller.

  “Hey,” Jacob said.

  Sean didn’t react, remaining fixated on the television opposite his bed. Jacob shoved a third of the pizza slice into his mouth and looked around Sean’s bedroom. The window air-conditioner shuddered as the compressor turned off. Jacob found the room decorated more for a child than a working adult. Movie and video game posters covered the walls. The sole light in the room sat on the nightstand beside Sean’s bed
. The wood base was carved to look like a pineapple, and the yellow and green shade was decorated with the same fruit. A framed picture of Sean and his uncle, taken at the observation deck of the Empire State Building, rested on the nightstand beside the lamp.

  Jacob closed the door to keep the cooler air in the room. He sat on the edge of Sean’s bed and tried to figure out what was happening on the video screen. Sean had no reaction to the shimmy of the mattress. Jacob, his voice raised, asked, “You been here all night?”

  Sean paused his game and yanked his headphones off, causing his sandy blond bangs to fall across his gray eyes. His lean five-foot-seven frame and boyish face often caused many to assume the twenty-three-year-old nurse was a teenager. Sean propped himself up on an elbow, turned to face Jacob, and asked, “What?”

  “It’s a Saturday night, Sean. You should be out getting laid.” Jacob took another bite of pizza. “Or swap these video games for a dating app. You’re a total catch. Get out there.”

  Sean lowered his head and sighed. He’d just completed one of his four ten-hour shifts at Mount Sinai Hospital. The ER had been extra brutal this evening, and all Sean wanted to do was collapse at home playing X-Box. Video games were his way of recharging.

  Jacob folded the rest of the pizza in half and crammed it into his mouth. He wiped his greasy fingers on Sean’s blanket and let out a loud burp.

  “I’m wiped,” Sean said. He flung his game controller to the end of the bed. “You do your thing. I’ll do mine.”

  “Okay, mister introvert.”

  “What? Between work and my uncle, I don’t have much free time these days.” Sean grabbed the picture of him and his uncle and ran his thumb along the edge of the frame. “I’m worried about him. I . . . I think it’s Alzheimer’s.”

  “That’s no excuse for spending your free time hiding in your room playing games. We make time for the things that matter. Your priorities are screwed up. You need to get yourself out there.” Jacob pinched Sean’s waist. “Look at you getting fit. You’ve lost weight.”

  “Stop!”

  Sean squirmed several inches away from Jacob. Jacob chuckled, taking a bit of joy from teasing Sean.

  “You’ve been working out?” Jacob asked. “Without me as your trainer?”

  “I’m surprised you’re home. Why aren’t you spending the night with your old lady?”

  Jacob’s smile faded. Sean was, in many ways, the perfect roommate. They never fought, and they led completely separate lives. Sean’s long hours and Jacob’s crazy schedule meant they could go days without seeing one another. Best of all, Sean kept to himself. But every now and then, Sean’s passive-aggressive side would pop up to say hello.

  “She’s thirty-nine,” Jacob said. “That’s not old.”

  “It’s ten years older than you.”

  “Nine.”

  “Nine?” Sean frowned, visibly confused. “When was your birthday?”

  “Two months ago.”

  “I missed your thirtieth? Sorry, Jacob.”

  Jacob waved his hand dismissively toward Sean. He said, “Dawn spoiled me. I plan to do the same next weekend.”

  “Next weekend?” Sean furrowed his brow. “That’s Labor Day weekend. I can’t believe the summer’s almost over. Why spoil her for the holiday?”

  “Dawn turns forty on September first.” Jacob smiled and ran his hand across his stubbled chin. “I have something special planned.”

  “You spend a ton of money on her.” Sean tugged uncomfortably on his Star Wars-themed T-shirt and shook his head. “I don’t get it.”

  “Don’t get what? She’s my girlfriend. I love her. If you ever bothered to date, you’d know what it’s like to want to take care of someone.”

  “I mean, you two seem like an odd pair.”

  “You’ve never even met her.”

  “I’ve Googled her.”

  “You spying on me?” Jacob grinned as Sean’s pale cheeks became red. “We have a connection. What can I say?”

  “Sorry. I . . . I just think you can do better.”

  “Again, Sean, you’ve never met her. Don’t judge.” Jacob watched as Sean sunk deeper into his pillows. His roommate’s momentary flash of aggression, gone. “It’s been a tough summer. Losing that baby has really messed her up.”

  “How about you?”

  “Me?”

  “You’ve barely spoken about it since it happened. When was it? May, right?”

  “What’s your point?”

  “You said she’s in therapy now. So, she still isn’t over it.”

  “And?”

  “You moved on, like, the next day.”

  For such a quiet, private guy, Sean had Jacob pegged. But Jacob wasn’t about to admit that. He looked at Sean and said, “She’s the one who needs therapy. Not me.”

  “If you say so.”

  Jacob rubbed his eyes and groaned. The long work week and late hour were finally catching up with him. The tequila shot was also helping him to unwind. Jacob smacked Sean on his thigh and stood up.

  “One of the things I always liked about Dawn was that kids weren’t in her future.” Jacob walked to the door, stopped, and turned back to face his roommate. “Can you imagine me with kids? Do I look like a daddy to you?”

  Sean shrugged and grabbed his game controller. He said, “You look like a guy with a lot of options.”

  “Options? I have a busy schedule. Between the bar and my clients, all I have are options.”

  “That’s not what I meant.” Sean slid his headphones back over his ears and sprawled flat on his stomach, facing his television. “Can you close the door when you leave?”

  Sean un-paused his game, and the image on the screen exploded to life. A strobe effect began to bound off the walls of the dimly lit room. Jacob watched his roommate become entranced by his video game. He sighed and left the room, closing the door behind him.

  Jacob went back into the kitchen and poured another shot of tequila into the glass. He tilted his head back and embraced the warm, bitter sting of alcohol running down his throat. He flipped the pizza box open and snatched the last slice, quickly inhaling the greasy garlic-covered piece of pie.

  Jacob walked to his bedroom and closed the door. He flicked the window AC on and grabbed his phone from his backpack. Jacob flopped on the bed and tried to focus on the notifications, but his mind kept drifting back to the question Sean had asked him. The one he never answered. Jacob wondered to himself, Why didn’t you go to her place tonight?

  Nine

  Fortieth

  Dawn paced back and forth in her wardrobe closet, searching through her collection of dresses. Jacob was due to arrive soon, and she still hadn’t picked an outfit to wear this evening. Her stomach churned with a mix of dread and excitement. Jacob had been uncharacteristically distant the past few weeks. Dawn worried her therapy or perhaps her new medication somehow contributed to his remoteness.

  “Evelyn, what’s the temperature outside?” Dawn asked.

  “The temperature is currently seventy-four degrees,” the voice assistant responded.

  Dawn selected a knee-length black dress and held it against her body. She briefly admired herself in the full-length mirror and then swapped the dress out for a similar one in white. Her eyes darted between the dress and her black roots, now two inches in length. She sighed and said, “Tomorrow’s Labor Day, so I guess I can still wear white. But it’s dinner out on the town.” Dawn returned the white dress to the sea of white and cream gowns on the clothing rack. “Black it is.”

  “Jacob Jilani is arriving,” the smart home system announced.

  “What?” Dawn stared at the black dress in her hands. “Evelyn, what time is it?”

  “The time is 6:55 p.m.”

  “He’s early. Shit.”

  Dawn hastily grabbed a white knee-length cotton bathrobe and made her way downstairs, her bare feet slapping against the marble steps. She ran to the door and flung it open just as the elevator arrived. Jacob emerged, kee
ping one hand behind his back. He stopped briefly to inspect himself in the mirrored lobby before entering Dawn’s apartment.

  “A little under-dressed, aren’t we?” Jacob asked. He and Dawn hugged and exchanged a brief kiss on the lips. “I hope you haven’t changed your mind.”

  “No. You’re early.” Dawn sighed as she looked Jacob up and down. “You look great. And smell great.”

  “Bulgari. Only the best.”

  “I still haven’t put my makeup on.”

  “Makeup? You?” Jacob winked.

  “Well, it’s a special night.”

  Jacob smiled and kissed Dawn again. He said, “This is for you.” Jacob revealed what he was holding behind his back–a single red rose. “Happy birthday. Or should I say, happy fortieth?”

  “Please don’t.” Dawn pressed the rose to her lips and inhaled the sweet scent. “I think I’m going to pretend I stopped at thirty-nine and never count again.” She looked up into Jacob’s deep brown eyes and added, “Thank you.”

  “The rose isn’t your gift. I just didn’t want to arrive empty-handed.”

  “Where are you taking me? You’ve been so secretive with your plans.”

  “You’ll see.” Jacob smiled a crooked grin. “I did make reservations, though. So you should finish getting ready.”

  “Sorry.” Dawn sniffed the rose again and smiled, wishing she could bottle the flower’s scent to use as her perfume for the evening. “Give me ten minutes.”

  Dawn took the private elevator back up to the top floor. She ended up needing fifteen minutes to fix her hair and get dressed. Dawn’s makeup routine amounted to nothing more than some pale pink lipstick. When she returned to the main floor, she found Jacob sitting in a Barcelona chair near the fireplace, enjoying a glass of red wine.

  “How do I look?” Dawn asked. She spun around, causing her knee-length black dress to twirl upward, hugging her curvaceous hips. The sapphire pendant draped around her neck shimmered from the overhead lights. “Do I look forty?”