Resist Me (Unchained Attraction Book 4)

by K. L. Shandwick

  “Because I didn’t realize we had to run everything past you, Tammy,” her brother admonished without expanding on my history with Erin. “To be frank, I’m embarrassed by your behavior today. I used to pride myself in my family’s ability to accept all comers, regardless of someone’s history.”

  “Listen—” Tammy said, trying to cut in.

  “No, you listen. Caitlin married a construction worker, you’re married to a driven businessman, and Lorna … well, I’ve never seen Lorna with a boyfriend. Sawyer married Billie and there’s an age gap there. Yet, when it comes to me, you’ve found exception toward the person I’ve chosen? Seriously, after the shit I went through with Charlotte?” he sighed, sounding disappointed. “Well, fuck you, Tammy, get over yourself.”

  Turning away from her, he led me back from the kitchen through the hallway and out of the patio doors, to where his parents, Lorna, and Sawyer were sitting. All the older children were playing lawn games far enough away they couldn’t have heard the adults talking.

  “We’re going to take off. Tricia’s had a very difficult week with her mom’s funeral. I’m going to take her back to New York. She’s not been sleeping very well, and I think being in our own bed will help.”

  Tammy followed us outside and when I glanced over, Billie gave me a sympathetic smile. I figured she thought James was right to be angry. Sawyer stood, his eyes blazing with anger and put his hand on his brother’s shoulder.

  “No, James, I heard some of your conversation with our Tammy and I won’t stand by and let her prejudice you and Tricia out of here. Sorry, Mom, I know this is your birthday, but what’s been going on between Tammy and James is far too important to let them walk away without straightening their argument out.”

  “Why? What did you say, Tammy?” Caitlin asked.

  James flashed Sawyer an angry look, but his brother continued, “Tricia’s already part of this family, and I’m ashamed at how Tammy has taken it upon herself to get up in James and Tricia’s business. This family has been through enough shit without one of us meddling in the relationships of others. You all know the painful history that exists between James and me, but we’re good now, in fact we’re great, he’s the big brother I always wanted.”

  “That makes me so happy to hear you talk about your brother this way,” Harriett interjected.

  “I’m glad you’re happy, Mom. You brought us up not to judge, yet Tammy thinks James should find someone else because … well, let’s say it as it is, she thinks Tricia’s too old to have children.” Harriett gasped in horror and stared at her daughter.

  “Tammy, is this true?” she asked?

  “Why are you asking her? Why not ask James if what she said was true? Tricia has a daughter from a previous relationship. I’m not going to go into the whole story, but Billie and I have been privileged to know what these two have been going through. The child was adopted at birth and Tricia has punished herself for years because her mom made her give that child up. So, Tammy, perhaps you’d like to imagine that for a minute?”

  In that instant all eyes were on me and I thought I was going to faint, but James held me firm. Sawyer’s unexpected disclosure about Erin had laid my secret bare. I knew he hadn’t done it with malice, but to put his sister firmly back in her place.

  Tammy hugged herself and looked to her husband for support. Jonathan looked away in disgust and it was clear she was on her own.

  “However, Erin, Tricia’s daughter, has found her way back and they are all figuring things out,” Sawyer continued after his bombshell about me had settled. “The last thing Tricia or James need is anyone bitching and dissecting how they have chosen to live, because their arrangement doesn’t suit an idea of what Tammy thinks it should be.”

  “Can I say something?” Caitlin asked, her hand in the air, as she looked at Tammy first, then to James and I. “I apologize on my sister’s behalf. I can only view what happened to you from the other side of adoption. Brock’s mom was only eighteen when she had him.” She smiled, sympathetically. “We still keep in touch with her twice a year and Brock has always known he’s adopted. If you ever want to talk, you can call me anytime. And for the record, Tammy, I think Tricia is perfect for James. Before Charlotte he had a loose reputation, and after what she did, I never imagined he’d ever settle down with anyone.”

  Feeling stronger for all their support, I felt it only right that I smooth things out a little. The last thing I wanted to happen was derision between James and his siblings.

  “Now that I’ve calmed down, I’d like to say I understand Tammy’s point, and I’d like to cut her some slack because she felt she was looking out for her brother, no matter how misguided her comments have been. I understand how she feels, and at one time I had felt the same. It was one of the main reasons why I had tried to resist falling for James,” I said.

  “Tricia told me she couldn’t give me kids and told me to find someone else, but I really don’t care about a child of my own. Look at them,” James added, nodding toward their children. “I have plenty of kids to spoil, and we have Erin, who we are excited to know.”

  “I have never seen James look at any woman the way he looks at you,” Lorna added, which surprised me, as she hadn’t spoke to me all that day.

  “Thanks, everyone, we appreciate your support,” James said and scowled again at Tammy.

  “You’re my son’s choice, and a mighty fine one, my dear. My sons have great taste in women … like their father,” Ronnie said with a smile. He took Harriett’s hand in his and patted it. “Happy birthday, sweetheart, I bet this is a birthday you’ll never forget … because I think there was another potential granddaughter in that conversation somewhere.”

  Harriett chuckled. “That’s why you are such a fabulous businessman, Ronnie, you can sniff the commodities out in a whole jumble of conversations.” Everyone laughed and Tammy looked suitably embarrassed. I actually felt sorry for her, because had it been the other way around and James had been my brother, I couldn’t swear with my hand on my heart I would not have reacted the same.

  “Right, now that’s settled we’ll be seeing you at the twins’ birthday party?” Billie asked like nothing had happened, and I nodded.

  After the family discussion we only stayed another forty minutes, in which time Tammy apologized, looked sheepish, and eventually burst into tears. It felt touching but I still wasn’t sure whether she’d cried for the fact James would never have children or because her own family had ripped her apart. Either way, it had been made clear to me that I had been welcomed as part of the family.

  Chapter Sixteen

  The following week after our trip to The Hamptons, Marnie called.

  “Tricia, we’re going to have to tell Dad about Erin,” she blurted, sounding alarmed before I could say hello.

  “What?” My heart almost exploded. Why?

  “We’ve been talking about what he wants to do now that Mom has passed away, and he’s decided he wants to sell out. Franco and I had offered to sell our house and move in permanently, but he said he’s had enough of the land. Apparently, he’s wanted to give it up since he was seventy-five, but Mom wouldn’t agree to downsizing.”

  “Damn her. That woman has so much to answer for,” I growled.

  “Yeah, I knew she was overbearing but I had no idea how bad it was for Dad. I’m telling you, Tricia, I’m glad she’s dead or I would have killed her for sure. But that’s not why I called. This morning, Dad asked to make a start cleaning out the attic. You know what a hoarder Mom was, right? Anyway, you remember what it looked like up there with piles of old schoolbooks, stuff from Gran and Gramps’s old place—heaps of shit that should have been thrown out years ago.”

  “And,” I prompted, anxious for her to spill why she’d called.

  “Anyway, so I’m sorting through what needs to go and a couple of hours later Dad brought me a drink and began poking through a section I hadn’t gotten to by then.”

  “Come on, Marnie, get to the point,
” I barked anxiously, as I picked at the leaves of a plant I had stopped by when I’d first answered her.

  “Hidden among all the old cardboard boxes was a small metal lock box—you know—like one of those home file boxes you keep important documents in. There wasn’t a key with it, so Dad busted the lock. Tricia, I almost died because there was a bunch of letters and pictures inside … pictures of Erin.”

  “Pictures of Erin? Of my baby? My mom had pictures all those years and hadn’t shared them with me?” For a moment I couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe, my heart felt as though it had been ripped from my chest. I reached behind me for a chair but I couldn’t reach. I was paralyzed by fear that my dad had found out and I hadn’t been given a chance to explain.

  “No, honey, listen, there are pictures of her as a newborn and a couple for every year of her life. The dates on the envelopes stop about two years ago.”

  “What’s wrong?” James asked, breathless after he’d opened the door to the apartment. He’d stopped dead fresh from his daily run, when he caught sight of my face. I shook my head; speechless from the knowledge my mom had known about Erin for all those years and hadn’t once mentioned her again to me.

  “Have you read the letters?”

  “No … Dad hasn’t either … well, he did the first one, but I’m sure he noted the date on the envelope and he stared at the baby … the thing is he did look at some of the other pictures, but thankfully the last one he saw was when she must have been around sixteen. But you won’t believe how alike you and she were at that age.”

  “Did he say anything?”

  “He did remark how the girl in the pictures reminded him of you but asked me if Mom had ever mentioned those people to me. He mumbled something about them being relatives of Mom or something and remarked how strikingly alike you and Erin were.”

  “Relatives?” I blurted out, confused and I leaned on the back of the couch, physically shaking.

  “Yeah, but I think it was a guess, he didn’t sound like he knew them, maybe he was embarrassed he didn’t know?”

  James moved over to me and slid his hand around my waist. He took my cell from hand and placed it to his ear. My heart rate had gone through the roof and I had begun to shake uncontrollably. Noting this, he led me to the couch and sat me down. With his free hand he pulled me tight to his sweaty chest, and spoke to my sister.

  “She’s in shock. I need the CliffNotes version of what you’ve just told her.” He sat quietly beside me and listened to her relay the story again.

  “If we come to New Jersey is there any way you can bring that over to us tonight?” he asked when she’d finished. Marnie replied and he nodded. “Yeah, she’ll be okay after a sweet tea, I think. She should see those letters and photographs for herself … and read what’s in those letters before your dad does. I think we all do, then we’ll be able to support them both better.

  We drove down to New Jersey and my sister arrived six whole agonizing hours after her phone call earlier that day, in New York. Time had dragged at a snail’s pace.

  When James saw her arrive he opened the door, ran down the steps, and took the small metal box from her hands. Taking it into the living room, he set it down on the low coffee table.

  Like Marnie had said, the lock on the box had been damaged and I shook nervously as I flipped open the lid. Inside were an assortment of envelopes, mainly white, and as I flipped through them. I saw postmarks from Baltimore, Tennessee, Ohio, and Michigan; all the places Erin herself had told me she’d lived. The first was dated April twenty-second, six days after I’d given birth and the last had been a couple of years before Erin had gotten in touch with Marnie.

  My fingers shook as I fumbled with the slit opening in the envelope and pulled out the first. It was a picture of the baby girl I had given birth to. As I studied her face properly for the first time, tears blurred my vision and a sob tore from my throat. This was the image of my baby I’d never gotten to see.

  The photo triggered my mind and immediately took me back to that time, to that horrible room with all those stern-looking faces that had stood around me. They had remained far more vivid than that briefest partial glimpse I’d had of my baby. Until I saw the picture I had held in my hand, Erin had only been a badly angled snapshot from a devastating moment in time.

  Hazel eyes? I had always pictured Erin in my mind with hazel eyes, but they were blue in the picture. I thought to our meeting and knew that she indeed had hazel eyes. Weird how I must have presumed that fact because Donnie had had hazel eyes. Strange how my mind had been tricked.

  I opened the note that came with the picture. It had been written on cheap notebook paper.

  Hey, Alison and John here. As promised here is a snapshot of Erin, taken at six days old. She is a good baby, not fussy like some, and she sleeps for nine hours straight in the night. We think ourselves extremely lucky to have been blessed with this miracle, but to have her sleep most of the night as well is a bonus. She is a very sweet baby and has quickly become the light of our lives.

  Alison and John.

  “The note wasn’t addressed to anyone and had a post office box number on the front. Were these addressed to Mom, but really meant for me? Was I supposed to have had them as she grew up? If that was the case, I’ve spent years wondering, when Mom could have put me out of my misery.”

  “May I?” James asked, pointing at the box.

  “Please, or I’ll never get through them before Marnie goes home,” I replied.

  “Do you want to keep going forward and I’ll scan them and work backward?” he asked.

  “Yeah, that’s a great idea. I’ll want to read them again and again, and Marnie needs to take them back.”

  James sat quietly and sifted through the letters without comment, reading and scanning them into his laptop via his handheld scanner and wireless printer.

  Meanwhile I had continued absorbing the images and letters, which had read like a chronological timeline from Erin’s birth to her high school prom.

  “Well?” I asked, prompting James to give me his thoughts. James smiled and placed his laptop on the end table by his side.

  “Lots of lovely pictures, including her graduation from high school, graduation with a BA honors in math, an MBA in Business and Finance, and the last letter documents the death of Erin’s adoptive father from kidney failure. None of the letters mention any names apart from theirs, so I’m not sure that your dad can conclusively connect the dots from these alone,” he remarked. “But with the photographs of Erin …” He trailed off leaving the words unsaid that Erin had such a likeness to me it would be difficult for my father to look at those and not to see me in her.

  Dad wasn’t stupid and I knew if he had put his mind to the date of that first letter and thought back on it, he would have realized very quickly my mom and I had gone to New York for a couple of weeks around the time that little one had been born.

  “Okay, let him read the letters, Marnie. If he starts to connect the dots out loud, call me and I’ll be there to talk to him. It’s going to come out, but if Dad was as controlled as the rest of us were by her, he’ll understand I had no say in the matter.”

  I felt sick watching Marnie take the letters back to his house. I had wanted to keep them so badly, but I knew my dad might have asked where they’d gone and possibly missed them. James sent me all the letters in an email zip file. However, I still begged Marnie to try to keep them safe.

  All that week I had anticipated a call from my dad at any moment, practicing what I’d say, but his call never came. On Friday morning, James arrived at my home in New Jersey. He hadn’t been expected until later that evening as usual.

  “What a lovely surprise. Do you have a day off?”

  “Four days,” he replied, moving toward me with a smug grin on his face. Sliding his hands into my hair, he closed the space between us and gave me a bone-melting kiss. In those moments we were both lost, passionate and needy, yet at peace because we were touching one anothe
r. “Now that’s what I call a welcome home kiss,” he muttered seductively as we both stared intently, a little breathless at the other.

  Clearing his throat, he looked like a man trying to put himself back together. “Pack your shit up, baby. We’re heading back to New York. The suspense of waiting for your dad to confront you is giving me heartburn. I can’t do much about him or his timing if he figures what’s up, but I can do something to take your mind off of it while we wait.”

  “I’m not really up to going out for the day —”

  “Yes, you are. Confession time, I’d arranged something before your mom died. We’ve got my dad’s company bird for a few days and we’re heading up to Vermont. And, before you say no, Erin and her boyfriend have been invited as well.”

  “Her boyfriend?”

  “Yeah, he’s a recent addition, their relationship is weeks rather than months old. She didn’t mention him before because it was very new, but she sounds like she’s in love.”

  “And you know this how?”

  “Originally I had planned a helicopter trip for just the two of us. I guess I figured we could both use a change of scenery, but as there are six seats in the helicopter. I thought it may be nice to take Erin as well … that’s when I found out about the boyfriend.”

  “Right. So when is this happening?”

  James glanced at his watch. “Three hours from now, so you need to get a move on.”

  “Three hours? James!”

  “Don’t think about it, pack a weekend bag.”

  I shook my head and smiled because he was the most wonderful man I’d ever known. “Have I told you lately that I love you?”

  “No, but you’ve been dealing with some heavy shit, so you’re excused. But you can suck my dick tonight to remind me of that,” he replied playfully.

  “A helicopter ride is the price of a blow job now?”

  “No, the helicopter ride is to put the light back in those incredibly sexy eyes for when you give me the blow job.”