“I don’t know why I need to start everything at once.”
“You’re on the horse because Father’s note said you needed to be away from the manor for a while and you should start lessons with us.”
Jeremy grumbled under his breath. “Stapleton’s great plan to turn me into a gentleman is doomed to fail if I break my neck first.”
“You’re doing well,” Samuel promised. “Just try not to think about falling off so much.”
Milo chuckled. “Not far now.”
Jeremy looked ahead and his mood brightened considerably to see the stables in sight again. “Thank God.”
“Brother, I’d like to wish you good hunting, too,” Samuel announced, returning to their earlier topic of conversation. “If you had any interest in making a match, I’d be there to support you. You do know it’s time to marry again, don’t you?”
“Was there a date set that I didn’t know about,” Milo asked, unsmiling. “It took Father years to replace mother.”
“But he had all of us children to distract him when she died, so the succession was never in any serious doubt.”
Milo shook his head. “I have no reason to remarry yet. The first marriage was quite enough trouble, thank you very much.”
“But you need an heir,” his brother shot back. “We all want to know the Stapleton estate and tenants will be looked after properly.”
“You could always inherit.”
Samuel seemed to choke. “I would love to oblige you but what a mess my boys would make of Stapleton if left to roam these pristine grounds forever.”
“They’ll grow out of their wild ways by the time they come of age,” Milo promised, half smiling. “We did.”
“Speak for yourself.”
“Brother, you are too old for pretending your wild days are not far behind you.”
“They don’t have to be,” Samuel replied mulishly. “All I’m saying is that you could go to London next season and take a look around. Run your eye over the ladies and see if anyone takes your fancy. If not, leave again and go back another year. It would please Father immensely to know you’re thinking about the future. There’s no need to be alone all your days just because your first marriage wasn’t ideal.”
“Ideal? No, it certainly was not even close to that. That is why I have no son.” A bitter laugh escaped Milo. Clearly his marriage hadn’t been good at all. But then a ghost of a smile flashed over his features. “I’m content with my life as it is, brother.”
Jeremy, curious to know what made him smile so, spotted a maid wandering through the gardens.
“What do you say, Mr. Dawes? Are you in favor of marriage or remaining a bachelor forever? There’s nothing wrong with keeping a regular woman in our beds, outside of marriage, eh?”
“I hadn’t given it much thought,” he replied. Well, he hadn’t thought of marriage until yesterday’s surprising conversation with the Duke of Stapleton. He didn’t think marriage was in his future but kept that to himself. “What exactly is a regular woman? How do you find them?”
Milo laughed at his question. “A regular woman is one who doesn’t ask when you will marry them.”
“Don’t listen to him, Dawes. All women wait for a marriage proposal,” Samuel warned. “Some might even spring them on us poor bastards when you least expect it.”
“I know what women want,” Milo declared.
Jeremy shook his head quickly. “Not me. I find myself constantly surprised.”
The pair laughed and clapped Jeremy on the back. Caught off guard, Jeremy nearly flew over the neck of his horse to be trampled. Jeremy quickly righted himself and tightened his legs around the horse’s middle as he’d been warned to do.
“Poor fellow. You’ll learn soon enough that that’s how they like to keep us all the time,” Milo warned. “Companionship can always be found if you know where to look for it, though. We can even buy it for ourselves, if we must. Marriage is not needed to ensure satisfaction.”
Jeremy looked at the pair curiously. “Is that how everyone in your family views matrimony? Like something to avoid rather than embrace?”
“It is a requirement for women if they wish to be considered respectable and for gentlemen who wish for legitimate heirs,” Milo explained. “But most of my friends view it as something to avoid for as long as possible. I certainly should have.”
They were approaching the stable block now and Samuel drew his mount closer. “Pull back on the reins slowly, that’s it, and relax. The groom will hold Molly’s head, so she won’t wander off while you dismount. Now, wriggle your right foot free of the stirrup, throw your leg backward and dismount over the left side of your mount.”
Jeremy executed what he thought was an adequate dismount, struggling because his left foot was still stuck in the stirrup, forgotten. Milo and Samuel did it with much more grace and speed. Jeremy gave the reins over to the groom with all possible haste and the horses were led away, much to his relief.
“Not bad for a first ride. Not bad at all. Just like a marriage really.” Samuel grinned. “Exciting at first and not without highs and lows.”
“Lots of lows,” Milo grunted. “Marriage is not for everyone. I was in love. But I was alone in that,” he warned quietly.
Samuel sighed. “Perhaps the next woman you court won’t pretend to be what she is not.”
“I’d never marry a woman who claims to love me, now.” Milo shook his head and then suddenly remembered Jeremy was listening. “Keep that to yourself.”
Who could he tell that would care? “Of course.”
He walked around the stable yard a bit, stretched his legs that seemed to have turned to jelly. He was supposed to find something to do with himself now until dinner that evening, he’d been told.
Fanny and the duchess were playing croquet on the lawn. It looked like great fun and he assumed she might be good at it, given the way she concentrated on every shot. He couldn’t loiter, but he wished he could have a game.
“Are we boring you, Dawes?” Samuel asked quietly, coming up to stand beside him.
“Not at all.”
The lord noticed the game underway. “We all used to play together when we were younger. Fanny would always win, having the cooler head, Rebecca would pout, and Jessica would sit herself down in the middle of play to stop the games from continuing if she wasn’t winning, which was all the time.”
“And if we were around,” Milo said, coming up to Jeremy’s other side, “I’d beat Fanny, Samuel would annoy Becca so she missed, and Anna and Jessica would sit down to make us play around them.”
Jeremy looked at Samuel and then at Milo. “Anna?”
The earl turned away and it was Samuel who answered. “Anna, our sister, was lost in childhood,” he whispered.
“I’m sorry to hear that. My condolences.”
The earl suddenly excused himself, leaving Jeremy and Samuel behind. “I didn’t mean to upset him.”
“He’s never gotten over the loss. She was special. His favorite.”
“Fanny has never mentioned she had another sister.”
“It’s a subject we never talk about very often, because then we lost mother too.” Come let’s find some shade and drink to forget life’s disappointments.”
“Mr. Dawes. Brother!”
Jeremy spun about at the sound of Fanny calling to them. She was rushing in their direction, skirts lifted over her ankles, hand holding down a hat on her head.
Samuel moved toward her. “Is something wrong?”
“Where are you going?”
“Dawes wanted a drink.”
Fanny came to a stop. “I doubt drinking was his suggestion, but it would be yours. I want to have a word with him. Do you mind excusing yourself?”
A sly smile crossed Samuel’s lips as he looked between them. “Give him back in one piece.”
Fanny wet her lips and then met Jeremy’s gaze. “Might we stroll the garden together, sir?”
Jeremy shrugged, as if her requ
est didn’t bother him at all. But it did a little. “If you want.”
They strolled off together, Fanny walking very slowly at his side. When they made a series of turns through the dense trees, at Fanny’s behest, Jeremy heard her sigh. “What’s the matter?”
“Nothing.”
“It’s never nothing when you sigh like that,” he noted.
She frowned. “I do not sigh in any particular way.”
He laughed softly at her indignation. “Yes, you do. There’s one sort of sigh when you see a friend, another when you’ve a letter from your father,” he leaned closer still, “and quite another when I put my lips to the back of your neck and kiss your skin.”
Jeremy wrenched himself away from her and buttoned his lips, annoyed he’d fallen back into old habits so easily. Flirting with her had become second nature…but that was before she’d offered to pay him for making love to her.
“I’ve ruined our friendship, haven’t I? I truly didn’t mean to insult you.”
“I didn’t know what I’d signed,” he admitted.
“But you did read it.”
“No, I listened to you read it to me,” he corrected. “I got lost in the sound of your voice and stopped paying attention long before you must have reached the end.”
“I’ll make sure you read every word in the future.”
“The future?”
“If there’s to be one,” she said, then worried her lip. “Can you forgive me?”
“It probably was a mistake to hire me in the first place.”
“No, it wasn’t.” She drew close. “We had a miscommunication, but the air is cleared now, isn’t it?”
“You were bound to grow tired of my acting sooner or later,” he admitted. “You should hire someone else for your next play.”
“There isn’t a good enough reason to pretend anymore,” Fanny murmured. “No more acting for me.”
They continued to walk and found themselves beside a field where a dozen workers toiled. Fanny waved at them and they waved back.
Jeremy smiled. “That’s what I remember most about you on the day we met at the theater. You were kind to everyone, no matter their position.”
“I remember you flirting with me until my sides ached from the laughter you inspired.”
“Well, you were the prettiest lass in the room,” he admitted. “I wanted to impress you, even before I knew who you really were.”
“I was impressed. I still am.” She looked down at her hands. “I see you’ve made friends with my brothers.”
He smiled. “Does it look that way? I thought them more like conspirators to your father’s torture.”
“What torture?”
“Shooting at dawn. Riding. Living as a gentleman is hard work indeed when you have to worry about what everyone thinks and might say. How does anyone bear the scrutiny?”
“I don’t always.” When she turned, there was an uncertainty in her gaze he’d not seen before. “Most of the time I just don’t care what anyone thinks.”
“That is obvious.”
“And I believed I’d made a mistake when I let you so close, you came to understand me so well. You played the part of an ardent suitor exceptionally well, Mr. Dawes. Better than I ever dreamed you might. But I do care what you think of me.”
He glanced her way, saw that she was watching him closely. Waiting for him to render a verdict on her character. “You’ve a talent for acting yourself. Have you ever considered treading the boards?”
“No.”
“That’s a pity,” he said with a quick smile. “Shall we retrace our steps, my lady? Your family will be wondering where you are.”
She moved to stand before him and clasped her hands together at her waist. “You’ve been spending a lot of time with my family, particularly my father.”
Jeremy shrugged. “I like him.”
She drew in a breath. “What I said to you yesterday, I truly apologize. I never should have offered you the money that way, even if I had promised it in the agreement. You do mean more to me than that. I mean…you mean something else, and it has nothing to do with money at all. Say again that you forgive me?”
He glanced her way again. Make her squirm, the duke had said. Yes, but for how long was such a measure necessary? His temper had already cooled. He’d overreacted by storming off with the intention of leaving the estate. He could have dealt with her and refused a penny with less fuss than he had stirred up. “What does it matter?”
“It matters very much to me.”
He nodded. “Forgiven.”
She inched closer a half step. “Can it ever be forgotten?”
Now that he wasn’t sure of. His pride had taken a blow, and the entire family must know by now that she’d been willing to pay him for sex. The sum had been sufficiently large enough for him to only now feel a sense of unease that she could throw such an amount about so easily. Would she try to buy his affections and forgiveness in the future, too? It was an unpleasant possibility that she might try to end every disagreement they had that way. He wasn’t so special to deserve any riches. “I don’t know.”
She gulped. “Father tells me he has invited you to stay.”
Jeremy inclined his head. Since he had nowhere else to go at the moment, he saw no harm in staying for a while. He had started his lessons that morning with the duke’s valet, who seemed to be possessed of a remarkable level of patience for Jeremy’s limited abilities. He’d like to continue those lessons in secret, if only to help him not sign any more scandalous agreements.
Plus, the duke had suggested that Fanny had developed real feeling for him. An attachment she was afraid to admit to. He could understand her fears. He had them, too.
“For how long?”
“I don’t rightly know. There is nothing pressing that draws me back to London for the moment.”
Fanny started to walk, and after a moment he decided he would follow.
“You should stay. Take advantage of the country air and the friendships you’ve made here. You never know when a casual acquaintance might lead to an opportunity too good to pass up.”
Fanny was attempting to manage him. Trying to alter the course of his life still. “Those friendships happen to be with your brothers.”
“And Whitfield,” she reminded him.
“Whitfield is your brother, too.”
“Oh yes. Sorry. It’s still odd to think of him that way. An adjustment. Everything is an adjustment. I’m not as adaptable to changes in my personal life as I am in business affairs.”
There had been a level of intimacy, of sharing, between them that Jeremy had never experienced before he’d met Fanny. It was something he’d have to adjust to as well, if he stayed and continued to socialize with her and her family.
Suddenly, Fanny curled her arm through his. “When I found your room empty, I feared you had really gone.”
Jeremy extracted himself from her grip. He wouldn’t allow himself to slip back into too much familiarity with Fanny without this time knowing exactly what was in store for him. “What is it you want?”
“You.” She wet her lips, clasped her hands at her waist and slowly looked up into his eyes. “I want a second chance with you…but I am afraid.”
“Of what?”
“The day that I lose you.”
Chapter 17
Jeremy reeled back a step from her and Fanny’s heart nearly pounded through her chest in fear that he’d laugh. Yes, she’d done it. Laid herself bare and damn the consequences of what many might see as a reckless admission on her part. She’d confided her worst fear to the man she admired above all others.
She had searched her soul after her talk with her father and decided he might know her better than she did herself. Father had made her see that her choice of casual flings had been an attempt to avoid being hurt by any loss ever again.
But Fanny could only be hurt if she lost someone she truly cared about. She couldn’t bear to lose Jeremy. It would hurt so very m
uch.
Jeremy, however, was frowning. “Why would you think you would lose me?”
Accident, misadventure, recklessness. “It’s complicated.”
“Isn’t everything and everyone.” He drew close. “I’m an orphan who has no idea where he came from. A youth who took advantage of anyone too lazy to guard their pockets.” He gulped. “A fully grown man in his prime who can’t even read, let alone understand the contract he signed with you.”
Her eyes widened in shock. “What?”
“I’ve spent my life pretending to be someone I’m not,” he said as he looked around them. “I am still pretending even today. I was a thief, Fanny. Now I’m playing the role of a gentleman, at home in such a glorious place. But I don’t belong here.”
“Yes, you do.” She wet her lips again. “You belong with me. You stole my heart, Jeremy, a feat I believed impossible for so many years. I don’t want to lose you. There is a way forward.”
He sighed. “You never give up, do you.”
“Not when I’m right,” she vowed. She had been right about Jeremy in the beginning but had lost his trust when he’d expressed a different view of their relationship. Her money would never go away, and she felt it best to deal with that immediately. “I have money enough to last for the rest of our lives.”
“I don’t want charity, Fanny,” he told her as he took hold of her trembling hands. “You should be with someone who will worship the ground you walk on, not your money.”
“Then be with me. Not because you have no choice but because you do,” she whispered.
“I have nothing to give you but a fortune in stolen moments like this.”
“Those are enough,” she promised. “Share them with me. Please.”
“I’ve told you before that begging is beneath you.” He scowled. “I never cared about your money, Fanny. I need to deserve a place at your side. I’d do anything you want to make you happy. Take on any role, as long as you do not try to pay me a fortune to do so.”
“I can promise that.”
“I had harbored a small hope that we might reconcile, and I have given the future some consideration as you’ve always urged me to do. Your father tried to put grand ideas in my head but I will make this very easy for you.” He pulled a much-folded sheet of paper from his inner coat pocket. “I have taken the liberty of writing down what I feel I might need as an allowance each year to keep pace with you. Only for clothing and such. I want never to be an embarrassment to you or your family. If you feel I’ve made a mistake, please do correct my mathematics. I am not very good at finance, as you will find out soon enough.”
The Lady Tamed Page 17