A Walk Through Fire

by Felice Stevens

  “What do I do with these?” The thin twisted candles rolled between his fingers, their waxy lengths smooth to the touch.

  “Come.” Esther took him by the hand and led him to the table. “Put one on the far right side and then light this second one.”

  Drew struck the match and lit the wick on the candle Ash held. Their eyes met over the flame and he smiled. “Thanks.”

  “Light the one already in the menorah and then place this one in the middle.”

  Ash followed her orders obediently and soon both candles flames danced, their shadows flickering against the walls as Esther recited a prayer in Hebrew. After she finished, her eyes were wet but a smile lit up her face.

  “Nana you cry every time you light the candles.” Drew hugged her and handed her a tissue.

  She sniffled. “I used to pray for you children to find your happiness. Now I pray that I live to see you all married and with children. I added an extra prayer for poor Jordan to find peace in his soul. The funeral for Keith was such a beautiful testament to the wonderful man he was.” After tucking the tissue into her sleeve, she slipped her arm through Ash’s and they stood for a moment looking at the candles.

  A sense of peace stole over Ash. He truly meant it when he said this place was home to him. While he loved his apartment—even more so now that Drew lived there—memories of his former life, the pain and loneliness he’d endured for years followed him through those hallways. Having Drew there to chase away the shadows in his soul helped. Slowly, the scars on his heart had healed.

  But here, nothing lived but love and acceptance. These walls sheltered him, keeping the demons of his past at bay. When he came to Esther’s, he could breathe, simple as that.

  Esther led them back into the homey kitchen, where once again the mouth-watering aromas of their impending dinner surrounded them. She took a bowl from the refrigerator and stirred it, then set it down on the counter next to the stove. “Come help me, while we talk.”

  Drew winked. “You’ll get to taste everything as it’s cooked. Best spot in the house.”

  Before he joined Esther at the stove, Ash leaned down and kissed Drew. “I love you, baby. Did I tell you that today?”

  “You might have this morning. Afterward.” The pale skin on Drew’s neck flushed as Ash pressed a quick kiss to the rapid pulse beating at his throat.

  “I’ll make sure to tell you again tonight. Afterward.” He smiled into Drew’s pale green eyes, loving how they gleamed with desire.

  “I’ll hold you to it.”

  Esther had been busy at the stove, dropping heaping spoonfuls of a potato onion mixture into the hot oil. They smelled like heaven.

  “Take the platter, sweetheart and put some paper towels on it to soak up the oil, please.”

  Ash followed her instructions and watched as she deftly flipped the pancakes. When they were done, she slid them onto the platter and spooned more into hot oil. It sizzled and splattered in the cast iron pan.

  Ash couldn’t resist taking a bite of the crunchy fried pancakes. They were crisp on the outside, soft inside with just the right flavoring of saltiness.

  “Oh Esther, these are amazing.” He snuck another one, finishing it off in two delicious bites.

  “Here, you try it now.” She handed him the spatula and stood back. “Do you know what the story of Chanukah stands for, Asher?”

  “Not really. Something about eight days is all I know.” Ashamed at his ignorance, Ash concentrated on the frying pan, making sure he didn’t let the pancakes burn.

  “Don’t be embarrassed. It’s not a major religious holiday. But we love to celebrate it because it symbolizes hope and a miracle.”

  He slid the crusty pancakes on the second layer of paper toweling Esther had laid over the first batch, sprinkled on salt the way he’d seen her do, and waited for her to taste them.

  “Delicious,” she proclaimed. Taking the platter in one hand and his arm in another, she walked back to the table and sat down next to Drew. “I bring it up, Asher, because the holiday reminds me of you.”

  “Of me?” He let out a self-conscious laugh. “How so?”

  “Because I’ve witnessed your struggles this past year and saw how you, with the help of my Drew, never gave up hope. Hope in yourself and in those children in the clinic. But most of all, you never gave up hope to find your brothers and now, God-willing you will.” Her soft hand, mottled with age-spots came to rest upon his. “And like the oil the Maccabees found that burned for those eight nights was a miracle, so is the love you have found with my grandson.”

  A year ago, it would have been impossible for Ash to imagine himself sitting here, part of a family, in love with a man who not only loved him back but also changed the way he looked at life. Though guilt still tore at him and sent him into darkness, those times were less frequent now, and he found the strength to talk about them with Drew and his therapist. Holding Drew at night, having someone to whisper his fears to, who understood and loved him unconditionally, was his miracle.

  “You may be right; I never thought of it that way.”

  With a self-satisfied smile, Esther patted his hand. The front door opened, heralding the arrival of Rachel and Mike. As she stood to greet them, she whispered to him. “I know I’m right.”

  They returned home with enough leftovers to tide them over for a week. His grandmother made sure to give them extra potato pancakes for Ash and the apple cake he loved.

  “Have you spoken to Jordan at all?” Ash pulled off his tie and unbuttoned his collar.

  “I’ve called him several times but he’s brushed me off, saying he was busy.” Drew recalled how Jordan avoided him all throughout Keith’s funeral. They’d all sat together, but a yawning chasm existed between the two of them. Jordan may have smiled and said all the right things to him, but Drew was no fool. It was all an act. Thirty years of friendship had given him insight into Jordan Peterson few people had and Drew no longer had any idea what he could do to set the course right again for their friendship.

  “You want my advice?” Ash handed him a beer then went to the bar and poured himself vodka over ice.

  Domino wound his way around Drew’s legs, looking for attention and Drew gave him a treat, then joined Ash in the living room. “It’s been a month now since the funeral and things haven’t gotten better. Of course I do. I’m at a loss. Everyone says to wait and give him time and I understand, but I’m afraid the longer I wait the less chance we’ll have to reconcile.”

  “Be there but don’t be there for him.”

  Puzzled, Drew set his beer down untouched and flopped down on the sofa. “Now you’re talking lawyer-speak. You need to explain for the rest of us.”

  Ash smirked and joined him on the sofa. “Jordan is the type who, if he thinks you’re watching him, will pull away and go dark. He’s one of the proudest men I’ve ever met and the most arrogant. He not only thinks he knows everything but hates when people try and smother him with too much attention.”

  “Wow,” said Drew, impressed with his analysis. “You’re good.”

  “Not really,” admitted Ash. “He’s a lot like me; it’s why we butt heads. We recognize each other. So give him space but keep calling to say hello, and we’ll make sure to drop by at least once a week.”

  “You’re pretty smart, aren’t you?” Drew kissed his cheek and laid his head on Ash’s shoulder. “I think you’re right.”

  “I agree on both accounts.” Ash set his glass down on the table. “And there’s one more thing I’m right about.”

  “Hmm?” Drew slid down to rest his head in Ash’s lap. “What?”

  “That I love you.”

  Hearing Ash say that to him still sent a thrill though Drew. “Mmm. I concur, counselor. And might I say I’m very interested in your legal briefs.” Drew rubbed his cheek against the thick bulge in Ash’s pants and hearing Ash’s sigh of pleasure, traced his finger down the zipper. “Maybe we should take it somewhere more comfortable and I can do a more
thorough inspection.”

  Ash’s laugh rumbled deep in his chest. “I’m more than happy to open my personal files for you.”

  Drew stood and pulled Ash into their bedroom, shutting the door on a very unhappy cat. “I’ve been dying for you all night.” He pulled his sweatshirt over his head, took off his pants and boxers then climbed onto the bed, sitting crossed-legged in the center.

  “Did you see Domino’s face? If looks could kill I’d be dead.” Ash laughed as he stripped out of his clothes. “I hope he doesn’t take it out on my furniture.”

  “Is that all you can think about? The furniture?” Drew cocked a brow and stroked his cock. “Perhaps you aren’t that interested—”

  Before he had the chance to finish his sentence, Ash tackled him flat on the bed, holding him down. “Never say or think that.” Ash pressed his lips to Drew’s and as their tongues met in an eager slide, Drew fell into the sweetness of their kiss. Ash’s mouth moved hot and hungry across his own, setting Drew’s blood on fire. “You’re everything to me. There could never be anyone else.”

  Tonight Ash’s touch felt different; stronger and surer, each press and stroke of his fingers sent Drew soaring, crying out for release. Ash’s declaration of love and their moving in together solidified their relationship, elevating it to a higher level.

  He pulled away from Ash, and met his questioning gaze.

  “I want to make love to you.”

  Ash stilled and sat back on his heels. “Make love to me…how?”

  “Trust me?” He held out his hand, barely breathing.

  “With my life.” And with no hesitation, Ash placed a hand in his and Drew gently pushed him down on the bed, so he lay flat on his back. His heart squeezed at the vulnerability shining in Ash’s eyes and the slight, yet visible tremors running under his skin.

  “You’ve given so much to me these last months. I want to give you back everything and more. I love you.” He straddled Ash and commenced kissing down his chest, licking at the tiny brown nipples hidden in the swirl of silky black chest hair.

  “Baby, I—I don’t know.” He stroked the top of Drew’s head.

  “Shh.” Drew moved down, ignoring Ash’s erection and the heady smell of his desire. Instead he sat back on his heels and picked up Ash’s hand, kissing each fingertip, then tracing the scars winding around Ash’s wrist and arm with his tongue. “Let me kiss away your pain.” He finished one arm and took the other, repeating the kisses. Ash lay quiet, his eyes half lidded, a drowsy smile of desire on his lips.

  “With you I have no pain. Not anymore.”

  If Drew had anything to say about it Ash never would. When he watched his grandmother tell Ash the story of Chanukah, he vowed to make this night one neither would ever forget.

  “Let me love you,” he whispered and kissed the slick, firm tip of Ash’s cock, swirling his tongue down the thick shaft. He pushed Ash’s legs wide and felt him tense and shift nervously. “Shh. It’s going to be fine.”

  Ash said nothing, but his hands clutched the sheets and Drew’s heart went out to him. He dipped his head down and licked Ash’s balls, inhaling his scent, loving his smell, his taste. In the silence of their bedroom Ash’s harsh, uneven breathing hurt Drew’s heart. Knowing Ash’s continued fear and pain, Drew vowed to make this as special for Ash as it would be for him. Another first for them to share.

  He licked at Ash’s hole, running his tongue down the shadowed crease of his ass. Ash moaned, his head thrashing on the pillow and Drew, taking that as a sign to continue, spread the globes of Ash’s ass wide and gently, almost reverently kissed his hole then licked around it, wetting it thoroughly before sliding his tongue inside.

  “Ahh, fuck.” Ash cried out, his heels digging into the bed.

  Drew continued to lick at Ash’s ass, alternating between flattening his tongue to swipe across the hole and spearing it inside. Tremors wracked Ash’s body and Drew sat back, breathing heavily.

  “How do you feel?”

  From their talks, he knew Ash had never allowed another man inside him since those horrifying days as a teenager. Drew’s only wish was to give Ash the same pleasure he unselfishly gave to Drew whenever they made love.

  “Like I need to be inside you yesterday. C’mere.” He held out his hand and Drew lay down next to him, fitting himself down Ash’s side. Drew caught his breath only a moment before Ash rolled over trapping him beneath his body.

  “What an incredible gift you’ve given me tonight. I didn’t think I could ever enjoy anyone touching me there again. I thought he stole my ability to love, to feel. You’ve made me see it was only in my mind.” They kissed and Drew couldn’t contain his sigh of happiness as desire rolled through him. He slipped his arms around Ash.

  “Kiss me again. Kiss my neck, my mouth, every part of me belongs to you.”

  Shards of pleasure rippled up Drew’s spine as Ash licked and nibbled his way down his throat, only to return to his mouth and crush their lips together, tongues sliding and tangling. Their bodies picked up a natural rhythm and Drew felt the hard ridge of Ash’s erection brush against his stomach and thigh as Ash rolled his hips.

  “Now, please.”

  Ash continued to pepper his face with kisses, his arms braced on either side of Drew’s face. “You want me, baby?”

  “Yeah. I want you. All of you, naked against me. Inside me.”

  He and Ash had never discussed it but they were monogamous, in love and committed to each other. As far as Drew was concerned, they had no need to use condoms anymore. He also knew Ash had never gone bare before.

  Ash studied him, his darkly handsome face serious. “I’d hoped you’d want to one day. This evening has been so perfect in many ways, I’ve never felt closer to you and I think it’s the right time for us.” He took the bottle of lube and slicked himself up, and Drew opened himself wide, then slid his legs over Ash’s hips feeling the head of Ash’s cock push inside him.

  The bed creaked in a slow and steady rhythm as Ash thrust into him, awakening all Drew’s desire, as always making him come alive.

  “Oh, God.” Every bump and vein of Ash’s flesh lay naked up against his skin, raw and hot. He’d never been bare with anyone, but it could only be with Ash, who’d started out a stranger but found a way to piece together Drew’s broken soul and now owned his heart. This moment would be one he’d remember forever; a new beginning for them both, wiping away the sins and heartaches of their pasts.

  A fine sheen of sweat gilded their naked bodies as they moved together until Drew could no longer hold back and came with a harsh cry. Ash followed him a moment later, filling Drew deep inside with his warmth. They lay plastered together, chests heaving and breaths mingling in the cooling air. Drew loved these quiet moments after they’d both climaxed, neither of them wanting to move and break the skin to skin contact. Now they’d shared something neither ever had with another partner, sealing their already solid commitment.

  He pressed his lips to Ash’s shoulder, thinking back upon the night and the holiday. So many years he’d spent alone or at bars making small talk with people—strangers he never intended to see again. They weren’t wasted years, at least he didn’t believe them to be so. As Rachel once said, everything happens for a reason; even the mistakes you made were a pathway toward your final destination.

  Ash kissed his head and after pulling out, stretched out alongside him, chest to chest, tangling their feet together under the sheet. It seemed he too had a need for nestling and holding on tonight. “What’re you thinking about, baby?”

  “I’m thinking about you and me.” Drew brushed back the hair from Ash’s forehead to gaze into his glittering, diamond-bright eyes. “And miracles.”

  Keep reading for a Sneak Peek of Jordan and Luke’s story in After the Fire, coming Winter 2017

  Chapter One

  Only the pain in his heart eclipsed the ache in his head. Bleary-eyed, Dr. Jordan Peterson lifted his head from where he sat, slumped at his kitchen table, to st
are into the void of his house. Empty bottles of vodka littered the table, alongside half-full takeout Chinese food containers.

  Still alone.

  Each time he awakened, Jordan prayed the nightmare that played consistently in his head would cease. It played like that annoying song on the radio you heard every hour you want to forget, but can’t.

  “I’m sorry, Jordan, but Keith didn’t make it.”

  How do you move on from the finality of the death of your love when you’ve promised him the rest of your life? After almost nine months Jordan still didn’t have the answer.

  The doorbell rang. Groaning with the effort it took to move his protesting body, and with his head pounding from another vicious hangover, he grabbed the bottle of aspirin siting on the countertop and popped two pills, aided by a handful of water directly from the tap. Then, swallowing his nausea, he shuffled to the front door of his town house. Jordan massaged his temples and squinted through the peephole, grimacing at the sight of his best friend, Drew, with his lover, Ash.

  Jordan’s chest tightened at the happiness on his friend’s face as Drew kissed Ash’s cheek, unaware he was being spied upon. Smothering the bitterness he’d held close to his chest toward Drew these past months, he yanked open the door to greet the two men.

  “Damn, you look like shit.” Ash’s sharp gaze raked him up and down. “Ow.” He rubbed his arm when Drew elbowed him. “Don’t get mad at me, baby. You know he does. Look at him.”

  “Can we come in, Jordy?” Drew’s kind smile only made him feel worse, not better considering the enmity Jordan carried inside.

  He said nothing and pulled the front door wider for his friends, leaving them to trail behind him back through the house and into the spacious kitchen. Sunlight poured onto the terra-cotta floors and glinted off the glass-fronted maple cabinets. The kitchen was his pride and joy, and when he and Keith bought the brownstone, it had been the only room he cared about decorating. Jordan had always loved staring out of the large bay window at the garden and the sky as he relaxed with his cup of coffee in the morning, Keith beside him reading the paper. Now all he saw was an empty chair beside him.