by MJ Howson
Maybe another time.
“Fuck.” Jacob tossed his phone onto the bed. A sense of dread washed over him as he worried he may have pushed Dawn away too often for too long. She was still his best option for a new place to live, even if only temporarily. “I can’t let her shut me out.”
Thirty Seven
Shattered
The mirrored walls in the Spire’s express elevator surrounded Jacob with seemingly endless reflections of himself. He spent a few moments admiring the fit of his clothes and his slicked-back hair. In his rush to come to Dawn’s, he forgot to do his usual makeup routine to try and conceal his scar. He frowned, knowing he needed to be on his A-game.
The bag of dim sum in Jacob’s hand filled the elevator with the scent of sesame and ginger. The doors opened to the brightly lit foyer. Jacob paused again to check his reflection in the closest mirror. He felt his hair seemed a bit over gelled but shrugged it off. Jacob opened the door to Dawn’s apartment and stepped inside. He was surprised to find it pitch black.
“Dawn?” Jacob called out. He waited a few seconds but heard nothing in the darkness. “Evelyn, turn on the lights.”
“Turning on the lights,” Evelyn responded.
The lights in the living room, kitchen, and dining room slowly illuminated. Jacob grinned a crooked smile, causing his upper lip to twist. This was his first time testing his guest access capabilities with the smart home system.
“Evelyn, is Dawn here?”
“Dawn Easton is not in the apartment.”
Jacob scratched his stubbled chin and wondered about the system’s capabilities. He asked, “Evelyn, do you know where Dawn is?”
“There are no appointments on her calendar.”
“So, you know her schedule. Interesting.”
Jacob removed his coat and brought the dim sum to the kitchen, leaving the bag on the counter. He paused to inspect the high-end appliances and glass backsplash tiles. Jacob went to the wine cooler and retrieved a bottle of merlot. He opened it and poured himself a glass of wine.
“Evelyn, can you find Dawn based on her phone?”
“Sorry, I don’t understand the question.”
Jacob took a sip and sighed. He asked, “Evelyn, do you know where Dawn’s phone is?”
“Sorry, I don’t understand the question.”
“I guess it was worth a try.” Jacob walked to the wall of windows and pressed his nose against the glass. New Jersey looked beautiful this late in the evening, the building lights reflecting off the Hudson. “I’m going to lose this view and that dumpy apartment with Sean?”
Jacob opened the door to the terrace. The wind immediately swirled into the apartment. He stepped outside and closed the door. The cold December air nipped at his ears and nose. Jacob walked to the edge and leaned over the railing, looking south to admire One World Trade Center. “I can’t lose all of this.”
As he turned to go back inside, he heard a crunch beneath his foot. Jacob knelt down to find a crushed prescription pill bottle. Two feet away, tucked in the corner, were two more bottles rattling in the wind. He grabbed both and went inside.
Jacob brought the pill bottles to the living room and sat beside a lamp. One was labeled Aripiprazole, another Alprazolam, and the last one Fluoxetine. His eyes slowly drifted to the name of the prescribing physician–Dr. Winston Cole. He vaguely recognized the drug names and assumed they were for Dawn’s anxiety and depression. Jacob glanced back at the terrace and wondered why the bottles were outside.
Jacob took a gulp of wine, stood up, and shoved the bottles into his pocket. He walked over to the closed door to Dawn’s art studio. He paused briefly, holding his hand above the handle. Jacob slowly opened the door. The smell of paint overwhelmed Jacob as he stepped inside the brightly lit room.
Splashes of paint covered the concrete floor. Over a dozen paintings hung from the walls. Jacob walked through the room, inspecting them. He was taken aback by how similar their designs were, differing only in the colors used. An easel in the middle of the room held Dawn’s latest work.
“What is this?” Jacob said as he studied the painting. “A sunrise?”
The canvas contained two hills with what appeared to be a sun rising between them. Unlike her multi-colored designs hanging on the walls, this painting lacked color. It had the basic outlines of the hills, done in black. Black and red acrylic paints of various shades smeared a nearby palette.
Jacob frowned. Despite a decade spent modeling, he never understood artwork. He crossed paths with many well-known, even revered, artists. In his mind, it was all paint by numbers, and most of it awful. True art came from a camera lens and the eye of the photographer.
Jacob left the studio, closing the door behind him. He went to the spiral staircase and ascended to the second floor. The entrance to the nursery was closed. He opened it, surprised to find the nightlight projector beaming red comets and stars across the ceiling and walls. Jacob walked over to the crib and stared at the doll inside.
Eve, her eyes closed, appeared peaceful tucked beneath a stained white cotton blanket. Jacob reached in, grabbed the doll with one hand, and picked it up. As he raised the doll upright, the eyes clicked open. Jacob was shocked to see the dirty, tattered dress and stains covering the doll’s face. Eve’s clothes smelled of coffee and wine.
“You’ve been nothing but a pain in my side,” Jacob said. He pressed his face against Eve’s nose and glared into the doll’s jewel-like eyes. “What makes you so special?”
Jacob lowered the doll and turned it upside down. He poked and prodded, running his hands beneath and around the ruby-red velvet dress, twisting the porcelain limbs. When he turned Eve back upright, the locket beneath her dress became exposed. Jacob slid his fingers around it, studying the W and 12/22 inscriptions. He tried to open the pendant, but the clasp remained resilient. He sighed and dropped the doll back into the cradle. Eve landed face down, her eyes snapping closed.
Jacob returned to the hallway and ascended to the top floor. He walked through Dawn’s bedroom and into her bathroom. Jacob quickly began going through the drawers and cabinets, searching for other prescription pills. After looking everywhere, he reached into his pocket and retrieved the pill bottles he’d found on the terrace.
“You can’t tell me these are the only ones,” Jacob said. He walked into the bedroom, staring at the bottles in his hand. He read the fill date on the labels and frowned. The scripts were less than a month old. He could only assume Dawn had stopped taking them and then thrown them away.
As he tried to put the bottles back into his pocket, one of them caught a belt loop, tumbled to the floor, and rolled beneath her bed. Jacob dropped to his knees and began to search for the bottle. His hand brushed against the jewelry box.
Jacob slowly retrieved the container. He sat down on the floor, resting his back against the nightstand. Jacob opened the box and studied the pill bottle and diary. He ignored the book and grabbed the bottle, briefly shaking it, causing the drugs inside to rattle. The label read Clomiphene, prescribed by someone named. Dr. Jose Builes.
Jacob slid his hand into his pocket, searching for his phone. He sighed when he remembered he left it in his coat. Jacob glanced up at the ceiling and asked, “Evelyn, can you search the internet?”
“Yes,” the voice assistant replied.
“Evelyn, what’s the drug Clomiphene?”
Jacob stared at the bottle, wondering if Dawn had a second therapist she was seeing. Dr. Builes was a name he didn’t recognize. His thoughts were soon interrupted by the smart home system.
“Clomiphene citrate is taken orally to stimulate ovulation by causing the pituitary gland to release hormones that will force the egg to detach from the ovary.”
“Ovulation?” Jacob’s grip on the pill bottle stiffened. He glanced at the date the script was filled–12/07/2019–less than two weeks ago. Waves of anger pulsed through his veins. “You bitch.”
Jacob stood up, leaving the box and diary on the floor. He j
ammed the pill bottle into his pocket and left the bedroom. Jacob’s mind raced with questions as he made his way down the spiral staircase. How long has she been taking fertility drugs? Was she on these earlier this year when she got pregnant? Was getting knocked up her plan all along? Was she playing me all this time? Me?
By the time Jacob reached the first floor, he was furious. He marched over to the living room and grabbed his wine glass. Jacob chugged back half of it and then sighed. He went back to the kitchen to refill his glass.
“Evelyn, turn on the fireplace.”
“Turning on the fireplace.”
Across the room, the glass rocks in the fireplace began to shimmer. Soon, they were radiating a bright glow.
Jacob tried to calm himself as he returned to the living room. He took a seat in one of the Barcelona chairs near the fireplace and turned it to face the front door. Jacob took a small sip of wine, keeping his eye on the entrance. He had no idea when Dawn would return, but he was determined to get answers, even if he had to wait until morning.
∞∞∞
Dawn struggled to open the door to her apartment. One hand held a paper bag with her takeout dinner. The other carried her purse and a half-torn plastic bag containing items from the local drug store. She finally managed to get the door open. The smart home system automatically triggered the indoor lighting whenever she got home at night, so she wasn’t surprised to see the lights already illuminated.
She kicked her shoes off and walked barefoot to the kitchen, dropping all three bags on the counter. Dawn removed her coat and tossed it over one of the stools.
“Welcome home,” Jacob said, his tone calm with just the slightest hint of disdain.
Dawn screamed in shock. She spun around, stunned to see Jacob sitting beside the fireplace. It took her a moment to compose herself.
“You scared the shit out of me,” Dawn said. “How did you get in here?”
“Guest access.” Jacob remained seated, methodically running his finger across the rim of his wine glass. “Remember?”
“Oh. Right. I . . . I forgot.” Dawn looked at the open bottle of almost empty wine and the takeout bag beside it. She glanced at Jacob and asked, “You brought dinner?”
“I thought I’d surprise you.”
“But I told you I wasn’t hungry.”
“Then what’s in the paper bag?”
Dawn looked at the pad thai she’d brought home for dinner and frowned. She sighed and said, “I changed my mind.”
Jacob stood up, downed the rest of his wine, and walked to the kitchen. Dawn took a few steps back, trying to keep on the opposite side of the island. Jacob leaned against the counter and asked, “What’s going on, Dawn? If you didn’t want to see me tonight, why lie about it?”
“I’m sorry. I . . . I just needed time.”
“For what?”
Jacob stepped into the kitchen and selected a wine glass from the cabinet. He emptied the rest of the merlot into a glass for Dawn and brought it to her. She took a small sip and then took a few steps back.
“To figure out how to tell you.”
“Tell me what?”
Dawn looked into Jacob’s big brown eyes and bright white smile. His scar looked oddly menacing this evening. A small part of her could not resist his handsome face and charming grin. She looked into her glass and said, “We don’t see this working out.”
“Are you breaking up with me?” Jacob’s brow furrowed. “Wait. We?”
“Eve and I. We don’t like liars.”
“Liar? Me?” Jacob’s tone darkened as anger filled his voice. He stepped closer and pointed at Dawn. “Do you hear yourself? We? Your obsession with that doll has to end.”
“It’s not an obsession. She makes me happy.”
“She makes you happy?” Jacob scoffed and shook his head. “What about me? Us? We were doing great before . . . before . . . .” Jacob scratched his jaw anxiously.
“Go ahead, say it.”
“Before you got pregnant.”
“And that’s the problem, Jacob.” Dawn suddenly felt empowered. She reminded herself of his endless excuses for being unavailable. Jacob had become a different man since her pregnancy. She wasn’t the one that changed. It was him. “You never accepted the baby we made. You never embraced your role. My . . . my pregnancy was a miracle.”
“Miracle?” Jacob reached into his pocket and retrieved the bottle of Clomiphene. He slammed it on the counter in front of Dawn, causing the pills inside to rattle loudly. “Bullshit!”
Dawn stared at the bottle, her eyes widening. Her heart pounded with fear and confusion. She suddenly found herself unable to move.
“You’ve got the nerve to call me a liar?” Jacob said. He pulled the other bottles from his pocket and placed them on the counter. “When did you stop taking these?”
Dawn stared at the bottles in disbelief. She slowly reached over and picked up one of the crushed containers, studying it as if it had returned from the dead. Without looking at Jacob, she asked, “Where did you get these?”
“How long have you been on these fertility pills?”
Dawn’s eyes immediately darted to the bottle of Clomiphene. Her quivering heart settled as anger filled her chest. She looked at Jacob and asked, “Why are you snooping around my apartment?”
“Answer me, Dawn.”
Dawn’s hands trembled as she scooped all four bottles into her hands. She felt tears well up as she walked past Jacob and over to the trash bin, tossing the three empty ones away. Dawn turned to Jacob and said, “Eve was right. She told me not to trust you.”
“Eve?”
“She’s been telling me what a liar you were. And how you couldn’t be trusted. I fought for you, Jacob! I didn’t want to believe her. But now I know the truth. I should have listened to her from the beginning.”
Jacob stared at Dawn, disbelief washing across his face.
“You’re talking to that doll? And she’s talking back? You’re more messed up than I thought.” Jacob turned away and leaned against the kitchen counter. He let his eyes absorb the kitchen, dining, and living rooms. His look became melancholy as his gaze settled on the stunning view of the Hudson. He looked back at Dawn, his eyes now filled with rage. “What a waste of my time and money you’ve been. You’re as fucked up as your mother.”
“What?”
The comparison to her mother shocked Dawn. Her confidence from earlier suddenly vanished as she wondered what Jacob meant.
“I was a fashion model for a decade. Do you think I don’t know about her?” Jacob looked around Dawn’s place and shook his head. “And now, because of you, I’m going to end up in some shithole apartment living God knows where.”
Jacob marched toward the spiral staircase. Dawn watched Jacob in disbelief as if a complete stranger had suddenly appeared in her apartment. She quickly followed him, asking, “Where are you going?”
Jacob paused at the base of the stairs. He looked back over his shoulder and, in a voice filled with calm clarity, said, “To set you free.”
Jacob ran up the staircase, his long legs jumping two to three steps at a time. Dawn, her bare feet slapping against the black and white marble stairs, raced after him. Her heart pounded in her chest as she watched Jacob enter the nursery.
“What are you doing?” Dawn cried from the hallway. She stepped inside the room to find Jacob reaching into the crib. “Stop!”
Dawn ran to Jacob and pounded her fists against his arm. He ignored her blows and picked Eve up with one hand, holding the doll by her throat. Eve’s eyes snapped open.
“Don’t hurt my baby!” Dawn reached up and grabbed Eve, yanking her from Jacob’s grip. The doll’s dress tore from the struggle. He quickly used his other hand to pull the doll back. Dawn’s fingers grasped one of Eve’s white leather shoes and tore it from her foot. “Stop!”
Dawn coiled her body and, with all her might, slapped Jacob across the face. He immediately dropped the doll and grabbed his jaw. Eve’s eyes snapp
ed closed as she fell into the crib. Dawn kicked Jacob in the knee, causing him to crash to the floor. She scooped Eve into her arms and ran to the hallway, ascending the spiral staircase to her bedroom. She whipped the door closed and twisted the lock.
“Are you okay?” Dawn clutched Eve close to her chest and went and sat on the bed. She carefully ran her shaking hands across Eve’s stained porcelain face, inspecting her tattered dress. As she tipped the doll up, the eyes clicked open. Dawn took Eve by one of her tiny ceramic hands and asked, “What is it?”
“Bad men must be punished,” Eve said.
Suddenly the bedroom doorframe shattered, causing Dawn to scream. The door whipped open. Jacob’s foot wavered as he lowered his leg to the ground and entered the room.
“Stay away!” Dawn yelled, tightening her arms around Eve. “Get out of here!”
Jacob remained silent, his chest heaving as he breathed. His hair, tattered and sloppy, dangled in front of his eyes. He walked to Dawn and grabbed the doll with one hand, using another to pin Dawn in place.
“Stop!” Dawn cried out. She tried to stand up and run, but Jacob was too strong, keeping her pressed into her bed. As she felt Eve slip from her grasp, Dawn screamed, “No!”
Jacob yanked the doll free, causing the bow to be ripped from the doll’s hair. He then walked to the terrace and opened the door.
“Stop!” Dawn jumped from her bed and began pummeling Jacob’s back and shoulders. “What are you doing?”
“Something I should have done a long time ago.”
Jacob stepped out onto the patio. The blood-red LED lighting from the top of the Spire hummed far above the penthouse. Everything on the terrace glowed from the pulsating light. Jacob crossed the patio carrying Eve upside down by her leg. Eve’s eyes snapped closed. He walked to the edge of the balcony and raised the doll.
“Stop!” Dawn screamed. “Please! I beg you!”
Jacob stood there in the blackness of the night. Every few seconds, his face would glow crimson, his scar remaining black like his eyes. The overhead light would soon dim, and Jacob would briefly fade into the shadows.