by MJ Howson
Dawn went to her wardrobe closet and grabbed a pair of black silk pajamas. After inspecting them, she returned them to the drawer and went to the back of the closet. She found a set of blue silk pajamas from her mother’s collection and put them on.
Dawn walked to her bed and slid beneath the covers, repositioning Eve to rest against the pillow beside her. The day’s paper was lying on the nightstand. Beneath it was Eve’s diary. Dawn grabbed the paper and started browsing the articles. As always, the art and fashion pages called to her. A new gallery had recently opened at 20 Hudson Yards. After reading about the owner and works on display, Dawn said, “I wonder if my new paintings will be good enough to get into this gallery.” She glanced at Eve and asked, “What do you think?”
Read my diary.
The fragile voice echoed throughout the bedroom. Frustration and confusion enveloped Dawn. Her head whipped back and forth as she looked around, hoping to see someone. Anyone. But it was just her and Eve. Dawn’s voice fluttered as she asked, “Who . . . who said that?”
After several seconds, the voice returned, louder and more insistent than before.
Read my diary.
There was something familiar in the tone, if not the words. A sense of pleading felt woven within the echo. Dawn’s eyes widened as waves of clarity began to wash over her. She whispered, “I . . . I know that voice.” The temperature in the room seemed to drop a few degrees as reality replaced imagination. She lowered the newspaper and set her gaze upon Eve. Dawn’s heart raced as her mind slowly came to a conclusion she both dreaded and desired.
“That’s . . . you that I’m hearing,” Dawn said. “From my dreams. Isn’t it?” Dawn picked Eve up and placed the doll on her lap. As she did, Eve’s eyes clicked and clacked open and closed. Dawn ran her fingers through Eve’s curly hair. “Tell me, Eve. Please.”
Dawn leaned closer until her face was mere inches from Eve’s. The doll’s jewel-like sapphire eyes shimmered as Eve stared back. Dawn’s pounding heart reverberated throughout her body. She knew deep down Eve was inside trying to escape. Dawn leaned closer to the doll’s ear and said, “It’s okay, Eve. You can trust me. The doctor told me that trust is a two-way street. I . . . I know it’s you in there.”
Several seconds passed before Eve finally spoke. When she did, her pink-painted lips did not move. Her jaw remained stationary, and her jewel-like eyes stayed open. But Dawn knew the voice belonged to Eve.
“Read my diary,” Eve said, her voice no longer echoing.
Dawn looked at Eve in awe, studying her face. She brushed the doll’s rosy cheeks and ran her fingers through her wavy copper locks. She leaned closer to Eve, gazed into her sapphire blue eyes, and said, “Again.”
“Read my diary,” Eve said.
“I . . . I knew it.” Dawn’s eyes welled with tears. “I just knew it.” She’d felt drawn to the doll since first laying eyes on her at Zuni. What started in her nightmares was finally free. Everything suddenly made sense to her.
Dawn pulled Eve close and hugged her. She wondered if this is how a mother felt the first time she held her newborn child. Dawn whispered in Eve’s ear, “It’s been you, hasn’t it?” Dawn kissed Eve’s curly red locks and sighed. “Since this morning. You’ve . . . you’ve been trying to come out.” She placed Eve by her side against the pillow. “Janet said I was the one. She was right, wasn’t she?” Dawn waited for Eve to respond. When she didn’t, she asked, “Well?”
“Read my diary.”
“Your diary?” Dawn frowned and stared at Eve. “After everything that’s happened, that’s . . . that’s all you’ve got to say?” She waited for any sort of response, but Eve remained silent. Dawn’s disappointment in the doll’s limited vocabulary quickly faded away. She smiled, knowing Eve was speaking. “Well, okay. Have it your way.”
Dawn wiped her cheeks dry, grabbed the diary from the nightstand, and placed the book on her lap. She pulled Eve close as she bundled the sheets around the two of them. The camel-colored leather diary felt comforting in her hands. Dawn felt a sense of peace slowly envelope her and Eve. The darkness that had consumed her since the miscarriage faded away.
The pages snapped as Dawn flipped through the book, searching for the end of the section about Charles. As she rifled along, Dawn couldn’t stop smiling, knowing Eve was free. She reached the next entry, dated June. “Here we are,” Dawn said. She turned to Eve and asked, “So, what happens next?”
Twenty Two
Billy
June 29, 2012
Eve looked across the room at Billy, flopped in his lumpy bed. The other three kids were all tucked beneath their sheets. A plate with what was left of Billy’s emerald green frosted birthday cake sat on his nightstand next to a black piggy bank. Green hand-painted dollar signs covered the small pig-shaped bank. Billy’s mother had made the bank for him in a ceramics class a few years ago. Three box fans positioned in different corners of the room pushed warm, damp air throughout the bedroom.
Tina was curled in a ball with her face buried in her pillow. The poor girl had long given up on trying to win Billy’s heart. The two barely spoke, making for many awkward moments together. Hugo was busy eating a sliver of birthday cake he’d managed to snatch from Billy’s plate shortly after everyone returned from the party. Suzie was fast asleep.
“Hey, Fats,” Billy said to Hugo.
“I told you not to call me that,” Hugo replied.
Billy pointed at the plate with the cake and said, “This is mine. Don’t even think of stealing another piece tonight.”
“Whatever.” Hugo crammed the last chunk of cake into his mouth and flung the covers over his head.
One look at Billy and anyone could tell he would grow up to become a very handsome man. His olive skin, silky black hair, and chiseled jawline were destined to carry on the family tradition of beautiful Italian-American men.
Caretaker had taken the children hiking in the nearby trails as part of Billy’s birthday celebration. Eve finished writing about the outing in her diary before closing it and tucking it beneath her pillow. She grabbed a folded piece of paper and then walked over and stood beside Billy’s bed. Like the rest of them, Billy kept his flannel blanket folded at the foot of the bed. The warm summer air meant only sheets were needed. Just like the blankets, the sheets were color-matched to the children’s robes. Billy, his dark green bedding wrapped tightly around him, immediately put a protective hand over his birthday cake.
“I don’t want any cake,” Eve said.
“Oh,” Billy replied. He briefly glanced at his piggy bank. “Then, what?”
Eve looked at the other three kids in their beds and then at the locked wooden door. She said, “You know she’s going to take you away. Caretaker.”
“Probably.”
“Are you scared?”
“Why would I be? I’m going home.”
“I guess.” Eve sighed as she sat next to Billy. “But why do they do it in the middle of the night?”
“I don’t know.”
“It’s weird, right?”
“Everything about this place is weird.” Billy jammed his finger into the nearby cake and scooped up a bit of emerald frosting. He licked it and said, “Like that gate in the hallway.”
“Right?” Eve scooted closer to Billy. “What’s on the other side?”
Billy shrugged but didn’t respond and, instead, snagged a bit more frosting.
“I hate that everyone just disappears,” Eve said. “Caretaker keeps saying she’s trying to get us in touch with Anna and Charles, but I don’t believe her.”
“She said they’re safe. And it’s not like they could text us.”
“Phones are against the rules.” Eve lowered her head and sighed. “So many rules here.”
“Well, I’m just glad it’s almost over.” Billy inched closer to Eve. “I . . . I had a lot of fun with you today.”
“Me too.” Eve blushed as she recalled how much time she’d spent with Billy during the hike. “I
wanted to give you something.” Eve handed Billy the folded piece of paper. “Don’t let Caretaker find it.”
Billy opened the note and silently read Eve’s contact info to himself. He looked up and said, “Thanks. Do you want mine?”
“I’m worried Caretaker will find it. I don’t trust her.” The snap of the door unlocking startled Eve, causing her to jump. “Hide it, Billy.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll put it somewhere safe.”
Eve stood up and was surprised to feel Billy take her hand into his. He pulled her closer.
“You’ve been a good friend,” Billy said. He held the note between them. “I promise to find you when we’re both free.”
Eve grinned and let go of Billy. He shoved the note beneath the blanket just as Caretaker entered the room. Eve quickly scurried back to her bed and dove beneath her bright red sheets.
“What are you doing out of bed?” Caretaker asked Eve. “You know the rules.”
“My fault,” Billy said. “I was trying to get her to have some more cake.”
“You?” Caretaker balanced her tray with the glasses and pill bowl as she used her body to close the door. “Since when did you start sharing?”
Billy looked across the room at Eve and winked. Eve felt herself blush as she rolled sideways to hide her smile.
Caretaker, dressed in her drab gray robe, walked to Hugo’s bed and woke him to get him to take his vitamin. She then went to Suzie, followed by Tina, and then to Eve.
“Time for your vitamin,” Caretaker said.
“So, are you going to get word to Billy once he’s gone too?” Eve’s tone was cocky. She grabbed the glass of water and the last pill from the bowl. “Like you did with Anna and Charles?”
“I don’t think I like your attitude.” Caretaker placed the wooden tray on Eve’s mattress and folded her arms across her chest. A nearby fan caused her robe to flutter in the breeze. She glared at the pill in Eve’s hand and waited until Eve tossed it in her mouth and drank some water. “Show me.”
Eve opened her mouth wide and handed Caretaker the glass. As Caretaker walked away, Eve rolled over and spat the pill into her hand, tucking it beneath her pillow.
“Did you enjoy the hike in the woods?” Caretaker asked Billy.
“Well, it was kind of hot,” Billy said. “But it was nice to be outside.”
Caretaker brushed Billy’s hair back behind his ears. She said, “No more vitamins for you. Get to sleep.”
Tina sat up and glared across the room at Billy and Caretaker. She opened her mouth to object, but Caretaker shot her a look and waved her a finger of disapproval. Tina frowned and dove back beneath her green sheet, mumbling something in Spanish.
Caretaker stood up and made her way around the room, collecting everyone’s glasses. Once she got to the door, she turned off the light and said, “Sweet dreams.”
The door closed with a thump, followed by the snapping of the lock. Light spilled from the gap beneath the door, bathing the room in a dim glow. The only sound in the room came from the rattling box fans as they struggled to stay in place on the lumpy uneven stone floor.
Eve’s heart pounded in her chest. She knew she had to stay awake until Billy was taken. She just wasn’t sure how long that would take. Eve tossed the covers from her bed and walked over to Billy. She knelt beside him, the rough cobblestones digging into her knees. Eve whispered, “Wake me when they come for you.”
“Wake you?” Billy asked. “Why?”
“I want to hear what happens.”
“Okay. Um, how?”
“I don’t know. Think of something. You’re . . . you’re smart.”
“Okay.” Billy reached out and fumbled until he found Eve’s hand. He squeezed her fingers gently. “And I promise to find a way back to you.”
Eve once again felt herself blushing as she skipped back to her bed. She managed to stay awake for over an hour but soon fell asleep. A crash eventually woke her. She flinched and then froze, pretending to stay sleeping.
“Billy!” Caretaker said, her voice barely a whisper.
“My cake!” Billy said. “I’m sorry.”
Eve kept her back facing the door. The lights were off, but the open doorway allowed the hallway’s light to fill the room. She looked at Billy sit up in his bed in the far corner of the room. He glanced at Eve and grinned.
“I’ll have to clean this up later,” Caretaker said as she reached the mess beside his bed. “I brought your bag. You need to pack your things.”
“Where are we going?”
“Just pack your bag.”
Billy followed Caretaker to the armoire, his piggy bank tucked beneath his arm. He stopped to stare at the serpent’s head staring down from above the arched top. He opened the twin doors. The bottom two shelves were now empty. Billy grabbed his black duffel bag and started to fill it with his belongings, being extra careful to secure the ceramic pig in the middle of the clothes.
“Are my parents there?”
“Yes. Now, hurry.”
Caretaker waited by the door, watching to be sure the other children were still asleep. Eve remained motionless, listening intently to everything happening behind her. Billy soon finished packing his bag. The armoire door closed with a creak and a snap.
“Follow me,” Caretaker said to Billy.
The room darkened as the main door closed and locked. Eve removed the pill and her diary from beneath her pillow. She sat up and looked around the room. She suddenly realized that she needed to dispose of the pill. But where?
The light shining from the one-inch gap beneath the door came far into the room. Although dim, it was bright enough so Eve could see the plate Billy had dropped. Eve cautiously approached the scattered shards. She sorted through the pieces until she found a jagged triangular-shaped one. She placed the pill on the cobblestone floor and crushed it with the jagged spike. Eve then mixed the remains into the bits of cake. She smiled and went back to her bed and grabbed her pen and diary. Eve went and flopped by the light coming from beneath the door.
Just as she did after the last birthday party, Eve opened her diary and wrote down everything she’d seen and heard. Once she finished, she went back to her bed and hid the diary beneath her pillow. It took Eve a long time to fall asleep. When she awoke the next morning, she looked over at Billy’s bed. The cake and shattered plate beside it were gone, and the bed had been stripped bare.
Twenty Three
History
Dawn tightened the emerald chiffon scarf around her neck, adjusting the fit to cover her chin. The wind along the High Line this morning whipped the low fifty-degree air right through her thin black wool coat. The crisp mid-October weather only served to energize her pace as she pushed Eve’s carriage along the elevated walkway. The doll nestled inside was wrapped in a blanket, her eyes closed.
Before leaving the Spire, she’d donned a pair of gold-framed Prada sunglasses with a tint that faded from light to dark. Dawn kept her hair tucked beneath a black beret to hide her dark roots. The grin on her face displayed a set of pink painted lips. Dawn felt like a new person, wearing eyeliner for the first time in years.
Tourists and locals enjoying the morning sun speckled the route north to Hudson Yards. Dawn smiled as she spotted a young woman headed toward her pushing a baby carriage. The two women slowed and stopped beside one another, blocking part of the walkway, much to the chagrin of others trying to walk by.
“Good morning,” Dawn said as she flipped her sunglasses away. “We’ve got a bit of a breeze today.”
“Just a bit,” the other woman replied with a thick Latin accent.
Dawn darted her eyes between the woman and her carriage. Both were looking a bit worn and disheveled. She glanced inside the stroller and noticed a round baby boy yawning and waving his arms. Dawn asked, “Is he yours?”
“Of course he’s mine. What kind of question is that?”
“I’m sorry. I . . . I didn’t mean any disrespect.” Dawn forced a smile, hoping the w
oman would reciprocate. “He’s adorable.”
The woman, now frowning and with her arms crossed, peered into Dawn’s carriage. Her eyes widened at the sight of Eve. She looked at Dawn and said, “You’re pushing a doll around?” Her elevated voice caused passersby to glance at the two of them. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Excuse me?” Dawn looked down at Eve inside the carriage. She leaned inside and adjusted the blanket wrapped around her. The doll’s eyes snapped open. Dawn glanced back at the woman and said, “There’s . . . there’s nothing wrong.”
“Tell her about me,” Eve said.
Dawn turned back to face Eve. The doll’s sapphire blue eyes seemed to sparkle in the sun.
“This is Eve,” Dawn said as she stood upright. “She’s part of my therapy. From my miscarriage. It’s a long story.”
“How the hell is pushing a doll around therapy?” The woman rolled her eyes. “Seems stupid to me.”
Dawn lowered her head and reached inside to caress Eve’s curly hair. She whispered, “Ignore her, Eve.”
“Confront her,” Eve said.
Dawn stared at Eve and debated what to do. She briefly wondered if it was worth getting into a discussion with a stranger. But then she looked at Eve’s mesmerizing eyes and remembered how close they’d become since Eve finally began talking to her. Dawn stood upright and glared at the other woman.
“Who are you to question my therapy?” Dawn leaned forward as she continued. “I’ve had five miscarriages. Five! Each has been more traumatic than the last. My doctor’s encouraged this.”
“I’m . . . I’m sorry.” The woman lowered her head and pulled her stroller closer, taking a few steps away. “I didn’t know.”
“Insult her,” Eve said.
“No, you didn’t, did you?” Dawn replied, her confidence growing with each word she spoke. “Look at you with your ratty coat and rusted carriage. Maybe if you spent less money feeding your fat kid, you’d be able to afford nicer clothes!”
“What?” The woman looked around at the stares from the people who had slowed to listen in on the conversation. “I was right. You are crazy!”