A Walk Through Fire

by Felice Stevens

  Hitting them was like hitting a stone wall, but Drew got lucky and caught them by surprise, because he knocked the quieter one, Donny, off his feet, sending him sprawling to the ground. Jimmy, however, was a different story. He put his bullet-shaped head down and barreled into Drew, knocking his head against the stair railing. Pain lanced through Drew’s skull. Woozy from the blow, Drew heard a car pull up, doors slam, then shouting from the direction of the street. He thought he heard Ash or maybe Keith, but he couldn’t be sure.

  With his head still spinning, he nonetheless shook it off as best he could and began to swing at the young man. He managed some good hits, but when Jimmy landed two quick punches to his stomach, Drew fell to his knees, gasping for breath.

  As if in the distance, Drew heard Keith yell out, “Police, halt.” Jimmy, the closest to him, muttered something to Donny. Drew lay on the ground, still holding his stomach, as blood from the gash on the back of his head dripped down his neck. Over his own heavy breathing, he heard Donny pleading with Jimmy.

  “No, Jimmy, you can’t. Put it away.”

  “Fuck them,” Jimmy muttered.

  Drew’s vision cleared, and with horror, he saw a gun in Jimmy’s hand. He heaved himself up and croaked as loud as he could. “Gun. He’s got a gun.”

  He attempted to stand but the world spun crazily out of focus. Shots rang out and then everything went black.

  A loud beeping noise filled his head, and dull pain radiated throughout his body. His initial attempt to open his eyes failed miserably, and he groaned out loud.

  “Drew, Drew. Do you hear me?”

  Where was he? “Ash? Is that you?”

  “Yes, baby. How do you feel?” A large, warm palm stroked his cheek. “Can you open your eyes?”

  He tried again and met with success. Ash’s worried face hovered over his. Drew blinked, and his vision cleared. “Oh, Drew.” Ash kissed his lips and sighed. “You scared me.”

  “Where am I?” He sensed movement underneath him.

  “On your way to the hospital to get your head checked out.” Ash continued to stroke Drew’s cheek. “You have a nasty cut on the back of your head, and may have a concussion.”

  As if to validate Ash’s statement, an EMS worker appeared from behind Drew with a blood pressure kit. Ash slid back against the wall and allowed the man to take Drew’s pressure. Drew winced as the man’s fingers probed his head, but he had no blurring of vision or nausea, signs, he knew, of a possible concussion.

  “Lie back, Doctor. You need to take it easy. We’ll be at the hospital in a few minutes, and they can check you out more thoroughly there.”

  Drew gave the man a faint smile. “Thanks.” He turned back to Ash, who looked pale and ill.

  “What happened? Did Keith arrest Jimmy and Donny? They were the ones who pushed Nana around and threw the brick through my window.”

  Ash nodded. “Yes, we know. But they didn’t arrest them.”

  He tried to sit up, knowing he couldn’t have heard Ash correctly, but the pain slicing through his head almost caused him to throw up.

  “Lie back, please, Doctor. You have to relax and remain still.” The EMS tech placed a hand on Drew’s shoulder, but he ignored it, reaching for Ash.

  What the hell? “How could Keith not arrest them? They’re criminals.” Drew’s confusion grew at the sight of Ash’s face, which had paled to an almost unnatural white. A sick feeling of dread crawled up his spine. “What’s going on? There’s something you’re not telling me, isn’t there?”

  Ash tried to take his hand, but Drew knocked him away. “What is it? Tell me.”

  “They’re both dead, shot by the police. But Drew, it’s Keith. He was shot, and it doesn’t look good.”

  Oh God. “No. That can’t be. Keith is with Jordan. There were other police officers.” Drew sat up so quickly he almost fainted from the nausea and pain. “You’re lying.”

  “Baby, I’m so sorry. After Jimmy hit you, he fired at the person directly in front of him. Keith had already arrived and didn’t wait for his backup when he saw them attacking you. The bullet hit Keith in the neck.”

  “No.” Drew leaned over the edge of the gurney and vomited, heaving violent spasms onto the floor of the ambulance. He stayed in that hunched position, shivering and weeping, as the tech cleaned up the floor. The EMS worker then forced him to lie back down, threatening him with a shot that would put him out unless he complied. Drew gave in, but the pain in his head and his heart remained.

  Not Keith. Why? Please God. Help him. Don’t let him die. All the thoughts swirled around madly through his mind as the ambulance stopped and he was off-loaded into the emergency room. He saw several news trucks on the street before he was whisked past the worried faces of Rachel, Nana, and Mike.

  There was no sign of Jordan.

  “Ash.” He reached out a hand blindly, and Ash grabbed it, squeezing it tight.

  “Yes, baby, I’m here.”

  “Please. Find out about Keith. I have to know.”

  “But I want to stay with you.”

  “No.” His voice rang out sharper than he intended. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you. It’s only that…Keith. I need to know what’s happening.” His eyes searched Ash’s red-rimmed ones. “Please,” he whispered. “Do this for me.”

  Ash laid his cheek on Drew’s. “I’ll do anything for you, baby.” After kissing his cheek, Ash left, the curtain swinging behind him.

  Nurses and doctors came by to see how he was, and they sent him for an MRI. Drew knew he was getting special treatment because he was a doctor himself, but for the first time he didn’t care. As soon the attending physician told him he didn’t have a concussion and they’d stitched up his head wound, he brushed aside their suggestion that he stay the night for observation and made his way to the waiting room. It was there he found Rachel, Ash, Mike, and Nana, all waiting with white, strained faces.

  “Nana.”

  “Oh, Drew, my darling baby.” She broke down in tears, and he rushed to her side to gather her in his arms and hold her close. “I thought we’d lost you.”

  Her familiar scent and loving arms caused him to break down for a moment. He pulled away and, still hiccupping somewhat, got himself together. “I’m fine. Where’s Jordan? What floor is Keith on?”

  “They’re operating on him now,” said Ash. “Jordan is in the waiting room on the seventh floor.”

  “Let’s go.” Drew stood, and they all followed. He still held on to his grandmother. “Nana, you should go home.”

  “I’ll not leave that boy. I called his mother to tell her what happened, and she told me that only Jesus could save her son then hung up.” Fresh tears poured from her eyes. “He’ll not die without me there to fight for his last breath.”

  She was the most amazing woman in the world. “I love you, Nana. And Keith will fight. I know he will.” He hugged her and pressed the elevator button.

  Within minutes, they were on the seventh floor and found the waiting area. Jordan sat in a daze, surrounded by half a dozen police officers as well as Keith’s partner, Jerry. Jordan barely acknowledged them, but Nana went and sat next to him and took him in her arms.

  “Jordy’s parents are away on vacation,” Mike whispered in Drew’s ear. “They’re somewhere in Switzerland, and he’s had a hell of a time getting in touch with them.”

  Drew simply nodded. How could this be happening? Jordan and Keith were planning on getting married next year. They’d bought a home together. The two of them had figured out the secrets of love and a happy life.

  A sob wrenched out of him, and Ash put his arm around him, pulling him close.

  “Sit down with me. You’re still in shock yourself.” He allowed Ash to lead him to a chair where he slumped down, resting his head against Ash’s broad shoulder. “Rest a little, baby. It isn’t going to do anyone any good if you collapse on the floor.”

  His head pounded, and as the time passed, he managed to close his eyes, but the nigh
tmare of the evening reared its ugly head again and he couldn’t sleep. Jordan hadn’t moved once that he could tell. He sat in the chair drinking innumerable cups of coffee and stared at the door as if willing the surgeon to come through.

  The hours ticked away.

  Drew woke with a start. He checked his watch and saw it was early morning. He stole a glance and saw Jordan’s frozen, stoic face trained upon the door, his hands still clutching a paper coffee cup. Slipping out from under Ash’s arm, Drew made his way to the seat next to his best friend.

  “Jordy.” He put his hand on his friend’s arm. Jordan flinched, his hand shaking so much, drops of cooled coffee slopped over the side.

  “I know, D. But I can’t take anyone touching me right now.” His agonized whisper died as the door opened and the surgeon walked in. Great pools of sweat darkened his green scrubs from under his armpits to his chest. Drew took one look at his face and knew the news wasn’t good. He glanced back at Ash and reached for him, finding he needed to feel the strength of his arms around him for what he knew would be crushing news.

  Jordan stood. “He didn’t make it, did he, David?”

  Dr. David Cantor shook his head. “I’m so sorry, Jordan. We did everything we could, but the bullet caused tremendous damage and he lost so much blood…”

  Jordan put his hand up and then fell to the floor on his knees. “Don’t. Don’t tell me the details. I can’t bear to think of the pain he went through at the end, and how I wasn’t there to help him or hold his hand.” He threw the paper cup across the room and cried out in his pain. “Why, God? Why Keith?” He moaned, clutching himself around the waist, rocking back and forth. “It should have been me. He was too good to die. Please, no, it can’t be true. I want to die too. Take me with him.”

  Helpless to do anything but feel his heart breaking at the sight of his friend falling to pieces, Drew clung to Ash. “Dear God, how can this be happening?” Ash’s wet face rested against his own. “What now? Keith was such a good person.”

  “I know. He was the best.”

  Ash held him as he sobbed. In the background, he heard the quiet crying of Rachel and his grandmother. Pulling out of Ash’s arms, he beckoned to Mike, and the two of them knelt and put their arms around their childhood friend. Jordan buried his face in Drew’s chest and howled his pain, his tears soaking through Drew’s shirt.

  “Let me die, Drew. I’m no good without him. He’s the only one who’ll ever love me.” Jordan laid his head in Drew’s lap. “I can’t live knowing he’s alone and cold.” His piteous weeping broke Drew’s already cracked and beaten heart. “I need to hold him to keep him warm. Who’s going to keep him warm now?”

  “Shhh. Don’t talk like that. Keith wouldn’t want you to feel like that.” Mike brushed away his own tears, and Rachel came to sit beside Jordan, giving him comfort.

  Drew kissed Jordan’s forehead. “We’ll be there for you, all of us will, Jordy.”

  “It’s not fair. Not Keith, not my life, my love. Please, God.” He grabbed on to Drew’s shirt. “It’s a dream, right? I’m in a bad dream, and you’re all in it.” Wild-eyed, he glanced around the waiting room. “Tell me it’s a dream and wake me up now.”

  “Shhh, Jordy, we’re all here for you.” Drew didn’t know what else to do but repeat those same ineffective words.

  “It has to be a dream. He can’t be dead. He can’t be. We’re getting married. We were going to adopt a baby.” Jordan stared into Drew’s eyes beseechingly. “Please, please, tell me it’s not true.”

  Drew could only hold him and shake his head, his own tears blinding his vision. “I’m so sorry. I loved him; we all did.”

  Jordan’s shoulders slumped. “I’m being punished because I’m a bad person. I was cruel to you and Ash. I’m sorry, Drew. I’m so sorry I said those things about Ash. I know how much you love him.”

  Drew stiffened, hoping Ash hadn’t heard, but Ash was on the other side of the room staring out of the window, lost in a world of his own. “I haven’t told him.”

  Jordan sat up and took him by the shoulders. His eyes were wide and almost feverish in the brightness. “Tell him, tell him tonight. You see how life is? How one minute you’re alive and the next you’re gone.” His breath caught on a sob. “I didn’t tell Keith today that I loved him. I always told him every morning, but not today. Now he’ll never know.”

  “Oh, he knew, and he loved you so much. He told me so tonight.” Drew soothed his friend, holding him close.

  “He did?” Jordan’s hopeful face broke Drew’s heart all over again.

  “He did, and he knew how much you loved him. Your love will last forever.”

  “How am I going to live without his touch, without holding him at night?” Jordan broke down all over again. “I miss him so much already.”

  At the tap on his shoulder, Drew turned to see the deeply grieving face of Keith’s partner, Jerry Allen.

  “Let me take over for a while. My wife says I have broad shoulders to cry on.”

  Jerry sank down next to Jordan and murmured in his ear, putting his arm around him. The rest of the police force, who’d been standing around waiting, all converged upon Jordan now, showing that famous blue wall of support. The police commissioner came in, as well as the mayor. Drew had heard the police department was one big family that came through in a family’s time of need, and this outpouring of support left no doubt Jordan would be taken care of.

  Drew stood and found himself crushed in Ash’s embrace. He let himself be wrapped up in the man’s overwhelming strength, soaking in the waves of heat coming off Ash’s body. “Baby, I told Mike to take your grandmother home. I called Mrs. Delaney and had her prepare a light meal and then told her to make sure she went to bed.”

  “You’re wonderful.” The events of the night caught up with him, and Drew sagged into Ash’s arms, nuzzling his strong neck. “I’m so lucky to have you.”

  “I’m the lucky one.” Ash’s hot breath tickled his ear. “And I want to take you home.”

  “I have so much to tell you.” Drew cradled Ash’s jaw in his hand and kissed his soft warm lips. “So much and it can’t wait. I don’t want to wait any longer.”

  “Let’s go home, baby. But first let’s make sure Jordan is okay.” Ash took his hand, and they waited for the crowd of uniforms and suits to step aside. Jordan was quieter now, more resigned but no less broken. The self-confident, arrogant man had disappeared, replaced by a gray, worn-out shell.

  “Jordy.” Drew held out his arms, and Jordan clung to him for dear life.

  “I know I’ve been a bastard.” Jordan’s voice trembled. “I can’t believe he’s gone, Drew. I’m never going to see him again. How am I going to go on?”

  Before Drew could open his mouth, Ash spoke. “You’re going to think about him every day, Jordan, and draw your strength from his goodness and his memories. And it will hurt like fucking hell for a long, long time.” Ash put his arm around Jordan, and Drew stood, shocked at how easily Jordan hung onto Ash’s words. “But we’ll all be there for you, whenever you call, to help you through it.”

  Jordan grabbed on to Ash, pulling at his shirt. “I was wrong, Ash. I had no right, no right at all to try and keep you from Drew. I was arrogant, selfish, and cruel. What you have is as precious as what Keith and I have—had.”

  The stricken look on Jordan’s face as he corrected himself almost killed Drew. It hit him then, like a fist to the stomach, that Keith was really gone forever, leaving Jordan alone.

  “Jordy, I love you.” Drew threw his arms around his best friend. “No matter what we’ve said to each other, you’ll always be my brother.”

  “Go home, Drew. Never take life for granted.” Jordan gulped, the tears rolling down his face. “I’ll always love him, you know that, right? He saw through all my bullshit and arrogance, and I love him so fucking much.” He shuddered and fought for control. “I need to be by myself and say my good-byes to Keith alone.”

  Drew could only hu
g him tight and kiss him, then turn to Ash who put his arms around him. With one last glance over his shoulder at his best friend standing all alone in the middle of the waiting room, he left, Ash holding him tight, giving him strength.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  It was quite possibly the worst night of his life. Ash couldn’t understand how a day that had started out so beautifully and with so much happiness had ended in such horrendous tragedy.

  Drew sat strangely quiet during the cab ride to Ash’s apartment. Ash had called Marly and asked her to stop by Drew’s house and feed the cat. There was no chance on earth he’d let Drew go back to that apartment tonight. The memory of Keith, so vibrant and alive at the party, would be too devastating to face in the light of day. If he had his way, Drew would never go back there again.

  When they reached Ash’s apartment building, he helped Drew out of the cab and led him inside. Keeping his arm around Drew, Ash nodded hello to the concierge.

  “Good morning, Mr. Davis.”

  “Good morning, Lawrence. I’m not home for anyone today, unless it is Mr. Klein’s family.” Drew sighed into his shoulder, the warmth of his breath gusting into Ash’s neck.

  “Very good, Mr. Davis.” The concierge nodded. “Terrible thing about that police officer who was killed last night.”

  Drew stiffened but said nothing, though Ash sensed his trembling. He had to be in shock, both from the effects of the blow to his head and the loss of his friend.

  “He was a friend of mine and Dr. Klein’s. A wonderful man.” Ash tightened his arm around Drew feeling him tremble. “Thank you, Lawrence.”

  “You’re welcome, sir.”

  Neither of them said a word during the elevator ride up, nor did they speak in the hallway as Ash unlocked his door. Ash went right to the bar, poured some vodka, then came back to the kitchen and added ice. Drew stood by the door, exactly where Ash left him. His eyes remained closed, his body slumped against the wall.

  “Take a sip of this and come with me.” Drew took the glass, and Ash covered his hand, helping him hold it steady to take a sip. “Easy, killer,” Ash joked as Drew gulped the drink, then coughed.