Broadway Lights

by Jen Calonita

  I shake my head. "It's not enough. I want her to feel the way I feel sometimes. I want her to feel small and powerless for a change." I look at Sky. "And Lauren and Ava too. And Austin!" I add.

  "What did Austin do?" Nadine frowns.

  "I don't want to talk about it right now." I turn away. "I'll get upset before the show."

  "TEN MINUTES," the intercom announces.

  "Um, we should go," Nadine says, grabbing Sky's arm. "I don't want Kaitlin getting worked up."

  "I'll be right there," Sky says. "I need a minute with K."

  Nadine gives me a look. "Okay. Kaitlin, just calm down and think about your performance. I'll be watching in the audience. It's my eighth time seeing you. Could be a record for family and friends."

  When Nadine is gone, Sky starts talking at once. "I was wondering if... I thought maybe you... did you... oh hell, did you read the pilot for Big Fish, Small Pond?"

  "Yes!" I jump up and grab her. "It was incredible, wasn't it? Did you like it?"

  Sky looks freaked out. "Chill, K. I didn't like offer you a million dollars or anything. Yes, I read the pilot. So what?"

  "What do you mean 'so what'?" I say. "You were the one who asked if I read it first."

  "Who cares who is first?" Sky gets huffy. "Like I care that you read it first."

  "Whoa, this is not a competition," I tell her. "What I meant to ask is, are you interested? I mean, if they want both of us, are you maybe at all interested in going back down that road with me?" Sky seems unsure and I find myself holding my breath.

  But I don't get to hear Sky's answer. My door flies open again and one of the stagehands is standing there looking impatient. "Kaitlin, five minutes. You have to get to your mark."

  "Right. Sorry," I apologize.

  He slams the door. I look at Sky.

  "We'll talk later," Sky says hurriedly, grabbing her Louis Vuitton bag from my dressing counter. "I changed my flight back to Los Angeles. I'm, um, staying in town another few weeks. Just going to enjoy the city." She looks down at the floor.

  "You didn't answer me," I try again.

  "I probably won't have time to hang out," Sky says. "I can't, you know, hang out backstage waiting around for you. I have a job hunt going."

  "Sky," I say, but she slams the door behind her.

  It's like a switch that turns on and off with Sky. She just can't admit we're actually friends now, can she? Why can't she tell me what she thinks about the TV pilot?

  My door opens a crack and Sky sticks her head back in. "Yes," she says simply.

  "Yes, what?" I ask.

  "Yes, I like the show even if you are in it," she snaps. But then she starts to smile, just a little, and I start to smile too. "I guess I can survive a few more years with you around. We'll discuss billing later--my name should go first." Then she slams the door again.

  She's into it! Sky is just as into the show as I am and is cool with the fact that we could be working together again! We have a shot here. This could work. I need to call Seth.

  But first, I have a show to do. I look down at my phone. No missed calls. That gets me crazy again. There's no time to call Austin, but...

  I can't stand it. I'm calling Austin. It will just take a second. The cell phone rings twice and then it picks up. "Austin?"

  "Nope, it's Amanda," she says. It's loud wherever she is.

  "I need to speak to my boyfriend," I tell her.

  "Sorry, Hollywood girl, he can't come to the phone."

  "PUT HIM ON NOW, " I insist.

  "Oooh... getting angry, huh?" Amanda laughs.

  "Who is that?" I hear Austin's voice.

  "Your girlfriend," Amanda tells him. "I told her you'd call her back, A."

  "HE wants to speak to me," I tell her. She's in for it now. Austin won't let her push me off. He's probably as upset about before as I am. I wait for him to pick up.

  "Tell her I'll call her later," I think I hear him say, but his voice is sort of muffled. It's loud in the background and the connection isn't the greatest. The old walls in this building are so thick.

  But I couldn't have just heard him say that. He wouldn't say that. He wouldn't push me off for Amanda!

  "HE said he'd call you back," Amanda says smugly. "Bye, princess." Click.

  I hold my phone in my hand, dumbfounded. What exactly just happened? Why didn't Austin get on the phone? Why didn't he get on the phone with his girlfriend?

  The more I think about it, the angrier I get. At Austin, even though I don't know what's going on. At Riley. At Ava and Lauren. At Mom and Laney for dismissing this TV show. I storm over to my spot backstage next to Riley and Dylan. Sky is right. Being nice gets you nowhere. I can sense Dylan staring at me and even though Riley is watching us, I turn to him.

  "Dylan, what are you doing tommorow?" I ask.

  Dylan looks flustered. "Nothing. Why?"

  "I was wondering what you were doing for an early dinner. There is this Italian place I'm dying to try. Bellavitae."

  "Sounds lovely." Dylan smiles. "Do they have good biscuits?"

  "I'm sure they make a mean chocolate chip cookie." I don't know that, but I can see Riley starting to squirm, so I keep going. "Would you like to go with me?"

  "As your date?" he asks curiously.

  I look at Riley. Her face is stricken. Being nice doesn't work, I remind myself. "Yes."

  "Brilliant," Dylan says. "It's a date then."

  Someone calls Dylan's name and he turns to them.

  "Don't you have a partner?" Riley asks quietly so that only I can hear.

  "That's none of your business," I snap, not looking at her. I'm enjoying the effect this is having on her. My heart is pounding. "I can't wait to go to Bellavitae with Dylan," I gush. "It's so romantic." Riley doesn't say anything, which just makes me want to upset her more. "Maybe I'll wear that cute little Christian Siriano dress that he made for me. It's so short."

  "TWO MINUTES," I hear someone say.

  "Oh, and Riley?" She turns to look at me now. "In the second act tonight, when we're doing the scene right before I run out to the lockers, maybe you could go easy on your attitude." Her jaw drops. "You're sort of overplaying the scene and I'd hate for you to ruin things for the rest of us."

  Take that, Riley.

  * * *

  Tonight, I play Andie angrier than I ever have before, but I'm pumped up and the audience doesn't seem to be bothered by it. When I get offstage, I rush to my dressing room and the first thing I do is pick up my iPhone and dial. I don't think. I act.

  "Austin, it's me," I say on his voicemail. "Sorry you're so busy with Amanda that you can't take my call. I hope you two are having fun. I'm sure Amanda is easy to have fun with since she sounds like she's been hit in the head one too many times with a lacrosse ball. In case you need to talk to me, I won't be around tomorrow. I'm having dinner alone with Dylan. This sweet little romantic place. Maybe I'll catch you on Monday." Click.

  Take that, Austin.

  Take that, De-Manda.

  Now it's time to fry Lauren and Ava.

  Saturday, July 18

  NOTE TO SELF:

  Sunday: Meet Dylan at 4PM

  HOLLYWOOD NATION

  HOME NEWS STYLE PHOTOS ENTERTAINMENT CELEBRITIES

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  Sunday, July 18th

  Kaitlin Burke Calls Hollywood Nation to Set the Record Straight about Her Feud

  Fresh from the stage after another performance in Meeting of the Minds on Broadway, Kaitlin Burke called a reporter from Hollywood Nation to talk about the "severe injustice" that is affecting both her and former costar Sky Mackenzie--aka her war of words with Lauren Cobb and Ava Hayden. Until now, Kaitlin has kept the mud-slinging to a minimum. But last night, in this exclusive, Kaitlin was ready to put on a raincoat and let the words fly!

  Kaitlin had this to say: "Lauren and Ava are talentless girls with nothing better to do than talk trash about the famous people around them," she said by phone from her dressing room at the theate
r. "I used to feel sorry for them, but I don't anymore. Those two are gunning for Sky and me and the only reason they're doing it is they have no other way to keep their names in the press. They're dying to be the new Heidi and Spencer, and that's pathetic because those two are equally spotlight-hogging wannabes."

  Wow, has Little Miss Nice started sounding like Sky all of a sudden? "Maybe," says Kaitlin. "And if that's true, that's probably a good thing. Sky has never been afraid to express herself and no one messes with her. Well, I'm tired of being stepped on. The Laurens, Avas, Rileys, and De-Mandas of the world better watch out, because I'm not going to take their garbage anymore."

  When asked who Riley and De-Manda were, Kaitlin fumbled, and quickly said she had to go. But one thing is for certain, this new Kaitlin is ready to rumble!

  FOURTEEN: Rash Decisions Can Cost You

  Austin hasn't called me back.

  That's all I can think about as I get ready for my date with Dylan Sunday afternoon. I try to distract myself with the details, like how I'm wearing my hair (who cares? I'm leaving it down and I don't even care about taming my summer frizz) and what I'm wearing. (Sigh. Like I care about that either.) I grabbed the first thing I could find in my closet: a indigo blue strapless Free People dress with a sweetheart neck and knot center that I've never worn yet. I was going to wear it on a date with Austin, but I wasn't sure if I liked how it hung on my hips. Today I'm too depressed to care.

  Date.

  I'm going on a date with Dylan.

  As in, I am going on a date with someone other than my boyfriend, Austin.

  Either Austin and I have just agreed to try some crazy new only-in-Hollywood dating agreement or we're... or we're...

  Breaking up.

  That's the only reason either of us would go on a date with someone else, right? If Austin went on a date with De-Manda and I'm going on a date with Dylan then we must be breaking up.

  Do I want to break up with Austin?

  I keep pulling my iPhone out of my bag and staring at the screen hoping I have a missed call from him. But I don't. I still haven't gotten a call by the time I get to Bellavitae, where Dylan is already sitting at a table waiting for me.

  The restaurant is just one long room with wide-planked wood floors and beamed ceilings and they have jars of what looks like olive oil and balsamic vinegar lining the walls. Sure it's a little basic, but foodies and stars in the know tell me the dishes are unreal. I hear they have these amazing Polpettine Fritte (fried little meatballs) and Spaghetti Cacio e Pepe (spaghetti with Pecorino Romano and cracked black pepper). They normally open at five-thirty on Sundays, but I called and they agreed to serve us an hour earlier, so the place is very quiet. Too quiet. I can hear all the voices in my head talking about Austin and I can't get them to shut up.

  Are Austin and I breaking up? Is that why I'm here right now?

  "Hi," Dylan says, jumping up and pulling my chair out for me. "You look lovely."

  "Thanks." I take a seat. I'm very nervous all of a sudden. That's not true. I've been nervous all day. When I told Nadine where I was off to, she barely looked at me. She knows Austin and I had a fight, and that I called Hollywood Nation without clearing it with Laney, but she isn't offering any of her trademark advice. "You look nice too," I say to Dylan.

  Dylan doesn't look anything like Austin. His hair is cropped short, and very dark, and his body, while just as fit, is long and lean rather than muscular. I can practically see his taut stomach through the fitted green shirt he's wearing with khaki linen pants. He looks good. Really good. And his green eyes seem to lock in everyone from the bartender to the waitress asking for his autograph. She only melts more when he speaks in that charming British accent of his.

  "Would you like something to drink?" Dylan asks me. "We should celebrate. I know we've had dinner before, but this is sort of our first official date, isn't it?"

  Date. We're on a date. I'm on a date with someone other than my boyfriend. At least Austin was my boyfriend twenty-four hours ago, before he went on a date too.

  The only thing is, I don't know for sure if Austin was on a date, do I? He didn't tell me he was on a date. He didn't tell me anything! He didn't get on the phone! The only thing I know is he was out with Amanda. And we had a fight. Our biggest fight ever. Part of that is my fault. I've been wrapped up in my own life and haven't really given a lot of thought to what has been going on in Austin's.

  Why am I on a date again?

  "Kaitlin?" Dylan looks at me curiously. "I asked if you wanted a drink."

  "Sorry!" I laugh lightly and kind of wave my arms around. I look at my wrist. I'm not even wearing a watch. Huh. I never forget to wear a watch. "I don't know where my head is."

  "That's okay. You're here and that's all I want." Dylan looks at me hopefully and smiles. He's got a great one. But it's not Austin's, I realize. And that's the one that makes my heart melt.

  I look at Dylan again. He's cute. Very cute. And charming, but... Dylan is my friend (a hot friend, for sure). But Dylan doesn't want to be friends. I know that he wants more and right now I'm taking advantage of that. I've taken advantage of that a lot actually. Dylan's helped me through this Broadway transition and been a shoulder to cry on and I guess I've sort of used him to fill in for Austin while we're apart.

  God, how bad is that? I didn't do it on purpose, but now that I think about it, that's what I've been doing. I've been trying to replace Austin since he's not around, and that's ridiculous because he's the only one I really want.

  And yet I'm sitting here in his romantic restaurant on a date with Dylan. I asked Dylan out to get back at Austin and to upset Riley. How ridiculous is that? I'm hurting Dylan, who has been nothing but good to me; I'm hurting Riley, who has genuine feelings for Dylan; and most of all, I'm hurting Austin.

  We're going to break up over this, aren't we?

  Oh my God, I so don't want to break up with Austin!

  "Will you excuse me a second?" I try not to sound choked up. Before Dylan can even answer, I head straight for the bathroom. There's an attendant in there, but I barely even smile before I lock myself in a stall and burst into tears. I pull my iPhone out of my bag and dial Austin's number. It rings twice and goes to voicemail.

  I don't want to break up. I don't want to break up.

  I DON'T WANT TO BREAK UP!

  "Austin, it's me," I say softly, pulling myself together, but sniffing and shaking too. "I'm sorry. I'm SO sorry. I know we had a fight, but I don't want to break up. I'm not on a date with Dylan. I mean, I am here, but I know it was a mistake. I was trying to make you mad because you made me mad when you were out with Amanda and didn't take my call. Nothing is going on. I swear. Please call me back. We need to talk."

  I hang up and burst into tears.

  In all my time with Sky, I've never taken her advice before, and I choose now to take it? I'm not a mean person, even if I want to be sometimes. Just thinking about the things I said to Hollywood Nation last night gives me a headache. I thought I could take on the Laurens and Avas of the world, but I think Nadine is right. Sometimes you have to take the high road. That is not the road I'm on right now. Right now I'm on a date with a very nice guy just to make other people jealous. And this could cause the relationship I cherish to fall apart. That makes me cry harder.

  I must have been in there a while because eventually someone knocks on the door.

  "Miss, you all right in there?"

  "I'm fine!" I dab at my eyes with some toilet paper. My mascara must be a mess. "I'll be out in a sec." Which I'm not.

  A few minutes later there is another knock.

  "Kaitlin, are you alright?"

  It's Dylan. I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes again. Hearing Dylan's voice makes me feel more guilty. "Not really."

  "Could you open the door then so we can sort it out together?"

  I open the door slowly. I wrap my arms around my waist, trying to warm up my bare arms in the blaring air-conditioning. I know I look a little silly
perched on the lip of a toilet like I am.

  "Kaitlin, it's okay," Dylan says. "I know."

  "Know what?" I sniffle.

  He smiles. "Us blokes aren't stupid. I know you had a row with Austin. One of the stagehands overheard you so I knew what you were up to. That's the real reason you asked me out on a date, isn't it?"

  "You knew?" I stop crying and look up at him. "Then why'd you agree to go out with me?"

  "You can't blame a guy for trying." Dylan winks.

  I start crying again. "You must think I'm the worst person in the world."

  Dylan walks into the stall and puts his arms around me.

  I lean into him and continue to sob. "You've been such a good friend to me all summer and this is how I treat you. You're funny and smart and cute, and any girl would be lucky to have you. But that girl isn't me, Dylan. I'm happy with my boyfriend. I really care about him and I was just trying to make him and Riley jealous. I'm so sorry I treated you like a piece of meat."

  Dylan chuckles. "There, there. I don't think you're horrid. And well, maybe there was a small bit of me that wanted to get back at Riley too. She dumped me for a complete tosser."

  "So you were using me to make her jealous too?" I ask, amused.

  Dylan laughs. "Well, bits and bobs I guess. I do like you, but I miss Riley, even if her behavior toward you on this run has been incorrigible."

  How could Dylan like her? I guess everyone has different tastes.

  My snakeskin bag hangs off my shoulder and I feel for my phone self-consciously, hoping it will ring on command. Of course, it doesn't. I have to talk to Austin. Now. Right now. I can't wait another minute. I'll keep calling till he picks up. He has to pick up.

  "Dylan?" I ask. "Would you hate me if I told you I had to leave?"

  He grins. "I'd be surprised if you didn't. Tell your partner I said hi. You'll reach him on his mobile eventually. Either that or you'll have to hop on the next plane to see him."

  Go to Texas!

  Why didn't I think of that?

  I give him a kiss on his cheek. "Dylan, you're brilliant. I'll see you at the theater."

  I rush out of the bathroom, through the restaurant, and out to the street. I stick my hand out into oncoming traffic and wave wildly for a cab. I've got a plane ticket to buy.